Читать книгу Heaven Sent Husband - Gilbert Morris, Gilbert Morris - Страница 11

Ketura laid her pen down and flexed the fingers of her right hand. They were aching from writing steadily in her diary for the past hour. Now as she leaned back and studied what she had written, a wry thought came to her. Here I am like a teenage girl, keeping a journal. How sophomoric!

Perhaps it was unusual for someone to keep a journal faithfully for so many years, but it had become a part of Ket’s life. The first page went all the way back to when she was seven years old and had announced firmly to her mother, “I’m going to keep a diary all my life.” Her mother had smiled indulgently, but Ket had found putting her thoughts and emotions on paper a good way to analyze who she was. The shelf in her closet now was filled with a line of blank books bought at the bookstore, all of them filled. From time to time she took them out and studied the careful, adolescent handwriting of her early years, finding that almost as interesting as the contents. It had amused her at times to see how earthshaking and traumatic certain events were to a fourteen-year-old, such as making an error in a softball game, which had cost the team the championship. She had written plainly “I think I’ll kill myself!” at the end of that entry.

Now, however, her life as it was capsuled onto these pages had become more important to her. Ever since she had started feeling like a giantess, as she put it, and lacked the prettiness that attracted boys, she had recorded her feelings on the pages instead of sharing them with someone else.

Now as she half closed her eyes and thought how horrified she would be if anyone were to read her journals, the impulse came to burn them all. It was not the first time she had thought of such a thing, but she knew she could not do that for these books had become like old friends to her.

Maybe one day when I’m an old, old woman I’ll read these, and what I’m thinking will seem as foolish as my actions do at the present. She leaned forward, straightened, arched her back and read what she had written.

April 6

I hardly know how to put down what I feel. I have always been so resistant and even had superior feelings for those who said, “God told me to do such and such.” It always seemed to me that they were boasting that they had a straight line to God that the rest of us lacked. I still feel that way—but for the past three days I have been haunted by what has happened.

Does God really speak to people in dreams and in visions? Oh, I know He did speak in such a way to characters in the Bible, but surely now we have the Bible. And why would He speak to me? It would seem likely that if He spoke to anyone so directly, it would be to His chosen vessels—missionaries on the field, evangelists, people working in hard situations in the inner city. Those people whom I admire so much need a direct voice from God.

I can’t get away from it! I heard nothing that could have been caught on a tape recorder or was an audible voice, and yet still within my mind, or heart, or soul—or wherever it is that that part of us who talks and listens to God resides—it keeps coming back over and over again, “and thine ears shall hear a Word behind thee saying, This is the way, walk ye in it.”

Oh, Lord, I am ready to listen to any Word You have to say—but what Word! Are You really saying that You’re going to bring a man into my life who will be my husband? My head is full of strange, confused thoughts, and I haven’t been able to work as I should for the past three days. People are starting to give me strange looks, but still that verse keeps coming into my heart. Is it from You, or is it what a psychiatrist would call wish fulfillment? I have no idea, but, Lord, if it’s not from You, I pray this morning that You would take it completely out of my mind!

Quickly she put the top on her pen, closed the diary and put it in the drawer beneath her underthings. She wondered if the diary was safe there from prying eyes, and the ridiculous notion came, Well, what if I got killed? They would find it and read it.

Giving a short laugh, she rose and said, “I wouldn’t care then. I’d be in heaven. Maybe they’d get a good laugh out of it.”

Going downstairs, she ate a quick breakfast, then left at once for the hospital. She had learned to handle the Dallas traffic, and taking every shortcut and weaving in and out she arrived with fifteen minutes to spare. Getting out of the car, she looked up at the massive, white marble with which Mercy Hospital was built. Appreciating once again the fact that she had had a good year, her first year as an L.P.N.—licensed, practical nurse. She remembered how frightened she had been when she had come there for the first time.

Entering briskly, she went at once to the third floor and found Maggie Stone waiting for her, her brown eyes were snapping and her sandy hair escaped out from under her white cap. “You’d better watch out for Dr. Bjelland. He’s on the war path today!”

Fastening her cap more securely, Ket took a deep breath. “What’s it about this time?”

