Читать книгу In Bed With...Collection - Emma Darcy - Страница 39

FORTUNATELY there was a dispenser carrying sanitary napkins in the ladies’ room. Sunny hadn’t come to work prepared for such an unwelcome and demoralising eventuality. She had felt absolutely certain she would fall pregnant this month, even buying a pregnancy test kit ready to confirm the fact, counting the days to when it could be used.

Now this…

She hated her body for betraying her. Why couldn’t it co-operate with her dearest wish? And how was she going to tell Bryce they had failed again?

A wave of sickening depression rolled through her. It made no sense that she hadn’t conceived when they’d been making love every night. Over and over again she had lain in Bryce’s arms, smiling, wondering if it was happening…the miracle of life beginning. Happy dreams…

Except they weren’t coming true!

Feeling totally wretched, Sunny walked slowly back to the office Bryce had set up for her in the Los Angeles headquarters of Templar Resources. It was a wonderful office. Normally it gave her pleasure to enter this room, knowing Bryce had every confidence in her ability to carry off her new position as head of sales presentations, advising the team under her and monitoring their results. She had enjoyed the challenge of being in charge.

But she wasn’t in charge of her body.

The fear of being infertile started hovering. She sat down at her desk and stared blankly at the printout of figures in front of her. Her womb ached with the draining of hope. It was impossible to concentrate on work. All she could think of was not measuring up to motherhood.

If there was something wrong with her…if she couldn’t have a baby…what was this marriage worth? She loved Bryce with all her heart, but if she couldn’t give him a child…it just wouldn’t be right to even try to hang on to him. He wanted children, and not only to satisfy his father.

As it was, time was slipping away on giving his father a grandchild. Would Bryce start thinking Kristen Parrish might have been the better choice of wife? Sunny shuddered at the unbearable thought. He was her man, her husband. Yet if she couldn’t deliver what he wanted…and he had spelled it out before he’d married her…

A hasty marriage.

Repent at leisure.

The words were coming back to haunt her now.

They should have waited. She should have had tests done first. No doubt Bryce would have insisted on tests during his premarital wrangle with his first choice of wife. Sunny couldn’t bring herself to question his potency. She was sure it was beyond question. The fault had to lie with her.

Somehow she dragged herself through the rest of the working day, though she did cancel a meeting she’d scheduled, too aware of not being able to give her best to it. Her head was pounding by the time Bryce came by her office to collect her for the trip home. She looked at him—this man amongst men—and it was totally heart-ravaging to think she couldn’t give him the progeny he deserved.

‘Something wrong?’ he asked, frowning at her, the perceptive green eyes sharply scanning.

She grimaced. ‘Raging headache.’

‘Have you taken some pain-killers for it?’

‘Yes.’

‘Let’s get you home then. You don’t look at all well.’ He took her bag from her, ushered her out of the office, then tucked her arm around his, keeping her close to him for support on the walk to the basement car park. ‘Do you suffer from migraines, Sunny?’ he asked gently.

‘Not as a rule,’ she muttered, feeling horribly guilty for letting his sympathy flow over her instead of telling him the cause of her pain.

‘I guess you don’t feel like talking,’ he said, his understanding making the guilt even worse.

She had to tell him. He had the right to know. It couldn’t be hidden anyhow. Sheer misery made her hold her tongue until they were in his car and heading for home, but her sense of fairness forced her to speak at the first long traffic stoppage on the freeway.

‘I’ve got my period again,’ she blurted out.

She sensed more than saw his head jerk towards her. Her own gaze was fixed on the road ahead. Her hands were clenched in her lap. She could barely stop herself from bursting into tears.

Then a big warm hand covered hers. ‘I’m sorry, Sunny,’ came the soft, gruff words. ‘I know how much you were counting on being pregnant this time.’

The tears welled and spilled over. She had to bite her lips against breaking into sobs. Speech was impossible. The traffic started moving again and Bryce returned his hand to the driving wheel. She heard him heave a deep sigh and that was the worst thing of all…knowing how he must be feeling now.

Overlooking her first failure was one thing. They’d only been married two weeks and the contraceptive pills she’d been using might have messed up any chance of getting pregnant. There simply wasn’t any reason for failing this month. If she was fertile, there should be a baby growing inside her right now. Bryce had to know that as certainly as she did.

She swiped the stream of tears from her cheeks and leaned forward, fumbling in the bag at her feet for some tissues. Her make-up was probably running everywhere. Not only was she a mess inside, she was fast becoming a mess outside, as well. She grabbed the little packet of tissues she always carried with her and sat back again, removing a couple to mop up her face.

