Читать книгу Fearless - Fern Michaels - Страница 9

Chapter 2

“This is unbelievable,” Anna said to the cabin steward.

“Yes, ma’am. This is the largest cabin on the ship,” he said. “Your suite is the best we have to offer. No other compares.”

She nodded. “It’s more than I expected.” It was like a luxurious apartment. There were two bedrooms, two and a half baths, and two private balconies.

“You’ll have the entire fourteen hundred square feet of space all to yourself,” the steward continued. “Unless . . . well, this is a singles cruise, ma’am.” He added the last sentence with a wink.

“Call me Anna.” She knew from the brochure she’d read on the plane that she was assigned a personal steward /butler. She didn’t want to be called “ma’am” for seven days. Might as well get that out of the way.

“My pleasure. And you may call me George,” he said in a lovely Jamaican accent.

Extending her hand, she said, “We could be besties at the end of this cruise.”

He laughed and shook her hand. “Besties?”

George appeared to be in his mid- to late-twenties. Tall and broad-shouldered, he was a good-looking guy. With his coffee-colored eyes, dark, closely clipped hair, and warm brown skin, he probably had women falling at his feet. “It’s what my daughter calls her best friend, Tiffany. Besties.”

“Of course. Then we will be ‘besties,’ Anna,” he said, his smile friendly and a bit flirty in a teasing sort of way.

Some women might’ve been offended. She wasn’t at all. Having the ability to read people, she suspected George was just as friendly to everyone he met.

Spying a silver bucket on the kitchen counter, she removed a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne. “Nice,” she said.

“Allow me,” George said, taking the chilled bottle of champagne from her.

“Thank you,” she said, heading out to the balcony. Excited to have such a luxurious space all to herself, she settled onto a lounge chair. The summer air was thick with humidity, but there was just enough breeze from the Gulf for it to be tolerable. Glad she’d packed shorts and several sleeveless sundresses, she decided then and there she was going to do just as Mandy suggested. Rest, relax, and allow herself to be waited on. According to the brochure, that was the main point of cruising on the Splendor of the Sea.

George stepped onto the balcony, a glass of the Veuve Clicquot on a tray. “I’ll leave the bottle to chill,” he said. “If you need anything, Anna, please push the button labeled STEWARD. I’m available around the clock.”

They really did wait on one hand and foot, she thought. “Thank you, George. I’m going to enjoy this”—she held up the crystal flute of champagne—“then I plan to unpack and get settled in.”

George held up his free hand. “No, no you may not! I will unpack for you now.”

“That’s okay. I can do it myself.”

“Anna, this is what I’m here for. Please allow me to do my job,” he insisted.

She wasn’t comfortable with him handling her lingerie and personal items. “I insist. I’m a bit OCD and have my own system, so please, let me take care of that later. I’ll have another glass,” she added, holding the flute out to him. If she continued to drink this fast, she’d be totally inebriated by dinner; she already felt a bit light-headed from just one glass. Not much of a drinker since she’d had Christina, she reminded herself to take it easy. She didn’t want George to think she was heavy-handed with the booze. He whirled away and, within seconds, was back with a fresh flute of the bubbly.

“Thank you,” she said. “I’m going to enjoy this.” Once again, she held her flute up high as if she were proposing a toast. “And maybe a nap.”

“As you wish,” he said, standing in the doorway. “I’m only a button away if there is anything you need.”

She nodded. “Thanks.” This would go on forever if she didn’t send him on his merry way. Feigning a yawn, she said, “That nap is calling.”

Finally she had the place to herself and decided to explore her temporary home for the next seven days and six nights. The master suite was much larger than she’d anticipated. A king-size bed with a magnificent view looking out over the Gulf of Mexico would, she hoped, lull her to sleep at night. In addition to the bed and the view, there was a luxurious whirlpool tub on one balcony, and a flat-screen TV. Guerlain bath products and plush robes and slippers ensured a spalike experience. When Mandy said the accommodations were top-of-the-line, she wasn’t kidding. Double sinks steeped in marble, a telephone, and a second flat-screen TV were just a few of the luxuries the ship provided. Tonight, she would take a bath, a much-loved pleasure, which she did most nights if her schedule allowed. Most of her free time was devoted to her daughter.

She wandered into the kitchen area and saw an espresso coffeemaker, her favorite brand of coffee, Kaya Kopi—no doubt Mandy’s doing—plus a large assortment of the Norman Love chocolates she adored. From what she could see, Mandy had all the bases covered. Speaking of which, she was supposed to call Mandy when she had settled in.

Thankful for the satellite phone, she dialed Mandy’s cell. Mandy must have been waiting for her because she answered on the first ring.

“I take it you like your room?” Mandy didn’t bother with “hello.”

