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Plattsburg Training Camp.

Sunday, Sept. 10, 1916.

Say, Tony, what a mutt I was not to get myself jabbed for typhoid before I came here! It would have been worth the money. Today my arm feels like a hornet’s nest, with roots up into my shoulder and down my ribs. And my head is light and wavy—that’s fever. I saw one guy keel over stiff when the doctor stuck him, and the poor corp of our squad says he’d swap jobs with his rear-rank man if he could only feel like a boy again.

They feed you here with food that’s like ourselves, coarse and plentiful. I’ll never again call sister’s doughnuts sinkers; wish I could see any kind of a doughnut. The table china is delicate French—nit. The waiters are in livery. The man with a long reach will grow fat while others starve. Take care not to spill anything; it may fall into your hat that hangs under the table. Iced tea should be iced and should be tea; milk should be milk. When you see a thing that you want, ask for it; the platter will get to you even if the food don’t. Elbows on the table are comfort but bad form, same as at home. The men that stay longest at table take pains to tell you that they eat slow. Eat first whatever is handiest when you sit down; why be idle while your soup is coming?

It’s considered impolite to drink at the company spigot, but there’s no rule against cleaning your teeth there. The best way to rinse your stocking after soaping is to hold it over the nozzle like a bag, and squeeze it while the water runs through. It takes so long to get hot water here that you’d better learn to shave with cold. I never before made my toilet out on the sidewalk, but a fellow can get used to anything.

You may talk of being chambermaid to a cow, but it’s worse being groom to a gun. These rifles have been in use all summer, and they’re all et up inside. They’re like fat men, they sweat. Then they rust. Put in some dope and swab the barrel, then take twenty-five dinky little squares of cotton flannel and run them through, and the last will be just as dirty as the first. Let it go at that, and put in some oil, and say Damn.

It takes three lacings below the knee to get yourself dressed, and three unlacings to get to bed, unless you want to be a real soldier boy, and sleep in your clothes. And only two hooks in all these lacings—the rest eyelets, eyelets. The cartridge belt has ten pockets; I found a clip of blanks in mine, and am keeping it to celebrate with. The proper way to draw your bayonet is not to cut your ear off. They tell me it’s been done. The outfitter lied to me. He sold me a tight blouse because we wore our sweaters over them, and here it’s against the rule and my sweater will never go under the blouse and I’ll freeze to death. Never believe anybody that says he knows.

When the horn blows pay no attention. It’s the top sergeant’s whistle you’ve got to jump for. If you want to know what to wear don’t ask him; the lieutenant will change the order and the captain will change it again. Ask the major, unless the general happens by. Always salute unless you happen to be smoking; if you have a pipe in your mouth, don’t see him. Fall River!

Sam.