Читать книгу In His Eyes - Gail Gaymer Martin - Страница 10

Saturday, Ellene pulled into the Champion Auto Ferry parking lot and got in line with nothing to do but watch the ferry maneuver across Lake St. Clair from Harsens Island to the mainland. The wintry March sun struck the gray snow piled along the bank, but the feeble rays didn’t penetrate the cold outside her car. Enormous ice floes jammed against each other and struck the nose of the boat as it moved to shore.

She rolled down her window to pay the five-dollar toll while a bitter wind swept inside her car and sent a chill down her back. The outer cold seemed no more icy than her internal struggle.

Today she’d face Connor again, but this time on his turf. Since she’d seen him earlier in the week, she’d wavered between nostalgia and bitterness. The good times rolled sweetly into her thoughts, but she tossed them out like old shoes, not wanting to deal with the hurtful memories.

Ellene focused ahead of her, past the sun’s rays glinting off the hood of her car. Why couldn’t she let the sunny memories of their relationship stay forefront in her mind? She squinted at the glare as the ramp dropped into place and the cars began to roll forward.

As the ferry boat propelled into the channel, she felt the jar of the ice floes and watched new snowflakes settle on her windshield. Summer seemed the time for island life, not the end of winter.

When they reached the other side, Ellene glanced at Connor’s directions before leaving the ferry. It had been years since she’d been to the cabin, and Connor had always driven.

She veered the car down South Channel Road toward Middle Channel, passing a border of dried plume grass that grew tall along the banks. When she came to the party store, she knew she was close.

She slowed, her heart beating overtime. Questions barraged her. Why was she so nervous? Why couldn’t she put the past behind her as her father had suggested? Why couldn’t she accept the blame—or some of it—for their breakup? But she couldn’t. She wanted nothing to do with Connor, child or no child.

Still, she had to admit, before she’d met him for lunch, she’d often thought about an older Connor. Would he look the same? Would he be bald or paunchy? Their meeting had answered her curiosity.

Connor had become a handsome man. Maturity had broadened his chest and toned his muscles so that his trim frame looked solid and healthy. His smile hadn’t changed, and only the small crinkles around his eyes added something new to his character.

Her grip tightened on the steering wheel when she saw the log cabin. She pulled into the driveway, sending up a prayer that God would give her guidance and soften her attitude.

She sat a moment, thinking of her feelings—pride, hurt, dismay. Connor had wounded her and left her disillusioned. But she’d rebounded, dating one man, then another, never feeling drawn to any of them, but longing to get even with Connor for his rejection.

Connor’s rejection had been the first, but not the last. Only last year she’d thought she had found another man who’d expressed his love and devotion. A few months ago, she’d learned he’d cheated on her. Her skin crawled with the memory.

That day, Ellene had realized that few men could be trusted. She didn’t need a man. Today she was determined to work for her father and make him proud.

As she headed up the driveway, the side door opened. Connor peeked out and grinned. “Cold, isn’t it?” His brown-and-white checkered shirt beneath a deeper brown sweater gave him a homey charm.

She couldn’t help but grin back at his stupid question. “You could have waited until May for this.”

“Not really. I want to get settled here during the summer when Caitlin is out of school.”

Caitlin. The name whacked her in the chest. As she stepped inside, she gave the room a quick scan, expecting the child to be there. But she wasn’t in sight, and the fact aroused Ellene’s curiosity.

She covered her discomfort by surveying the open space of the great room, dining and kitchen all in one. “I’d forgotten how nice this is,” she said, admiring the expansive room. “You have lots of space to work with. I like it.”

“I like it, too, but it’s the—”

“I hate it here!”

The child’s shout pierced their subdued conversation, followed by the sound of a crash above their heads as if she’d thrown something across the room.

“Sorry,” Connor said. “She’s having one of her bad days.”

“You never let me do anything,” Caitlin bellowed down the staircase.

Ellene flinched at the child’s frustration.

Connor walked to the narrow opening and called up the stairs. “Caitlin, stop it. We have company.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want any company.”

“She doesn’t mean it,” he said, looking at Ellene with contrition in his eyes. He turned and bolted up the stairs, and Ellene waited, listening to the commotion from above.

Finally it quieted, except for a child’s sobs. Ellene’s heart wrenched at the sound.

Connor’s footsteps thudded down the stairs and paused at the bottom. “Sorry. This is too common lately.”

Ellene felt at a loss. “What do you do?”

“Let her cry it out. I don’t know what else to do. To be honest, once in a while I’d like to give her a good spanking, but that’s not what she needs.”

