Читать книгу Peace In My Heart - Freda Lightfoot, Freda Lightfoot - Страница 13

Chapter Eight

When Bernie again asked her to attend a dance with him at the Tower Ballroom, Joanne felt sorely tempted to accept. Maybe she should be making a fresh start in life, as well as finding an answer to her problem. ‘OK, why not? You’re right, I do love dancing. We’ll give it a go,’ she said with a smile.

It was a delight to see Reginald Dixon come sliding up seated before the Wurlitzer organ this time, which he’d used to play at the Tower before joining the RAF. ‘He often came to give concerts,’ Bernie told her. ‘Now he’s planning to return for good, no doubt once he’s been demobbed. Good to see him here.’

Holding her quite professionally, Joanne was surprised to find what a good dancer he was and easily kept in step with him. Presumably living near the Tower Ballroom had provided Bernie with plenty of opportunity to learn how to dance, often coming along to the afternoon sessions, as he did that time he rescued her from that dreadful wing commander. She happily danced with him, thankful that he was nowhere near as demanding or flirtatious.

Over the summer she’d taken several more walks with Bernie on the beach. On occasions he would escort her and Megan to the Winter Gardens to listen to music playing or watch various shows on the North and Central Piers or at the Grand Theatre. Her sister rarely accompanied them these days, it being almost September and she was generally engaged in preparing herself for this new school. Aunt Annie had made her the required uniform and was teaching her how to knit and sew. Aunt Sadie was engrossed in finding her good books to read from the local library and encouraging her to draw and paint. They were so supportive of her sister, Joanne wondered if she should seek their help too.

Aware of how Bernie was holding her close as they danced, she could feel the warmth of him, which was raising an odd sort of expectation within her. Bernie did seem to be most friendly and there were moments when she almost felt the urge to become quite fond of him. Not that she believed that would ever happen, although could he provide the answer to her problem? She dismissed this nonsense with a sigh. He was a little more considerate and attentive than Teddy had been and happily content to work with his aunts. Yet there was a boring sameness about him, showing no plans to make changes to his life. He did sometimes gaze at her closely for no good reason, his eyes clouding a little beneath his furrowed brow. She gave a shiver. Why on earth would she wish to imply that she liked him much at all?

As if seeing a sign of anguish in her face, he said, ‘I know you’ve not been eating too well lately, are you feeling any better?’

‘I’m fine,’ she stoutly remarked.

Noticing how she kept looking around, avoiding his gaze, he gave her a grin. ‘You look very pretty in that floral frock and with those clips in your curly hair. Did you agree to accompany me because you wanted to show yourself off, as you obviously like to do with us chaps? Well, why not when you look so gorgeous?’

About to protest at his indication that she liked to flatter herself she instead burst out laughing, feeling madly lighthearted and a little touched by this comment. ‘How well you understand me. I do like to look elegant, which isn’t at all easy having little money to spend on clothes. And as I no longer trust men I simply do my best to improve whatever cheap frocks I can find. You look quite good too in that smart navy suit with a white shirt and blue tie.’

‘So I’m no longer the tangy mess I once was?’

‘’Course you’re not, silly lad,’ she said, feeling relieved that he did look much better. She’d never wished to be seen going out with him when he was a gangly youth with messy skin. ‘You have greatly improved if not as handsome as some of those GIs.’

‘Ah, am I the wrong man for you then, not being that fellow you desperately wanted?’

Joanne felt a waft of embarrassment. Had she said entirely the wrong thing by mentioning those Yanks? ‘Are you asking me to confess that I’m in love with one of them? Oh, dear, would that make you jealous?’ she remarked teasingly.

‘Why would I not be?’ Then, pulling her closer, he gave her cheek a gentle kiss. Instantly Joanne pushed him away, her heart hammering with fury at how he dared do such a thing, and marched back to their table at the side of the ballroom. Steadfastly avoiding meeting his shrewd gaze as he settled beside her, she felt alarmed when he continued to question her.

‘Does that GI still fancy you and do you believe he’ll send word for you to join him in America? Please tell me, as I do feel the need to know.’ He asked the question quietly, a kindness very evident in his grey eyes.

‘I very much doubt it,’ she responded sternly. A part of her felt as if she wished to weep. How could she confess her need for Teddy because of the problem she was suffering, having missed three monthly periods? She couldn’t risk losing hope of him sending for her, not after all the time they’d spent together, let alone how she desperately wanted him to accept her as his adoring wife after what he’d done to her. Feeling far too locked up in anguish to think of a suitable response and wishing to escape this issue, she quickly changed the subject. ‘Tell me what you were involved in during the war, not having been called up.’

He gave a grin. ‘I was enrolled as a fourteen-year-old by the Home Guard, trained and provided with a dispatch rider’s Army trade badge. I constantly cycled around delivering important messages as instructed. We were at first a bit short of weapons but were trained to march and drill with a form of dummy rifles. Eventually we did have proper firearms supplied, and a special khaki uniform complete with an LDV armband. I was happy to be a local defence volunteer, happy to do my bit to help the various troops and protect our area. Keeping a watch for the possible invasion of the enemy over the sea was also an important part of our day.’

‘How brave of you. So what do you plan to do with your life now this war is over? Will you take up sailing and fishing? And have you found anyone who fancies you?’

