Читать книгу The Firefighter's New Family - Gail Martin Gaymer - Страница 11

Chapter Three

Ashley closed her eyes, willing away the ache in her arms. She’d hoisted Joey so many times, but lifting her own weight on crutches brought about a whole different challenge. She caught herself more than once forgetting to keep the weight off her left leg.

“One more time.”

The therapist’s command struck her again, and she wanted to rebel at his insistence even though she knew the therapy was good for her. When she could walk with the crutches, she could go home.

Home. She’d missed her place so much. She’d survived Adam’s death. This setback should have been nothing more than a bump in her life. Instead, she’d allowed it to become a dunghill.

Shame swept over her. Strength. Courage. Faith. Those attributes had been her stronghold. Where were they now?

“Ashley. If you want to go home, you—”

“I know. If I want to go home, I have to maneuver stairs. I know. I know.” The tone of her voice sickened her.

“Good. So maneuver them.”

His cocky comment grated on her patience, but his job consisted of being firm, being supportive and teaching her to walk with crutches. He’d tried firm and supportive. All she’d left for him to use was sarcasm.

She lowered her forehead to her forearm and brushed the perspiration away from her eyes. The stairs took effort and balance. She could do it.

One step at a time, Ashley made her way to the top and back down the other side. “There. How’s that?”

“Good. Take a minute and then do it again.” His eyes captured hers, and her frustration subsided.

Compassion. The emotion slipped through her, and she wished she’d not taken her defeated feeling out on him. Without another comment, she moved forward, working her way up and down each step, one at a time.

“Good job.” He gave her shoulder a pat. “You’re finished for today. In fact, I think you could go home tomorrow.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “Really?”

“Your surgeon makes the final decision, but I’ll recommend it. I think you’re ready.”

After four days she was ready. Tomorrow seemed a lifetime, but her gratefulness swelled. “Thank you, and I’m sorry for—”

He put his thick finger to his lips. “Shh. No apologies. I’ve heard much worse. I’ve been called names, hit with a crutch—”

“I hope you’re kidding.”

“Nope. Fact.” He rested his hand on her shoulder. “Ashley, be patient with yourself. It won’t be easy, and I know you have a toddler at home who you need to care for. Just be careful. No fast moves. Ask for help when you need it, and allow people to be there for you.”

He knew her better than she realized. “I’ll remember.”

She slipped into the wheelchair, and he gave her an agreeable nod before turning to his next patient. While she waited for an escort to take her to her room, she reviewed what he’d said. Her family had been at her beck and call for so long. They adored Joey, and Adam’s death had cut off a slice of their lives, too, but she did find it difficult to ask for help sometimes. Even Devon, her firefighter hero, had stepped into her life, and though she enjoyed talking to him, her discomfort grew, feeling the old guilt as if she shouldn’t enjoy another man’s company.

“Ready?”

Her head jerked upward, hearing the escort. She managed a smile, and he turned her around and wheeled her back to her room.

Once in bed, she had him prop her pillows so she could sit up and come alive. Her leg ached. Her arms ached. Her head ached. A pill could resolve those issues, but her other problems, ones she didn’t understand, couldn’t be settled with a pill. She closed her eyes, and Joey filled her mind. He missed her, and she missed him. Terribly. Neely’s visit came with stories of his antics. Her father visited and relayed the cute things Joey did when they spent time together. Though she loved hearing their stories, they brought envy. No one should have fun with her son unless she was there to enjoy it.

Foolish, but that was how her mind worked most days.

One other person permeated her quiet moments. Devon. Despite her confusion with guilt and loneliness, she had been unable to control the longing she felt to see him again. Four days had passed with no word from him. Though it made no sense, she felt abandoned. He’d spent the day of her accident waiting in the hospital to make sure she would be okay. He cared for Joey while Neely visited and stuck around to talk with her. That was it.

What did she expect? The answer evaded her. When possibilities slipped into her mind, she chased them away. Getting involved with anyone again—anyone of the opposite sex—would take preparation and contemplation. She’d been duped by her former boyfriend and never wanted that to happen again.

