Читать книгу Golden Dreams and Leaden Realities - George Payson - Страница 5

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Early in 1849, the unwilling ship in which I had taken passage for California, was dragged away from the wharf in the sooty hug of a remorseless steamtug, like a struggling, kicking schoolboy in the arms of a hated master. Such an event was not then so common as it has since become, and an immense crowd had assembled to witness our departure, with some such feelings as if we had been bound on a voyage of discovery to the moon, or, at the very least, in search of the Northwest Passage.

It was a cold grey day; the deck of the Leucothea was sloppy with melting snow, and littered with chaotic little piles of luggage, among which the passengers wandered up and down like a hundred cats smelling about in a strange garret. Some were still crouched, shiveringly, on the high piles of lumber amid ships, to which they had ascended to take their last view of home; others jostled in the gangways, as they revolved in their uneasy orbits from stem to stern; while a third party, without any ostensible motive, kept running up and down the cabin-stairs. Everybody looked cross and out of sorts, as if he would like nothing so well as to get into a quarrel with everybody else.

After proceeding a few miles down the bay, we put back and anchored, for the night, just out of sight of the city; and the deck being now almost entirely deserted, I groped my way down the winding stairs and into the little cabin. At first, I could see nothing but the misty light of a lantern swinging amidships, faintly illuminating the white-washed beams, and oil-cloth covered table; but, as my eyes became used to the darkness, I discovered a small party gathered round the unsocial airtight, and conversing in a sort of subterranean tones, of their present dismal condition. Sitting down among them, I was not so much occupied with my own bitter and thick-coming fancies, as to take no note of their broken dialogue.

"Ah," said one, with an abortive laugh, "Charley feels bad enough to-night."

"Yes, he wishes he was up to M——, I guess," returned another, whose faltering vivacity plainly declared he wished so himself at any rate.

"Humph," retorted Charley, with something between a whine and a growl, "I think we were all a set of darned fools; if I was only safe back, you'd never catch me in such a scrape again; you'd better believe it."

"Well," said his companion, "there's a chance left yet; you can go back in the pilot-boat to-morrow."

"I ain't quite such a fool as all that comes to" sneered Charley; "we're in for it now, and I mean to put her through."

This speech was followed by a melancholy laugh, and then by a profound silence, in the midst of which, they, one by one, dropped off to bed in the adjoining staterooms; leaving me alone in the dingy little cabin, with the ungenial airtight,—the puffy lantern, with one big, drunken eye in its belly,—and the greasy table, whose pinching, miserly face said, as plainly as words could speak, that if it had ever witnessed one generous feast, it was so long ago that it remembered nothing about it. I was unable to resist these combined influences, and soon slunk away to my berth, with a heart heavy as the gold I was pursuing.

In refitting the Leucothea for a passenger ship, eight supplemental staterooms had been built on deck, covered, as well as the space between, with what is called a poop deck, extending from the stern several feet forward of the mizenmast. My berth was an upper one, and its already alarming elevation was aggravated by a miscellaneous collection of boots, shovels, and pickaxes, which I had stored under the mattrass, partly to economize space, and partly to prepare myself, by this sort of hardening process, for the privations I expected to encounter in the mines. Owing to the hurry of my departure, and the crowded state of my trunks, I had been obliged to resort to a very ingenious expedient to transport my superfluous wardrobe. When one shirt became soiled, I hid it with a second, and this process I repeated till I had no less than six lying one above another. I then improved upon this invention by adding two vests, a frock, a sack, a great coat, and a pea-jacket, so that I might easily have been mistaken for one of those early Dutch navigators immortalized by Irving, who thought it a great hardship to be obliged to go aloft with only five coats apiece. Thus fortified, and having my feet encased in a huge pair of boots, I climbed with infinite difficulty into my berth, where I slept about as securely as an elephant on the roof of a house.

The next morning we stood out to sea, which somewhat revived our drooping courage; as, in battle, it is easier to advance boldly against the enemy, than to remain, a long time, passively exposed to his attacks. But our fortitude was soon to be subjected to a still severer test. Very few of our number had ever been to sea before, and some had never seen any larger body of water than the pond or river in which they had fished and bathed in boyhood. All, however, had heard of the ocean, of its grandeur and sublimity, and, of course, had already made up their minds to be duly affected, as every one possessing the least share of sensibility must be, by its mighty attributes. Accordingly, the sharp outline of the horizon was still broken on one side by the gradually sinking land, when they went to work with most commendable ardour and perseverance to raise their imaginations to the proper level.

I confess, for my own part, to an entire inability to enter into these emotions. I have no affection or admiration for the ocean, per se. I love it in our winding bays dotted with sails, and reflecting the flickering shadows of green banks or populous cities, and have been, once or twice in my life, awe-and-wonder-struck on beholding it swelling from afar against the rock-bound coasts of New England. Here its beauty is multiplied by contrast, and its power thoroughly aroused by opposition.

