Читать книгу Dream. If you fall into insanity, you will get another name - Evgeny Kleymenov - Страница 4

Street, building, there is an inscription above the entrance “Psychological Assistance Center”. Let’s go to the hall, it’s empty, there is the rack and the inscription “Registrar”. Let’s go to the ladder on second floor, climb it, go to the corridor and we can see many offices. Let’s go to the one large study. It reminds the ward, there are chairs in center of the room standing in circle. Eight chairs, there are people on them facing each other, people of different ages, sex and appearance. In the corner there is a table and cooler with water, and there is sign on table: “AA society.” Let’s stop here.

Here stands a man with bald patch on head, in gray jumper and brown trousers – nothing remarkable.

– I declare open the evening of anonymous alcoholics!

He looked at attendees.

– Look, we have three new faces here, but let’s start with experienced. Nikita, let’s get you started.

The man sat on his chair, pointing at a young guy of about thirty.

The guy looked up, grinned and began to talk indifferently:

– Good afternoon. I love coming here – everyone is given pencils and badges, they say, enter your name. So that everyone could read it and refer to you with name. What’s that called, doc? If I don’tmistaken, “friendly attitude” – you are called by the name, and you don’tfeel abandoned. But it’s a collection of anonymous alcoholics! What the ridiculous title, if you still need to write your own name?

– That’s right, Nikita, here’s a friendly attitude, – a man with a bald spot smiled. On his badge it was written: “Roman, dock.”

– My name is Nikita, I’m 35 years. Hooked on alcohol with twenty-two years old. TI state in this community for two months, not I don’ttake a drop in mouth with these same pores. I was a rock musician, well, you see, we played good music, then euphoria came and girls take off the panties and jumped on you. But time has passed, and we are not managed to get into show business. Everyone needs girls, and not lads. Envy of money-bags, that’s killed us. They wanted to be us and just fucked us with your thick wallet.

– Just your music sucks, that’s it. – said the girl sitting next to him with a smoky voice.

– Hah, repeat this when you give me a blowjob, Mary, – The guy showed a defiant gesture.

– Let’s not argue! – interfered doc.

– I’ve ruined my best years of life because of this bastard. He promised me glory and money, and what did I get in return? – The girl looked at the audience for support. – And mow I’m in such a state because of him.

Mary pointed to Nikita. Nikita leaned back on the chair, remaining indifferent to what is happening. The girl desperately has plunged into his thoughts.

– Not the best start, dock, – an elderly and slovenly man said reproachfully.

– Then maybe you, Peter? – kindly suggested doc.

– All right, doc. I’m Peter, I don’t remember my age, and it is not important yet,. I was kicked out the work, and I began to drink. My wife left me and took the child, I didn’t care. But five years ago, when I saw my daughter entering Institute, I cursed everything. Cursed himself, cursed its weakness. It happens that you just lose yourself and can find it no longer. They call this the middle age crisis.

She, my daughter, was perfect. How could I leave my family and to become such a nonentity? And for five years now I haven’t drunk, I work as a janitor and trying to communicate with my daughter. Fortunately, she talks to me. That’s all, oh than I can tell, I don’teloquent, – Peter smiled. – Fight for that is dear to you.

– Thank you, Peter, you’re done. Let’s pat.

Everyone clapped as it was appropriate. Doc tried his best, but all his words were played.

– I want to tell my story, – Natalie raised her hand and stared at the doctors. She was drunk, but neat.

– Yes, of course, please, – the doctor was delighted.

– I am Natalie, six months ago began to drink, drink and by this day, and all because of a feeling of guilt. This wine doesn’t give me rest, it just kills me.

Natalie winced, she pulled out of handbag bottle of whiskey, took a couple of sips and returned it to a place.

– My psychologist made me to go to you, and here I am. Now life for me, like a dream, it’s all a bloody nightmare.

There was a silence, Natalie thought for a minute.

– Thank you, Natalie, do you want to add anything else? The doctor asked graciously.

– No, I did not! – Natalie leaned back the back of the chair and closed her eyes, as if playing poker.

– Maybe then you, Yegor, you do you came the first time too? – the doctor turned to the guy sitting next to Natalie.

– I’m Yegor, drank from sixteen years, and I never wanted to stop drinking. You know, religious cults of all nations assume worship of a higher being, usually called God. A if you become its opposite, it can only mean one thing – you have learned the truth of another being. And yes, the alcohol helped. How shamans immerse themselves in trance under the influence of dope and see the truth, so did I. I was an intelligent child and everything was easy for me, so I got bored with life, there was pain from awareness and understanding what is what. People are very cruel, even for relation to imagine what there is to talk about the rest… I flew in its delirium… Flying like a bird in heaven, soar and shit on all of you! That’s how I am living.