Devon’s image drove Erik from her thoughts. The firefighter had been a concerned neighbor. A gentleman with every meaning of the word. Thinking about a man who had become her hero was senseless, especially a man whose career had “no involvement” written all over it.

She eyed the wall clock. Time for lunch, then one more night in the hospital. Devon’s image faded, replaced by her sweet son’s face. The image made her grin. Tomorrow. She’d be home.

* * *

Devon surveyed the oncoming crew standing around the firehouse apparatus room. “I think that’s it. After the last storm, I know we were grateful for the calm evening last night other than Mrs. Benson’s falling over her dog again.” He grinned. Everyone knew the sweet but lonely lady used every excuse in the book to call firefighters to her home for a few minutes of conversation. The call also meant playing with her dog. She and the mutt loved the attention. “Any questions?”

No one responded except for a couple of murmured comments about dear Mrs. Benson and her dog. He stifled a yawn. “Okay, then. Time for you to work and for us to go home.” He grinned, and when he spun around, he rammed into Clint Donatelli. “Sorry, pal. My radar’s out of whack.” He grinned, too tired to make sense.

“My fault.” Clint gave him a pat on the back. “Where you headed in such a hurry?”

“To bed.” Devon rubbed his eyes with his knuckle. “But I can only sleep a few hours. I’m picking up Kaylee from preschool this afternoon.” He eyed his uniform. “I need to change and be on my way. I thought I’d stop at the hosp—” Why had he said that aloud? He didn’t need questions.

A frown shot to Clint’s face “Is it your mom? I hope she’s not ill.”

“No, Mom’s fine. It’s the... Just a friend.” He squirmed at Clint’s telling expression, one eye squinting, the other boosting a raised eyebrow.

“Hmm? Could it be a visit with the young woman who was trapped under that tree.” Clint’s squint segued to a wink.

Devon shrugged. “Okay. Yes. She’s a neighbor, and I—”

“If I remember, an attractive neighbor enthralled by the brave firefighter who—”

Devon gave him a poke. “Ever hear of compassion? The woman’s stuck in the hospital, missing her three-year-old son who’s staying with relatives and probably confused.”

Clint wrapped his arm around Devon’s shoulders and gave them a shake. “Just razzing you, Dev. You know me, an old man who wished he had someone to go home to.”

An unwanted ache slithered through Devon’s mind. He’d had similar thoughts more than he wanted to admit. He let Clint’s comment slide. “You’re not old.” Clint was a few years older than his own thirty-three years. “You’re seasoned.”

“My hair is for sure. Salt and pepper.” Clint flashed a grin and ran his fingers through his thick, wavy hair.

Devon gave him a nod. “Salt and pepper looks good on you. But you’re right, Clint. I’m afraid the stress is too much for some wives. I have membership in the club no one wants to belong to—divorced men.” After the words slipped out, he wished he could take them back.

“Right, and a club where you paid your dues. But at least you had a wife once. She accepted your work enough to marry you.”

The comment reminded him of Clint’s fiancée walking out on him. “That was a bad situation for you, and I really don’t understand why she waited so long to decide she couldn’t handle your profession.”

“I never understood it either, so I decided no wife is better than being walked out on.”

The unintentional blow struck Devon.

“Hey, pal, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that about you.” Clint rested his hand on Devon’s shoulder. “Anyway, you have a bonus from your marriage. The joy of being a father.”

The bonus comment caused Devon to grin. “True.” Kaylee had become his greatest joy. “We both have to face the truth. Neither of us is about to change professions. I love my work. Dangerous yes, but fulfilling.” He shrugged. “I suppose it’s difficult for some people to understand unless they feel the passion we do about saving lives and property.”

“It’s not you or me, Dev. It takes a special kind of woman to understand.” Clint stared into the distance. “But where are they?”

Devon looked down at his work boots. “You know, sometimes I think about my marriage and wonder what I could have done to make a difference in the outcome. The Lord has a purpose for each of us, and I can’t imagine divorce is one of His choices. But it happened.” He shrugged. “I keep thinking anyway.”

