Читать книгу Montana Gold - Genell Dellin - Страница 10

CHAPTER FIVE

ELLE GRIPPED THE steering wheel with both hands, hard, as if this fresh wind of fear were about to blow her away. She hated feeling scared. She hated it.

But she was afraid that this dog wouldn’t live and she was afraid she’d make the wrong decision the next time she was with Chase—which she might not have to worry about, since he hadn’t even called her. She hated to admit it, since it was life or death for the dog, but the thing with Chase scared her more.

In a way, that was life or death for her.

What she needed was a performance tonight so she could quit thinking and just be there, face-to-face with the bulls. That was when she felt the most alive in every cell of her body and life was so blessedly simple. All she had to do was live in the moment and act on instinct. Nothin’ to think about, no decisions to make. Just let go and feel, because if a bullfighter stopped to think about the right reaction to a bull’s move, it was already too late.

Every move you made tonight was exactly right.

She could still hear Chase saying that and see him looking her in the eye while he did. Not every guy would’ve been that generous, especially not after he’d criticized her in Austin.

And not any guy could make her feel what he’d made her feel.

At least up to the point when M.J. came in and interrupted them. The scary thing was that now Elle was afraid to find out if that would have been true the whole way.

If the answer was no, she might as well give up hope. Until last night, she couldn’t imagine that she, Elle Hawthorne, could actually feel pleasure—so much pleasure. No other man had been able to make her feel a thing.

How could Chase have that kind of power?

Maybe lots of men had it and she just didn’t know. She hadn’t tried enough of them, maybe. Before Derek, she’d stayed away from sex for a long, long time. And even though her need to see if she could be a whole, normal woman was one of the reasons she’d broken up her marriage to Derek, she actually hadn’t been very courageous about getting out and finding her answer. Her divorce had been final for two years and she’d only dated Tim and Matt. One a year.

And until Chase came along, she really had almost decided just to let the whole matter slide. She was happy, she had work she loved. Why mess with that?

Memories picked at the edges of her mind, poked into her thoughts like shards of smoked glass, broken and jagged, lessened by the years but still there. Still there. The relentless sweaty hand covering her mouth until she bit her own lip. The cruel unending pressure of the knees against her hips.

But Chase wasn’t like that. Somehow, he just wasn’t. She couldn’t put a name to how he was different but being with him had somehow eased her up another notch out of the despair.

Now the question was, did she really have the guts to sleep with Chase and find out if his magic touch would carry her all the way?

This had to be something really special between them. Didn’t it? Especially if Missy Jo had sensed the attraction when they came back from the dance floor?

Poor Missy Jo. She’d been so upset with herself for coming back to the room at the wrong time, when she liked to think she was Cupid’s helper.

Elle dragged her mind away from the one problem to glance at the other.

The dog looked so lethargic that a new stab of fear went through her.

She tried to push it away by remembering what Carlie always told her: You’re only human, so you can’t save them all. Yet with this pitiful, broken animal looking up at her out of mismatched blue and brown eyes, even thinking those words seemed like a death knell instead of a comfort.

Elle watched the street signs and the traffic and tried to think about something, anything, besides this dog and Chase Lomax. She sat up straight, shook her head to clear it, and rolled the passenger-side window down for more fresh air. This was stupid. Why, even with these two predicaments, should she feel such holes in her defenses?

It had been months and months—no, probably more like years—since she’d had the dream of being smothered that used to wake her sweating in the night. Long ago. That was in the past and it was going to stay there. She’d whipped the fear for good the first time she’d fought a bull.

But now, for no good reason, here she was in broad daylight with her chest so tight she could hardly take a breath. No way. No way would she even think about it. Whatever happened to this dog was meant to be.

And she’d take the same attitude toward Chase. If she saw him around the hotel, or if he called her, she would see what move he made and react on instinct, the way she did with the bulls.

For half her life, she’d had to fight the fear dragon and she’d killed it. That was where she was right now: still standing with her foot on its neck and her blade through its heart.

