Читать книгу The Doctor's Undoing - GINA WILKINS - Страница 8

Haley sat at her table Friday evening reading an online medical article when someone rapped sharply on her door. She wasn’t expecting company and almost never had drop-by visitors, so the sound startled her. Though she’d shed her comfortable black flats, she still wore the pearl-colored summer sweater and pale gray slacks she’d donned for work, so at least she was decently dressed for company. Leaving the article on the computer screen, she walked across the living room and looked curiously through the peephole in the door.

“Ron?” Surprised, she opened the door. “What’s up?”

A frown creased his sandy brows and darkened his blue eyes. “Mind if I come in?”

He’d never dropped by without calling before; as far as she could remember, he’d never been there without the rest of the study group. Speculation about the reason for this visit made her hesitate a moment before answering.

His frown deepened. “Is this a bad time?”

He glanced beyond her, as though checking to see if she had other visitors.

“No, it’s fine.” She moved out of his way. “Come in.”

He walked to the center of the living room. Studying him somewhat warily, she closed the door. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen Ron in a bad mood, but it had been a while.

“Have a seat,” she said, waving toward the cushioned, cream-colored couch she’d bought for comfort as much for style. Her whole apartment was furnished with relaxation in mind; in addition to the couch, the living room featured a cushy green recliner, a brown leather club chair she’d found at an estate sale and trendily mismatched tables arranged for her guests’ convenience. She enjoyed entertaining, though she’d had little time for it since starting medical school, only hosting her study group on occasion. “Can I get you anything?”

He shook his head. “I was going to talk to you at the hospital, but you avoided me all afternoon.”

“I didn’t avoid you.” Of course, she hadn’t exactly gone looking for him, either, she admitted silently.

He pushed his hands into the pockets of his rumpled khaki slacks. “So it was just an accident that you were everywhere I wasn’t today?”

Feeling defensive now, she planted her hands on her hips. “I saw you on rounds this morning. I was very busy this afternoon. I’m sorry if that was inconvenient for you. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“I visited one of your patients this afternoon. Georgia McMillan.”

“Oh.” She swallowed hard. “What made you do that?”

“She summoned me into her room when I was passing in the hallway.”

She knew Georgia enjoyed watching people pass in the hall, occasionally calling out greetings, so it was no surprise that she’d taken advantage of spotting Ron. Unfortunately. “Um—what did she say to you?”

“She wanted to give me some advice about my personal life.”

Haley sighed. She didn’t really have to ask what advice the romantically minded older woman had offered. “Yes, well, she seems to enjoy doing that.”

“Damn it, Haley.”

Defensiveness returned, crowding out embarrassment. It wasn’t as if she had any control over what her patient said when she wasn’t around. “What?”

“We’ve been friends for two years. Good friends, despite the rough patches.”

She nodded. “Yes, we have.”

“And you’re going to let one old woman’s ramblings drive a wedge between us now? After all the other obstacles our friendship has survived?”

He sounded genuinely angry, which—as always—triggered her own rare temper. It seemed to be a unique talent of his. “I’m doing no such thing.”

He was pacing now, though her small living space gave him room to take only three or four steps in each direction. “I knew something was bugging you yesterday. Couldn’t figure out why you weren’t meeting my eyes, why you jumped every time we made accidental contact. Why you started stuttering when I suggested we go to my place. To study, damn it.”

Two “damn its” in as many minutes. He really was irked.

“I told you I had to do laundry.”

“Yeah. And I’d never seen anyone look so eager to spend an evening with detergent and fabric softeners.”

“Look, Ron—”

He stopped in front of her, his gaze holding hers. “What I want to know is, why did you let what she said get to you that way? How come you didn’t come to me and laugh about it, the way we always do when something funny happens at work?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted with a sigh. “I just—okay, you’re right. I let her get to me. It embarrassed me, and I wasn’t sure how to—what to—well, you know.”

“What did she say that was so embarrassing?” He looked genuinely perplexed. “All she said to me was that you’re a sweetheart and I should ask you out. She giggled a little, and I grinned back at her. I thought you and I would get a laugh out of it, but then I realized that she must have said something similar to you yesterday. And that the unsettling patient comment you mentioned last night must have been hers. So what did she say to you that was so disconcerting?”