“I don’t know. Does he need a reason?” Maggie was one year older than Ket and wanted two things in this world, and she kept neither of them a secret. First she wanted to finish her nursing degree. Second, she wanted a husband, a goal she would announce straightforwardly to anyone. “Not a doctor. A stockbroker perhaps,” she’d specify. “Someone who doesn’t bring any problems home with him.” Why Maggie should have thought stockbrokers had no problems, Ket could not imagine. But now as the two left the dressing room and went down the halls, she listened as Maggie explained why the man she had been dating definitely would not do.

The two young women were caught up at once in the busy life of a huge hospital. Ket was assigned to the cardiac ward, a duty that affected her more profoundly than she had ever known. It was worse to her than the emergency room. There the cases often entered in critical conditions sometimes, with patients dying and always frightened. That was difficult, of course—but in the cardiac ward there was an ominous air that seemed to permeate even the furniture and the walls. Fear was a part of the atmosphere that all patients shared, and as Ket went about her duties she made it a point to spend as much time with those who were most anxious and apprehensive.

It was midway through the morning when Ket spotted the interns following Dr. Lars Bjelland as he entered her unit on his rounds. Bjelland was a Norwegian with a trace of his roots in his speech. Rotund with a square face and a shock of iron-gray hair, at the age of fifty-five he looked more like a plumber than a skilled surgeon. His eyes were pale blue and he had the huge hands of a farmer. He attacked medicine the way that his ancestors probably attacked a Saxon village: with all his strength and dragging everyone along with him.

While Ket found Dr. Bjelland abrasive, she knew he was a good doctor and she admired his skill and experience. Still, she was not in the mood for one of his confrontations today and tried her best to avoid him and the flock of interns that followed in his wake. Just like every other woman on the unit, she couldn’t help but notice Jared Pierce among the group, standing a head taller than the others and twice as handsome. While some of the nurses seemed determined to throw themselves in the path of the roaming herd, Jared’s presence was another reason for Ketura to sidestep them.

But to her dismay, she was looking in on Denny Ray when the entire group filed into the room. Ketura felt like a salmon, swimming against the stream as she tried to quietly make her way to the door. With her gaze down, she slowly worked her way toward the exit, weaving her way around the interns while, across the room, Dr. Bjelland lectured.

“Excuse me…excuse me…” she mumbled, working her way through the crowd. Ketura had almost reached freedom when suddenly she collided with something—or someone. She stumbled for a second, then a strong grip seized her shoulders and helped her regain her balance.

“Ketura—sorry. I didn’t see you there,” a deep voice apologized.

Her gaze flew up and met Jared Pierce’s surprised expression. She stared into his blue eyes for a second and then quickly stepped back, bumping into a plastic chair.

“My fault,” she mumbled.

The incident took only seconds, but still attracted Dr. Bjelland’s attention. He paused in his lesson and pinned Ketura with a steely glance.

“You there. Nurse Lindsey. Stop the chatter please. You can learn from this conversation, too. It wouldn’t hurt, you know.”

“Yes, Doctor. Please go on. Sorry for the interruption.” Ketura turned and faced Dr. Bjelland, giving her full attention now like the interns. She knew she was trapped, unable to leave until Bjelland dismissed them. She stood wedged between Jared and the plastic chair, shoulder to shoulder with him, but trying her best to ignore his unnerving proximity.

Of course he didn’t see me. Nearly six feet tall, but no matter. I’ve always been invisible to Jared Pierce. Ket glanced at the tall, handsome man beside her and the impression was once again confirmed. He seemed no more aware of her than he was of the furniture. His attention was completely focused on Dr. Bjelland as the senior physician talked on about Denny Ray’s symptoms and condition, medical information Ketura knew by heart by now.

Her mind strayed and she thought again of the verse that had come to her, going endlessly over the question in her mind. Is this feeling, this message truly from God? Then a second question would soon follow. If God’s going to send me a husband, how will He do it, and how will I know him? What will he be like?

