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Gael Lindenfield. Self Esteem Bible: Build Your Confidence Day by Day
Dedication
Contents
Introduction
How to use the Self-Esteem Bible
1 Transform your home into a health farm for a weekend
2 Beat the exercise excuses
3 Take de-stressing action before you become stressed
4 Use meditation to clear your mind at least once a day
5 Cut down your intake of stimulants and depressants
6 Aim for quality sleep, not just the proverbial eight hours
7 Clear your kitchen of temptation
8 Get marching!
9 Prescribe yourself more fun
10 Buy or pick yourself fresh flowers once a week
11 Get dancing!
12 Timetable 45 minutes of deep relaxation into every week
13 Release pent-up emotions
14 Have a professional health check
15 Don’t skip your dental check-ups
16 Give yourself a fitness lifestyle check once a month
17 Watch more comedy
18 Keep up-to-date with health research
19 Go green with your own energy
20 Identify your body’s stress warning signs
21 Know how your behaviour changes under stress
22 Know your emotional stress warning signs
23 Cut down rather than cut out during times of pressure
24 Don’t sit still for more than an hour
25 Respect your own biorhythms
26 Go easy on yourself in times of change
27 Avoid overdosing on media models of perfection
28 Find quick-fix relaxation techniques that work for you
29 Rebalance your energy levels regularly
30 Build your inner strength
31 Watch yourself in supermarkets
32 Give yourself a health warning when you get irritated
33 Be kind to yourself when you have reason to be sad
34 Use your imagination to take yourself on a mini-break
35 Supplement your diet at times of pressure
36 Replace gloomy predictions with motivational statements
37 Get in a sweat three times a week
38 Don’t ignore everyday encounters with hassle
39 Chemical calmers can’t change your life
40 Stick to your bedtime hour
41 Watch what you eat at night
42 Keep a worry-pad by your bed
43 Get to know your genes
44 Clean up the air around you
45 Ensure that your furniture and equipment is taking care of you
46 Test out alternative therapies and trust the ones that work for you
47 Keep a list of favourite re-energizing activities
48 Beware of treats with a health sting in their tail
49 Don’t stay too serious
50 View your life as a biographer
51 Always have at least one treat to look forward to
52 Give your home a major clear-out
53 Take up a new hobby
54 Set goal after goal
55 If you are unhappy, give something up
56 Timetable self-reflection into your schedule
57 Use strangers’ eyes to watch yourself
58 Keep your senses stimulated
59 By being kind to yourself, you also open doors
60 Rediscover the joy and satisfaction of creativity
61 Visualize your life dream
62 Talk about your dream
63 Steer clear of the ‘deep end’ of challenges
64 Don’t wait until you are feeling ugly to enhance your beauty
65 Keep stretching the strengths of your intellect
66 Turn the clock forward to check you are on track
67 Know what lifts your spirits – and do more of it!
68 Keep humour handy
69 Use your heroes’ wisdom to inspire you
70 Secretly record compliments that move you
71 Try, try and try again
72 Give to others and feel connected
73 Don’t over-commit your caring side
74 Monitor your self-loving
75 Talk encouragingly to yourself
76 Do a dare a day!
77 Formally forgive yourself for bad decisions
78 Convert today’s regrets into tomorrow’s goals
79 Stay face-to-face with your values
80 Visualize all options before making a choice
81 Start a savings plan for ‘rainy day’ treats
82 Read inspirational life stories
83 Buy yourself a small book of motivational quotes
84 Keep your ‘change muscles’ exercised
85 Set yourself conversation homework
86 Write out your life dreams in the present tense
87 Battle with your bad habits, one at a time
88 Use your personal strengths to overcome bad habits
89 Formulate strategies to break bad habits
90 Commit your plans to paper
91 Share your good intentions with a supportive friend
92 Carry a symbolic reminder
93 Celebrate overcoming a bad habit in style
94 Make public announcements when you kill a bad habit
95 Be on guard for your habit’s early warning signals
96 Use affirmations
97 Don’t over-conform
98 ‘Anchor’ your good feelings in your body
99 Think of yourself as a product for sale
100 Exercise one of your strengths each day
101 Talk about times when you felt good about yourself
102 Start having an ‘Affirmation of the week’
103 Don’t deny your weaknesses to yourself
104 Pause the moment a guilt button is pushed
105 Don’t unnecessarily highlight your weaknesses to others
106 Don’t compare yourself unfavourably to others
107 Classify your weaknesses
108 Look for the positive aspects in your weaknesses
109 Make a resolution if you start wishing you were different
110 Stop exaggerations of your faults with reality checks
111 Don’t be afraid of mistakes
112 Acknowledge the positive in every mistake
113 Acknowledge the things you do better than other people
114 Notice your small kindnesses to others
115 Deal with the fear and do it anyway
116 Take more initiative
117 Like celebrities, transform your appearance regularly
118 Think big while getting on with the small
