Читать книгу Hush Now Baby - Georgina Redding - Страница 5

I was born in 1959. Some people say those were the golden years, the years of innocence. I don’t agree. There was nothing innocent about them.

In those days, sexual abuse was not discussed aloud. Perhaps it wasn’t discussed at all. Perhaps it was only discussed in the dark, in secret “where it belonged”.

No one came to the schools and talked about the danger of strangers or the danger of family. There were no books for children about being careful and watchful. These were years of innocence after all.

My father was a chemical engineer. His work involved a lot of traveling. My mother was a stay at home mother. I have an older sister, an older brother, and a younger brother. My sister is three years older than I am. One of my brothers is a year and a half older than I am. My other brother is a little more than three years younger than I am. My sister, older brother, and I were born in New Mexico. My younger brother was born in California.

We were the perfect family.

As young children, we were respectful, obedient, and most importantly, quiet. We kept our thoughts to ourselves. We rarely complained. This perfect façade was nurtured and maintained. We were the sweet little family that went to mass every Sunday morning. The boys clean and neat with their hair combed. The girls almost always wore sweet little dresses with little white gloves, and carried darling little purses. We would sit quietly during the service, standing and kneeling, when need be. After mass, we would go home and change our clothes. Perception was everything. We were the perfect family.

I learned early on that perception really was everything. I learned how to live my life on the outside as expected. I learned how to behave like a good girl. I learned how to keep my feelings, when I did feel anything, to myself. I learned how this was the way to survive.

I lived in two worlds. Inside, I lived far away in imaginary lands where animals talked and it was safe. I could walk in the woods, visit my animal friends, walk along the seashore, dance in the wind whenever I wanted, wherever I was, whatever the reason -all the time, on the inside, safe and, happy. On the outside, I could be in school. I could be in church. I could be at the dinner table. I could be with my grandfather – on the outside. I learned early on to prefer living on the inside rather than living on the outside. And so I did.