Читать книгу A Dad of His Own - Gail Martin Gaymer - Страница 9

“Can I go to school today, Mom?” Dressed in his jungle-print pajamas, Cooper leaned his head against his mother’s arm, his thick hair only a memory. His chemo treatments had taken their toll.

“Not today, Coop.” Lexie swallowed her dismay and ran her hand across his bald scalp. She would be overjoyed when he would greet her once again in the morning with his usual bed-tousled hair. “Maybe in a couple more weeks. We have to talk with Dr. Herman first.” She managed a bright smile even though she ached for him. “Brush your teeth and get dressed while I make you breakfast.”

“Cinnamon buns?”

An honest chuckle lightened her mood. Her son had the same propensity that she did for those gooey, fattening treats. “Let’s eat healthy today. How about scrambled eggs?”

He curled up his nose. “Okay.”

While he meandered toward his room, Lexie pulled herself from the table where she’d enjoyed her morning coffee before sitting behind her computer, her graphic design program open. She’d always been grateful that her career as a graphic designer allowed her to work from home and still make a living.

She opened the refrigerator and tackled the eggs, and by the time Cooper reappeared, she’d prepared eggs with cheese—he liked that—and toast with jelly. The jelly offered him the sweet taste that took the place of the cinnamon buns he really wanted. The lesser of two evils. “How are you feeling today?”

“Good.” He grinned.

Good had become his standard answer so she took that with a balance of reality. She would know soon enough by his behavior. Yesterday she’d noticed a small bruise on his arm. Bruises triggered a gut-wrenching fear when she saw them. Bruising had been one of the symptoms that caused her to question Cooper’s health.

“If you’re so good, then you need to study your arithmetic today. Work on your addition and subtraction.”

His nose curled again, but he didn’t object. If she could avoid his whining, it would be a good day for her also.

Cooper’s fork dove into the eggs, and he nibbled on his toast, washing it down with milk. He had eyes shaped like hers, only a slightly darker shade of blue. His brown hair had the same highlights hers had in the sunlight, and she longed to see the day when he had a full head of hair again. She had given birth to him, and no one who saw them together could argue the point.

She smiled as she cleared the dishes, and when Cooper finished, he vanished to his room, where she hoped he was doing his schoolwork. She would check after another cup of coffee. Adding more to her mug, Lexie sank into the chair, her mind once again shifting to Ethan Fox. Questions had arisen since the day they’d met. What had happened? He’d seemed so friendly and more than thoughtful, but when he finished replacing her tire, he’d said goodbye and walked off without a look backward. The memory hurt.

Though foolish, she’d let him add a bit of excitement to her day. Even now when she pictured him, her pulse sizzled. The attraction happened fast, but the seeming rejection happened even faster. She didn’t know how to handle rejections or her unexpected feelings. Too many years had passed since she’d experienced the skittering emotions she associated with going gaga over a man. The last time was college. The memory settled like a lump in her stomach.

When the doorbell sounded, Lexie sat a moment, questioning who it could be. Rosie Smith, the visiting teacher, was scheduled to come on Friday. Today was Monday. Company wasn’t usual. She pushed back her chair and strode to the front door. When she pulled it open, she found Kelsey Rhodes standing on her porch with a sheepish grin.

“Sorry I didn’t call. I was out and just thought I’d see if you were home.”

Lexie pushed open the screen door and stepped back, feeling relief mixed with an emotion she didn’t understand. “Anytime. I always like to see you.” But Ethan’s warm eyes filled her mind. “How’s Lucy?”

“Good. She’s in school this week again. No setbacks.”

Lexie gave her a hug, disguising the envy she felt. “I’m having coffee. Join me. Come into the kitchen.” She closed the door and led the way to the coffeepot.

Kelsey leaned against the counter, watching her fill the mug.

Lexie sensed Kelsey had something on her mind, and she knew it would take time to really get to the bottom of it. She set Kelsey’s cup on the table and refilled her own. Kelsey pulled her hip away from the counter and slipped onto a chair. Lexie joined her without prodding the conversation. Kelsey would talk when she was ready.

Finally her friend broke the silence. “I’ve been thinking about Dreams Come True.”

Lexie sipped her coffee while air escaped her lungs. Ethan plowed back into her thoughts. He could easily make someone’s dream come true.

“I’d love to apply.”

Pulling her focus back to the topic, Lexie reflected on Kelsey’s statement. “Then do it. It sounds like a tremendous opportunity.” Cooper’s eager gaze swept through her mind.

