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Connell (1995: 77) has argued persuasively that “at any given time, one form of masculinity rather than others is culturally exalted.” This hegemonic masculinity is cross-culturally and historically variable and offers a clear example of a locally specific normative conception of gender. It stands as a normative conception to which men are accountable, a form of masculinity in relation to which subordinated masculinities, as well as femininities, are defined. Connell (1987: 187) argues that there is no need for a concept of hegemonic femininity, because the fundamental purpose of hegemonic masculinity is to legitimate male domination. The subordination of non-hegemonic masculinities is crucial as well, as it allows hegemonic masculinity to legitimate not only male privilege but also race, class, and sexual orientation–based privileges as well.

Several elements of Connell’s theory are especially relevant to my analysis of how parents think about their preschool sons’ gender nonconformity. He argues that among the features of hegemonic masculinity in this particular time and place are aggression, limited emotionality, and heterosexuality. In addition, he and other scholars interested in the social construction of masculinity emphasize its relational meaning: “‘masculinity’ does not exist except in contrast with ‘femininity’” (Connell 1995: 68). As Kimmel notes, the “notion of anti-femininity lies at the heart of contemporary and historical constructions of manhood, so that masculinity is defined more by what one is not rather than who one is” (1994: 119). Passivity and excessive emotionality, as well as more material adornments of femininity, are precisely what must be avoided in this hegemonic version of masculinity. Both Connell and Kimmel view homophobia as central to this rejection of femininity. Connell (1987: 186) states this bluntly when he notes that “the most important feature of contemporary hegemonic masculinity is that it is heterosexual…. Contempt for homosexuality and homosexual men … is part of the ideological package of hegemonic masculinity.”