She had no intention of telling him Georgia had implied that Ron was in love with her. Sure, they should be able to laugh about that—but for some reason, Haley didn’t find it all that funny. “She just went on about what a good catch you are and how I should make an effort to land you. As if you were a prized fish or something. I tried to tell her you and I are good friends, but she just wouldn’t let it go. I guess that conversation was still on my mind when you suggested we have coffee and dinner.”

“And when I invited you to my place to study.”

“I really did need to do laundry,” she muttered, glancing down at her hands, which were now clenched in front of her.

He shook his head. “I still don’t understand why it shook you up so much for her to suggest I’ve got a thing for you. I thought it was funny.”

It was only natural, she assured herself, that her feminine ego would be a little piqued by that. “I guess I was just more tired than I realized.”

The prevarication didn’t seem to satisfy him completely, but he nodded. “So we’re good, then?”

She gave him a smile she hoped looked completely natural. “Of course we are.”

To her relief, he smiled in return, his usual good humor returning to his warm blue eyes. “You don’t think I’m going to lure you to my lair so I can jump your bones?”

She sighed gustily, her usual response to his teasing. “No, Ron, I don’t think you’re going to jump my bones,” she said drily, making him laugh.

“Good. Now that that’s settled, can I have a sandwich?”

She blinked a couple of times, then glanced toward the table, where a barely touched ham sandwich still sat on a plate next to her computer. “Of course. Sit down, I’ll make you one.”

Sensing that she needed a change of subject, he talked about work while she moved around the small kitchen, assembling another sandwich and adding a handful of chips and pickles to the plate. She set the plate and a glass of lemonade in front of him, then took her own seat as she responded to his conversational lead. It was much easier to concentrate on their training than…well, other things.

Because he was there and they were already talking about school, it seemed only logical to spend some time studying together after they’d eaten. Their lecture on the following Monday would be about antibiotic-resistant, hospital-acquired infections, so they discussed the topic together, quizzing each other on their knowledge so they would be prepared if their attending physician aimed questions at either of them.

Settling into their practiced study routine, Haley was able to relax and put the former awkwardness aside, to her relief. Ron fell back into teasing, to which she responded with her usual retorts.

As so often was the case, she picked up the information a bit more quickly than Ron—memorization just came easier to her than to him, though once he internalized the material, he retained it well. When she sensed he was becoming frustrated, she tactfully boosted his morale by reminded him how well he’d been doing in the rotation. Clinical skills were his strong point; the fact that he struggled a bit more with the memorization just meant everyone had different learning styles and strengths, which she had lectured more than once during the past two years.

When both were satisfied they were prepared for Monday’s lecture, Ron glanced at his watch and stood to leave. “Thanks for the sandwich. And the study help,” he added, moving toward the door.

She walked with him so she could lock up behind him. “You helped me, too,” she assured him. “It’s always easier to study with someone.”

Rounding the end of the couch to join him at the door, she stumbled over a strap of the computer bag she’d left lying on the floor. She threw out a hand to steady herself, bumping against the lamp on the end table. She had no trouble preventing a fall, but the hematite bracelet she’d donned that morning caught on the lamp. Shiny, gray-black stones scattered at her feet when the elastic cording snapped.

“Darn it.” She bent to scoop up stones, sweeping one hand beneath the couch to retrieve a couple that had tumbled under there.

Ron helped her, plucking a stone from beneath the end table, another from the top of the table. “I don’t see any more.”

“Thanks.” She shook her head. “Clumsy of me.”

“Can you have the bracelet restrung?”

“I’ll restring it myself when I have time. Kris gave it to me. The stones are hematite—supposed to be calming and grounding.”

“Oh.” He dropped the stones he held into her open hand as if they’d suddenly turned hot. She knew he’d never cared for Kris. She’d always assumed it was simply a personality clash.

“Okay, I’m off. See you Monday. Have a good weekend.”

“You, too.” She caught the door when he opened it, preparing to lock it behind him.

Ron turned on the step outside her ground-floor apartment, the familiar look in his eyes warning her that he was going to say something outrageous. “Hey, Haley?”

Her lips twitched. “Yes, Ron?”

“To make it clear—I find your bones totally jumpable. Just don’t want to do anything to mess up a good friendship, you know?”

“Um—” She had no idea how she was supposed to respond to that.

Laughing, he turned and walked away.