‘Please don’t take it so much to heart, Sunny,’ Bryce said quietly. ‘It’s not unusual for many couples to try for months before…’

‘We’re not just any couple!’ she cried. ‘You know we’re not.’

He sighed again.

She closed her eyes and willed the tears to dry up.

‘I’m sorry,’ Bryce murmured. ‘If you’re worrying about my father…I just wish you’d stop. I hate seeing you in this state.’

She took a deep breath, trying to ease the tightness in her chest. Nothing could ease the pain in her heart. She understood that Bryce didn’t want to see her weeping. Men were invariably uncomfortable with displays of deep emotional stress. Apart from which, he undoubtedly had his own inner dismay to deal with. He’d married her to have a child, the child was not forthcoming, and it was certainly not from any slack performance on his part.

Sunny had no idea how long it took to drive to their home in Santa Monica. Bryce remained silent and her mind was in a total ferment. Only the rolling open of the garage door, triggered by the remote device in the car, alerted her to the fact that the journey was over and facing up to the situation with Bryce was now imminent.

Her legs were hopelessly shaky as she walked ahead of him along the short hallway that led from the garage to the space-age kitchen with its gleaming stainless steel surfaces. Her churning stomach refuted any idea of food. Preparing any dinner for them was beyond her tonight. She went past the kitchen, wishing she could make a bolt for the staircase and a bed where she could curl up and quietly die, but there really was no hiding place.

‘Sunny…’

The concern and soft appeal in Bryce’s voice forced her to stop halfway across the open-plan living area. She took a deep breath, straightened her spine, and swung to look back at him. He’d halted by the kitchen serving bench. He gestured towards the refrigerator.

‘Can I get you anything?’

Her heart turned over. He wanted to do something for her…help…but there was no help for this.

‘A cup of tea?’ he suggested, knowing she preferred it to coffee.

‘Do you know where I should go to have a fertility test, Bryce?’ she asked, determined on not evading the issue.

‘Yes, but…’ He looked pained by the question.

‘I’ll go next week. If it turns out that I’m…I’m barren…’ What a terrible word that was, so redolent of empty devastation!

‘You don’t need to put yourself through this, Sunny,’ he protested.

‘Yes, I do. Both of us need to know if I can or can’t have a baby.’

He shook his head.

‘If I can’t, Bryce, we get a divorce as soon as possible.’

‘No!’ The negative was harsh and explosive.

Sunny ignored it. ‘I won’t take you for anything. What’s yours will remain yours. You can trust me on that. I’ll just go back to Australia and get on with my life.’

‘Money has nothing to do with it!’ he fiercely claimed.

‘I’m glad you understand that,’ Sunny shot back at him, undeterred by his vehemence. ‘It never did for me,’ she continued flatly. ‘But a child matters, Bryce. If I can’t give you one, it’s best we part now.’

‘No!’ he repeated strongly.

She looked at him with deadly calm washed out eyes. ‘You know it. I know it. That’s how it is.’

He stared back, his black brows beetled down over eyes burning with the need to wipe out all she’d said. But he couldn’t. The equation was irrefutable.

Sunny turned away, forcing her tremulous legs to take one step after another, increasing the distance between them as she made her way up the stairs to the bedroom where their mating had been a delusion. It had not borne fruit. An empty bed…but a soft pillow to bury her misery in.

Bryce watched her walk away from him, too stunned by the bald words she had spoken to make any move. All he could think of was…did he mean so little to her?

He didn’t want a divorce. Not for any reason. They’d been married almost two months and it had been the best two months of his entire life. He’d felt…truly not alone anymore. Not that he had ever really dwelled on loneliness. He’d considered himself self-sufficient.

But Sunny had filled all the empty spaces that he hadn’t even recognised before she came into his life…filled them with warmth and joy, giving him a sheer pleasure in being, in having her with him, in sharing all the things he’d never really shared with anyone.

Divorce!

For the sake of some theoretical child he might have with a Kristen-like replacement?

Could such a child make up for a barren marriage?

Everything within Bryce shouted no!

He’d just paid out a fortune to be rid of Kristen Parrish and her self-righteous claims, a costly mistake for choosing her in the first place. But choosing Sunny was no mistake. Child or no child, he couldn’t bear to even think of living the rest of his life without her.

She was his wife.

His wife in every sense.

He’d won her and nothing was going to stop him from keeping her.

Nothing!