Yegor looked at the audience and smiled sadly:

– Of course, all this is a fraud, but it’s my deceit, it heats me and gives me the meaning of life. To revel in your nonentity, like a deity, – this is a mistake… But I did it. Of course, this is not the whole truth, probably I just ran away from reality, but she is very harsh, even to good people and neither in than innocent children.

The public looked at Yegor with incomprehensible eyes.

– Well, here’s a story for you, – Taking a deep breath, he began his narrative. – Once upon a time I had the opportunity to see such a picture. We drank at apartment of some local alcoholic. there was a middle-aged man, he pierced himself with iron swords, as if for him it was a game. With all this oozing blood, he did not stop and continued the performance.

Sword after sword, he thrust into his body, on his face was visible pain, but this pain is not from swords, he had some mysterious pain, which he wanted to muffle his cuts. It was written in his eyes. The people were drunk and admired his performance. And me, too. And yet it was scary. People put money in his hat, which lay by his side. This man earned his living this way. Probably, he worked in the circus.

Doc cleared his throat, but only Yegor noticed, the others heard only Yegor’s voice.

– After the performance, he poured whiskey on his wounds. He lit a cigarette and stared at me with his frightening eyes. As I now remember this moment and his words. “Come, youngster,” – this guy turned to me. I approached, and from fear trembling feet. “You are weak, your fear does not give you rest. I conquered my fear, and can you defeat yours? “He handed me his bloody sword:" Can you defeat him? " – and put a weapon in my palm. I took this sword and put it to my throat. The tip of cold steel froze beside my Adam’s apple. It was some kind of madness, I was ready to stick it in my throat! “Stop the guy!” – The voice that called me belonged to a man I did not know. “Your fear in your head, “continued the voice, “that’s what’s stopping you, and this nonsense will not help you, like this fool.” In these words, the owner of the voice tore the sword from my hands. He was about my age – at that time I was 25 years old, and I was already drunk.

Yegor stopped for a second, assessing the effect produced on the listeners. Everyone listened to him in the same spellbound way.

– So that’s it! I stood numb and not I understood what is happening. The intervening guy no longer paid any attention to me, he looked at the man, directly into his eyes. he had a penetrating sight. And then the man burst into tears, like a child! Not looking away from the guy, he was crying! By God, he cried like a child. “You’re right, “said the peasant, got up and left, wiping away his tears. From all that was happening and the alcohol drunk, I fell out and fell on the sofa that stood next to me. I woke up only in the morning, I don’tknow where they went, but the apartment was no longer there. And no one knew where the two had gone. A year later, I happened to meet this guy, well, one with a penetrating gaze – Yegor began to tell more animatedly – and he just beat me, for no reason. I was attacked like a beast and beat me until I started to suffocate. Then he called me to the bar, as if nothing had happened, as if I were his old friend. And I went with him. I always was not against drinking for free. We sit in a bar, he ordered a bottle of expensive whiskey. “My name is Arthur, we’ve already met.” “They call me Yegor, yes, I remember you.” A I’m straining myself even more, thinking what he wants from me. “You know that you are not him? Not that man with swords, who shocked you. You’re just a drunk, you don’tneed to do anything supernatural, just help people, that’s all. " “Yes, how, I need this!” – I laughed and continued to suppress whiskey. “You’ve said everything right, I’m a drunk” – I lifted a glass of whiskey, as if he had said a good toast. “I did not beat you for fun. Have everything has its own purpose, “Art says in a calm voice. “Well, thank you!” – I said ironically, my sides were still aching. “Soon you will know everything yourself…” My eyes began to blur out before my eyes, and I lost consciousness. I woke up already on the track. That evening fell out of memory. I was thrown to the house by a peasant on a red truck. And here already half a year as I don’tdrink. AND not pulls to drink, I now have my own profitable business. I understand that Arthur owes everything, but I can’t explain why. And the other day they slipped me a note: “Come to a gathering of anonymous alcoholics and tell your story.” Signature – Art… Well, everything, Art, you can leave, and we all will pat, – clowning, called Yegor. “You were right, I don’tknow how, but you changed my life.”

Yegor looked around for the door, from which Arthur would come out.

Natalie has long been sitting in confusion. Gathering her strength, she looked straight into Yegor’s eyes.

– He will not come out, he’s dead.