‘What a question!’ Remaining silent for some moments, he sat sipping his half-pint of beer. Joanne suspected that she’d asked the wrong question, never having seen or heard him going off on a date with any other girl. Did that make him feel unwanted and lonely, which may account for why he kept asking her out as well as these personal questions? Perhaps he felt the need to find himself someone to care for him, having lost his parents. Then his next comment completely stunned her.

‘I don’t have a girlfriend but am quite fond of you, and concerned over what you suffered. The truth is, Joanne, I saw what that GI did to you down on the beach that day. I suspect he may have left you in a sorry state, in which case if you’re in need of saving your reputation by finding yourself a respectable man to marry and protect you, may I apply for that position?’

Evie was up like a lark first thing every single morning. On the first Monday in this job she’d spent the entire day attempting to locate all the addresses on the list, having walked for hours around parts of Castlefield and Salford. Now, knowing where she had to call, she’d knock on doors then politely ask for the payments due. Some folk would readily or sulkily provide the money; others slammed the door in her face or made all manner of excuses.

‘Can’t pay at the moment. Maybe next week if I win summat. I’ll let you know,’ was a frequently typical remark.

And so it went on, day after day, week after week. Evie felt wracked with nerves every time she approached sour-looking men who viewed her with diffidence and disdain. Others proved reluctant to commit themselves, despite being impressed with her good manners. After gritting her teeth and promising to call again, she would smile and move on to the next house. As darkness fell and very often it began to rain, soaking her through, she would deliver the money she’d received to Mullins each evening, as instructed. Generally, Evie would politely point out how she’d failed to collect as much as was owed, something she was apologizing for right now.

‘I’ve done the best I can and succeeded in persuading some clients to pay up, but others don’t even answer the door or else firmly state they don’t possess the necessary funds.’

‘I assume you tell ’em when you’ll call again and that’s why they hide?’ he snapped.

Taking a breath, realizing she never said anything of the sort, Evie gave a weary smile. ‘I reckon it takes days or weeks before some can find the amount they need.’

‘You ain’t doing too well then. You should call twice a week at different times so they never know exactly when you’re coming. Try a bit harder to get the money off ’em that’s due.’

‘I doubt that will work, or that I’m very good at this job.’ Evie felt she was working hard, yet Mullins didn’t seem prepared to give her the slightest praise for her efforts, or be very helpful. But then, as he had clearly explained to her, she was required to do as he ordered. And he was most rude by constantly complaining that she fell short of his impossibly high standards. Giving him a polite smile, she went on to say, ‘You clearly have a low opinion of my worth. Night after night you complain. I can see this must be a problem for you but I feel worn out by working hard in this so-called part-time job, and failing to achieve whatever you demand. Pestering people too often doesn’t seem to work. You should probably have employed a young man, not me.’

Harold’s face darkened. ‘I’m not in favour of chaps. Much prefer a woman to work for me. I reckon you’ll improve if you do as I say.’

‘Whether or not you’ll admit it, you’re losing money hand over fist. Same as Mr Eccles is, the mill being outdated so ’appen if you’d listened to the suggestions I made, I might have kept that job and helped him to improve it. Please let me have it back, I’d much prefer that job to this one, as many other women would, since we love working in a textile factory. I’d be much better at that.’

His face was purple as he glowered at her, a blue line around his lips, and for a moment she was fearful he might actually be about to hit her. But taking a huge indrawn breath and showing a great effort of will, he brought his temper under control. ‘I’m damned if I’ll allow you to tell me how to run things at t’mill, or in this business of mine. I’ve no financial problems, am doing fine, but need to earn more as I too could ultimately lose my job if the mill closes down. Tha’ll have to mek sure tha does better, or you’ll lose yer flamin’ house as well as this job.’

He slammed his door shut in her face and Evie turned on her heel and stamped away. What a difficult man he was. It came to her that renting this house off Harold Mullins meant she was completely under his control. But no alternative properties were available, and she’d failed to find other work. Dreading to think how much worse this job could become she made a vow to keep searching for more suitable employment as well as a better house. Meanwhile, she had to accept reality and keep on working for this man to earn money to care for her family, once they all arrived. Oh, hopefully they would come home soon.

Joanne felt as if she was drenched in confusion, having unbelievably heard Bernie’s offer. The idea he’d seen what happened that day on the beach when Teddy had made love to her before dashing away, left her frozen with anguish. Why on earth would he offer to marry her simply because of a difficult situation he suspected she was in. No doubt that was because being a local defence volunteer in the Home Guard, bravely doing his bit during the war when he was young, he still felt the necessity to protect people.

It was Teddy, the man she loved, whom she wished to marry, certainly not their aunts’ nephew. He couldn’t provide her with any sort of future that would appeal or make her happy, save for a form of protection and security. Being a mixed-up lad with no well-paid job, why would she care about him? The only thing she could find in his favour was his improved appearance. He was better looking now he was older, for all he was still a bit lean and obsessed with doing his duty. But how could he truly prove to be in love with her?

Now, as she walked alone by the shore feeling a benign coolness with the promise of autumn in the air, her eyes scanned the silvered water and golden sand, as if expecting Teddy to appear at any moment. Whenever she thought of him, the ache in her heart became increasingly painful. Would that beloved man call and confess how he missed and needed her, not having realized until now how much he truly loved her? He might then decide to find a job here in Blackpool and work hard to build a future for them together.

‘Give me the chance, that’s all I ask. I do love you, darling,’ he might say. Oh, how she longed to hear that.