Читать книгу The Life and Legacy of George Müller - George Muller - Страница 19

In publishing the continuation of the Narrative of some of the Lord's dealings with me, I have thought it well to give it in the same form in which the larger portion of the former part is written. I therefore proceed to give extracts from my journal making here and there such remarks as occasion may seem to require. The first, part of the Narrative was carried on to the beginning of July 1837, from which period the Continuation commences.

July 18, 1837. Four trials came upon me this morning, without my having previously had opportunity for secret prayer. I had been prevented from rising early, on account of having to spend part of the night in a sick chamber; but this circumstance shows, how important it is to rise early, when we are able, in order that we may be prepared, by communion with the Lord, to meet the trials of the day.

Aug. 15. Today the first 500 copies of my Narrative arrived, and I had, once more, some conflict of mind whether, after all, I had not been mistaken in this matter. A sort of trembling came over me, and a wish to be able to retrace the step. Judging, however, from the most searching self-examination, through which I had caused my heart to pass again and again, as to my motives, before I began writing, and whilst I was writing; and judging, moreover, from the earnestness in prayer with which I had sought to ascertain the mind of God in the matter, and from the subsequent full assurance which I had had of its being according to His will, that in this way I should serve the Church;—I was almost immediately led to consider this uncomfortable and trying feeling as a temptation, and I therefore went to the box, opened it, brought out some copies, and soon after gave away one, so that the step could not be retraced. [This was the last temptation or struggle I have had of that kind; for, though, very many times since, I have had abundant reason for praising the Lord that He put such an honour upon me, in allowing me to speak well of His name in so public a manner, I have never since, even for one minute, been allowed to regret publishing the Narrative; and almost daily have I been more and more confirmed in the conviction, that the giving such like publications to the church, making known the Lord's dealings with me, is one part of my service towards the saints.]

Aug. 17. Today two more children were received into the Infant Orphan-House, which makes up our full number, 66 in the Girls' and infant-Orphan-Houses.