After a moment, she shook her head, then shut the door with a bit more force than necessary.

Trust Ron to make such an odd joke out of a situation that had already been awkward enough, she thought with a sigh of exasperation.

She spent the rest of the evening wondering at random times if Ron really found her “jumpable.”

Rounds on Monday morning went very well. Haley and Hardik had no difficulty with their patient presentations, and Ron sailed through his. To Haley’s relief, Ron was his usual self, cutting up with everyone equally, treating her as he always did. There was no more talk of bone-jumping or self-consciousness. Georgia McMillan had been released on Saturday, so they weren’t subjected to her blatant matchmaking. Telling herself it had been only a temporary glitch in their friendship, Haley was assured they could put it behind them and go on as they had been.

She was very busy that afternoon, practically running from one assigned task to another, taking only a half hour for a lunch break. She didn’t see Ron until late in the afternoon. She had just stepped into the students’ room to type up some notes when he walked in.

“Hi, Ron, how’s your afternoon…oh, my gosh, what happened?”

Though she remembered that he’d worn a white shirt, red tie and gray slacks beneath his white coat that morning, he wore blue hospital-issue scrubs now. His expression was so grim she knew something must have gone very wrong for him.

The spots of dark color on his cheeks indicated either anger or embarrassment, maybe a mixture of both. He spoke from between clenched teeth. “I screwed up. Big-time. Damn it.”

Pushing herself out of the computer chair, she took a step toward him. “What did you do?”

“Dr. Cudahy let me remove a patient’s central line. I’ve done that a couple of times before with my preceptor, so I felt pretty confident. Thought I’d impress the attending and the resident. Like an idiot, I pulled out the line—and forgot to put pressure on the site.”

Haley winced, imagining the arterial blood spurt that would have resulted. “I hope you and the patient were the only ones in the vicinity?”

“Oh, no. That would have been bad enough, of course, but Drs. Cudahy and Prickett were standing close enough at the time that we all got splattered. Prickett and I were wearing paper gowns, so only our collars and pants were hit, but Dr. Cudahy thought she was standing far enough away to be safe. She wasn’t. She got sprayed. She had to go change into scrubs.”

Haley could imagine how humiliated Ron must be feeling right now. It was bad enough to make a mistake in front of a resident, but even more galling to have the attending be both a witness to and a victim of the error.

She was tempted to remind Ron that she’d warned him to be more serious and resist his natural inclination to perform. But this wasn’t the time for I-told-you-so. Right now, he just needed a friend.

She rested a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, Ron. I know that must have been embarrassing. But everyone makes mistakes. Dr. Cudahy and Dr. Prickett know that. I’m sure they’ve made more than a few, themselves.”

Her words didn’t seem to help much. She could still see bitter self-recrimination in his expression. “It was such a stupid thing to do. Any moron should have known to apply pressure. They probably all think I’m an idiot.”

“They don’t think you’re an idiot.”

“I am an idiot. Damn it.”

He was taking this relatively minor setback much harder than he should. Haley knew Ron had a streak of insecurity hiding behind his wisecracks and devil-may-care attitude. It had made an appearance during an outburst in the study group when he’d accused himself of holding the others back, implying that they’d all been carrying him through the first two years of classes and exams. He’d even offered to leave the group if they’d thought he wasn’t up to their level, to everyone’s shock.

They’d firmly assured him that he was as valuable a member of the group as any of them, and that not one of them had ever considered him a liability. Not even Haley, even though she’d occasionally complained that he didn’t take his studies seriously enough and that he was too willing to accept the possibility that he could wash out before the end of medical school. She’d challenged him to be more positive, to stop playing the clown and be more serious and more determined to succeed against all odds, but she’d never even suggested he didn’t belong among them.

She’d wondered ever since what lay behind that deeply buried self-doubt. From the very few remarks he’d made about his family, she strongly suspected the lack of confidence had been instilled years earlier. Setbacks like this, though more galling than significant, just seemed to reinforce his own self-doubt. What he needed more than the sympathy she’d already offered, she decided, was a metaphorical slap to rouse him from the self-pity party.

“You screwed up, Ron,” she said, keeping her tone matter-of-fact. “It wasn’t the first time, and it certainly won’t be the last. Suck it up and get over it. You won’t make that particular mistake again.”