She lifted the switch on the door, rolled up the window again and punched the accelerator when the light turned green. She tried to hum along with some tuneless song on the radio while she gave herself the same lecture she’d used since she’d found some self-help books in the school library at fourteen.

You’re a positive person, Farrell. That’s your nature. You like to have fun. You like to laugh. So do it. The human mind can only think of one thing at a time and you can decide what that thing is. Don’t let the negative thoughts in. Think about something else.

But what came to her immediately was another worry, the money worry. She looked at the now-sparkling clean dog with his nose on his front paws. Lying in his new large-sized carrier on the passenger seat of Missy Jo’s truck. The carrier had put more of a burden on her credit card and then the veterinarian’s fee had nearly maxed it out.

“She ran every test in the book on you, Kodi,” Elle said. “Nothing else is wrong with you. But if you want your leg and your shoulder to heal, you have to eat.”

Kodi closed his eyes.

“You’re malnourished,” she said. “You know you’re hungry. Why won’t you eat?”

Trouble was, he had no reserves. A few more days with no food and he’d be history. At least he was still drinking water.

She held on to that thought while she watched the road awhile, forcing herself to really look at the other cars, the buildings along the road, the scenery up ahead. Controlling her mind. Then she took a deep, long breath and glanced at the dog again. His eyes were still closed.

“Don’t you die on me, you scruffy mutt,” she said, in her growly, tough voice. “I’ve got too much money tied up in you now.”

He didn’t make a move. He was getting weaker.

She pushed that thought away and tried to decide, instead, what she could do that she hadn’t already done. She’d offered him a half-dozen different dog foods or more and he’d turned his nose up at them all. Same with the cat food. Same with the high-dollar kind of kibble this doctor had tried. Farrell had brought a sample bag of it with her, though, hoping that if she added warm water to make a gravy, he might take a bite. Surely once he ate anything at all, he’d keep on eating.

Driving as fast as the speed limit allowed, she set her mind on all the rescued animals she’d saved in the past. Most of them had lived and had found good homes, thanks to Carlie.

“And you will, too,” she told the dog. “You’re going to eat this food as soon as we get to the hotel. I promise, you’re going to love it.”

He had darn well better love it. Now she had two big veterinary bills on her credit card—one for the battery of tests this veterinarian had given him and one for the splint and the sewing up of the cut in that little Texas town the morning after she found him.

“I guess I’ll have to learn to ride bulls instead of fight them,” she said to the oblivious dog. “I need to win a bunch of money.”

She would make a bunch of money one of these days. She’d get more and more of a reputation and a dozen companies would want to sponsor her and she’d get lots of publicity and then she’d open a bullfighting school for all the wannabes out there. She’d be in commercials and put up a fancy Web site selling her DVDs and tapes and books and showing the schedule for the clinics she would give. She wouldn’t have to worry about money anymore.

That was the way she should be thinking. No way could she afford to let this dog or her dreams of a family in the future distract her from her work or make her feel that old fear and helplessness. No way.

She was a bullfighter. She fought bulls. She never had to feel helpless again.

“Okay, so you’re not going to die on me,” she told the white-trimmed gray Husky. “Think about this, mister: I’ve got so much invested in you that if you do, I’ll have to stuff you and put you in the back window of my truck. You’ll be on the road forever and never be offered so much as a stale dog biscuit.”

He twitched an ear and raised only his eyelids, barely enough to let his eyes meet hers through the wire door of the new carrier. His nose stayed on his paws.

A horn blared and she stomped on the brake just in time to stop before she ran Missy Jo’s truck through a yellow light rapidly turned to red. Foot firmly on the brake, she gazed at Kodi again, staring as if she could look through his eyes and into his brain.

“Only a few more minutes ’til dinner,” she said. “You’ll eat like you’re starving. Which you are.”

Another honking horn. She turned her attention to the road. But Missy Jo’s voice drowned out every other thought that came to her.

Take him to a shelter, Elle. Don’t let him die on your hands or you’ll mourn for him for weeks and I’ll have to listen to it. I told you he was too far gone.