Aug. 28. When brother Craik and I began to labour in Bristol, and consequently some believers united with us in fellowship, assembling together at Bethesda, we began meeting together on the basis of the written Word only, without having any church rules whatever. From the commencement it was understood, that, as the Lord should help us, we would try everything by the word of God, and introduce and hold fast that only which could be proved by Scripture. When we came to this determination on Aug. 13, 1832, it was indeed in weakness, but it was in uprightness of heart.—On account of this it was, that, as we ourselves were not fully settled as to whether those only who had been baptized after they had believed, or whether all who believed in the Lord Jesus, irrespective of baptism, should be received into fellowship nothing was determined about this point. We felt free to break bread and be in communion with those who were not baptized, and therefore could with a good conscience labour at Gideon, where the greater part of the saints, at least at first, were unbaptized; but, at the same time, we had a secret wish that none but believers who were baptized might be united with us at Bethesda. Our reason for this was, that we had witnessed in Devonshire much painful disunion, resulting, as we thought, from baptized and unbaptized believers being in fellowship. Without, then, making it a rule, that Bethesda Church was to be one of close communion, we nevertheless took care that those who applied for fellowship should be instructed about baptism. For many months there occurred no difficulty, as none applied for communion but such as had either been already baptized, or wished to be, or who became convinced of the Scriptural character of believers' baptism, after we had conversed with them; afterwards, however, three sisters applied for fellowship, none of whom had been baptized; nor were their views altered, after we had conversed with them. As, nevertheless, brother Craik and I considered them true believers, and we ourselves were not fully convinced what was the mind of the Lord in such a case, we thought it right that these sisters should be received; yet so that it might be unanimously, as all our church acts then were done; but we knew by that time, that there were several in fellowship with us, who could not conscientiously receive unbaptized believers. We mentioned, therefore, the names of these three sisters to the church, stating that they did not see believers' baptism to be scriptural, and that, if any brother saw, on that account, a reason why they should not be received, he should let us know. The result was, that several objected, and two or three meetings were held, at which we heard the objections of the brethren, and sought for ourselves to obtain acquaintance with the mind of God on the point. Whilst several days thus passed away before the matter was decided, one of those three sisters came and thanked us, that we had not received her, before being baptized, for she now saw that it was only shame and the fear of man which had kept her back, and that the Lord had now made her willing to be baptized. By this circumstance those brethren, who considered it scriptural that all ought to be baptized before being received into fellowship, were confirmed in their views; and as to brother Craik and me, it made us, at least, still more question, whether, those brethren might not be right; and we felt therefore, that in such a state of mind we could not oppose them. The one sister, therefore, who wished to be baptized, was received into fellowship, but the two others not. Our consciences were the less affected by this, because all, though not baptized, might take the Lord's supper with us, at Bethesda, though not be received into full fellowship; and because at Gideon, where there were baptized and unbaptized believers, they might even be received into full fellowship; for we had not then clearly seen that there is no scriptural distinction between being in fellowship with individuals and breaking bread with them. Thus matters stood for many months, i.e. believers were received to the breaking of bread even at Bethesda, though not baptized, but they were not received to all the privileges of fellowship.—In August of 1836 I had a conversation with brother H. C. on the subject of receiving the unbaptized into communion, a subject about which, for years, my mind had been more or less exercised. This brother put the matter thus before me: either unbaptized believers come under the class of persons who walk disorderly, and, in that case, we ought to withdraw from them (2 Thess. iii. 6); or they do not walk disorderly. If a believer be walking disorderly, we are not merely to withdraw from him at the Lord's table, but our behaviour towards him ought to be decidedly different from what it would be were he not walking disorderly, on all occasions when we may have intercourse with him, or come in any way into contact with him, Now this is evidently not the case in the conduct of baptized believers towards their unbaptized fellow-believers. The Spirit does not suffer it to be so, but He witnesses that their not having been baptized does not necessarily imply that they are walking disorderly; and hence there may be the most precious communion between baptized and unbaptized believers. The Spirit does not suffer us to refuse fellowship with them in prayer, in reading and searching the Scriptures, in social and intimate intercourse, and in the Lord's work; and yet this ought to be the case, were they walking disorderly.—This passage, 2 Thess. iii. 6, to which brother R. C. referred, was the means of showing me the mind of the Lord on the subject, which is, that we ought to receive all whom Christ has received (Rom. xv. 7), irrespective of the measure of grace or knowledge which they have attained unto.—Some time after this conversation, in May 1837, an opportunity occurred, when we (for brother Craik had seen the same truth) were called upon to put into practice the light which the Lord had been pleased to give us. A sister, who neither had been baptized, nor considered herself under any obligation to be baptized, applied for fellowship. We conversed with her on this as on other subjects, and proposed her for fellowship, though our conversation had not convinced her that she ought to be baptized. This led the church again to the consideration of the point. We gave our reasons, from Scripture, for considering it right to receive this unbaptized sister to all the privileges of the children of God; but a considerable number, one-third perhaps, expressed conscientious difficulty in receiving her. The example of the Apostles in baptizing the first believers upon a profession of faith, was especially urged, which indeed would be an insurmountable difficulty, had not the truth been mingled with error for so long a time, so that it does not prove willful disobedience, if any one in our day should refuse to be baptized after believing. The Lord, however, gave us much help in pointing out the truth to the brethren, so that the number of those, who considered that only baptized believers should be in communion, decreased almost daily. At last, only fourteen brethren and sisters out of above 180, thought it right, this Aug. 28, 1837, to separate from us, after we had had much intercourse with them. [I am glad to be able to add, that, even of these 14, the greater part afterwards saw their error, and came back again to us, and that the receiving of all who love our Lord Jesus into full communion, irrespective of baptism, has never been the source of disunion among us, though more than forty-four years have passed away since.]

Sept. 2. I have been looking about for a house for the Orphan Boys, these last three days. Every thing else has been provided. The Lord has given suitable individuals to take care of the children, money, &c. In His own time He will give a house also.

Sept. 6. This morning I accompanied a sister, who had been staying a night with us, to the steamer. In answer to prayer I awoke at the right time, the fly came at half-past five, her trunk was got from the vessel in which she came yesterday, and we arrived before the steamer had left. In all these four points I felt my dependence upon the Lord, and He, having put prayer into my heart, answered it in each of these four particulars.

