Читать книгу Nuts to crack; or Quips, quirks, anecdote and facete of Oxford and Cambridge Scholars - Gooch Richard - Страница 38

In the days that are past, by the side of a stream,

Where waters but softly were flowing,

With ivy o’ergrown an old mansion-house stood,

That was built on the skirts of a chilling damp wood,

Where the yew-tree and cypress were growing.

The villagers shook as they passed by the doors,

When they rested at eve from their labours;

And the traveller many a furlong went round,

If his ears once admitted the terrific sound,

Of the tale that was told by the neighbours.

They said, “that the house in the skirts of the wood

By a saucer-eyed ghost was infested,

Who filled every heart with confusion and fright,

By assuming strange shapes at the dead of the night,

Shapes monstrous, and foul, and detested.”

And truly they said, and the monster well knew,

That the ghost was the greatest of evils;

For no sooner the bell of the mansion toll’d one,

Than the frolicksome imp in a fury begun

To caper like ten thousand devils.

He appeared in forms the most strange and uncouth,

Sure never was goblin so daring!

He utter’d loud shrieks and most horrible cries,

Curst his body and bones, and his sweet little eyes, Till his impudence grew beyond bearing. Just at this nick o’ time, when the master’s sad heart With anguish and sorrow was swelling, He heard that a scholar with science complete, Full of magical lore as an egg’s full of meat, At Cambridge had taken a dwelling. The scholar was versed in all magical arts, Most famous was he throughout college; To the Red Sea full oft many an unquiet ghost, To repose with King Pharaoh and his mighty host He had sent through his powerful knowledge. To this scholar so learn’d the master he went, And as lowly he bent with submission, Told the freaks of the horrible frights That prevented his household from resting at nights, And offered this humble petition:— “That he, the said scholar, in wisdom so wise, Would the mischievous fiend lay in fetters; Would send him in torments for ever to dwell, In the nethermost pit of the nethermost hell, For destroying the sleep of his betters.” The scholar so versed in all magical lore, Told the master his pray’r should be granted; He ordered his horse to be saddled with speed, And perch’d on the back of his cream colour’d steed, Trotted off to the house that was haunted. “Bring me turnips and milk!” the scholar he cried, In voice like the echoing thunder: He brought him some turnips and suet beside, Some milk and a spoon, and his motions they eyed, Quite lost in conjecture and wonder. He took up the turnips, and peel’d off the skins, Put them into a pot that was boiling; Spread a table and cloth, and made ready to sup, Then call’d for a fork, and the turnips fished up In a hurry, for they were a-spoiling. He mash’d up the turnips with butter and milk: The hail at the casement ’gan clatter! Yet this scholar ne’er heeded the tempest without, But raising his eyes, and turning about, Asked the maid for a small wooden platter. He mash’d up the turnips with butter and salt, The storm came on thicker and faster— The lightnings went flash, and with terrific din The wind at each crevice and cranny came in, Tearing up by the root lath and plaster. He mash’d up the turnips with nutmegs and spice, The mess would have ravish’d a glutton; When lo! with sharp bones hardly covered with skin, The ghost from a nook o’er the window peep’d in, In the form of a boil’d scrag of mutton. “Ho! Ho!” said the ghost, “what art doing below?” The scholar peep’d up in a twinkling— “The times are too hard to afford any meat, So to render my turnips more pleasant to eat, A few grains of pepper I’m sprinkling.” Then he caught up a fork, and the mutton he seiz’d, And soused it at once in the platter; Threw o’er it some salt and a spoonful of fat, And before the poor ghost could tell what he was at, He was gone like a mouse down the throat of a cat, And this is the whole of the matter.