Suddenly there was a silence. Ket blinked and came out of her reverie. She felt everyone staring at her, including Jared Pierce and her favorite patient, Denny Ray Kelland. She turned her gaze to Dr. Bjelland and knew at once that he had spoken to her and she had missed it completely.

“I—I’m sorry, Dr. Bjelland, I didn’t hear you.”

“Do you have a hearing problem, Nurse Lindsey?”

“No, sir.”

“You didn’t hear me, but you don’t have a hearing problem? How do you account for that?”

“I suppose…that I let my mind drift for a minute.”

“Well, that’s fine! I invited you to participate in a learning opportunity with these doctors and perhaps share your special knowledge of this young patient with us—and you have let your mind drift! What were you thinking of? Share it with us. It must be very important for you to leave all care of your patient to indulge yourself in it.”

Ket swallowed. She felt her cheeks flush. She’d always been a favorite of Dr. Bjelland, but she was now discovering how it felt when the keen blade of his sarcasm slashed out. She had seen others demolished, cut off at the knees practically, when this had happened, but she had never found herself under the knife.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “It won’t happen again, Dr. Bjelland.”

“I should hope not!” Bjelland glared at her for a moment, and for a moment she was afraid he was about to deliver another harsh word. But instead, she nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt Jared’s gentle touch on her arm; it lasted but a moment, just long enough to signal his silent support.

“I’m not sure I heard your question that clearly, either, Dr. Bjelland.” Jared’s voice was confident and steady, despite the senior doctor’s intimidating manner that had the other interns shaking in their boots. “There were some orderlies passing with a cleaning cart. It was quite noisy on this end of the room.”

Dr. Bjelland cast him a doubtful look, but Ket noticed that Jared’s gaze did not waver. She’d been so lost in thought herself, she honestly couldn’t say now if a cleaning cart had passed or not.

“A cleaning cart, eh?” Dr. Bjelland shook his head. He wouldn’t give in so easily. Not to an intern. “I thought she was perhaps considering what color of lipstick she might wear on her date tonight.”

“She don’t date,” Denny Ray countered.

The exchange drew a burst of nervous laughter from the group. All except Jared, Ket noticed. She felt her cheeks glow even redder, though she didn’t think it possible. She knew Dr. Bjelland was looking at her again, but didn’t dare meet his gaze.

“She doesn’t date? Well, that’s good. The rest of the young women around her are all chasing men fulltime. This hospital is just a happy hunting ground for them.”

Ketura hoped the discussion of her social life would end there, but she wasn’t going to be that fortunate, she realized. Bjelland looked back at the boy saying, “So, she doesn’t date. How do you know?”

“She told me.”

“I see. Well, you two must be pretty close friends for her to speak so intimately to you. Is that right?”

“Sure, she comes to see me all the time when she’s off-duty.”

Dr. Bjelland turned his head and did not speak for a moment. Ket, however, knew him well and saw the approval in his steady eyes, but he only said, “Very commendable. Well, I guess that’s all for you this morning. Maybe I’ll come back and visit you myself on my off time. Will that be all right?”

“Sure, Doc.” Denny Ray nodded cheerfully. “I bet I can beat you at checkers.”

“I bet you can’t. We’ll see.”

The procession filed out and as Ket left, she glanced at Denny Ray. He winked at her, and whispered, “Come and see me!”

Ket mouthed the words, “I will,” and left.

Ketura was walking down the corridor, headed for the nurses’ station when she heard Dr. Bjelland call out to her.

“Just a minute, Nurse Lindsey!”

She turned, took a steadying breath and waited for him to catch up. What now? she wondered with dread.

“I guess I was a bit hard on you back there in Denny Ray’s room,” he admitted gruffly.

“It’s all right, Doctor. I was woolgathering. It won’t happen again.”

Bjelland stared at her. “You’ve always been my favorite new nurse. Maybe I haven’t told you.”

Ket’s lips curled upward. “No, you haven’t exactly overburdened me with compliments. That’s not your way, though.”

“No, it isn’t.” He hesitated then ran both hands through his shock of gray hair. “I’m worried about that boy Denny Ray.”

“What’s your real opinion?”

After listening carefully to a rather pessimistic report from Bjelland, Ket’s heart sank. “You think it’s that serious, then? He doesn’t have any chance at all?”