Clint shook his head. “We all question what we did wrong. Maybe I didn’t give enough when I was with my fiancée. Maybe...” He lifted his shoulders and released a lengthy breath. “Maybe I’ll never know, but I’d like to think I can be a good husband if I had a chance.”

Devon nodded. “I’m with you. I hope one day I’ll have another chance.” He chuckled and laid his palm on Clint’s shoulder. “Maybe one day when I’m an old geezer like you.”

“Then you think I still have a chance.” His grin lightened the conversation.

“I sure do. You’d make any woman a good husband even if you are a firefighter. Wait and see.”

Devon strode to his locker and stepped out of his work gear into his street clothes, but his mind jumped back to the more serious side of their conversation. He’d asked himself many questions after Gina moved in with her sister. “For a while” was how she’d framed it. Worried about her depression and whether she could care for their new daughter, the option seemed the best at the time. But no matter how he sorted it out now, he’d let her down. Now he wondered if love would ever come his way again and if he would ever find someone who could deal with his career.

Clint was right. Only a special woman could grasp how much the job meant to firefighters.

As Devon headed for the exit, his purported plans for the day returned to mind—sleep and stop by the hospital on the way to pick up Kaylee.

He rubbed his forehead, searching for an answer to the question that had just flown into his head. Why visit the hospital? Ashley had enough problems in her life. She wouldn’t be that special woman for him, but she was a neighbor, and a special neighbor since he’d come to her rescue a few days earlier.

He could sleep longer if he crossed the hospital off his list. That’s what he should do. Why complicate his life?

* * *

Since hearing she could go home tomorrow, Ashley couldn’t stop her right knee from jiggling, as if the movement would make the time move faster. The clock hands lumbered around the face, seeming as weighted as her left leg, bound in bandages.

Her crutches leaned against the wall. She’d gotten up twice, once to use the bathroom and again to step into the hallway for a short walk with a nurse’s assistant. But those short trips disappointed her. She’d hoped that with therapy she would gain strength. Today she felt weaker than usual.

And Joey. She could think of no way to lift him into bed or into his booster seat. How could she do it with crutches and a leg that couldn’t bear weight? Her frustration edged on self-pity, and she knew it. Pulling her focus from the wall clock, she studied the crutches. Determination spurred her on, and she slipped from the bed, balancing on her right foot, and leaned toward the crutches. Her left foot hit the floor and pain shot up her leg in a deep throb.

She sank back onto the mattress, tears burning her eyes. Everyone had stressed the importance of staying off the leg until the surgeon deemed it weight bearing. Stupid to get up by herself. Her confidence sank and frustration took its place.

Self-pity. Defeat. Emotions she refused to succumb to. She drew up her shoulders and, using her arms, shifted closer to the wall. This time she dropped to the floor, keeping her left leg safe, and grasped the crutches. “Did it.” Her voice surprised her.

Tucking the support under her arms, she tested her weight against the underarm pads and took a step. Determination returned. If she were to manage alone, she needed strength and mobility.

She stepped forward on her right leg and swung the left, trying to forget the ache in her arms.

“Look what we have here.”

Her pulse surged as she looked up. “Devon, I didn’t expect to see you.”

Like a searchlight, a frown swung across his face. “I hadn’t planned to come.” His expression read surprise. “But I pass this way to pick up Kaylee from preschool so—”

“She’s your daughter.”

“Yes. Kaylee’s four...almost five, she’ll tell you, but that’s a long way off.” He grinned. “Kindergarten soon. I can’t believe it.”

The grin faded and sadness registered in his expression, and she sensed he harbored a deep wound. “I’ve seen her playing in the yard once in a while.” But she’d never seen a woman.

He nodded as he eyed his watch. “To be honest, my car just swung into the parking lot.”

The image of his car pulling into the parking lot against his will might have caused her to chuckle or roll her eyes, but not today. His unexpected visit surprised her and seemed to surprise him, too.

He fell silent again, and she had so much she wanted to know. She knew better than to push, and judging from his expression, something seemed to be on Devon’s mind.

His distant look faded. “Since I’m here...” He grinned. “How are you doing?”

