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Chapter One

Diplomacy: Concept Elements

Diplomacy, according to the textbook definition, is “the art of negotiation.”

This could be between two people, two businesses, or two nations.

It is a simple definition, but in my opinion, diplomacy is all but simple. There are so many factors involved in establishing an effective and productive level of diplomacy.

I think that the concept of diplomacy has certain basic elements that should exist in order for it to be effective.

1 Communication: This is the most important aspect. To be able to sit down with someone and discuss issues or concerns calmly, reasonably, with an open mind and a positive attitude is key. This is necessary for developing solutions and agreements that both parties find fair and honest.

2 Information: Whatever the issue is between two parties, it should be well thought out, planned, and researched. This way, they are on the same page. They can share and discuss things clearly and accurately.

3 Self-awareness: Each individual should have a clear and honest view of themselves, their concerns, their strengths and weaknesses and an awareness of their abilities to negotiate and communicate openly and successfully.

4 Respect for the power of words: Words are the most powerful form of communication. What you say, when you say it, and how you say it could mean the difference between camaraderie or confrontation. This aspect is most felt in the political arena. World leaders and politicians make statements and opinions and promises that influence people to support their campaign or not.In some cases, people use fear and intimidation as a means of diplomacy. They use it as a way of manipulating guidelines that we integrate into our cultures and our existence.

5 Eye contact: Speak directly to someone. Look into their eyes and communicate your energy to them. People say more with their eyes than with their mouths. Shake hands firmly and confidently when meeting someone. Say who you are and be positive about meeting the person.

6 Let a person finish talking and don’t interrupt. Give the person that window so they can complete their thoughts. Even if you think they have finished, they may have something else to add.Give that ten-second window before you respond. This way, you can absorb what was said then decide how to respond.

Sometimes certain things don’t need a response. A simple nod or a gesture or a smile can be enough. “That’s interesting,” “I didn’t know that,” “Thanks for the information,” “I’m curious about that,” “Can you explain further”—these phrases can be adequate responses that can keep a conversation balanced and leaves room to either continue it or finish it. Sometimes, people are quick to talk and add things into a conversation that may not be necessary, or they just want to get their point across.

When you communicate with someone, you should always be on the lookout to learn something new.

Here are some basic elements which I think will help in being a successful diplomat.

 Tell the truth: Always be honest in your approach. Say what you mean and say it from the heart with a universal approach—not an attack or judgment.

 Be humble: If you are not clear on something or not certain, ask questions and offer an open floor to share thoughts and clarify points of interest.

 Never underestimate or overestimate anyone or anything. Do not assume anything. Find out the complete version of an issue from all sides.

 Be tolerant of all people, all opinions, and all circumstances.

 Do not criticize any idea, opinion, or comment. Agree to disagree but respect each person’s right to their thoughts.

 Try to use as many positive words and phrases as possible like we, collective, cooperation, together, equal, I understand, I have another way to look at it, let’s find the best solution. Create an atmosphere of hope and progress.

 Speak calmly clearly and with a pleasant tone. Yelling and arguing are ineffective because, for the most part, what is being said is not really being heard.I was trying to tell someone something. I agreed with this person and even tried to offer an apology if I was off the track, but this person’s reaction was so aggressive and a little stupid because I was agreeing. The actual response was “What do you mean you agree…agree to what?” This person didn’t even hear what I was saying.You see how this aggressive approach can destroy any chance of communication. I have seen this simple action ruin so many situations and even relationships.

 Listen: Take a moment to listen to what is being said and not react to what is being said. Give yourself that “ten-second window” to absorb and prepare your response so it is conducive to the situation and not diverting the real issue.Many times, in conversations, angry responses are based on some personal situation or feeling someone has that has nothing really to do with the matter at hand. Separate your feelings of anxiety and emotions and put them in their proper perspective.When you are angry or responding angrily, what is the nature of this anger? Is it your feeling about the issue? Or is it something else? Is it something you don’t like about the situation or the person or some other problem?

 Be clear in your approach when you speak. Know what you are talking about and the reasons why you are talking.

Think of people in history who have used diplomacy to make their mark on the world and have changed the course of history. From the early days of man to our current society, who do we know that has used diplomacy successfully and who has used diplomacy unsuccessfully?

Diplomacy is the foundation for our existence and our survival as a society, as a nation, and as a planet. The decisions that are made by us and for us must be in our best interest and the interest of all people.

Can diplomacy be a key factor in dealing with racism, poverty, environmental issues, health issues, economic growth, educational growth, stronger family and community involvement, reducing crime and addictions, world peace, and cultural harmony?

Yes, it can. If we take it seriously and involve ourselves in the mechanism, it can make a difference in our daily lives.

Let’s start with how we talk to each other and treat each other. When was the last time you held the door for someone, said good morning to a stranger, gave up your seat on the train, let someone go ahead of you in the supermarket, bought a homeless person a cup of coffee, gave someone a compliment, shoveled your neighbors snow, enjoyed a good laugh with someone, volunteered your time to help someone or an organization, reached out to a friend or family member.

My point is, diplomacy starts at home with one kind act, one gesture, one positive word, one step toward harmony, unity, understanding, and peace.