Читать книгу Letters of Note: Sex - Группа авторов - Страница 14

LETTER 04

TO MY EVER-LOVING WIFE

Don to his wife

1 April 1968

On 1 April 1968, a British gentleman named Don fed a sheet of London Borough of Hounslow stationery into a typewriter and wrote a letter to his wife.

THE LETTER

LONDON BOROUGH OF HOUNSLOW

1st April, 1968

To my ever-loving wife,

During the past year I have attempted to seduce you 365 times. I succeeded 36 times.

This averages once every 10 days and the following is the list of reasons why I did not succeed:

We will wake your mother: 7 times

It is too hot: 15 times

It is too cold: 3 times

Too tired: 19 times

Too late: 16 times

Too early: 9 times

Pretending to sleep: 35 times

Window open, neighbours will hear: 3 times

Backache: 16 times

Toothache: 2 times

Headache: 6 times

Not in the mood: 21 times

Will make the cat jealous: 18 times

Watched late show: 12 times

Mud-pack: 3 times

Grease on face: 4 times

Too drunk: 17 times

Company in the next room: 7 times

Mind my hair: 28 times

Is that all you think about? 83 times

Do you think we can improve on our record this coming year?

Your ever-loving husband,

Don

‘DO YOU THINK WE

CAN IMPROVE ON

OUR RECORD THIS

COMING YEAR?’

– Don