His feet started moving. The adrenaline rush of going into battle carried him up the stairs at a pace that brooked no opposition. He was going to smash any barriers Sunny put up. He would hold her to him, no matter what! His whole body bristled with the ferocity of his feeling. He strode into their bedroom, intent on fighting with everything he could fight with, his heart thundering with the need to win.

One look at Sunny and his intent was instantly blown to pieces. She was scrunched up on the bed, her back turned to him, a back that was heaving with sobs, muffled by the pillow her face was pushed into. She was hugging another pillow for comfort. She’d kicked off her shoes and there was something terribly vulnerable about her stockinged feet, tucked up and rubbing against each other as though they were cold.

It struck him forcefully that this was grief. Heartbreaking grief. Was it possible that she didn’t want their marriage to end any more than he did? Maybe she just couldn’t see over the hump of not having a child. He couldn’t say it didn’t matter because it did to her. She wanted to be a mother. But if she couldn’t be, he was still her husband and she was still his wife and he had to show her that what they had together was still worth having.

Quietly he took off his suitcoat and tie and dropped them on a chair, freeing himself of constriction. He moved over to the bed, resting one knee on the side of it to get his balance right, then slid his arms under Sunny, scooping her up against his chest, then swinging around to sit and cradle her on his lap.

‘Bryce…’ she choked out shakily.

‘Hush now,’ he soothed, pressing her head onto his shoulder and stroking her hair, trying to impart warmth and comfort. ‘I want to hold you. I need to hold you, Sunny.’

She shuddered and sagged limply into the cocoon of his embrace, her strength all spent in trying to play straight with him. He simply held her for a while, stroking away the little tremors that shook her, thinking of all she meant to him.

He loved the rare integrity of her heart and mind—her whole character—the way she threw all of herself into whatever she took on, her openness and her honesty. He loved her innate decency, her caring, her sharing. He loved the feel of her, the scent of her, the wonderful sexuality of her. She was his wife.

‘I want you to listen to me, Sunny,’ he appealed softly. ‘Just hear me out…’

She simply didn’t have the energy to argue anymore. It was easier to let his words float over her because they couldn’t really mean anything. It felt bittersweet being held like this, kindly, protectively, but for a little while she wanted to wallow in the sense of closeness, of Bryce caring for her.

‘I know you want to be a mother,’ he started slowly. ‘I think you should go and have a fertility test next week so you’ll know beyond any doubt if motherhood is on the cards for you. This fear you have…you’re letting it eat you up, Sunny, letting it take over as though you’re not worth anything if you can’t have a baby. And that’s not true.’

He wasn’t getting it right, she thought wearily. It wasn’t the end of the world for her if she had to be childless, but it would be the end of her world with him. Why was he holding off from seeing that?

‘You’re worth a great deal to me,’ he continued gruffly. ‘You’ve given me more than I ever imagined any one person could give another. You’ve shown me…what a woman in a man’s life can mean to him…in so many ways…and on so many levels…’

His voice seemed to throb into her mind, his words like slow, deep heartbeats, pulsing with the very essence of his life. She was stirred out of the apathy she had fallen into. Her ears prickled with the need to listen, to hear every shade of what he was saying.

His chest rose and fell as he gathered more of his thoughts. ‘My father…’

A sick tension gripped Sunny again at the mention of Will Templar.

‘My father…is my father.’

He spoke as if searching for a truth he needed to communicate. She found herself holding her breath, listening with every atom of energy she had.

‘He’s been the only real constant in my life…all my life. And I do feel…an undeniable bond with him. He’s my father…’

And they were very alike, very much father and son…a bond that would never be broken, she thought, and one she couldn’t fight.

‘But you’re my wife, Sunny…and I love you. I love you as I’ve never loved any other person.’

He loved her?

‘I didn’t know what love was…how it could be…’

He swept his mouth over her hair, pressing warm, lingering kisses as though wanting, needing to imprint his feeling on her, and Sunny started tingling with the sweet joy of it, unable to cling to any fearful caution.

‘But I do now with you,’ he went on fervently. ‘And I don’t want to lose it. Ever…’

She didn’t, either.

‘If we can’t have a child…believe me, Sunny…I don’t want a child with any other woman. You are more important to me than any child could ever be. Having you sharing my life…that comes first. I promise you…it will always come first.’

She was swamped by his caring…caring for her…only her…

His hand threaded through her hair and cradled her head, his fingers gently kneading as he made his last bid for the marriage he wanted.

‘You said love to you was emotional security. I don’t know what more to do…to prove you have that with me, Sunny.’ He took a deep breath and poured out his heart. ‘Please…I love you so much. Can you let this pregnancy issue go, and just…be with me?’

How could she not?

She loved him.