Читать книгу THE SEVEN MINUTE STAR - Florian Mueck - Страница 8

Jack Lemmon once said: “If you really do want to be an actor who can satisfy himself and his audience, you need to be vulnerable. You must reach the emotional and intellectual level of ability where you can go out stark naked, emotionally, in front of an audience.”

$15 For Crying

I love this quotation. I believe that at some point great speakers automatically become actors. The speaker, just like the actor, evokes emotions in the audience. When Leonardo DiCaprio froze to death in the ice-cold water of the Atlantic, people all over the world cried waterfalls. They paid up to 15 bucks just so they could have a chance to cry. Positive or negative emotions, happiness and sadness: it’s all about connecting with your audience on an emotional level.

Your Weakness Is Their Weakness

Now let me ask you a question: How can you expect to touch your audience’s heart if you do not, yourself, open up? An emotional refrigerator will never evoke any reaction in the audience. Yes, they will say, it was an OK speech, technically — but that’s not even close to the Wow! effect.

Many people have a great deal of difficulty with transparency. Too many times I’ve heard someone say: “Yes, yes, but I can’t open up too much — it could be dangerous for me.”

I say, they’re only afraid it would be dangerous. When they say this, they’re giving in to their fear — and if you live in fear, you’ll never get anywhere.

Look, what kind of people do you think are sitting down there in the audience? Exactly! Human beings, normal people, just like you and me, fearful people, positive people, anonymously alcoholic people, good people, funny people, bad, sad, and mad people, all kinds of people you could ever imagine, and a few that would never even occur to you.

My personal experience has shown me that audiences love you when you share intimate stories about yourself. They can identify with your feelings and weaknesses, and will take heart from your strength — because only strong people can reveal themselves to the world.

The Iceberg Syndrome

Let’s forget about speeches for a moment and take a look at another arena in which communication skills are also essential: networking.

Ever since I can remember, my friends have called me ‘the socialized. I have always been deeply interested in getting to know people and their stories. Meeting and talking to strangers is not everyone’s passion, but it is mine.

Consider how two strangers normally meet at a cocktail party. I call it the iceberg effect. When A meets B, the only thing each one can see is the tip of the other’s iceberg, as it were. Naturally, A says something to B about the weather or a recent movie, and B responds with something about the economy or about the Superbowl. These topics keep them both above the waterline — that is, the conversation stays superficial.

(Image 1)

But a passionate networker like B (in Image 2) feels uncomfortable right away. B is not interested in talking about tomorrow’s weather, or about sports, and the economy is too depressing right now. B doesn’t find any of those topics exciting or even interesting — not at a cocktail party.

Instead, B is interested in what lies beneath the surface. And I, of course, am B. I like to dive right into the ice-cold water and say: “You know why I always talk to the people who are standing alone at cocktail parties? When I was 17, I went on a skiing trip — all by myself. I was young, and very shy, and I couldn’t talk to anyone. I remember what an awful feeling it was, so today I like to talk to the people at a party who are standing all by themselves. Maybe they’re lonely.”

And guess what? In little encounters like this, I’ve never had someone run away from me — no matter what you might have predicted. No, they usually will say something like: “That ’s interesting — and don’t we all get lonely sometimes? Actually, I remember...” And I’ve heard some very interesting stories — much more interesting than the next day’s weather, or even the Superbowl.

You get the point. By refusing to be superficial, by being authentic and transparent, B rapidly gains the confidence of A, and something interesting can happen.

It’s the same when you’re speaking in public — you also have to dive into the water, even if at first it feels cold. Share anecdotes with the audience: stories about your problems with dating when you were younger, stories about your mistake of drinking and driving, stories about your idiosyncrasies, even stories about the loss of a loved one or about a broken marriage. The audience will hang on your every word. You’ll be getting to them on an emotional level.

So, what are the limits to transparency? You set the limit. Set it high!

Be Jack Lemmon — be transparent!