Sept. 15. This evening we had a meeting for inquirers and applicants for fellowship. There were more than we could see within three hours; and when all strength was gone, we had to send away four. Among those whom we saw was E. W., who had been kept for some time from applying for fellowship, on account of not seeing believers' baptism to be scriptural. She wished to be taught, but could not see it. She felt grieved that on that account she could not attend to the breaking of bread, which she did see to be scriptural. As soon as open communion was brought about at Bethesda, she wished to offer herself for fellowship, but was twice prevented by circumstances from doing so. Last Wednesday evening she came to the baptizing, when once more, after the lapse of more than two years, I preached on baptism, which fully convinced her of its being scriptural, and she desires now to be baptized. Her difficulty was, that she thought she had been baptized with the Spirit, and therefore needed no water baptism, which now, from Acts x. 44-47, she sees to be an unscriptural objection.—Though it is only one month this day since my Narrative was published, I have already heard of many instances in which the Lord has been pleased to bless it.

This morning we received a parcel with clothes and some money for the Orphans, from a sister at a distance. Among the donations in money was a little legacy, amounting to 6s. 6 1/2d. from a dear boy, the nephew of the sister who sent the things, who died in the faith. This dear child had had given to him, in his last illness, some new shillings, sixpences, and other smaller silver coins, amounting to the above-mentioned little sum. Shortly before he fell asleep, he requested that this his little treasure might be sent to the Orphans. This precious little legacy is the first we have had.

Sept. 19. Two things were today particularly impressed upon my heart, and may the Lord deepen the impression. 1. That I ought to seek for more retirement, though the work should apparently suffer ever so much. 2. That arrangements should be made, whereby I may be able to visit the brethren more, as an unvisited church will sooner or later become an unhealthy church. Pastors, as fellow-labourers, are greatly needed among us.

Sept. 28, I have for a long time been too much outwardly engaged. Yesterday morning I spent about three hours in the vestry of Gideon, to be able to have more time for retirement. I meant to do the same in the afternoon, but before I could leave the house I was called on, and thus one person after the other came, till I had to go out. Thus it has been again today.

Oct. 16. For a long time past brother Craik and I have felt the importance of more pastoral visiting, and it has been one of our greatest trials, that we have been unable to give more time to it. This evening we had purposely a meeting of the two Churches, at which brother Craik and I spoke on; I. The importance of pastoral visiting. II. The particular obstacles which hindered us in attending to it. III. The question whether there was any way of removing some of the obstacles.

I. As to the importance of pastoral visiting, the following points were mentioned: 1. Watching over the saints, by means of visiting them, to prevent coldness, or to recover them from backsliding. 2. To counsel and advise them in family affairs, in their business, and in spiritual matters. 3. To keep up that loving familiar intercourse, which is so desirable between the saints and those who have the oversight of them.—These visits should be, if possible, frequent; but in our case there have been several obstacles in the way.

II. The particular obstacles in our case are: 1. The largeness of the number who are in communion with us. One hundred would be quite as many as we have strength to visit regularly, and as often as would be desirable; but there are nearly 400 in fellowship with us. 2. The distance of the houses of the saints from our own dwellings, as many live more than two miles of. 3. The Lord's blessing upon our labours. Not one year has passed away, since we have been in Bristol, without more than fifty having been added to our number, each of whom, in general, needed several times to be conversed with before being admitted into fellowship. 4. That brother Craik and I have each of us the care of two churches. At the first sight it appears as if the work is thus divided, but the double number of meetings, &c., nearly double the work. 5. The mere ruling, and taking care, in general, of a large body of believers, irrespective of the other work, takes much more time, and requires much more strength, than the taking care of a small body of believers, as we, by grace, desire not to allow known sin among us. 6. The position which we have in the church at large brings many brethren to us who travel through Bristol, who call on us, or lodge with us, and to whom, according to the Lord's will, we have to give some time. 7. In my own case an extensive needful correspondence. 8. The weakness of body on the part of both of us. When the preaching is done,—when the strangers who lodge with us are gone,—when the calls at our house are over,—when the needful letters, however briefly, are written,—when the necessary church business is settled;—our minds are often so worn out, that we are glad to be quiet. 9. But suppose we have bodily strength remaining after the above things have been attended to, yet the frame of mind is not always so, as that one could visit. After having been particularly tried by church matters, which in so large a body does not rarely occur, or being cast down in one's own soul, one may be fit for the closet, but not for visiting the saints. 10. Lastly, in my own case, no small part of my time is taken up by attending to the affairs of the Orphan-Houses, Schools, the circulation of the Scriptures, the aiding Missionary efforts, and other work connected with the Scriptural Knowledge Institution.

