Читать книгу Trust Me: A gripping debut psychological thriller with a shocking twist! - Gemma Metcalfe, Gemma Metcalfe - Страница 16

CHAPTER NINE

Liam’s Story, June 2011

‘Thank God you came. I don’t know what to do with him. His skin is all inflamed and he won’t stop screaming.’

Jessica practically dragged me into the house by my arm. Crying hysterically, her mascara was running black streaks down her face as she tried in vain to calm her breathing. Feeling her distress, and hearing Elliott wailing in the distance, I practically ran into the front room and bent down to where he was lying on the carpet. He was wearing a nappy, and his pyjama top had been pulled up to reveal his stomach tube, which he’d had fitted just after the accident.

He’d been out of hospital for three weeks and I’d barely left him. Unfortunately, life had to go on and I’d been called away to work for the weekend. I therefore hadn’t seen Jessica, Amy and Elliott for four days.

Taking a closer look at Elliott’s stomach, I noticed that his skin around the tube was red and swollen. Instinctively, I winced. ‘How long has he been this grouchy?’ I asked, while feeling his forehead with the back of my hand. He was slightly hot but I didn’t think he had too much of a temperature. Almost as soon as I touched him, Elliott calmed down; his crying became quieter and reduced to an almost-hiccup.

‘He likes you, Liam,’ observed Jessica from the doorway, her own tears beginning to dry as she regained her composure.

‘What do you reckon?’ I continued to stare at Elliott’s feeding tube, ignoring her comment. The truth was, I couldn’t handle the guilt. Couldn’t handle the fact that Elliott did indeed seem to like me, after everything I had done to him. ‘Shall we take him to hospital?’ I continued to say.

‘I think it’s okay,’ she replied, perhaps a little too quickly. ‘I googled it and, apparently, inflammation is common for the first few months. I guess I just panicked.’

‘Hi, sweetheart,’ I said brightly to Amy as she sheepishly entered the living room, her eyes glued to the carpet. She was wearing a thick woollen dressing gown and her hair fell loosely around her shoulders.

‘Mum,’ she mumbled, completing ignoring me, ‘I’m going to bed.’

‘Amy!’ Jessica gave Amy the type of stare only a mother can pull off. ‘Stop being rude. Liam said hello.’

‘Hi,’ she muttered in my general direction, before turning around and stomping out of the room.

I looked up at Jessica and blew out air. ‘I guess I have some way to go there.’

‘Don’t worry,’ she replied with a wave of her hand. ‘It’s hard on her, that’s all. Will you stay for tea? Elliott seems to have calmed down. I can put him to bed and maybe we could order a takeaway?’ She looked over at me with hope in her eyes.

I sighed. I really wasn’t sure about spending so much time with her. I knew she liked me in a way that I just couldn’t reciprocate and I was worried that I’d end up hurting her.

‘Jess, I…’ I stopped mid-sentence, unsure of what to say.

‘Please, Liam,’ she practically begged, her eyes red-rimmed. ‘I don’t go out any more. All I do is sit in this house and care for Elliott. I’m so worried about him, about what he must be feeling. It’s taking all of my strength not to crack up and I just need a bit of friendship.’

‘Of course,’ I replied immediately, while standing up and making my way over to her. I pulled her into an embrace, like I had done so many times at the hospital. ‘It’s okay,’ I muttered into her hair. ‘I’m here for you. Always.’

Two hours later and, with both children in bed, I leisurely poured Jessica another glass of red wine. The Indian takeaway had been delicious and, for the first time since the accident, I felt my mood lifting slightly. I looked over at her from the corner of my eye. She was happily flicking through the channels on the television, her glass of wine sloshing slightly as she fidgeted around in an attempt to get comfy.

‘Thanks,’ I said, causing her to put down the remote control and look at me.

‘Thanks for what?’ she asked, her eyes shining with an emotion I couldn’t quite place.

‘You know. For forgiving me the way you have. Not many women would do that, Jess. And I meant what I said earlier. I will always be here for you all. It’s the very least I can do. And, plus…’ I hovered over my thoughts, unsure of whether or not to continue.