Kelsey shrugged. “I don’t know. Things are going well, and I suppose I’m afraid if…”

Lexie searched her face. “Afraid if what? Lucy would be a wonderful candidate for the program. Think of all she’s been through and how well she’s doing now.” Bitterness poked at her again. Cooper’s journey had been slow, and he deserved a trip as much as anyone. He was a great kid. But reality was reality. Cooper hadn’t progressed as well as Lucy.

“I worry it’s bad luck.” She pressed her lips together and wet them with her tongue. “I’m ashamed to say that, but that’s what I’m feeling. We get our hopes up, and then they come crashing down. It’s like we’re tempting fate.”

Lexie had to stop her eyes from gaping. “Fate?”

Kelsey flinched and lowered her head. “I know. And that’s why I’m ashamed of myself. I should have faith and not worry about fate.”

“Don’t be ashamed. It’s natural to get nervous about good things happening. We all tolerate the bad news, but…” But what? “But we just have to hang on to…hope.”

Her shoulders relaxed. “You’re right.” A faint grin stole to her face. “It’s easy to be pessimistic. It takes work to be positive.”

“Now, that I agree with.” Lexie watched Kelsey’s grin grow. “Have you told Lucy about the foundation?”

“No. I didn’t want her to get excited and then have something awful happen.” She lowered her head again, her neck pivoting from side to side. “There I go again. I’ll get a grip on myself, and I should talk with her doctor first.”

“Good idea. He’ll reassure you. Then you can decide one way or the other.” Decide. Decisions were nebulous. She had so few options, which was another truth she tried not to think about. It made her feel she had no control. And she didn’t really. “It’s difficult to stay positive, but it’s important that we do. Ethan said something about people without hope, and that spoke to me. I don’t want to be someone feeling hopeless. Neither do you.”

Kelsey’s eyes widened. “Ethan?”

Lexie’s heart flew to her throat, but she managed to give a no-big-deal shrug. “After you left, I tripped over him, and he stopped to talk.”

Her wide-eyed look vanished, and she gave way to a quizzical grin. “Hmm? This sounds interesting.”

Lexie shook her head. “No. Nothing like that. One thing led to another. He asked about Cooper.” She rolled her eyes at Kelsey’s expression. “And he helped me with my flat tire.”

“Flat tire?” She chuckled. “How convenient.”

“I didn’t make it flat by myself.”

“I know, but the plot thickens.” Her grin grew to a smile, and she leaned closer on her elbows. “Tell me more.”

Lexie gulped back her discomfort, but knew Kelsey wouldn’t give up until she gave her details. She related their conversation about Ethan’s deceased wife and about Cooper. Lexie opted not to tell her about Ethan’s sudden coolness. She didn’t understand it, and the situation was too personal to share.

“So that’s it? He didn’t ask for your telephone number?”

Lexie gnawed on the inside of her cheek, remembering how she’d said he should meet Cooper. If that wasn’t a flirtation, what was? “No, he didn’t ask.”

“Really?”

Lexie winced.

Kelsey shook her head. “Why didn’t he? He isn’t married, is he?”

“No. I told you his wife died.”

“Children?”

“No.” She gave her the evil eye. “What are you? A cop?”

Kelsey tossed her head back and chuckled. “Maybe I should be. Ethan’s a nice guy and good-looking. And single. He showed an interest in you, so tell me why no phone number.” She scowled. “No hints of seeing you again.”

“No. We’d just met. He’s a gentleman.”

“Are you crazy then? You should have asked him for a card in case you wanted more information.”

“Me? I don’t ask men for their phone numbers. And no, I’m not crazy.”

“I question that. If you don’t want him, then I should proceed.” A grin grew on her face. “Forget that, but let’s think of how we can fix this.”

We? Lexie didn’t need help in the romance department. And she wasn’t looking anyway.

“Seriously, if nothing more, it would be nice for Cooper to have a man in his life. He never sees his father, does he?”

The question hit Lexie in the gut. “No.” What could she tell Kelsey about Coop’s father. Lexie barely remembered him, and what she remembered hurt too much.

“Okay, then. We’ve settled that. If you do see him again, think of Cooper.” Kelsey drained the coffee mug and slipped from the chair. “Thanks for listening to me. What you said helped. I need to cling to hope. God’s in charge, not me, and despite my silliness, I had really hoped that Ethan might find you interesting. I noticed he smiled at you a couple of times, and I checked his ring finger. Empty, and no telltale tan line, either.” She stepped back. “I think I’ll add the situation to my prayer list.”

Lexie rose and gave her a hug. “I don’t know about the prayer list, but thanks for caring about us.” She drew back and shook her head. “Even if your ideas are a bit off the wall.” But not too far off. The realization slithered down Lexie’s spine. She’d had a flash of those dreams for a couple of hours.