Elle used her formidable focusing skills to get back to the positive once more. If M.J.’s words were true, the first veterinarian she’d seen would’ve told her Kodi had to be put down. Even the one she saw today didn’t say that. So there was still time.

“She’s just jealous,” Elle teased, putting a smile in her voice to see if Kodi would respond to that. “She’s afraid you’re going to be better-looking than Aussie when you’re all healed up, Kodi. That’s the whole deal, right there.”

Kodi lifted his head a little and she thought she saw the tiniest trace of a smile. There. That was proof. Positive thinking was going to do the trick. It would affect the dog’s attitude, too.

Elle drove on down the road in her generous friend’s new truck. Anything Missy Jo had was hers, and that was no lie. She was wonderful and Elle would always love her for many reasons, but even more because she was a true friend. She’d lifted Elle’s spirits after Derek divorced her and had given her a whole new lease on life with her generous, steadfast loyalty. No matter what she said, she meant well. She was only trying to keep Elle from being hurt again by this dog’s death.

Carlie was another true friend. She’d call Carlie for advice as soon as she got Kodiak settled in the room. She absolutely could not turn this dog over to anybody else. She, Farrell Hawthorne, had to save him or let him die with her trying to save him.

Carlie knew that and Missy Jo did, too. M.J. knew she’d been wasting her breath this morning. Those two women understood Elle, and they were probably the only two human beings in the world who did. They might try to talk her out of this dog because she already had several rescued mutts at Carlie’s place, plus horses and a couple of ponies and a mule and a raccoon, but they didn’t really mean it. The argument was like a ritual that they all had to go through every time Elle took on another stray.

Elle had gathered up all the animals she could find for years now and she’d decided that that compulsion, like the fear, was the result of her childhood. Most of the pets she’d had as a kid had belonged to whatever ranch her family lived on at the time and had to be left behind when her daddy changed jobs. She could let them go to good homes, yes, she didn’t have trouble with that. Just as long as she’d rescued them first.

The hotel loomed up sooner than Elle expected, but she managed to maneuver through the traffic to pull into its parking lot before she passed it by. She drove as close to the door as she could, which was not close at all, parked the truck, went around to unload the carrier and the sack of dog food, locked the doors and headed in.

The carrier was so big it was awkward to manage with one hand, so she tucked the food under one arm and used both hands for the dog. That worked fine until she got to the big glass door, which was not automatic.

She set the dog down, pulled on the door, and held it open while she scooted the carrier through it with her foot, trying to be gentle so as not to make Kodi’s wounds hurt any more than they already did. The sack of dog food slid away from her and hit the floor.

“Bummer,” somebody said behind her.

It was a kid carrying two big duffel bags. He stepped up, held the door open with his foot and his shoulder, threw his bags past Elle into the lobby, and picked up the dog food. Once they were both inside, he stopped and grinned at her over the dog carrier, holding the sack of dog food in one hand and hooking his other thumb in his belt. Very cool.

“Hey,” he said.

“Thanks,” she said.

But he made no move to hand her the dog food. Instead, he said, “Where’s your boyfriend?”

She stared into his bony, very young face. His smile was crooked and cute. His raised eyebrows flirted with her.

It startled her so much she grinned back at him. He was a baby.

He wore a wide-brimmed, battered, black felt hat with a long feather tucked into the band in the style some of the rough-stock riders liked. Some of them were still in their teens. But not this far back in their teens.

She might’ve been looking for a distraction but she didn’t have time for this.

“Don’t you know I’m old enough to be your mother?”

Not quite, since he had to be fourteen or fifteen and she was twenty-four, but still.

“No prob,” he said. “I like older women.”

“Persistence won’t help you,” she said, keeping her tone firm. She held the carrier in one hand and reached for her dog food with the other.

Instead of giving it to her, he shook her hand. “I’m Shane Hart,” he said. “What’s your name?”

When she didn’t answer, he said, “I need to know because you’re the most beautiful older woman I’ve ever seen.”