“I’m okay.” She’d started to say fine, but that wasn’t the truth.

“It’s great to see you standing.” He stepped deeper into the room. “Any good news?”

“I’m going home tomorrow.” Home sounded wonderful, but the pressure of the pads beneath her arm took away the sweetness.

“Home’s good. I’m happy for you.” A cute grin appeared on his clean-shaven face.

Funny, she kind of missed that rugged look that fitted his strong features. She pulled her gaze away and swung the right crutch upward. “This isn’t easy.”

“They take getting used to, I hear. And they’re not convenient, but the more you practice the better off you’ll be.” He closed the distance. “Can I help?”

His question confused her a moment until the meaning struck her. “You mean, walk with me?”

He eyed his watch again. “Why not. I have a few minutes, and if anything happens, I’ll be there.”

Warmth spread through her chest. His offer reminded her of Adam. He’d always wanted to help her, and when she worried about something, he reminded her that if anything happened, he’d be there. Emptiness weighted her chest. Then she looked into Devon’s smiling eyes. “Thanks. I’ll take you up on your offer.”

She made her way to the door while Devon shifted obstacles from her path and stayed as close as he could without tripping over her crutches. The polished hospital floor looked slippery, but the rubber tips of the crutches held fast, and having Devon beside her helped. She never trusted the nurse assistants who ambled beside her. Most weren’t any bigger than she was.

She remained silent, making her way down the first hallway, her mind focused on protecting her left leg and the step-swing pattern of her movement. Devon’s thoughts were somewhere, too. “Thinking about your daughter?”

He looked surprised at her question. “Always.”

Ignoring his reticence, she charged ahead. “I can’t even imagine having to share Joey with someone. I’d feel the same even with his father if we were living separately.” She couldn’t imagine that ever happening between Adam and her. “I’ve been feeling twinges of envy that Neely and my dad see Joey every day, and I don’t.” She released a stream of air. “I suppose I could visit with him in the waiting room, but...” She pictured him clinging to her and crying when he had to leave. She couldn’t bear it. “I think it would be harder on both of us.”

“Tomorrow you’ll be home. Everything will be good then.”

She hoped. Life would be difficult until she could walk like a normal person. “I hope. I’ll need patience until I can dump these crutches.”

“Time will fly.”

He fell silent. So did she, trying to figure out what happened to change him today. Though he grinned a couple of times, his face looked tense. She expected him to tell her more about Kaylee, maybe Kaylee’s mother, but he didn’t. She dug for conversation. “Neely said you were helpful getting my house back in order. I can’t thank you enough.”

“No need. If I’d had a problem like this, I’d like to think someone would be there for me.”

Ashley couldn’t imagine him without people wanting to help. The man was a giver. “You can count on me, Devon.” The offer sailed from her without thinking. How could she provide help? Sometimes she didn’t have enough wherewithal to help herself.

“Thanks. One day I may take you up on it.” Instead of a grin, he withdrew again.

Her underarms ached with the pressure of her weight, and she questioned how long it would take to get used to it. Silence hung thick again while her mind slid back to his reference to Kaylee. His reticence to talk about his daughter confused her. A caring man had to be a loving father. That seemed logical. She always talked about Joey. She paused, realizing she’d said more to Devon about her life than she did with other strangers.

She wasn’t ready to give up yet. “How long will Kaylee be with you?”

His step slowed, almost a pause in movement. She wished she would learn to keep her mouth shut. She could only guess the situation with Kaylee—perhaps her mother—bothered him.

Devon finally looked her way. “Not long enough.” His tender tone answered her question.

“I understand. My envy that my family are with Joey while I can’t be is ridiculous. But that’s what I feel. You must feel the same.” She feared she’d overstepped the line of privacy. She needed to back off.

“Your room is close. Ready to go back?”

Her heart sank. Now she’d scared him away. “Yes, and thanks for walking with me. I trusted you would catch me if I stumbled.”

He didn’t respond. When they reached her doorway, she expected him to say goodbye.

But he didn’t. Instead, he followed her into the room and waited as she eased onto the hospital bed. When she’d gotten settled, he set her crutches against the wall beside her and motioned to the chair. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” The man confused her.

