Читать книгу The poetical works of George MacDonald in two volumes — Volume 1 - George MacDonald - Страница 6

  Julian.

  And so all growth that is not toward God

  Is growing to decay. All increase gained

  Is but an ugly, earthy, fungous growth.

  'Tis aspiration as that wick aspires,

  Towering above the light it overcomes,

  But ever sinking with the dying flame.

  O let me live, if but a daisy's life!

  No toadstool life-in-death, no efflorescence!

  Wherefore wilt thou not hear me, Lord of me?

  Have I no claim on thee? True, I have none

  That springs from me, but much that springs from thee.

  Hast thou not made me? Liv'st thou not in me?

  I have done naught for thee, am but a want;

  But thou who art rich in giving, canst give claims;

  And this same need of thee which thou hast given,

  Is a strong claim on thee to give thyself,

  And makes me bold to rise and come to thee.

  Through all my sinning thou hast not recalled

  This witness of thy fatherhood, to plead

  For thee with me, and for thy child with thee.

  Last night, as now, I seemed to speak with him;

  Or was it but my heart that spoke for him?

  "Thou mak'st me long," I said, "therefore wilt give;

  My longing is thy promise, O my God!

  If, having sinned, I thus have lost the claim,

  Why doth the longing yet remain with me,

  And make me bold thus to besiege thy doors?"

  Methought I heard for answer: "Question on.

  Hold fast thy need; it is the bond that holds

  Thy being yet to mine. I give it thee,

  A hungering and a fainting and a pain,

  Yet a God-blessing. Thou art not quite dead

  While this pain lives in thee. I bless thee with it.

  Better to live in pain than die that death."

  So I will live, and nourish this my pain;

  For oft it giveth birth unto a hope

  That makes me strong in prayer. He knows it too.

  Softly I'll walk the earth; for it is his,

  Not mine to revel in. Content I wait.

  A still small voice I cannot but believe,

  Says on within: God will reveal himself.

  I must go from this place. I cannot rest.

  It boots not staying. A desire like thirst

  Awakes within me, or a new child-heart,

  To be abroad on the mysterious earth,

  Out with the moon in all the blowing winds.

  'Tis strange that dreams of her should come again.

  For many months I had not seen her form,

  Save phantom-like on dim hills of the past,

  Until I laid me down an hour ago;

  When twice through the dark chamber full of eyes,

  The memory passed, reclothed in verity:

  Once more I now behold it; the inward blaze

  Of the glad windows half quenched in the moon;

  The trees that, drooping, murmured to the wind,

  "Ah! wake me not," which left them to their sleep,

  All save the poplar: it was full of joy,

  So that it could not sleep, but trembled on.

  Sudden as Aphrodite from the sea,

  She issued radiant from the pearly night.

  It took me half with fear—the glimmer and gleam

  Of her white festal garments, haloed round

  With denser moonbeams. On she came—and there

  I am bewildered. Something I remember

  Of thoughts that choked the passages of sound,

  Hurrying forth without their pilot-words;

  Of agony, as when a spirit seeks

  In vain to hold communion with a man;

  A hand that would and would not stay in mine;

  A gleaming of white garments far away;

  And then I know not what. The moon was low,

  When from the earth I rose; my hair was wet,

  Dripping with dew—

Why, how now, Robert?

[Rising on his elbow.] Robert (glancing at the chest). I see; that's well. Are you nearly ready?

  Julian.

  Why? What's the matter?

  Robert.

                      You must go this night,

  If you would go at all.

  Julian.

                        Why must I go?

  Robert (turning over the things in the chest).

                                       Here, put

  this coat on. Ah! take that thing too.

  No more such head-gear! Have you not a hat,

  Or something for your head? There's such a hubbub

  Got up about you! The Abbot comes to-morrow.

  Julian.

  Ah, well! I need not ask. I know it all.

  Robert.

  No, you do not. Nor is there time to tell you.

  Ten minutes more, they will be round to bar

  The outer doors; and then—good-bye, poor Julian!

  Julian.

  Now I am ready, Robert. Thank you, friend.

  Farewell! God bless you! We shall meet again.

  Robert.

  Farewell, dear friend! Keep far away from this.