“More than like,” Anna said. “It’s the size of an apartment. I don’t even want to ask how much it cost because it might ruin the trip.”

“Right. You could rent the entire ship and not worry about pricing,” Mandy teased.

She could, it was true, but she did not go around advertising her wealth. She’d always thought that doing so was a little on the tacky side. “This is perfect. I’m glad you decided I needed time away. I didn’t realize I needed this until I saw the tub overlooking the Gulf.”

“Pretty ritzy then?” Mandy asked.

“Let’s just put it this way. If this were an apartment in New York City, it would sell for millions.”

“I am always happy to help out,” Mandy informed her. “Let me tear Christina away from Mr. Waffles. Hang on.”

Anna smiled. Mr. Waffles had been a fantastic birthday present.

“Hey, Mom,” Christina said. “How’s the deep-sea stuff?”

“So far, so good. How’s Orlando?”

“Hot but awesome. Disney is everywhere. They have Mickey Mouse telephone lines. Mandy cussed a few times in the traffic, I’ve had fast food all day, so it’s totally off the charts.”

Typical thirteen-year-old speak, Anna thought. She was not happy about the fast food, but it was her vacation, too.

“Sounds fun. How’s Mr. Waffles?”

“Awesome as ever. I’m glad we didn’t have to give him that sedative. He’s super nosy right now. I took him out of his carrier once we got the rental car, and he slept on my lap the entire time we were in traffic. It was like he knew he had to behave.”

“He’s a charmer, no doubt. What’s on tomorrow’s agenda?”

“SeaWorld, then Typhoon Lagoon, and Epcot the day after. Mom, seriously, you should think about coming here next trip; of course, I’ll come along. It’s gonna take us weeks to see all Orlando has to offer. Can we do this again next year?”

Anna heard the excitement in her daughter’s voice. She knew Christina might have a totally different opinion on hanging out with her mom next summer, so she said, “Yes, we’ll definitely do Disney together.”

“Promise?”

“You’ve only been there for a day!”

“I know, but I want to come back,” Christina said in her whiny voice.

“Tell you what. Spend the next six days seeing all the sights, and we’ll plan a trip when we’re both at home. How’s that sound?”

“You’ll love it here.”

“I’m sure I will; now put Mandy back on,” she said, then added, “Love you, sweetie.”

“Love you, too.” Christina returned the sentiment.

“Sounds like she’s having the time of her life. Just go easy on the junk food. I’m afraid she’ll refuse to be my taste tester,” Anna joshed. “Mr. Waffles digging the condo? No marking his territory?” The first week home, the cat peed all over the house, letting them know it was his place, too. Thankfully, it’d been on the tile flooring.

“Nope, at least not yet. I think he’s inspecting the place,” Mandy told her. “We’ve got all of his toys and his bed set out for him. He nosed around when we arrived, but no peeing. Speaking of peeing, how many guys have made a mark with you?”

Anna laughed. “That’s gross! And I haven’t had a chance to mingle. We had to go through all the safety regulations first. When we finished, I came straight to my cabin.”

“Exciting, Anna. Promise me you’re not going to hole up in that luxurious cabin for the entire cruise.”

“My steward is hot,” Anna said, just to get a rise out of Mandy.

“Tell me all about him,” Mandy encouraged.

“His name is George. He’s tall, broad-shouldered, very handsome. Sexy brown eyes. I think he’s Jamaican. He’s well-spoken, courteous. All that a steward should be; at least I think he is.”

“Then go for it,” Mandy practically yelled into the phone.

“Mandy, if I had to guess, I would say he’s all of twenty-eight at the most.”

“So what? Age is simply a number.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “Stop! I’m not going to hit on George. He’s cute but not my type.” Whatever that is, she thought. “I don’t plan to sit in the cabin for the rest of the week. I’d truly have cabin fever. There’s a welcome-aboard dinner tonight at eight. I plan to attend. And mingle.”

“Wear that Prada dress. You look drop-dead gorgeous in that,” Mandy said. “And don’t tell me otherwise.”

The Prada dress was very expensive; she had bought it for a special YouTube event in Dallas but never wore it. “I’m wearing that on the last night. The itinerary says that’s dinner-with-the-captain night. Surf and turf. Listen, you and Christina enjoy Orlando. I’ll call you tomorrow at ten, just to say hi. Take care of my baby, and be careful.”

“Absolutely, Anna. Enjoy yourself,” Mandy said.

Grinning, Anna returned to the kitchen and made herself a cup of espresso. If she was going to mingle at dinner tonight, she’d need the caffeine. Two glasses of champagne were one over her limit. Without the coffee, she would fall asleep on that tempting bed.

Wanting to soak in the tub but knowing she was a goner if she did, she opted for a cool shower. All the glass made her feel exposed. Afterward, she wrapped herself in the plush robe and took her cup of coffee out to the balcony.