He was strong for such a skinny kid. About as skinny as her dog. He tried to keep hold of her hand but she took it back and put the carrier down for a minute. She would lay the bag of food on top of it and carry them both.

“Well, thanks, Shane, for your help,” she said. “I’ll take it from here.”

Still holding the bag of food, he dropped to his haunches to peer into the carrier.

“Hey,” she said. “I just told you goodbye. Give me that dog food.”

“I like him,” he said, looking up at her again with a charming grin. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Quit stalling. Look, I’m way too old for you and I’m in a hurry.”

Her temper was starting to rise. This kid was annoying.

“Have you had him long? What happened to him?”

“That’s what people are gonna be asking about you if you don’t give me my stuff.”

Shane stood up and threw the dog food on top of the carrier, but then he picked it up by the ends, just as she’d intended to do.

“This is way too heavy for a little thing like you. You lead, I’ll follow.”

“I’m not taking you to my room. Put that down.”

He looked past her, over her shoulder and said, “Hey, Dad, will you take my bags to our room? I’ll meet you there in a minute.”

Dad? Thank God.

Elle turned to look. She stared at the man Shane was calling Dad. Chase?

Chase. Lomax. Headed straight for them, glaring at the boy.

When Chase walked up to Shane and Elle, he was still thinking what he’d first thought when he spotted them together from outside the door: he could not believe that his two big frustrations had found each other. Not that Elle had meant to frustrate him last night. But now, with Shane here, he couldn’t go out with her because no way was he letting the kid out of his sight.

Damn the luck. Shane was not only trouble, but trouble that was snowballing fast.

“What the hell d’you think you’re doing, Shane? Didn’t I tell you to go straight to the room and call your mother? Either you can follow instructions or you can’t.”

Shane’s shoulders sagged and his cheeks flared red with embarrassment. Guilt stabbed at Chase. He should’ve thought for a second before he lashed out like that.

“Hello to you, too, Chase.” Elle’s sarcastic tone matched the disgusted look she gave him and quick temper flashed in her eyes.

He tried to get a grip.

“Hi, Elle. Is he bothering you?”

She was looking at Shane again. The boy had lost the smile he’d had when Chase walked up and he looked pretty whipped.

“No, he’s not bothering me. He’s helping me carry my dog.”

The tone of her voice made Chase feel even more like a jerk, which cranked his anger up another notch.

Shane threw up his head again and shifted the big crate. “Ready, Elle?”

“Yeah. Let’s go,” she said.

They were behaving as if Chase wasn’t even there. They started off across the lobby and so did he until he glimpsed Shane’s bags from the corner of his eye and went back to pick them up. He caught up as the elevator arrived. They all got in.

“Dad?” Elle said, glancing from him to Shane and back again as she punched the button. “I’m shocked, Chase. I didn’t know you had a kid.”

“Well, he does,” Shane said quickly, as if Chase might try to deny it.

Which made Chase feel even worse. Which made him feel even angrier. Which wound him up even tighter. He tried to lighten up, even though he had to grit his teeth to do it.

“You’re saying I look way too young to have a kid this old, right?”

“W-e-l-l…” she said thoughtfully, “not exactly. Maybe not way too young…”

That made Shane chuckle—was there a little tone of vengeance there?—and Elle laughed and Chase tried to smile. Her laugh made him remember exactly how it had felt to make love with her. Nearly make love with her. Irritation swept through him all over again.

“What’s this dog’s name?” Shane asked, cutting Chase out of the conversation. Elle went right along with that. She even moved to where she was looking at the dog instead of Chase.

“Kodiak-the-Dog.”

“Anybody can see he’s a dog,” Shane said.

“It’s a joke. Missy Jo, my friend who was with me when we found him, said that Kodiak’s a bear’s name.”

Shane gazed at her with a questioning frown.

“He’s a Husky,” she said. “I wanted an Alaskan name.”

She smiled at Shane. She hadn’t really smiled at Chase yet. Was it all because he’d been short with Shane?

“Anchorage and Fairbanks were way too long and Homer sounds like an old dog.”