“Of course he’s got a chance. You believe in miracles, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do.”

Dr. Bjelland was himself an outspoken Christian, one of the few on the staff. “I do, too,” he said. “We’re going to do all we can. You, and I, and everybody else, but in the end I’m trusting God to do a work in this boy. We’ll pray about that, won’t we?”

“Yes, sir.”

“All right, on your way.”

When she reached the nursing station, Ket found Maggie and Debbie waiting. “Did he take your head off, honey?” Debbie grinned.

“No, not at all.”

Maggie was staring at Ket. “What’s wrong with you? You’re supposed to be the most dedicated brain around here, and you’re walking around like you’re in a dense fog.”

“I don’t know,” Ket said defensively. “Just thinking.”

“You can’t kid us.” Debbie grinned impishly. “You’ve been in a daze all morning. I believe you’ve met somebody and won’t tell. Come on now. Who is it?”

“I had the same feeling. Come on now, Ket. Tell,” Maggie said.

The young women stared at her and Ket didn’t know what to say. They were a close-knit group and two of the best friends Ket had in the world. Did she dare admit the thoughts that had been distracting her today?

Maggie suddenly lifted her head and narrowed her eyes. “Well, there he goes. Look at him. Is he a cutie or what?”

Ket lifted her glance and the other two followed suit. They watched as Jared Pierce walked by dressed in hospital greens.

“What was he like when you were in school with him, Ket?” Debbie asked.

“Well, he used to play baseball. I used to watch him play when we were in high school. He was an all-American at the University of Texas. I saw him play once on that team, too. When Texas won the national championship. He was a wonderful athlete.”

The young women watched as the tall intern moved on down the hall. “He’s been dating Miss Texas,” Ket remarked.

“You mean Lisa Glenn!” Debbie exclaimed. “She’s beautiful!”

“Yes, everybody says she’ll be Miss America this year,” Maggie replied. She grinned suddenly and her eyes crinkled with amusement. “I think I’ll take him away from her.”

“You won’t do that,” Debbie replied. “He’d be crazy to turn her down.” She snapped her fingers as if thinking of something new. “Did you know she’s coming to the hospital this afternoon?” She tucked her hair under her snow-white cap, adding, “It’s part of her duties as Miss Texas, I think. They do charitable things like that.”

There was no time for more talk, for their duties called. Ket worked hard until two o’clock that afternoon when she took a break by visiting Denny Ray. He brightened up immediately when she entered the room, and said, “Have you got time to play a game of checkers?”

“Sure, but you better watch out. I feel mean this afternoon. Not giving anything away!”

However, Ket did give something away, for she managed to lose four games in a row and took great pleasure in watching Denny Ray’s delight as he won.

“I guess I’m losing my touch,” she said. “I’ll have to figure out some better strategy.”

Denny Ray grinned, his freckles standing out against his pale face. He looked thin and at times there was pain in his eyes as well as fear. “That’s all right, Ket,” he said. “I don’t mind winning.” He put the checkers carefully on the board for another game, then asked, “Where did you get a name like Ketura?”

“It comes from the Bible. Ketura was the second wife of Abraham.”

“I bet the kids made fun of you when you were little.”

“They still do.” Ketura smiled. “However, there’s one advantage. When somebody says, ‘Hey, Ketura!’ there’s no question which Ketura they mean. Why, I think—”

She broke off abruptly for the doors had swung open. She rose quickly from the bed and moved over against the wall, for it seemed the room had suddenly become very crowded.

“Well, what is your name, little fellow?” a sugary voice inquired.

Ket had seen the Miss Texas contest on television and had been shocked at how Lisa had changed. She had been pretty enough in high school, but now she was fully mature—blond with green eyes and shaped as a Miss Texas ought to be, tall but with a curvy figure. She walked over to the bed and spoke in a honeyed voice, “My, aren’t you a nice young man! I hope you’re getting well from whatever’s wrong with you.”

Ket’s eyes shot to Denny Ray’s face. The young boy showed very little, but there was a flash of disdain in his eyes that Ket did not miss. “I’m fine,” he said. “How are you?”