The cruise would take her to the Cayman Islands. For years, Mandy had been telling her about her trips to the Caribbean, Mexico, and the Panama Canal. She’d been to Spain and Italy, places Anna had only read about. She would never tell Mandy, but she had been envious of her faraway trips. She and Wade hadn’t been on a honeymoon. They’d agreed when they decided to go, it would be the trip of a lifetime. Sadly, that was old news, and Anna doubted she’d ever have a honeymoon because she knew in her heart she would never replace her husband. She could have grieved her loss forever, but fortunately, she had a child to care for. In a sense, it was what had saved her from drowning in her own sorrow. In the beginning, it was her grief that had saved her, and now, looking back, she knew she wouldn’t have been nearly as successful had she not started her vlog on the subject. Life had a strange way of giving back, she thought. She’d seen so much death. First her father, then her mother, and, finally, her husband. Would anyone be interested in someone like her? Would they see her as some sort of bad luck, a dark omen if she were to reveal this?

She tried to clear her mind, but her thoughts kept returning to her fear of death. Everyone she’d ever loved had died. Suddenly, she felt the familiar gnawing sensation in her stomach. Her mouth went dry, and her hands started to shake. Anna felt the familiar tightness in her throat and painful stomach cramps. She tried to take a deep breath, easing it out slowly, just as she’d been taught all those years ago. In and out. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds. Focus. Laughter. Music. She took another deep breath.

Voices. Glass breaking. Seagulls. The ship’s engines.

Opening her eyes once again, she had calmed down. She returned to the kitchen, took a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and gulped down the entire bottle. She closed her eyes and went to her happy place, a technique she’d learned when she was in therapy. It had been so long since she’d had an attack. Why now? If she had to speculate, she blamed the person who had been stalking her. Now that she was on her own, with no one covering her back, she felt vulnerable.

She should have gone to Orlando with the girls. If she did that now, then she would most likely ruin Christina’s vacation since she adored being alone with Mandy. At this precise moment, she couldn’t care less about her own trip.

Just thinking about why she had panic attacks caused her heart rate to triple and her palms to go damp. “No!” she shouted. “Christina is fine!

“I am not going through this shit again.”

The physical act of talking calmed her down. She didn’t care if anyone was outside her door listening. And who would be, anyway? George? The captain? No, she was letting her thoughts drive her back into that dark place.

She’d spent too much time in therapy to have it all go down the drain over her first vacation alone. All the skills were within her; she hadn’t forgotten them. What she had forgotten, though, was that she might need to use them again.

Calm down, she told herself.

In the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, alone, knowing no one, as much as she didn’t want to, she went to the bathroom, opened her cosmetic case, and took out the bottle of pills she had brought with her. They were always with her. A security blanket of sorts. Yes, she’d dipped into the amber bottle a few times when she really needed them, but if ever there was an appropriate time, it was now. Before she could change her mind, she swallowed the yellow pill. Hating herself for being weak, she knew that if she was going to get through this evening, she didn’t have much of a choice.

Xanax. Her dirty little secret. Not even Mandy knew of the stash she kept in that little bottle. Christina had found it once when she’d asked for some cash, and Anna told her to look in her purse. Her daughter asked her what the medication was for, and she’d lied to her, telling her it was for cramps. She felt horrible for lying to her daughter, but she couldn’t tell her daughter about her hang-up.

If she did, who knew what kind of harm it might cause her? She was thirteen and vulnerable. She didn’t know her like this, the old Anna. The Anna that for years had lived in constant fear of losing her daughter because she blamed herself for her family’s dying and feared it could happen to her child. And the current Anna, who had been looking over her shoulder for weeks. The phone calls. The letters. The e-mails. The constant feeling of being watched. She didn’t want Christina to learn about this side of her.

How quickly she’d reverted back to her old ways, believing she was a jinx because all of her loved ones had died. She knew it sounded insane, but she had felt that way, and been forced to deal with it. When she started therapy, she’d learned there was no way she could have caused their deaths. In time, she was able to put the bad thoughts away and focus on Christina and her own career. She’d never been away from Christina for more than two or three days at a time. The separations were always work-related, and she had managed just fine.

Until now. She was allowing her thoughts to get the best of her.

Being out here in the middle of nowhere, away from her daughter, her work, and all things familiar, had caused her to panic. She was out of her comfort zone, out of control. This, and the crazy jinx she believed herself to have.

Fifteen minutes later, the Xanax started to take effect, more so than normal as she’d had those two glasses of champagne.

She knew better. She wasn’t thinking clearly. Knowing she was in no shape to mingle, or do anything else, Anna gave in to the alcohol and the effects of the anti-anxiety medication.