He blinked a couple of times, then frowned. “Yeah, you wouldn’t be so casual about it if you’d given Dr. Cudahy and your resident a blood shower.”

“I’d want to find a deep hole and climb into it,” she admitted frankly. “But then I’d tell myself to keep going and do better next time. It’s what I always do when I make a mistake—and I’ve made my share.”

He nodded, his expression hard to read. She wondered if her words had really made an impression or if he was just placating her when he said, “Yeah, okay, thanks. You’re right, of course.”

“Ron—”

His mouth tilted into his usual cocky grin and he shrugged, cutting in with a dry laugh. “Hey, I got a good story out of it, right? Connor and James are going to love this. Hell, by the time I embellish it a little, it’ll be hysterical. Wait until I tell them about the looks on Prickett’s and Cudahy’s faces.”

She knew he would give no further insight into his feelings about the incident. She’d just happened to see him before he’d had a chance to erect his usual barriers, to hide his true emotions behind what she thought of as his jester’s grin. Had she run into him a couple of hours later, she’d have heard the funny story and completely missed the distress beneath it.

It bothered her that he still felt the need to hide those feelings from her. From all his friends, she corrected herself quickly. There was no reason to think he’d be any more forthcoming with her, in particular, than with the others.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” she felt compelled to ask.

There was no reading the expression behind his eyes when he replied, “Oh, sure. I just need some clean clothes and a big ol’ chunk of chocolate cake. Wouldn’t have any on you, would you?”

She forced a little smile in return. “Not at the moment. But I’ll make you one later, if you like.”

“A pity cake?” He gave a short laugh and patted her cheek in a gesture that made her go from wanting to comfort him to wanting to punch him. “That’s our Haley. Always there to boost the morale.”

Before she could answer, he dropped his hand and moved toward the doorway. “I’d better go finish my assignments. See you tomorrow, Haley.”

He was gone before she could respond.

Ron parked in the lot of Haley’s apartment building Wednesday evening, then sat looking at her window for a few minutes. He was there to study for the shelf exams they would take at the end of their medicine rotation. They’d invited Hardik to join them. He’d agreed, but he’d said he might be running a little late and urged them to start without him.

It annoyed Ron that he was oddly hesitant to be alone with Haley until Hardik arrived.

A few days earlier, he’d been irritated with Haley for letting her matchmaking patient’s teasing put awkwardness between them. Now he was the one feeling awkward because he’d let her see his chagrin at the careless mistake he’d made in front of his resident and attending.

They hadn’t discussed the incident since, though there had been some ribbing from his resident during rounds Tuesday morning. Haley had not joined in the teasing, and she’d been quick to change the subject as soon as she was able. She’d considered herself rescuing him, he supposed.

He shouldn’t be so perturbed that Haley knew about his gaffe. As she’d reminded him, they all did something wrong at some point in their training. Not that he’d heard of her doing anything as stupid as he had that afternoon. What galled him the most was that she’d seen him before he’d had a chance to hide his embarrassment and resulting self-doubt.

Telling himself he would just laugh it off if she brought it up this evening, turning the whole incident into a self-directed joke as he always did, he exited his vehicle. She probably wouldn’t even mention it, unless she felt compelled to give him another bracing pep talk.

As he walked toward her door, he found himself hoping she’d made that chocolate pity cake. He wouldn’t turn down chocolate, no matter what the motive behind the offering.

Already wearing his usual practiced grin, he rang her doorbell. The grin faded when he saw her face. She was smiling, and her makeup looked freshly applied—neither of which deceived him. He knew her too well. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Come on in, I made that cake I promised you.”

Even cake couldn’t distract him from this. “You’ve been crying. What happened?”

She sighed. “I didn’t think you would be able to tell.”

He closed the door behind him without ever taking his gaze from her face. “I can tell. What’s wrong?”

If she told him this was a personal problem and none of his business, he supposed he would have to let it go. But he wanted her to know he was here for her if she needed a shoulder.

He saw her throat work with a swallow and sensed her internal debate. And then she sighed and shrugged. “Kylie Anderson called me a few minutes ago. Mr. Eddington went into cardiac arrest and died suddenly this afternoon. Half an hour after I left the hospital.”

Ron grimaced. “I’m sorry, Haley. I know he was one of your favorites.”