119 Imagine that you have only three weeks to live
120 Check you give your needs appropriate attention
121 Start each day by feeding your mind with positive food
122 Keep yourself well informed about current facts and trends
123 Value your simple successes
124 Count the cost of wasting today
125 Listen to your intuition, but check it out too
126 Develop your intuitive powers
127 Analyse your hunches
128 Keep The Serenity Prayer in a handy place
129 Don’t be too proud to fix other people’s messes
130 Give your perfectionism a constructive outlet
131 Take responsibility readily and willingly
132 Watch and listen to your concentration
133 Make a daily ‘to do’ list and monitor your results
134 Let yourself be disorganized sometimes
135 Don’t expect decisions to make themselves magically
136 Wait until you are calm before making a decision
137 Learn a strategy for making decisions
138 Reclaim the forgotten you
139 Remember your sins could make a saint of you
140 View yourself as a team
141 Write an advert for your inner team
142 Visualize your inner team working successfully together
143 Use past bad decisions to help you now
144 Regularly review your values
145 Have more adventures
146 Don’t appear to be what you are not
147 Keep yourself well groomed
148 Challenge your perceptions
149 Limit yourself to one risk at any one time
150 Reward every risk however small
151 Give your left brain regular rests
152 Prepare for tomorrow
153 View your life as a movie
154 Remember it is not all your fault
155 Don’t hold back your opinions
156 Calm yourself before you talk
157 Script your speech before you say something important
158 Challenge your own rationalizations
159 Learn for learning’s sake
160 Renew your New Year resolutions three times a year
161 Surround yourself with stimulation
162 Trust yourself to know when you are happy
163 Get comfortable with solitude
164 Keep a ‘Good Ideas’ notebook
165 Defeat is a perception not a fact
166 Reward your every effort
167 Give yourself the holidays you deserve
168 Remember you are defeating yourself by not trying
169 Celebrate the uncelebrated
170 Give yourself a Diversion Day once in a while
171 Get to know yourself so you can get to know others better
172 Distinguish the hard from the impossible
173 Know who knows 95% of the real you
174 Acknowledge the power of your emotional wounds
175 Keep a very private diary
176 Never confuse self-esteem with arrogance
177 Exercise your right brain regularly
178 Use your dreams to understand your needs
179 Write and recite your own Credo
180 Own your fears
181 Identify the root triggers to your persistent fears
182 Write a new set of Ten Commandments
183 Treat each minor loss as a mini-bereavement
184 Let others help you through your losses
185 Deal openly with jealousy
186 Don’t shop till you drop
187 Say ‘No’ simply, firmly and directly
188 Save for the leisure and pleasure you deserve
189 Treat problems like jigsaws
190 Take regular breaks when problem-solving
191 Make a contribution to the world
192 Think before delegating your difficulties
193 Watch out for double standards
194 Accept that to love is to risk
195 Think before you question
196 Deepen your special relationships
197 Review your relationships regularly
198 Agree with the truth in criticisms
199 Avoid giving unnecessary justifications
200 Don’t give yourself a put-down in response to a justified criticism
201 Don’t forgive before trying to get even
202 Spend more time with young children
203 Release your tension before a confrontation
204 Worry less about what insignificant others think
205 Deal with mini-frustrations promptly
206 Test the depth of your relationships with your faults
207 Use friends with a sense of humour to keep perspective
208 Don’t be afraid of looking back after a rejection
209 Express your feelings after a rejection
210 Keep the end you want in sight
211 Let yourself be comforted by others after a rejection
212 Compensate yourself after a break-up
213 Help yourself gain a new perspective after a rejection
214 Build your self-reliance after a break-up
215 Empower others to reveal their preferences
216 Feel so that you can heal
217 Make sure that your positive friends outnumber the moaners
218 Know what you expect from a friendship before you foster it
219 If you want fun, choose fun friends
220 Start new friendships on a positive note
221 Improve your listening skills
222 Be fun to be with
223 Keep a balance in your social life
224 Don’t credit luck with your successes
225 Repeat to persist
226 Practise responding to criticism
227 Be more generous with your compliments
228 Don’t include a self put-down when giving a compliment
229 Avoid gossipers and backbiting
230 Don’t encourage others to tell you how you feel
231 Say ‘No’ as though you mean it
232 Remember, if you are angry you could be irrational
233 Smile with your eyes
234 Maintain your dignity when treated rudely
235 Script and edit your requests
236 Expect your requests to be met
237 Make a habit of telling people your good news
238 Keep reminders of others’ special days
239 Prepare for your anger triggers
240 Fake confidence until you feel it
241 Know when and when not to use advice-givers