“Why, I’m just fine. Aren’t you a perfect, little gentleman?”

Ket looked over to see a photographer, a short, round man with bushy black hair who at once began taking shots from every angle. The room seemed to explode with the flashes of light and Ket noticed that Lisa Glenn managed to turn her best side and a brilliant smile at the camera for every shot. Ket saw Jared Pierce standing in the doorway. He had not noticed her, she realized. Then the beauty queen began talking in a loud, rather artificially high voice—the type that some used with sick people when they know nothing else to do.

Suddenly Ket’s eyes met his and he nodded briefly. She returned the nod and then she heard Lisa say, “Is there anything at all I can do for you, sweetie?”

Suddenly Denny Ray flashed a glimpse at Ket. A peculiar expression crossed his face and she knew he was up to something. “Sure,” he said quickly. “Sit down and play a game of checkers with me.”

Dismay swept across Lisa’s flawless features. “Why, I’d—I’d love to, honey, but I have to go see some other patients. You know how it is?”

“Yeah, I know how it is,” Denny Ray said evenly.

Ket turned her glance away from Lisa’s bright smile to see a frown on the face of Dr. Jared Pierce. He must know how phony she is, Ket thought. But she had no time to think more, for the party prepared to head out for the next photographic appointment.

“Hello, Lisa,” Ket said quietly.

“Why—Ket, it’s you!” Lisa at once came over and hugged Ket, keeping her best side to the photographer. “Why, you haven’t changed a bit! But what in the world are you doing here?”

“I’m on the nursing staff.”

“Isn’t that wonderful!” Lisa turned to wag a finger at Jared. “You didn’t tell me Ket was working here.”

“Guess I forgot.”

“Well, shame on you for that, Jared Pierce! Why Ketura and I were pals in school, weren’t we, Ket?” Ket was glad that Lisa did not wait for an answer from her, for the two of them had never been friends in any sense of the word. “Well, now, we’ll have to get together, won’t we? I’ll call you.”

“That would be nice,” Ket said quietly, noting that Lisa didn’t ask for her phone number. She watched as the small group was led out of the room by Lisa, then moved back over to stand beside Denny Ray. Ket smiled. “Well, you met a beauty queen. What did you think?”

“Boy, I feel sorry for the guy who gets stuck with her!”

Surprise swept across Ket’s face. “Why do you say that?”

“Because she’s a phony, that’s why! She smiles with her teeth but not her eyes, and she talks too loud. And she called me honey and sweetie when she doesn’t even know me.”

“I think she meant well, Denny Ray.”

“Sure, I guess so—but she’s a phony for all of that.”

Ket was amazed at the insight of the young man. She knew that his sickness had made him study people more carefully than most boys his age. “Well, I’ve got to go to work. Tell you what. Why don’t I bring you a video tomorrow, and you and I will watch it.”

“Good, I’m tired of these dumb cartoon shows. See if you can find an adventure story or something exciting.”

Ket laughed. “I think I can handle that. I like a story with plenty of action, too.”

She left the room then, and as she passed down the hall she heard the rather metallic laughter of Miss Texas drifting from an open doorway. She glanced in the room and saw the scene was being repeated. Only this time the patient was an elderly woman who was staring with shock at the beautiful, young girl who was telling her she was going to be fine.

“She’s not going to be fine,” Ket muttered between gritted teeth, “and it’s not going to do any good for you to sweep in here telling people things like that.” She was surprised at the strength of her emotion but then put it out of her mind as much as possible and went about her duties.

For the next four days Ket continued to feel an inner assurance that she was going to be married. She could not get the words or feelings out of her head. She dreamed about it, but still she found it almost impossible to believe.

“I’m becoming a basket case!” she muttered one morning when she had lain awake for hours thinking about the Scripture and how ridiculous it might be for her God to be taking time to speak to her. “I just can’t believe it’s happening.”

Still it went on, and more and more she began to be open to the concept that perhaps God was telling her something. “I’ve got to be very careful though. It would be so easy to make a big mistake,” she cautioned herself. And she prayed for guidance and discernment. Prayer would keep her on the right path.