Clearly, Shane had no idea what she was talking about.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll call him Kodi.”

Chase glared at them both. You’re not gonna be seeing him long enough to call him anything. You may not know it, but you’re on your way home, Shane-o.

Elle started telling the story of how she’d found the dog, the elevator stopped, Shane picked up the box again, and they stepped out. Moving right along, buddying-up real fast. Chase followed.

Damn! There was just no end to the twists this boy could put on a situation. How long had he been here, anyhow? Maybe thirty minutes, tops. Seemed more like a week to Chase.

She’d finished the story of finding the dog.

“Can he walk?” Shane asked. “We had a three-legged dog once and he walked just fine. He could even run.”

“Kodi walks a little, but he won’t eat and he’s so weak I carry him most of the time.”

“You carry him out to potty?” Shane asked.

At her nod, Shane said, “I’ll do it. Tell me when you want me.”

Then he gazed at her meaningfully, no doubt hoping she’d hear a double meaning in his words.

“Forget it,” Chase snapped. “You won’t be here that long, Shane.”

Elle threw him a dirty look, as if to say quit picking on the kid, but Shane ignored him completely.

“Like I said before,” he said to Elle, “you’re too little to carry him.”

“Give it up, Shane,” Chase said, his tone coming out more scornful than he intended. He tried to soften it. “Elle’s stronger than you are. She’s a bullfighter. Did you know that?”

Shane’s jaw dropped. “Are you really?”

“Yeah, but so what?” she said. “Bullfighters need help, too, sometimes.”

“Shane’s leaving in the morning,” Chase said.

Nobody heard him.

She got out her key and opened the door to her room. Her room, where just last night, they’d been getting to know each other…right over there….

“What a deal,” Shane said, grinning all over his face now. “Maybe we could trade out—I’ll take your dog out, you watch me ride and teach me stuff. I’m gonna be a bull rider.”

Chase wanted to grab the kid’s hat with both hands and jerk it down over his eyes. What a little hardhead. He wanted a dad so bad, didn’t he? So why wouldn’t he listen to a word Chase said?

“Not this year,” he growled.

Neither Shane nor Elle reacted to that in the least. What was he? Invisible or something?

“You’ll have to get your start somewhere else,” she said. “These bulls on the circuit are way too bad for a beginner, plus the stock contractor won’t let you near them anyway. Go to a bull-riding school. There’re lots of good ones.”

Oh, great. Thanks, Elle, that’s all the advice we need.

“I know that,” Shane said, “but I don’t know if I can get the money.”

“Save it up,” she said. “Get a job.”

Chase set his jaw. “Next summer,” he said. “Elle, Shane’s still in high school.”

Shane shot him an angry look as if he’d blown his cover. As if she couldn’t tell that he was wet behind the ears.

Chase walked into the room behind them, suddenly realizing he was carrying Shane’s stuff all over the hotel as if he worked there. But he certainly couldn’t have gotten off when they passed up their floor. And now he might as well be the bellboy he was imitating for all the attention they paid him.

Another dog, an Australian shepherd, got off the love seat and came to meet them. “Aussie,” Elle said. “Hi, there, boy. I got some new food. You can try it, too.”

Aussie accepted her pat on the head, and while he only sniffed at Shane, he made it clear he wasn’t all too sure about Chase. He even gave a little growl, deep in his throat.

Great. Wonderful. Now he’d probably get dog bit, if the afternoon continued in the same lucky vein that it’d started. All he’d wanted was a good dinner with Elle and more time to get to know her, and to hold her again…then some sleep and a clear mind to focus on tomorrow’s rides. Instead, here he was in the middle of a damn soap opera.

“Looks like Missy Jo’s been here and gone again,” Elle said, glancing from the dog to the fast-food sack sitting on top of the microwave.

She smiled at Shane. The way she’d smiled at Chase himself not too many hours ago. Was she this bent out of shape because he’d been impatient with Shane? A real smile from Elle was something that sparkled.

But all her attention now was on the dog and the boy.