His comment sparked her curiosity. “What does she need?”

“A mother to give her more attention than I can.”

Ellene felt a shudder course through her, and she clasped her handbag tighter to her body. The sorrow she felt for Connor at that moment overwhelmed her. “It must be hard for you.” She tilted her head toward the staircase. “What do you do when she acts out this way?”

“She’s in time-out with threats of no TV.”

“No TV? I suppose that’s a good punishment.”

He nodded. “Caitlin’s shy and hasn’t made friends around here yet. TV’s her major form of entertainment.”

As he stepped forward, a disconcerted look registered on his face. “I really apologize for all this.” He extended his hand. “I didn’t even take your coat.”

Ellene slipped it from her shoulders and handed it to him.

“Have a seat. I’ll make some coffee.”

“You don’t need to do that,” she said, rattled by the child’s problems and her own sensations.

Ellene’s emotions flew to opposite poles—pity and envy. If she and Connor had married, they might have had a daughter. Then she would be a mother, not knowing what to do either with an unhappy child.

While Connor strode into the kitchen area, Ellene settled into a chair and gazed through the glass door to the large porch and the channel beyond, weighing her thoughts and calming her discomfort while Conner put on a pot of coffee. When he finished he headed across the room to Ellene.

“I want to make things better for Caitlin,” he said, sinking into the chair across from her. “She’ll make friends eventually, once she starts school here. Aunt Phyllis will be good for her. Caitlin needs a woman in her life, and even though…”

Connor’s voice melded into Ellene’s muddied thoughts. Caitlin needed a woman—but, as Connor had just said, the girl needed a mother. Every child deserved to be loved and nourished by a mother-figure. Ellene recalled Connor’s elderly aunt. She had been a nice woman, but would she be able to deal with the energy and needs of a young, lonely child?

“I shouldn’t be yakking so much,” Connor said, his voice impinging into her reverie. “You don’t want to hear my problems.”

Ellene hadn’t heard them, except she understood his frustration. “I feel for you, Connor. Being a parent is a big responsibility.”

“And being a single parent is even bigger.”

Ellene nodded, not knowing what else to say. They gazed at each other until she became uneasy. “I suppose we should get down to business.”

“Right. The business.” The scent of coffee filled the air, and Connor rose again, pulled down three mugs from the cabinet and grabbed a packet from a nearby box.

Hot chocolate for Caitlin, Ellene guessed. Connor has a soft heart. The awareness pressed against her chest.

Connor poured the coffee and handed Ellene a cup, then strode to the staircase. “Caitlin, if you can be a good girl, you can come down for some cocoa.”

He stood a moment listening, then shrugged. But in a moment, footsteps sounded on the steps, and Ellene’s gaze shifted back to the staircase opening. In a heartbeat, a spindly child, dressed in pink sweat-pants and shirt paused in the doorway. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and an occasional hiccup let Ellene know she was controlling her sobs.

When she inched into the room, she headed straight for Connor who was putting a mug into the microwave. She reached him and buried her face into his pantleg, wrapping her arms around his leg.

“Can you say hello to Ellene?” Connor asked, resting his hand on the child’s dark-blond hair.

She didn’t raise her head but curled even closer to Conner and gave a shake.

Connor crouched and tilted her eyes to his, whispering something Ellene couldn’t hear. When he rose again, Caitlin stood straighter, watching the microwave above her head. Hearing the quiet beep, Connor pulled out the mug, added the chocolate mixture and stirred, then set it on the counter. “Let it cool a minute or you’ll burn your hands.”

He grasped his mug of coffee and headed for Ellene. “I suppose you don’t approve.” He passed the chair and sat on the couch.

She frowned, wondering what he meant.

He gave a slight tilt of his head toward Caitlin. “Forgiving too quickly.”

Forgiving too quickly. The words shot through her as her father’s words pierced her thoughts. The Bible teaches us to forgive so that God will forgive us our mistakes. “I don’t think you were wrong.”

He gave her a questioning look, as if he wasn’t sure if she meant it, then turned toward Caitlin. She’d grasped the mug of chocolate and was blowing on the top. Connor patted the cushion beside him.

Caitlin noticed, but hesitated.

“Hi, Caitlin. I’m glad to meet you,” Ellene said, watching the child’s unsteady journey with her hot drink.

Caitlin gave her a shy look, then moved closer and finally settled beside Connor.