III. What is to be done under these circumstances? 1. In the days of the Apostles there would have been more brethren to take the oversight of so large a body as we are. The Lord has not laid upon us a burden which is too heavy for us; He is not a hard master. It is evident that He does not mean us even to attempt to visit all the saints as much as is absolutely needful, and much less as frequently as it would be desirable. We mention this, to prevent uncomfortable feelings on the part of the dear saints under our pastoral care, who find themselves not as much visited as they used to be when we came to Bristol, when the number of them was not 70, and now it is about 400, and when in many other respects the work in our hands was not half so much, as it is now, and when we had much more bodily strength. 2. it is therefore evident that there are other pastors needed; not nominal pastors, but such as the Lord has called, to whom He has given a pastor's heart, and pastoral gifts. 3. Such may be raised up by the Lord from our own number, or the Lord may send them from elsewhere. 4. But in the meantime we should at least see whether there are not helpers among us. 5. As to the work itself, in order that time may be saved, it appears desirable that the two churches, Bethesda and Gideon, should be united into one, that the breaking of bread should be alternately, and that the number of weekly meetings should be reduced.

Oct. 21. A few weeks since I had rented a very large and a very cheap house for the Boys' Orphan-House; but as the persons who lived in that neighbourhood threatened the landlord with an action, on account of letting his house for a charitable institution, I, at once, gave up all claim. That which led me to do so, was the word of the Lord; "As much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." I was quite sure when I gave up the agreement, that the Lord would provide other premises. On the same morning when this took place, Oct. 5, the Lord, to show His continued approbation of the work, sent 50l. by a sister, who is far from being rich, for the furnishing of the Boys' Orphan-House. Now, today, the Lord has given me another house for the Orphan-Boys, in the same street, in which the other two Orphan-Houses are. Thus, in His own time, He has sent help in this particular also. Indeed in everything, in which I have had to deal with Him alone in this work, I have never been disappointed.

Oct. 23. Today two young sisters were received into fellowship who have been in our Sunday-School. Thus we begin now to reap fruit in respect of our schools.

Nov. 1. Our Bible-School and Missionary funds having been for some time very low, I had been led repeatedly to ask the Lord for a rich supply, and mentioned several times, though with submission to His will, the sum of 100l. before Him. However, He seemed not to regard the prayer respecting the 100l., but gave to us by little and little what was needed. Yesterday I received a donation of 80l., and today one of 20l., and thus He has kindly given the 100l. By this means we are able to increase our stock of Bibles, which has been much reduced of late.

Nov. 5. Last night I awoke with a great weakness in my head, which kept me a good while awake. I at last got to sleep by tying a handkerchief round my head, and by thus pressing it. Today, however, though weak, I was able to preach, and that with much enjoyment, especially in the evening at Bethesda.

Nov. 6. I feel very weak in my head. This evening it was settled at a meeting of the two churches, assembling at Bethesda and Gideon Chapels, that, for the reasons before given, the two churches should be henceforth united as one.

Nov. 7. My head is so weak, that I see it absolutely needful to give up the work for some time. After I had come this morning to the conclusion to leave Bristol for a while for the purpose of quietness, I received an anonymous letter from Ireland with 5l. for my own personal expenses, and thus the Lord has kindly supplied me with the means for doing so.—I can work no longer, my head being in such a weak stated from continual exertion, so that I feel now comfortable in going, though scarcely any time could have been, humanly speaking, more unsuitable. The Orphan-House for the Boys is on the point of being opened, the labourers therefore are to be introduced into the work;-most important church matters have been entered upon and are yet unsettled;-but the Lord knows better, and cares for His work more than I do or can. Therefore I desire to leave the matter with Him, and He graciously helps me to do so, and thus, in the quiet submission to His will, and the willingness to leave the work in His own hands, I have the testimony that I have not been engaged in my own work but in His.

