Читать книгу Art in Theory - Группа авторов - Страница 106

I was some days ago agreeably surprised by a message from a lady of distinction, who sent me word, that she most passionately desired the pleasure of my acquaintance; and, with the utmost impatience, expected an interview. I will not deny, my dear Fum Hoam, but that vanity was raised at such an invitation … My imagination painted her in all the bloom of youth and beauty. I fancied her attended by the loves and graces; and I set out with the most pleasing expectations of seeing the conquest I had made.

When I was introduced into her apartment, my expectations were quickly at an end; I perceived a little shrivelled figure indolently reclined on a sofa, who nodded by way of approbation at my approach. This, as I was afterwards informed, was the lady herself, a woman equally distinguished for rank, politeness, taste, and understanding. As I was dressed after the fashion of Europe, she had taken me for an Englishman, and consequently saluted me in her ordinary manner; but when the footman informed her grace that I was the gentleman from China, she instantly lifted herself from the couch, while her eyes sparkled with unusual vivacity. ‘Bless me! can this be the gentleman that was born so far from home? What an unusual share of somethingness in his whole appearance! Lord, how I am charmed with the outlandish cut of his face! how bewitching the exotic breadth of his forehead! I would give the world to see him in his own country dress. […] Pray speak a little Chinese: I have learned some of the language myself. Lord! have you nothing pretty from China about you; something that one does not know what to do with? I have got twenty things from China that are of no use in the world. Look at those jars, they are of the right pea‐green; these are the furniture.’ ‘Dear madam,’ said I, ‘these, though they may appear fine in your eyes, are but paltry to a Chinese; but, as they are useful utensils, it is proper they should have a place in every apartment.’ – ‘Useful! Sir, replied the lady; sure you mistake, they are of no use in the world.’ – ‘What! are they not filled with an infusion of tea as in China?’ replied I. – ‘Quite empty and useless, upon my honour, Sir.’ ‘Then they are the most cumbrous and clumsy furniture in the world, as nothing is truly elegant but what unites use with beauty.’ ‘I protest,’ says the lady, ‘I shall begin to suspect thee of being an actual barbarian. I suppose you hold my two beautiful pagods in contempt.’ ‘What!’ cried I, ‘has Fohi spread his gross superstitions here also? Pagods of all kinds are my aversion.’ ‘A Chinese, a traveller, and want taste! it surprises me. Pray, Sir, examine the beauties of that Chinese temple which you see at the end of the garden. Is there any thing in China more beautiful?’ ‘Where I stand, I see nothing, madam, at the end of the garden, that may not as well be called an Egyptian pyramid as a Chinese temple; for that little building in view is as like the one as t’other.’ ‘What! Sir, is not that a Chinese temple? you must surely be mistaken. Mr Freeze, who designed it, calls it one, and nobody disputes his pretensions to taste.’ I now found it vain to contradict the lady in any thing she thought fit to advance; so was resolved rather to act the disciple than the instructor. She took me through several rooms all furnished, as she told me, in the Chinese manner; sprawling dragons, squatting pagods, and clumsy mandarines, were stuck upon every shelf: in turning round, one must have used caution not to demolish a part of the precarious furniture.

In a house like this, thought I, one must live continually upon the watch; the inhabitant must resemble a knight in an enchanted castle, who expects to meet an adventure at every turning. ‘But, madam,’ said I, ‘do not accidents ever happen to all this finery?’ ‘Man, Sir,’ replied the lady, ‘is born to misfortunes, and it is but fit I should have a share. Three weeks ago, a careless servant snapped off the head of a favourite mandarine: I had scarce done grieving for that, when a monkey broke a beautiful jar; this I took the more to heart, as the injury was done me by a friend. However, I survived the calamity; when yesterday, crash went half‐a‐dozen dragons upon the marble hearth‐stone; and yet I live … I could not but smile at a woman who makes her own misfortunes, and then deplores the miseries of her situation. Wherefore, tired of acting with dissimulation, and willing to indulge my meditations in solitude, I took leave.