Ellene took a sip of the coffee, surprised that Connor remembered she liked it with milk, and studied the child. She saw Connor’s image in the little girl, and it was more than the blue eyes. Caitlin had the same determined set to the jaw. What looked different was her nose, more delicate and slightly rounded at the tip. The early thought rose in her mind. What would her and Connor’s little daughter have looked like? If…

No ifs. She clinched her jaw, struggling to gain control of her thoughts and let her question slide. She focused on Caitlin, wishing she could do something to bring a smile to the child’s face, something to help her relax. “Do you know why I’m here?”

Caitlin shook her head as she glanced toward her dad.

“I’m here to fix your new house for you.”

“I don’t want a new house,” she mumbled.

Her response startled Ellene. She figured most kids would love the excitement of moving to a new house. “You don’t think it’ll be fun to have new adventures and make new friends?”

The child looked away, never letting her gaze land on Ellene. “I don’t want new friends. I hate it here.”

Ellene flinched again at the child’s vehemence. “Why?”

The simple question seemed to stump the girl. She looked down at the floor, then into her cocoa mug and shrugged.

“I’d love to live on an island,” Ellene said, knowing that she’d stretched the truth a bit. She’d enjoy the island in the summer.

Caitlin gave her a wary look, but for the first time, had finally looked into her eyes.

Ellene’s chest tightened at the visual contact. “Your daddy—” The word hurt to say. “—can take you in a boat in the summer, and you can go swimming on the beach. And in the wintertime, you can—” Can what? Freeze to death was all she could think of.

“Tell Ellene what we’re going to do with your bedroom,” Connor said, filling Ellene’s abrupt silence.

Caitlin shook her head. “I don’t want a new bedroom.”

Hearing the child’s plaintive voice, Ellene felt rocked with compassion and set her cup on the table. She and Connor needed to get to their business, but Caitlin’s unhappiness engulfed her.

Ellene’s mind spun with actions. Not confident in her tack, she rose. “Why don’t you show me your room? Maybe you could tell me what another girl might like if she lived in this house. I bet you have good ideas.”

The child studied her a minute, and to Ellene’s amazement, she stood, eyed her dad and then headed toward the stairway. Ellene gave Connor a sidelong look and followed.

Connor watched them head up the stairs, then stood to follow but changed his mind. He’d leave well enough alone. Maybe Caitlin would soften her belligerence, and Ellene would see the sweet child she really was.

He drained his cup, set it on the table and wandered to the glass doorway that led to the porch. Outside he saw the crystallized snow that rimmed the lake. His gaze drifted to the porch love seat while memories swept him away.

He and Ellene had visited the cottage more than once, and they’d sat on the porch, occasionally alone, where he could sneak a kiss. He recalled her soft lips. They were young and inexperienced, not that he’d wanted to be. He’d listened to the guys in the high school locker room relate their conquests, brag about their prowess, and he’d laugh and nod as if he knew what they were talking about.

But he’d respected Ellene too much even to suggest anything like that to her. Now that he thought back, he wondered where he’d gotten such self-control. He’d wanted to know the secrets that his buddies bragged about, but his morals had stopped him from tempting fate.

So why in college had he succumbed so easily to Melanie? He’d been hurt by Ellene’s rejection. Rejection? The excuse sounded so weak. They’d promised to marry after he graduated from college—only a couple of years to wait. Ellene had been the only woman he’d really loved.

Rejection was no excuse for his behavior. He’d gotten involved with Melanie on the rebound. She’d been attractive and more romantically experienced, and he’d thought…

Connor listened to the sounds above him, longing for life to have taken a different turn. Would his life have been different if he’d controlled himself with Melanie? Could he have resolved the problem with Ellene and gotten back together?

Though he’d tried, Connor couldn’t remember how he and Ellene had become friends, but they had. They had been raised differently. She’d been born into a family he’d never experienced. Her parents lived well, enjoying their Italian heritage. He could picture the lovely home surrounded by flowers and trees. Her mother, always neatly dressed, wore jewelry and perfume. She attended social functions and volunteered at one of the charity foundations, while her father ran the family business. They had money and luxuries. Their family gatherings were loud and full of food and love.

His own family struggled to make ends meet. His mom worked behind the counter at a dollar store, and his dad worked in a small factory, coming home with grime beneath his fingernails and smelling of cigarette smoke.

Another noise from above caused Connor to turn and look up. Enough of wondering what was happening with Caitlin and Ellene. He strode across the room and up the staircase.

The second story reminded him why Ellene had come to the cabin. The upper floor held two small rooms with limited closet space, hardly a place for a young girl to feel at home. Caitlin had the larger room, but the smaller one had become a storage area with boxes and unused furniture that needed to be tossed out. Connor longed to make one lovely room for Caitlin with space to spare.