242 Be honest when declining invitations
243 Use tricks to remember names
244 Practise enjoying praise
245 Limit your low self-esteem friends
246 Use scintillating small talk to protect yourself
247 Beware of boot-licking
248 Remember, the company you keep affects your image
249 Be aware of hidden manipulative bait
250 Play safe with self-disclosure
251 Avoid jokes
252 Search for similarities in people you find daunting
253 Hallucinate with humorous friends
254 Know the rules of your relationship
255 Nourish your partnership
256 Don’t let love excuse put-downs
257 Don’t expect your partner to read your mind
258 Accept that great sex doesn’t necessarily flow from great love
259 Be prepared for a break-up
260 Don’t feel obliged to repay every kindness
261 Don’t party if you are not a party animal
262 Keep well away from dating agencies until you are strong
263 Start each working day with an enjoyable activity
264 Aim for at least one laugh a day
265 Ensure your work is meeting your psychological needs
266 Be flexi-minded about your working life
267 Check your contribution is making a difference
268 Do 3 quick-fix relaxations every day
269 Say ‘Yes’ to new opportunities
270 Be specific when criticizing others -or the organization
271 Acknowledge the positive before tackling the negative
272 Be happy to work with people who are different to you
273 Empathize if you want to be heard
274 Calm yourself before giving feedback
275 Use your own carrots to motivate you
276 Keep a watchful eye on your body when criticizing someone
277 Place your fingertips together for composure
278 When making a point keep to it
279 Avoid using the label ‘difficult people’
280 Champion a common cause
281 Wind your working day down gradually
282 Keep a spiritual presence present
283 Make your journey home as calm as it can be
284 Remember your body speaks louder than your voice
285 Watch your adrenalin levels
286 Think of pressure as positive
287 Get inspired before cracking the hardest nuts
288 Insist on quality time for difficult decisions
289 Set specific dates
290 Nurture yourself with nature
291 Keep reminding yourself of your strengths
292 Aim to use the strengths that you enjoy most
293 Be your own ‘Head of Training’
294 Supplement your training
295 Ask for feedback
296 Write a reference for yourself
297 Relax before going into a meeting
298 Don’t give up finding your dream job
299 Ensure your environment is helping you to give your best
300 Think GEE to check your rationality
301 Use quotes to top up your optimism
302 Broadcast your deadlines for decisions
303 Maintain an upright posture
304 Beware of work snacks and ‘treats’
305 Do early morning relaxations on difficult days
306 Carry a stress ball in your coat pocket
307 Prioritize, prioritize and prioritize
308 Network even when you don’t appear to need to
309 Use secret stretches to stay relaxed
310 Don’t highlight your near-misses
311 Keep your pleas for prayer time
312 Never ‘watch your pots boil’
313 Help others up their career ladder
314 Personalize your business card
315 Get there early
316 Be your own role-model
317 Update your CV regularly
318 Compliment your colleagues without expectation of return
319 When wearing an ‘eye-catcher’, be prepared to talk
320 Don’t become your colleagues’ clown
321 Be a copycat
322 Spread your toes and feel your heels
323 Let time-wasters waste themselves
324 Say ‘Sorry’ once and once only
325 Share your successes cautiously
326 Insist on quality time for quality projects
327 Keep an eye-mask and earplugs in your desk or briefcase
328 Choose companies that share your values
329 Beware of taking decisions too personally
330 Don’t push yourself beyond your attention span
331 Carry a mascot
332 Count the cost to your self-esteem before giving in
333 Share your non-work achievements
334 Use reminder cards unashamedly
335 Remember it makes sense to enjoy work
336 Deal with the subversive enemies of concentration
337 Resist becoming the office martyr
338 Stand up to bullies, but not alone
339 Be prepared to step outside your job description
340 Stand up when making or taking difficult phone calls
341 Don’t make excuses for wanting to get a life
342 Make sure your chosen image has repetitive impact
343 Keep a work notebook at home
344 Think positively about conflict
345 Never think you are too old to change
346 Deepen your voice
347 Have a fun lunch-break once a week
348 Expect less support at times of high pressure
349 See failure as a step on the road to success
350 Welcome frustration with yourself
351 Clear your surrounding clutter
352 Don’t put up with injustices in silence
353 Be ‘cheeky’ and seek out high-quality mentors
354 Prepare to protect your privacy
355 Beat worrying about your future with contingency planning
356 Don’t be a slave to the telephone
357 Stand up for your breaks
358 Take your honours gracefully
359 Don’t give up even if you intend to move on
360 Don’t be too proud to delegate
361 Check your time management
362 Take a leaf out of Nelson Mandela’s book
363 Stay ever-ready for job interviews
364 Just do it!
365 Keep the Self-Esteem Bible and its good companions handy
How to contact Gael Lindenfield
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