It is pleasant to lie on some lofty promontory and gaze away off into the illimitable blue, and dream that so it goes on forever, without any opposing shore. I am even willing to make short excursions with it, to meet it half way, as it were, on this neutral ground; but I care not to go home with it, or to venture into its own undisputed domain. As Shylock says to Bassanio, "I will buy with you, sell with you, talk with you, walk with you, and so following,—but I will not eat with you, drink with you, nor pray with you"—there is such a thing as too great intimacy. The sea itself suffers by this undecent familiarity. Instead of that mysterious and salutary dread we formerly entertained towards it, we come to regard it, in a manner, as our bond-servant, or beast of burden. Its sublimity is gone—its vastness becomes wearisome monotony—its royal pomp and power sink into peevish ill-humour or sullen bravado. It is not so very big either. A circular disc of salt water, thirty or forty miles across, is all you can see. If its waves were indeed mountains—if one sailed among Alps, in valleys lighted only by the mid-day sun, or along the face of a precipice, towering as high towards heaven as it sunk sheer down to the abyss—then, indeed, the naked, melancholy ocean would not need to borrow any element of sublimity from the continent earth.

This was the nature of the reflections produced by the first view of the rounded ocean; if I should hereafter take just the opposite side of the question, I hope not to be charged with inconsistency;—in a long voyage one's opinions change almost as often as the winds. The revolution, however, is seldom as sudden or as ludicrous as in the case of our unlucky enthusiasts. While they were even yet expatiating on the grandeur and sublimity of the scene, they became aware of certain uneasy and mysterious sensations, the precise locality of which it was hard to determine, but which seemed to have their capital seat somewhere in the region of the diaphragm. Strange horrors seized them, and pangs unfelt before. But it is the nature of this malady to dispose its victims to conceal their weakness as long as possible. They shrink from the mortifying disclosure, and obstinately persist, to the last moment, in declaring they never felt so well in their lives.

The little party of Vermonters, the same that had collected in the cabin the preceding evening, were among the first to feel the advances of the insidious foe.

"I say, boys," cried Charley, "isn't this—ugh—worth going to California for?"

"Grand!" "splendid!" "magnificent!" echoed the three boldest of the party, with sundry unaccountable grimaces, while the rest thought it more prudent at that moment, to keep their mouths shut as tight as possible.

"I hope, a—ugh—you ain't a going to be—a—ugh—sick," returned Charley, glancing doubtfully at the pale faces of his followers, as if to satisfy himself how many he could rely upon in the approaching struggle. "I—a-a—ugh—don't feel sick in the least," and away he hurried to lee-ward, where, for the next hour, the whole party might be seen, hanging like so many dish-clouts, over the bulwarks.

"What do yer see—a whale?" drily inquires an old salt, with a cold-blooded cruelty, of which no one with the heart even of the most magnanimous mouse, would be guilty. But they are too sick to be angry—contempt, that pierces the shell of the tortoise, touches them not,—there is a dignity, springing from the very depths of their abasement, that sets them above the reach of injury or insult—their ridiculous, indeed, reaches to the sublime. Solomon and Dr. Johnson are commonly considered the highest authority on the vanity of life—but was there ever a sufferer from sea-sickness who did not moralize, by the hour together, in a far more affecting strain? Every sigh is a book of Ecclesiastes, and is there any other philosophy like his? so sudden and effectual in its operations? that dives down so deep to the very root of pride and self-laudation?

For three days and nights I lay in my berth, dressed as I have said, parched by thirst, and tantalized by waking dreams of every cooling and delicious draught. Meanwhile, the Leucothea had reached the Gulf-stream, and in that region of storms, encountered one of the most terrific. Huge waves came foaming in over the bows, sending their crests even to my door, and pouring down the forehatch into the steerage, drowned out the frightened passengers in the very dead of night. The alarm was so sudden that some had time only to snatch their clothes; and, with them in their hands, they came running aft as to a place of comparative safety. When reproached for their pusillanimity, they offered the paltry excuse, that the water came down the hatch as big as a hogshead, and that it was already deep enough in the steerage for a man to swim in. This might have touched my healthy sympathies, but it now gave me no concern. I believe I may say without vanity, that at that moment I felt perfectly reconciled to the idea, thus suggested, of thirty or forty of our fellow-passengers being drowned like so many rats; though, for my own part, so great was my thirst, I doubted whether there was water enough in the ocean to drown me. Through the open door of my stateroom I could see the white tops of the waves, as the ship leaned over to embrace them; and I thought it no great thing to make my throat a passage for the whole Atlantic.