He strode past the smaller room and stood outside Caitlin’s door. “So how’s it going?” he asked as he stepped inside.

Ellene was sitting on the corner of the bed while Caitlin stood in the middle of the room, pointing toward the closet.

“Are you telling Ellene what you want up here?”

“I don’t want anything. I told you.” Her piercing voice was followed by the sweep of her hand across a night table. The contents clattered to the floor. “You never listen to me. I’m telling her what the other girl wants.”

“What other girl?” he asked.

The child’s face darkened to crimson as she shook her finger at him. “The girl Ellene said who’ll live in this house.”

“That’s enough, Caitlin.” Connor struggled to keep his voice calm. He stepped forward, catching her by the arm and drawing her to his side. “I’m sorry. I forgot, but you can’t be rude like this.”

Ellene rose from the bed and edged toward the door, looking uneasy. “I’ll be downstairs.”

He returned his attention to Caitlin, embarrassed that Ellene had to see his daughter’s worst behavior. He closed his eyes a minute to gather his thoughts. “I can’t let you treat an adult this way, Caitlin. If I were mean to you then I might deserve this, but I love you, and I only want the best for you.”

Her belligerent look faded as tears pooled in her eyes and she reached up for him to lift her into his arms. She tilted her head forward and rested her chin on his shoulder, tears flowing onto his shirt. His chest heaved with sadness as he cuddled his daughter. Lately she’d changed from a shy, quiet child to a withdrawn, angry one.

Connor held Caitlin in his arms, smelling the lemony scent of her shampoo mingled with the chocolate aroma on her breath. After she quieted he settled her on the bed and stood beside her, caressing her hair while his vision blurred from the moisture in his own eyes.

What could he do? He wanted to invest in a new business—his own business—and he couldn’t do that without more financing. His house in the Detroit suburbs would bring a good price and help start his business and still pay for renovations on the cottage. He’d do anything to make Caitlin content, but he didn’t think the house or cabin had anything to do with it. Caitlin needed attention. She needed love, and he couldn’t seem to give her enough of either.

“I want you to stay here until you feel like being more friendly. Ellene is here on business, and I have to talk with her.”

Caitlin didn’t respond. He shook his head and turned to the stairs.

“What kind of business?”

Her soft voice surprised him, and he turned toward her. “She’s a building contractor.”

“What’s that?” She rolled over to face him.

Connor’s chest tightened seeing her confused face. “She’s a person who helps remodel a business or a house. She helps people decide which rooms to add or how to change them.”

Caitlin frowned. “But she seems like your friend.”

“I’ve known her and her father for many years.”

“She has a daddy, too?”

“Yes. Mr. Bordini.”

“And a mommy?”

A lump caught in Connor’s throat. “Yes.”

“I thought so.”

Fighting a lump in his throat, Connor could only nod.

Caitlin rolled back to face the wall.

“I’ll talk to you later, sweetheart,” he said, heading once again for the staircase.

“I know. You got business,” she mumbled.

Business. Yes, he had business with Ellene, but the word seemed so incompatible with the deeper relationship they’d once had. Seeing her now brought back those old unpleasant feelings. No surprise, really. Their parting had been shocking to him. He wondered if she’d ever realized how devastated he’d been. It hadn’t been what he’d wanted, but pride and stubbornness had stopped him from begging her to take back the ring. He’d walked away.

Things happen for a reason, and later he’d realized the breakup had probably been for the best. Since Connor hadn’t been a strong Christian then, he’d feared he could never meet her parents’ expectations or make Ellene happy. Their relationship, he worried, would have brought heartache for everyone.

At the bottom of the stairs, Connor drew in a lengthy breath, then stepped into the room.

Ellene stood by the doorway, looking through the window into the porch.

“Today isn’t a good day for Caitlin.”

When he spoke, she turned to face him. “It’s probably because I’m here.” She lifted a finger and drew it around a lock of hair.

“It’s not that.” He wanted to explain, but he didn’t have the answer himself. It was so many things.

She seemed to wait, and when he didn’t add to his comment, she glanced at her watch. “It’s getting late. I should finish up here and get on my way.”

His pulse skipped as she stepped closer to him. “By the time we finish, it’ll be getting dark. How about staying for dinner?”

She hesitated, then stiffened. “No, Connor, but thanks. Let’s get started. I would really like to finish before dark. It’s a long drive home.”

Connor feared he’d pushed too hard, and he knew Ellene too well. When she meant business, that was it.

A sarcastic tone edged his words. “Okay, let’s get this finished.”