“When I mentioned a nice man spending time with Cooper, I was thinking of someone like a big brother. You’re a great mom, but Ethan or some other man like him would be nice for Cooper.”

Lexie hadn’t thought about that. Yes, Cooper could use a man’s influence in his life. “Thanks for caring.”

“Welcome.” Kelsey gave a wave and strode through the kitchen doorway.

Lexie followed her to the foyer and watched her slip into her car. When Kelsey drove away, she closed the door and drew in a breath. Ethan. Why had he stepped in and out of her life in a couple of hours? Her pulse skipped, wondering what it would be like to enjoy a man’s company again, and one that didn’t walk away the day they met.

Ethan squinted into the sunlight glinting off the hood. He’d had a headache for the past five days, and once again he didn’t have an aspirin on him. Stupid.

Everything seemed stupid. He couldn’t get Lexie out of his mind, and he’d walked away from her like a coward. He’d let cancer take something else from him and hadn’t even left the door open for an opportunity to see her again. All of his talk about hope, and he failed to cling to it himself.

His temples pounded as he slowed at the light. Aspirin. He remembered seeing a drugstore up ahead somewhere before Crooks Road. He glanced on each side of Fourteen Mile and spotted a large pharmacy. After waiting for traffic to clear, he pulled into the parking lot and slipped into a space. As he opened his door, his heart whacked against his chest. A burgundy sedan sat in the spot beside him. Too coincidental. Many burgundy cars were on the road.

But his pulse skipped as he headed inside, his gaze shifting from one side to the other. He read the signs above the aisles and near the back, he spotted the headache remedies.

He also spotted Lexie.

Ethan closed his eyes a moment. Guilt had riddled him since he’d met her. God had given him an opportunity to be a man of compassion and kindness, and he’d walked away. What happened to the Good Samaritan in him?

When he opened his eyes, she moved. He turned, his gaze sweeping the area. His chest tightened when he spotted her again at the prescription pickup counter. From the back, Lexie’s long hair hung in gentle waves below her shoulder blades. He hadn’t realized the length. The strands shone in the artificial lighting, and his fingers itched to touch the softness.

Swallowing his apprehension, he snatched the aspirin bottle from the shelf, then pulled himself to full height, drew back his shoulders and planted what he hoped was a pleasant expression on his face. When he strode close enough for her to hear him, he said her name.

Lexie turned, a surprised look fading into a smile. “What are you doing here?”

He managed a shrug while his mind whispered his answer. God’s plan. “I’ve had a headache all morning.” He flashed the bottle clutched in his hand. “You must live around here.”

She nodded. “A few streets over.”

Hoping she’d tell him the street, he waited. No luck. He gazed at the prescription the clerk had set on the counter. “How’s Cooper?”

Her pleasant expression slipped away. “Having some problems today. He had chemo earlier in the week, and he’s terribly nauseated. That hasn’t been happening lately so it worried me. I called his doctor and he called in a prescription.”

“I hope it takes care of it.”

“Me, too.” She turned and picked up the small paper bag. “He’ll sleep the day away with this.” She slipped the package into her shoulder bag. “How’s the foundation?”

Foundation. He blinked. That wasn’t the direction he wanted to go. Now he’d have to work his way back to Cooper. “Doing some great things.” He dug through his mind to remember what great things, but he knew they were planning some wonderful events for kids in the county. “One of the women from your organization contacted us. We’re planning a trip for her daughter to visit New York. She wants to see the fashion industry. She’ll spend some time at Parsons and we’re arranging for her to meet a couple of fashion designers.”

“That’ll be so nice for her.”

Lexie’s grin failed to convince Ethan. He should have avoided details, but it was too late. “When Cooper’s ready, we’ll plan a great trip for him, too.”

“Right now he’d give anything to go to school, but—” She shook her head. “Maybe this last treatment will turn things around.”

Ethan wanted to give her a hug. “That would be great.”

“It would be.” She gave him another feeble grin. “His doctor is optimistic, but optimism doesn’t mean much to a seven-year-old. Every time I tell him he can’t go to school yet, my heart breaks seeing the disappointment on his face.”

“Really tough.”

Moisture filled her eyes. “Cooper’s so smart. He loves books, especially about nature and beautiful places. He talks about going to see some of the national parks, and I bought him a book about them. He just stares at the photos all the time.”

Her misty eyes glowed as she talked, and Ethan’s chest swelled with her description. “I love to see children interested in positive things.”

“No guns and tanks for Cooper.” This time her face brightened. “He likes puzzles, all kinds of them, and books. He can read, too. Easy things, naturally, but he tries to sound out larger words. I really wish he could be part of his class.”