‘Plus, what?’ She suddenly placed her wine glass down on the table and edged closer to me. I could smell the hotness of her breath as she spoke, the aroma of curry as it clung to the air. Feeling a stirring within me, I swallowed it down, terrified and excited in equal measure.

‘Plus, what, Liam?’ she repeated, keeping her eyes locked on me.

‘You are helping me heal, Jess. You and Elliott, and even Amy,’ I half laughed in an attempt to dislodge some of the tension. ‘I feel like when I’m with you all I have a purpose, you know?’

‘I know,’ she replied through a slight smile. ‘They say that every storm cloud hides a rainbow. And you are my rainbow, Liam.’

Feeling hot all over my body, I met her gaze, our eyes unflinching as everything around us ceased to exist. I knew I was slightly drunk, I knew the wine had stripped me of my inhibitions, had heightened my senses, leading me into a false sense of security. But I liked it. I liked the warm bubble that enveloped me, the chance to feel alive again, if only for a snatched moment…

As Jessica leant in to kiss me, I didn’t pull away.

Liam, 3.21 pm

‘Yes, go on, Lana. Tell me I’m an idiot. That I shouldn’t have done it because my head was clearly not in the right place.’ I spark up another cigarette as I speak, the memory of that night causing my heart to race. How naive I was. How I let the alcohol and the guilt and the loneliness mix together, causing a deadly concoction that I gulped down in one.

‘I would never judge you, Liam. By God, you don’t have the first clue about what I got myself involved in. If you knew… you’d probably slam the phone down right now.’

I tut, the irony of what Lana is saying making me slightly mad. There is nothing in the world she could have done that is worse than what Jessica landed on me this morning. Nothing.

As I draw in deeply on my cigarette, I look up at the clock. The sound of it ticking is almost a jibe… like it’s laughing directly at me, mocking me because I still haven’t done what I know I have to do.

‘So what happened then? After that night with Jessica. How did that one night lead to your marrying her?’

I breathe in deeply, psyche myself up for the next part of my story. It’s hard to relive… but I’m going to try.

Liam’s Story, July 2011

Three weeks after the night I slept with Jessica, I was practically living with her, Amy and Elliott. Jessica had admitted to feeling increasingly panicked when left alone with Elliott. I couldn’t say I blamed her. His daily feeding routines were complicated, with equipment that needed to be sterilised every day. His food, all in liquidised form, needed to be checked, measured and charted. As well as that, the brain damage had left him unable to walk. He therefore needed to be carried everywhere. Jessica, being only incredibly slight herself, simply didn’t have the strength to lift him all day long. One of the only saving graces was that she had managed to enrol Elliott in a special school, where he was looked after by a team of experts, meaning Jessica could continue with her job as a receptionist at a hairdresser’s.

Although I loved helping out and spending time with the family, I was becoming increasingly panicked about my relationship with Jessica. I had unwittingly wedged myself tightly into her life, so that there seemed to be no other option than to continue down the romantic route. I had foolishly allowed myself to cross the line of friendship, and there was no going back. I knew in my heart I wasn’t ready to be with someone who wasn’t Alice; her memory still burnt my heart and mind and I was still consumed by thoughts of her and Summer on a daily basis. I suppose I should have been more honest, explained to Jessica how I was feeling. But after that drunken night where I had slept with her, and several times since, I didn’t see how I could admit to her that I wasn’t ready to be in another relationship. None of it was her fault and I didn’t want to be the sort of guy that did that to a woman. And, plus… I didn’t want to leave. Being with Jessica and her family gave me a purpose. It made me feel good that I was lessening their load, that I was putting a smile on Elliott’s face. Jessica wasn’t Alice but she was fun, she was sweet and I liked her. Therefore, I pushed all of the negative thoughts away and convinced myself that being with her was the right thing to do.

‘Hey, Jess, could I pick Elliott up from school today? It would be nice to see all the sensory equipment you described, and meet his teachers.’