Nov. 8. This morning I left Bristol. When I left my house, I knew not what place to go to. All I knew was, that I must leave Bristol. A Bath coach was the first one I could get, and I took it. My intention was, not to go to brethren, as I needed perfect quietness; but I felt so uncomfortable at the hotel, on account of the worldliness of the place, that I went to see a brother, who with his aunts kindly pressed me to stay with them.—This evening has been a very trying season to me. My head has been very weak; I have greatly feared lest I should become insane; but amidst it all, through grace, my soul is quietly resting upon the Lord.

Nov. 12. Lords day. I am still staying in Bath. The weakness of my head allowed me to attend but one meeting, and even that distressed my head much.

Nov. 13. I was greatly distressed this evening on account of my head.

I prayed earnestly to be kept from insanity.

Nov. 14. I am rather better in my head today.

Nov. 15. I left Bath, and went back to Bristol, as I felt I needed more quietness than I can have in the house of any friends, being continually drawn into conversation, which my head cannot bear.

Nov. 16. Today I went to Weston Super Mare, to take lodgings for myself and family. A sister sent me this morning 5l., by which the Lord has provided me with the means for removing my family.

Nov. 17. Weston Super Mare. This evening my wife and child, and our servant arrived here. Yesterday a sister secretly put two sovereigns in my wifes pocket book. How kind is the Lord in thus providing us with means according to our need! How kind also in having just now sent brother T. to take the work arising from the Schools, Orphan-Houses, &c., just as brother Cr was sent two years ago, shortly before I was completely laid aside!-Today a brother sent me information, that he had ordered one hundred pairs of blankets to be sent to me, for distribution among the poor.

Nov. 23. My general health is pretty good; my head, however, is no better, but rather worse. This evening I was led, through the affliction in my head, to great irritability of temper. Of late I have had afresh painfully to experience in myself two things: 1. that affliction in itself does not lead nearer to God. 2. That we may have a good deal of leisure time and yet fail in profitably improving it. Often had I wished within the last months that I might have more time. Now the Lord has given it to me, but alas! how little of it is improved for prayer. I find it a difficult thing, whilst caring for the body, not to neglect the soul. It seems to me much easier to go on altogether regardless of the body, in the service of the Lord, than to take care of the body, in the time of sickness, and not to neglect the soul, especially in an affliction like my present one, when the head allows but little reading or thinking.-What a blessed prospect to be delivered from this wretched evil nature! I can say nothing respecting this day, and this evening in particular, but that I am a wretched man.

Nov. 24. I am now quite sure that I want more than mere quiet and change of air, even medical advice. My general health seems improved through my stay at Weston, but the disease in my head is increased. I have had many distressing moments since I have been at Weston, on account of fearing that my disease may be the forerunner of insanity; yet God has in mercy sustained me, and enabled me, in some small measure, notwithstanding my great sinfulness, to realize the blessing of being in Christ, and therefore secure for ever.

Nov. 25. We returned to Bristol. I was at peace, being able to cast myself upon the Lord respecting the calamity which I feared. This evening I saw a kind physician and surgeon, who told me that the disease is either a tendency of blood to the head, or that the nerves of the head are in a disordered state. They also told me that I had not the least reason to fear insanity. How little grateful is my soul for this!

Nov. 29. I am no better. A sister sent me today 5l. also a pickled tongue, fowls, cakes, and beautiful grapes were sent to me. My cup, as to temporal mercies, runs over.-One of the Orphan children died while I was at Weston Super Mare. There is reason to believe that she died in the faith.

Nov. 30. I am not any better. I have written to my father, perhaps, for the last time. All is well, all will be well, all cannot but be well; because I am in Christ. How precious that now, in this my sickness, I have not to seek after the Lord, but have already found Him.

Dec. 1. By the mercy of God my head is somewhat relieved. My liver is in a most inactive state, which, as my kind medical attendants tell me, has created the pressure on the top of the head, and through the inactivity of the liver, the whole system having been weakened, and my mental exertions having been continued, the nerves of the head have greatly suffered in consequence.-This evening was sent to me, anonymously, from a distance, 5l. for my own present necessities. The letter was only signed F. W.-A sister, a stranger, gave to my wife 1l. Thus the Lord remembers our increased expenditure in consequence of my affliction, and sends to us accordingly.