She blinked rapidly. “Yes. He was a sweet guy. Always smiling and teasing. Though he knew he didn’t have long, he was hoping to go home in the next few days to spend a little more time with his family.”

He rested a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. But don’t forget the burn-out lectures we’ve heard. You have to leave it at the hospital. You can’t bring it home with you.”

She shook her head. “I know. And I’m not going to let it affect my work. It’s just sad, that’s all.”

Ron had always believed Haley would be an excellent physician. His only concern had been that she would take it all too personally. Get too involved with her patients, fret about the ones who wouldn’t take care of themselves, and grieve over the ones who lost their ultimate fights. That was just Haley’s personality—all heart. And hearts, he had learned long ago, were too easily broken.

“So you’re okay?”

She smiled. “I am. Thanks for asking.”

Not entirely convinced, he shook his head. “You are going to have to guard against burnout, you know. You care too much.”

Her left eyebrow rose slightly. “I happen to think a doctor should care about her patients.”

“There’s caring. And then there’s caring too much.”

“Okay, I get your message. Now how about some cake?”

At least she didn’t look so sad anymore, he decided before letting her sidetrack him. “Chocolate?”

The look she gave him was wry. “Would I make you any other kind?”

Laughing, he tapped her chin with his knuckles. “What a pal.”

She moved quickly toward the kitchen. Had he caught just a glimpse of a flush on her cheeks before she’d turned away— and if so, how had he embarrassed her this time? By catching her at a weak moment? Seemed like that was only fair, since she’d seen him in a few.

After only a momentary hesitation, he followed her into the small kitchen, reaching into his pocket as he walked. Haley was already slicing into a thickly frosted, dark chocolate cake that made his mouth water just to look at it. The scent of freshly brewed coffee filled the air, mingling with the chocolate aroma. Though he’d eaten dinner earlier, he was suddenly hungry again.

“That looks really good.”

She smiled and set a plate holding a good-sized slice of cake on the table. “Coffee or milk?”

“Milk now. Coffee later.”

She nodded and started to turn toward the fridge. He stopped her by catching her arm with his left hand. “Haley. I brought you something.”

Her eyebrows rose when she looked up at him. “What did you bring?”

Feeling a little foolish, he held his right hand out to her. A bracelet of polished pink stones strung on elastic cording and tied with a jaunty little bow lay on his palm. “I know it’s not like the one you broke, but I saw it in the hospital gift shop and I thought of you.”

She blinked a couple of times, her long lashes sweeping down to hide the expression in her eyes. “You bought me a bracelet?”

Resisting the urge to scuff his toe on her floor like an embarrassed schoolboy, he shrugged. “I was buying a candy bar—needed my afternoon sugar fix, you know—and I saw it displayed on the counter. It wasn’t all that expensive, but I thought it was kind of nice. The hospital auxiliary always needs money and you broke your bracelet and you’ve been helping me study, so…Anyway, it won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t like it.”

She plucked the bauble from his hand with a smile that wavered a bit. “I like it very much. Thank you, Ron.”

“I don’t know what the stones are, or what they mean or anything like that. Don’t know if they’ll ground you or bring you wisdom or whatever. I just thought they were kind of pretty.”

“I think so, too.” She slipped the bracelet on her wrist and twisted her hand to admire it there. “Very pretty. Thanks again. I’ll get your milk.”

The doorbell rang. Ron started a little, then laughed at himself as he shook his head. “That’ll be Hardik. Guess he got away earlier than he expected. I’ll let him in. You’d better cut another big piece of cake.”

“I’ll do that.”

The stones were pink opal. A stone of peace and tranquility. A healing stone.

A stone of love.

Ron wouldn’t have known any of that, of course, Haley mused as she pulled the bracelet lightly between her fingers later that evening. He’d bought the bracelet because he’d thought it was pretty. Because he’d thought she might like it.

Because she had broken the one Kris gave her.

She set the bauble on her dresser and pulled a pair of silky pajamas from the top drawer. She and Hardik and Ron had put in a solid three hours of studying. Worthwhile, but draining.

Closing the drawer, she touched the bracelet again before turning away to get ready for bed.

Haley was glad to move on to the outpatient diagnostic clinic at the end of the month. She had a new resident, a new attending and new duties. Every morning she was assigned one patient for whom she conducted a full history and physical. Her resident then did a more focused physical based on the patient’s complaints, and then created a treatment plan.