But I had still no relentings of purpose; through storm, and thirst, and burning fever, I was sustained by dreams of golden joy. At the period of our departure, what is commonly called the sober and prudent part of the community, regarded California as a mischievous humbug. None of my friends favoured my going; and one, still more sober and prudent than the rest, had emphatically declared his conviction, adding considerately that he did not wish to discourage me, that I should not find gold enough to lay on my thumb-nail. Few, however, who had set their hearts on going, were ever dissuaded, I apprehend, by such arguments; even the last pleasant and ingenious comparison failed to convince me: having once made up my mind, I fixed my eyes on the mark and overlooked all intervening objects. Yet my calculations, so I thought, were by no means extravagant; the simple brevity of argument with which I silenced all opposition was $2,000 certain—$20,000 probable—$100,000 possible. I now saw these numbers printed in glaring ciphers, with all the lifelike, seductive reality of a lottery placard, all over the walls of my stateroom. Who would not, for such reward, endure the discomforts of a four months' voyage, even though every week should be like the first?

The idea of a life in the mines was rather agreeable. It had about it a smack of Robinson Crusoe; and then, it would be so exciting to bring our gains home at night, and, every two or three days, to light upon a whole nestful of ingots—hunting birds' nests would be nothing to it. If the first discoverers, I said to myself again and again, have met with such astonishing success, with their pans and wash-bowls, what may I not expect, with my improved machines, and the experience I have gained by reading of their adventures? As I said this, I glanced, with a look of complacency, upon the ingenious fabric of our invention which was stowed piecemeal just above my head, and was destined, in spite of its humble pretensions, to work out such astounding results.

It consisted simply of a roll of wire-webbing, with meshes about one-sixth of an inch in diameter, and several rough boards six or seven feet long, with which we proposed to construct three huge sieves, one for each of our company. If these implements failed of their intended purpose, or indeed were never constructed, it was not owing to any fault in them, but entirely to the unexpected, and, if I may be allowed to coin a word, unexpectable nature of that perverse country whither we were going. I saw, in my mind's eye, an immense sandy plain, intersected by rivers, and sentinelled about by lofty mountains. The auriferous sands were to be sifted through our wire-webbing, while the bit of gold would be caught in the meshes. When some meddling adviser suggested that these were too large, and that we should thus lose the finer particles, I, magnanimously, and rather disdainfully, replied, that I intended to leave something for those who should come after me, and that, for my part, I cared for nothing smaller than peas.

Thus, three days and nights I lay; while day dreams, as bright as those of Alnaschar, and oh, too like in sad event! alternated in my sea-sick brain with visions of a darkened chamber—of a spacious bed covered with soft white sheets—of women's voices soft and low—of cool sherbet and fragrant lemonade—and all the "monarchal prerogatives" attendant on a sick man's state at home. Here there was nothing but the casual attendance of the cabin-boy bringing me an occasional cup of gruel, and the querulous sympathy of others as helpless as myself. In a week, however, most were sufficiently recovered to take their meals in the cabin, though in a few instances, the sickness was much more prolonged. A German from Hamburg was the greatest sufferer, the experience he had gained in once crossing the Atlantic seeming not to assist him on the present occasion. For weeks after the rest of us had almost forgotten our trials, he still lay hoaning and moaning to himself in his berth.

"Well, John," asked one, with as much sympathy as could be expected to remain in his oblivious stomach, "how do you feel this morning?"

"Oh!" he replied, with a dolorous shake of the head, "if I live two week, I shall die!"

The ladies on board were almost equally unfortunate—and here I beg their pardon and that of the reader for not having sooner introduced them to each other. It was not every ship in those days that was blessed with female society; and the owners of the Leucothea had taken care to make the most of this important distinction. In setting forth the advantages of the "good ship Leucothea, of superior accommodations," this had been the brightest star in the glorified galaxy that was to dazzle the eyes of the genteel adventurer. The library, the piano, and the ladies,—learning, song and beauty were to shed their benign and humanizing influence over our rude and savage natures, and prevent us from sinking back into worse than heathen darkness and barbarism. It must be confessed that the piano was sadly out of tune, and that the library consisted mainly of such books as everybody had read, or else nobody ever does read; and, furthermore, the proportion of ladies was small, only three or four to a hundred; but then it is well known that a drop of certain substances can be detected in a whole hogshead of water, and I have no doubt that the sight of a bonnet or lady's slipper hung in some conspicuous position about the ship, nailed to the mainmast, for example, would exert a most salutary influence; in the same way as a horseshoe nailed to a barndoor is a most effectual scarecrow to all predatory ghosts and witches.

Be that as it may, the presence of the ladies, considered simply as as an abstract idea, was highly edifying and satisfactory to all on board; and it was no fault of theirs, if we failed to derive from their society all the benefits we had expected.