Dec. 4. Yesterday I met with the brethren for the breaking of bread.

Today I am not so well. Every time that I meet with them, the nerves

of my head are excited, and I am worse afterwards. A sister from

Barnstaple sent us 1l. l5s.

Dec. 8. My head is not so well as at the end of last week. I find it difficult to be in Bristol and not to exert my mind. Prayer and the reading of the Word I can bear better than any thing. May the Lord give me grace to pray more! I see as yet scarcely a single reason, so far as I myself am concerned, why the Lord should remove this affliction from me. I do not find myself more conformed to the mind of Jesus by it.

Dec. 9. Two years ago this day, I stated my intention of establishing an Orphan-House, if God should permit. What has God wrought since! 75 orphans are now under our care, and 21 more we can receive. Several more are daily expected. During the last twelvemonth the expenses have been about 740l., and the income about 840l. In addition to this, about 400l. has been expended upon the Schools, the circulation of the Scriptures, and in aiding Missionary purposes. More than 1100l. therefore we have needed during the past year, and our good Lord has supplied all, without one single person having been asked for any thing.

Dec. 12. Today the hundred pairs of blankets arrived. How kind of the Lord to give us the privilege of being instrumental in providing, in this respect, for some of the poor, both among the saints and in the world! This donation came in most seasonably, as, on inquiring into the circumstances of some of the poor, most affecting cases of distress were discovered, on account of the want of blankets. May the Lord give me grace to deny myself, in order to provide for the necessities of the poor! How much may be done even by a little self-denial! Lord, help me!-The blankets were of a very good quality. It is a Christlike spirit in supplying the necessities of the poor, not to ask how little will do for them, but how richly may I possibly supply their need.

Dec. 14. A sister, who a short time since had given me 5l. for my own personal expenses, gave me another 5l. today. How very kind is the Lord in providing so abundantly for us, and giving us far more than we need!

Dec. 16. My head is not at all better, but rather worse. My medical attendants have today changed the medicine. But however kind and skillful they are, however nourishing the food which I take, however much I seek to refrain from over-exertion, and however much I take exercise in the air:-till Thou, my great Physician, Thou, Creator of the Universe, Lord Jesus, dost restore me, I shall be laid aside!-I have been working a little during the last fortnight, but only a little.

Dec. 17.-Lords day. This morning I saw the 32 orphan girls, who are above seven years old, pass under my window, to go to the chapel. When I saw these dear children in their clean dresses, and their comfortable warm cloaks; and when I saw them walking orderly under the care of a sister to the chapel; I felt grateful to God that I had been made the instrument of providing for them, seeing that they are all better off, both as it regards temporal and spiritual things, than if they were at the places from whence they were taken. I felt, that, to bring about such a sight, was worth the labour not only of many days, but of many months, or years. I felt that it answered all the arguments of some of my friends who say "you do too much."

Dec. 24. This is the seventh Lords day that I have been laid aside.-This day I determine, by the help of God, no more to send letters in parcels, because I now clearly see that it is against the laws of the country, and it becomes me, as a disciple of Jesus, in every respect to submit myself to the Government, in so far as I am not called upon to do any thing contrary to the word of God.

Dec. 26. Today the same brother who sent me the hundred pairs of blankets, sent me 100l. to purchase as many more blankets as I can satisfactorily distribute.

Dec. 29. Applications for the admission of orphans become more and more numerous. Almost daily fresh cases are brought before us. There are already as many applications for Orphan-Girls above seven years as would fill another house. There are also many more Infant-Orphans applied for than we can take in. Truly this is a large field of labour!

Dec. 31. This is the eighth Lords day since I have been kept from ministering in the Word, nor did I think it well, on account of my head, to go to any of the meetings today. Whether I am really getting better I know not, yet I hope I am. My head is yet much affected, though my liver seems somewhat more active.-This morning I greatly dishonoured the Lord by irritability, manifested towards my dear wife, and that almost immediately after I had been on my knees before God, praising Him for having given me such a wife.