Ethan’s voice knotted in his throat, and he swallowed to control his emotion. “So do I.” School would mean he’d be ready for the foundation’s involvement. Ethan couldn’t think of anything better except for an amazing healing. He sent the thought to the Lord as a prayer.

“The teacher sends homework and a visiting teacher comes to the house. The school’s been very helpful.”

“The last time we talked…” Stupid comment. The only time they’d talked. He tried to relax. “I know you didn’t mean it, but you said you’d like me to meet him. I’ve been thinking about that. I would love to meet Cooper. He sounds like a terrific kid.”

He could see her struggling with a response.

She tilted her head, her eyes questioning. “But why?”

Why? Ethan could give a number of reasons. He liked kids. He understood the horrors of cancer, and he knew how hard it was to deal with it. And he felt compassion. But along with those reasons, he liked Lexie. He sucked in air, hoping he could say what he felt without coming across as a lunatic. “I admire you. I’ve experienced the heartbreak of a horrible disease affecting a loved one, but I love that Cooper has a chance to make it through this. I guess I’d like to see someone win.”

“Win?” She appeared to toss the word around in her mind. “That’s what we want.” She rolled her eyes and grinned. “It’s more than a want. I insist. I demand. And then realistically, I hope.”

“And there we are, back where we began when we talked last week. Hope.”

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “You’re right.” A sincere smile blossomed on her face. “Interesting how we always come back to that word.”

Ethan had so much he longed to tell her and to ask. Was she a believer? Did she know that the Lord loved her, and she could count on Him to be with her through the good times and the bad? But he was smart enough to know coming on too strong would chase her away. A tender feeling wove through his chest. What this woman did to him felt amazing. “So what do you say?”

She scowled. “About hope?”

He grinned. “About my meeting Cooper.”

“Oh.” She gave a soft chuckle before looking away for a moment. “I should ask Cooper if he’d like to meet you.”

“Right.” His stomach sank. “Could I call you?”

She pressed her lips together, her eyes searching his again. “Give me your business card, and I’ll call you.”

I’ll call you. He’d never heard the line personally, but he knew what it meant. He arched his back, dug out his wallet again and drew out a card, certain it was a waste of time.

When he handed it to her, she dropped it in her purse. “I’d better get home. Cooper needs these meds, and I have a wonderful lady who stays with him when I’m out and I promised her I wouldn’t be too long.” She stepped past him, then turned back. “It was nice seeing you again.”

His “It was great seeing you” followed her as she strode toward the pharmacy exit.

Ethan slipped the papers into the folder and rose. The Dreams Come True meeting ran shorter than usual. No new requests had come in, and so they reviewed plans for a trip to New York City along with a Broadway play for one teen girl and a day at a firehouse including a ride in a fire truck for one young boy. When Ethan listened to the reports, his mind drifted to Cooper. He’d hoped to hear something from Lexie, but she hadn’t called. At this point, he could do nothing but wait.

A hand clasped his arm, and Ethan looked over his shoulder at his friend Bill Ruben.

“How did the presentation go at the senior center last week?”

“You mean the Mothers of Special Kids?”

Bill grinned. “Moms something.”

“It went great.” Yes, the meeting, but his head and heart hadn’t faired as well. He eyed his friend, then grasped the opportunity. “Glad you asked.” He drew in a lengthy breath. Now or never. “Do you have a minute?”

Question settled in Bill’s eyes. “No problem. Anything wrong?”

“No.” “Maybe” was the better response. “I just want your opinion.” Ethan gazed around the emptying meeting room and motioned to a chair. “Let’s sit.”

Bill eyed him again as he pulled a chair from beneath the table and turned it around. He straddled the seat and rested his arms across the back without saying a word, though his face showed his concern.

“It’s a couple of things.” Ethan shifted in the chair, his nervousness evident in his jiggling knee. He forced his foot to the floor, confused why he felt so edgy with Bill. He’d thought about talking with someone, and Bill had a good head on his shoulders. “The meeting was fine, and after it, one of the women bumped into me as we were leaving. I’d noticed her earlier. She had a nice smile, and…I don’t know…something about her caught my attention.”

Bill’s frown vanished, and a half grin took its place.

“Nothing like that.” He waved his hand, but he felt like a fraud. It had become something significant. Lexie and her son had begun popping into his thoughts numerous times a day, especially since he’d run into her again. “She had a flat when we went outside. I helped her. We talked, and—”

Bill snickered. “Love at first sight.”

“No. It’s…I don’t know.” Now Ethan questioned why he’d even brought the whole thing up. How could Bill understand his emotional struggle?