I glanced over at her as I spoke. She was on the sofa, leafing through a magazine. I had finished work early that day. As an electrical engineer, I often worked long hours and away from home, but it was one of the rare days when there wasn’t much to do. I’d decided almost on a whim to go round to Jessica’s house, with the intention of surprising her with a meal when she got home from work. She had given me a key a week previously and I thought it would be a nice surprise. But, to my surprise, Jessica was already home, due to a technical fault at the hairdresser’s. We had, therefore, spent a lovely afternoon together, curled up on the sofa.

‘No, probably best I go,’ she responded with a sigh. ‘They are really funny about who picks him up. And, anyway,’ she continued, while putting down her magazine and edging closer to me, ‘you can stay here and get that tea on you promised me.’ She gave me a flirtatious smile and patted my leg.

Laughing, I swung my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer towards me. ‘Okay, then, miss. But I’m warning you… I’m no Jamie Oliver.’

That evening, after a successful meal of steak and chips, Jessica lay curled up on the sofa beside me, a blanket thrown over her, as we watched television. The only light came from the glow of a small lamp in the corner of the room, the blue tinge of the television and the roaring of the fire. Outside, the rain hammered against the window panes and the wind howled.

‘I love it when it rains,’ I said wistfully. ‘It makes everything seem so much cosier, doesn’t it?’ I instinctively pulled Elliott closer to me as I spoke. He’d been sitting on my knee for the past hour as I’d read him stories and attempted to sing him songs. Jessica had bathed him earlier that evening and he smelt of talc. Kissing the top of his head, his soft blond curls tickled my lip. I had only known him for six months and yet I already loved him so much. Amy was upstairs. She had eaten with us but had again been subdued, barely saying a word to me. It troubled me that she was so distant, but Jessica had assured me that she just needed time to get used to me.

‘Jess?’ I said again, having realised she hadn’t even replied. ‘Are you listening to me? You’ve gone very quiet tonight.’

‘Mmm,’ she mumbled, while keeping her eyes glued on the television. ‘What did you say?’

‘Oh, never mind,’ I laughed. ‘I’m sure those celebrities eating kangaroo’s balls are much more interesting. You’ll talk to me, won’t you, Mr Elliott? Do you like the rain?’ I blew a raspberry on his cheek, the noise reverberating around the room. He shrieked with laughter as my lips vibrated against his skin, a laugh I hadn’t heard before.

‘Hey, look, Jess, he’s properly giggling!’

‘I know, yeah,’ she replied, her eyes still fixed on the television.

‘Oh, right.’ The dejection in my voice was obvious. ‘He’s done it before then? I thought it was a new thing. I thought, you know, he might be getting better.’

Jessica prised her eyes away from the television as she turned to look at me, a flicker of anger skimming her face. ‘He’s brain-dead, Liam. He’s not getting better.’ She practically spat out the words.

‘No,’ I shot back, the confusion advertising itself on my face. ‘He’s brain-damaged, not brain-dead. There is a difference.’ I suddenly felt a stirring of anger inside my gut as I held her gaze, an irritation that I couldn’t seem to scratch. The first stirrings of panic clung to me as I realised we were heading for an argument. I’d never argued with Jessica before, not even once. I wasn’t an arguer; I hated any type of confrontation. But there was something else. I suddenly felt a niggling of doubt within me. Did she blame me for what had happened to Elliott? After everything she had said to the contrary, did she actually blame me?

‘Jess?’ I let her name hang there, not sure what I really wanted to say. She looked away from me, her eyes quickly filling with tears. Swallowing loudly, her face became redder as she clearly grappled with something she wanted to say.

‘Jess, what is it?’ I asked, slightly louder than a few seconds previously. My voice shook as I spoke. I was suddenly afraid of the conversation I knew we were about to have, even though I had no clue what the conversation would actually be about. Elliott appeared to feel my tension; he began to thrash around on my knee, arching his back and whinging. I kissed the top of his head and whispered shushing noises into his ear, while all the time keeping my eyes fixed on Jessica.