Mr. Tape, our supercargo, was a man of infinite good nature; he smiled easily, and made promises with equal facility. "Do you think we had better lay in any private stores, Mr. Tape?" we inquired, after settling more important matters with that smiling functionary.

"Oh, no sir, no sir; there's no need of anything of the sort. You'll find everything you want aboard the ship."

"But," we persisted, "we might take a few preserves or crackers, or——"

"No; save your money. You'll want it more when you get to San Francisco. You'll eat at the same table with Mrs. Tape and the other ladies, and I suppose you don't want to live any better than they do."

"Oh dear! no, sir! not we! no indeed!"

"Well, then, it's all right," and away bustled little Mr. Tape to go through the same form with another applicant.

A few weeks sufficed to dispel the pleasing illusions which these assurances had produced. As the cabin was too small to accommodate us all, we divided into two messes; or, as we styled them in our amateur nautical phraseology, the starboard and larboard watches. But when all had recovered from sea-sickness, even this expedient was found insufficient, and here arose a plausible pretext for a third division. The captain, the supercargo, and the doctor retired with their wives into the after-cabin, already dignified by the presence of the library and piano; and thus, at one "unexpected blow, worse than of death," annihilated all our hopes of that feminine grace and propriety that was to preside over our meals, converting the salt junk into delicatest beef, the muddy coffee into nectar, and the ship-biscuit into ambrosian cates.

To be sure, we were still allowed to behold them at long intervals, sitting on deck in chairs lashed to the mizenmast, or to hear their dulcet voices, rising like a steam of rich distilled perfumes, through the skylight of the after-cabin; but our former state and dignity were departed forever. We no longer basked in the sunshine of royal favour, but resembled rather a capital city from which the seat of empire has been removed, and which is left to languish in obscurity and neglect. The steerage passengers regarded us with commiseration, or made odious comparisons in our hearing. The delicacies in which we should have shared, were borne past our door into the after-cabin, and their place supplied with lobscouse and dunderfunk—the first, a detestable hash or ragout of everything edible in the ship—the second, a johnnycake constructed on the same principle, except that the beef and pork were commonly excluded. I always looked with suspicion upon the man who professed a fondness for lobscouse; and if, in our expressive phrase, he was able "to go" dunderfunk, I avoided him as if he had the leprosy. It was impossible to reconcile such tastes with the least twinkle of high or generous feeling; one might as well associate with a cannibal or a ghoule.

In order to add the pleasures of anticipation to those of actual fruition, or to cheat our imaginations with the semblance of more terrene banquets, a bill of fare was duly provided, calculated, apparently, with the far-reaching accuracy of an almanac, for the whole duration of our voyage, and for any meridian. Here, each dish had its own peculiar day, to which it returned, from its hebdomedal revolution, with all the punctuality of Encke's comet. Two days—I remember them well—Monday and Thursday, were allotted to baked beans—three to salt beef, pork, and potatoes—one each to salt fish and ham. The names of Tuesday and Wednesday were lost in the more alluring and alliterative appellation of Dough-days; the first syllable being made, by a double analogy, to rhyme with tough. Some do even spell it Duff, but this is a manifest cacography, and of the most pernicious description, since it loses sight of the etymology of the word, which would otherwise at once explain its meaning to the most cursory reader.

For breakfast and supper, there were tea and coffee, most "pitiful hearted butter," pilot bread, lobscouse, and dunderfunk. Two or three times a week we had hot bread; once a week we had gingerbread; and, on one occasion, a nondescript article about which there was a good deal of curious speculation, till at length one, more ingenious than the rest, suggested that it was intended for an apple-pie. This solution was hailed with shouts of applause, and it was at once voted to present the article, with the thanks of the company, to the lucky discoverer, who happened to be the identical Charley so often mentioned; who being naturally of a philosophic and inquisitive temper, wished to add this unique specimen of naval architecture to a list of curiosities he was then engaged in collecting; and which already consisted of a shark's left eye "kep in spirits in a bottle," and a set of very ingenious checkers made out of his back bone.

The third week of our voyage a terrible feud arose among the passengers, something like that recorded by Gulliver as having existed between the Lilliputians and Blefuscians as to the proper method of eating eggs. The cause of quarrel in our case, however, was even more mighty and important, since it involved the nicest casuistry, and furnished the most unfailing test of character. The question at issue concerned the lobscouse, and the warcries of the contending parties were "onions" and "no onions." The two factions were almost equally divided; and, though the onionists had the captain on their side as well as most of the old fogies, the revolutionists, or liberals, as they styled themselves, by help of the doctor and supercargo, still upheld the war. As this dissension finally threatened the most serious consequences, a compromise was effected, and it was agreed to settle the difficulty by a division; when the parties being drawn up on either side of a seam in the deck, the disonionists were found to have a majority of one, and thus the matter was brought to a peaceful termination.