Bill leaned his shoulders over the chair back, his brow drawn. “So lay it on me. What happened? What’s the problem?”

“The child has leukemia. Cancer.”

Bill blinked. “Ahh.” He rocked back in the chair and shook his head. “That kind of cancer is different, Ethan. The outcome can be more hopeful. You know that.”

“I know that in my head.”

Bill braced the heels of his hands against the chair back. “So what are you asking me?”

He blew out a stream of air. “I don’t know for sure.” He tried to untangle his thoughts. “I walked away that day.” He allowed his eyes to connect with Bill’s. “The day we met. I helped her change the tire and then left, but here’s the thing. I ran into her again.”

“At the next meeting?”

“No. At a pharmacy. It struck me that…I don’t know. She’d been on my mind, and I’d wished that I hadn’t reacted as I did. It seemed our meeting again was providence.”

“You mean God planned it?”

“That sounds odd, but I felt it was meant to be. She talks about her son with such love, and I don’t have kids. I asked to meet the boy. He doesn’t have a dad, and I—”

“And you’d like to be his dad.”

Ethan’s pulse skipped. “Don’t be ridiculous. The boy needs a man’s attention. Like a big brother.”

A faint grin etched Bill’s mouth. “You have no interest in the mother, but you want to be the kid’s big brother?” Bill’s eyebrows arched to his hairline, and he snickered.

The comment smacked Ethan. “Okay. Whatever. I’d like to be a masculine influence for the boy. Fill that hole.” Lexie’s image flashed through his mind. “Not to say the boy’s mother isn’t doing a good job. She is.”

Bill shifted and wrapped his fingers around the chair back. “Why not meet the boy? Do it if his mother approves.”

“But is it right? Am I stepping over the boundary of Dreams Come True? No one said we should get friendly. We’re here to plan events and trips for these kids, not to be friends.”

“I don’t know of any rule that says you can’t be a friend.” He leaned closer. “Or are you worried about some other problem?”

Ethan had to admit that was a concern. He’d been drawn to Lexie from the moment he looked at her. “That, too, I suppose.”

“The mother?”

“No one’s fascinated me the way she did.” He shook his head. “And without saying a word to me. She was in the room with ten other women that first day.” He flexed his palm upward. “And don’t ask me if it’s her good looks. Yes, she’s very attractive, but it was something else. Maybe the purposeful set of her jaw, the affirming glimmer in her eyes. Whatever it was, it drew me like a magnet.”

“And she just happened to bump into you.”

“It was an accident. When she turned around, I—” Ethan gave him a shamefaced grin. “I had walked her way, hoping we might talk.”

A thoughtful expression lit Bill’s face before turning to a frown. “Did she flirt with you? Or encourage you to get involved with her?”

“No. She’s not like that. She’s careful. Strong-willed yet gentle. Lexie’s focused on her son.” Their conversations filtered through his mind. “She’s different. Not the flirty type.” He lowered his head. “Unless I’m stupid.”

“That’s a possibility.” Bill chuckled.

He ignored Bill. “Lexie hasn’t agreed to let me meet Cooper yet. She wanted to ask him first. Does that sound like a woman who’s running after me?”

“No. She sounds like a caring mother.” Bill straightened in the chair, his teasing expression gone. “Listen, you have to go with your heart. When Marian and I met, something happened. It’s a feeling I can’t explain, but it sort of felt right.” He looked past him a moment as if thinking. “Like maybe God had meant it to be.” He chuckled. “So maybe your ‘providence’ feeling was the Lord prodding you forward.”

The Lord. The pit of his stomach tightened. “I’m not sure Lexie’s a Christian so I doubt if the Lord had anything to do with it.”

“God works wonders, pal. Don’t doubt His ways.”

“Doubt? No, I wasn’t—” Had he doubted? “I was just—” But Bill was right. Had he been led to Lexie as a faith influence and nothing more? A hollow feeling drove through his chest and parked. The unsettling emotion forced Ethan’s gaze upward. “You’re right. The Lord guides us for His purpose, and maybe that’s it.” He rose and slid the chair beneath the table. “Thanks.”

“Listen, Ethan. I wasn’t trying to be a downer for you.” He stood and moved the chair aside. “I’m no counselor. I’m not even good at making my own decisions. Marian’s more decisive than I am.”

Ethan rested his hand on Bill’s arm. “What you said gave me something to think about. I need to use common sense as well as what my heart is prodding me to do.”

Bill slapped his back. “You’re a good man. You’ll do the right thing.”

He questioned Bill’s confidence in him. Sometimes doing the right thing became caught up in dreams, not in reality. “I hope so.”