“Okay,” she said. “Let’s get Kodiak out and move him to his bed there by the window. I’ll get his bowl and try him on this food again. With a little hot milk over it, he’ll surely slurp it up. I just thought of that. Milk’ll be better than water.”

“Sorry,” Chase said, and it came out through his teeth although he was trying to unclench his jaw, “Shane’s gotta get going.”

Shane barely glanced at him. “This won’t take long, Dad.”

“I’d really appreciate the help,” Elle said, flashing her smile at him this time.

He knew she was just trying to soften him up, but he wanted to see it again. Hell. He had to get control of himself. He had to get control of this deal.

Shane and Elle gently transferred the dog from the carrier to the fleecy dog bed. Shane squatted on his haunches to pet the animal while she went to the small refrigerator to get the milk.

Ignoring Chase while he stood there like a fencepost with a bag in each hand. But he’d be damned if he’d set them down. Shane was not staying here for long.

Shane looked at him then, as if he could read his mind. “Let’s see if he’ll eat this, Dad,” he said, in such a calm, reasonable way that he sounded like the parent.

Elle glanced back over her shoulder at Chase and nodded her thanks as if she knew they’d both stay and help her.

“He’s driving me crazy refusing to eat,” she said. “I know he’s starving. It’s like he’s afraid to eat, or something. The veterinarian who saw him today said he might still be in shock from getting hit.”

Chase just looked at her, his hands gripping the handles of the bags until his knuckles ached. He’d give anything to get out of here—he wanted to get away from her right now. On the other hand, he wanted her. How could he want both so much at the same time?

She was trying to open the dog food sack while the milk heated in the microwave, arms lifted, high, firm breasts outlined against the light. They were the perfect size to fill his hand…the skin on them had felt like silky satin….

“Chase,” she said, “do you have your knife on you? This must be super-glue on triple-thick paper.”

Busywork. Something to make him feel included. Treating him like a pouting little kid. More anger slashed him.

But he couldn’t lose his gallantry. Especially not in front of Shane.

He set the bags down and went to help her.

Shane was down on the floor on his stomach now, looking into the dog’s eyes, murmuring to it and stroking its head. Well, maybe all this nonsense would be worth the time it took. Fifteen minutes ago the kid had been mad as hell and hurting and all strung out. Maybe this would change his mood so that he’d listen to Chase and go home to his mother without much argument.

Yeah, right.

Chase took out his knife, slit open the dog food sack, and poured some into the bowl while Elle took the heated milk out of the microwave. She was so close he could smell her scent, which sent an ache running through him that made him want to cry. She smiled at him again as she took the bowl from him and added the milk.

Out of here. As soon as the dog ate or didn’t eat, he and Shane were out of here.

Elle took the food to the dog and set it in front of him, and then she and Shane conferred as quietly as if they were doctors with a seriously ill patient. Was this ridiculous or what? How in the hell had this happened?

It was pitiful, though. He felt sorry for her, she was so crazy about the dog. She squatted down, dipped her finger in the milk and offered it to the dog, then Shane did the same, but the ungrateful mutt didn’t so much as lift his head to sniff at them. Instead, he looked at them with pathetic eyes.

“I’m going to put a drop of it on his tongue,” Elle said.

But the dog locked his jaws shut and she had no luck with that. She stood up, walked over to a chair and dropped into it as if she’d been hit in the gut, staring hopelessly at the dog. Chase caught a glint of tears and felt that old treacherous urge of a man who saw a woman in tears: he had to do something, anything, to fix the problem.

“You can’t force it down him,” he said, his voice coming out flatter than he’d intended. “Elle, he’s a stray dog you found on the highway.”

She swallowed hard and stared out the window into the empty blue of the Nevada sky.

“I’ll get away from him,” Shane said, standing up and walking away. “Don’t anybody look at him. Give him some privacy and maybe he’ll eat.”

But that didn’t work, either. The dog never moved.

Shane grabbed the fast-food sack from the top of the microwave and looked inside it. Without a word, he returned to the dog, squatted down beside him, took out the remains of a hamburger, opened the wrapper, and laid it down.