He sank onto the chair and sat a moment, staring at the floor, before he looked at her. “I don’t like to talk about myself. Firefighters are supposed to be strong. We save people, so it’s not easy to admit—”

“You’re not alone, Devon. I don’t want to admit where I fail.”

“Then you understand, but the difference is you did when you talked about your envy.”

“I know, and it surprised me.” She worked to get her thoughts in order. No more comments that would upset him. “I don’t talk about personal things unless it’s with someone I’m close to. Neely, for example.” But she’d talked with him. Air drained from her lungs. She gathered her wits. “But you can’t shut me up when it comes to Joey.”

“Sometimes it hurts.”

Ashley longed to know why. Her eyes searched his. “Take a chance. Tell me about Kaylee.”

A grin stole to his face. “She’s the sweetest little girl in the world. Her mother has had problems that I couldn’t help with. I suppose that bothers me more than I admit. Gina—Kaylee’s mother—needed someone available twenty-four hours a day. My job doesn’t allow that. She had my thoughts and prayers but not my physical presence. I couldn’t—”

“Couldn’t, not because you didn’t want to. You couldn’t be there because you had a community that needed you available and alert. You were in a can’t-win situation.”

He released a sigh and leaned back against the cushion. “You really do understand.”

Adam had been in the same spot. He’d wanted to be with her and Joey, but he’d had a job to do. He’d needed focus and devotion to the military. She understood. Liking it was another thing. She managed a pleasant look and a nod.

“I don’t want to talk about Gina, and when I think of Kaylee, her mother comes to mind. I’m still confused.” He looked away. “So I don’t say much about her, but Kaylee’s another story. Maybe you could meet her one day.” His face brightened for the first time.

“I’d love to meet her. Our neighborhood doesn’t have many children living nearby, so maybe she and Joey could—”

“I thought about that.”

She studied his face. “Joey’s younger and she might—”

“Joey’s bright and verbal. Age doesn’t mean a thing in his case. And anyway, she’ll love to have someone to play with—” he chuckled ‟—although a girl would be her preference.” He looked heavenward. “Her preference now. When she’s older, she’ll probably like boys more than I want her to.”

Ashley couldn’t help but laugh.

Devon stood and smiled. “On that pleasant note, I’d better get to the school or I’ll be late.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out his car keys. “If I can be of any help, Ashley, let me know. I’m right down the street. I know your first couple of days will be a learning curve for you, but you’re a strong woman. I saw that the day I met you. You can do it.” He took a step toward her, then faltered and stepped away. “Tomorrow will be here before you know it.”

He gave a wave and strode through the door. In the hallway, he paused and waved again.

Before she could respond, he was gone.

An empty feeling swept over her. Concern followed. Devon caused a rush of emotion she hadn’t felt in a long time. When Erik appeared in her life, he’d become a novelty, a test run, of being with a man who wasn’t Adam. Once again her determination had taken over, and she had wanted to prove to herself and others that she could date and find the man of her dreams. But that dream ended in a nightmare.

Then she faced reality. She needed to think clearly. Why get involved with someone who could never be that special person. Friendship sounded great, but could she monitor the desire to feel complete and whole again. Would she rush a relationship into something else like romance and thoughts of marriage?

Concern rattled her spine. She’d already compared Devon to Adam’s wonderful qualities. Comparisons triggered danger, not because of the attributes they shared, but after losing Adam, she wanted a man with a safe job, a business career, anything behind a desk—nine-to-five hours, occasional overtime maybe—but a man who came home from work at night. Not one who lived with danger every moment.

She wanted friendships, someone she could bond with and care about, but without getting romantically involved. Devon’s full life didn’t leave room for romance, either. Kaylee, his broken marriage, a demanding career. Maybe that could provide a buffer between them.

Her concern lightened. Having someone close who liked Joey and her would be nice. Their kids could play together. Giving it a chance made sense.

But could they remain just friends? The answer shivered down her back. If she perceived the friendship deepening to more than a platonic relationship, she knew what she had to do.

She’d say goodbye.