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January 1957

When first I came to AA and recognized that all my futile efforts toward sobriety were leading only to new disasters, I realized that something drastic had to be done. The Twelve Steps appeared drastic and they were offered as the directions for sobriety. Many questions were asked, some wise, some otherwise, and the answers were there … in the literature and from those people who actually had used the Steps to gain and insure their continuing sobriety. I don’t remember how many weeks or months it took for me to understand and put into practice the complete twelve suggestions, but I do know that within the limits of the honesty I then possessed, the Steps accepted and practiced were the source of my help and that I didn’t then or since ever benefit by rejecting or delaying any part of them.

Maybe it’s become a habit now. I’m not even sure I planned it this way, but recently I noticed that at almost every open meeting I find myself practicing the suggested Twelve Steps … yes, during the meeting listening to the speakers and later talking to the others who came seeking help.

I don’t miss a lot of the meeting, either, and I think I gain something in practicing the Twelve Steps at each meeting. I’m told, too, that practice makes perfect … that’s a horrible thought … me becoming perfect … but I don’t think it’s going to happen, so I won’t worry about it.

Coming to any meeting is a renewal of my admission that with alcohol my life was in mighty bad shape, but again I felt assured that this meeting, the spirit and the people here could help me take care of me, if I continued to be willing to let that Power greater than all of us guide me. So that reaffirms the first three Steps.

Then, as I listen to that first new speaker talk a bit about his life, I am reminded of many similar things that I did and the kind of person I was and am. Yes, I’m willing to admit those facts and acknowledge them to God and recite them, too, to someone else, if in so doing it will help him or me. I am resolved again that I don’t want to have any part of that old drinking me and with the help of my creator will crowd out those parts of my character which were so much a part of my drinking life. That retraces Steps Four through Seven, which I once thought an impossible task.

Frequently, too, and almost regularly, the speakers remind me of half-forgotten people I had harmed and even though I realize now I cannot make direct amends to so many of them, yet I have learned the true meaning of “Charity covers a multitude of sins”; and exercising now, as best I can, true charity and love toward all of the new neighbors I have found, I can gainfully enjoy this reviewing of Steps Eight and Nine.

A meeting at the end of a day is an ideal spot for a continuing inventory. We cannot help but compare the actions of our day with something that is said at a meeting and the spirit of our meeting together makes it easier to promptly admit it. Prayerful meditation is a natural as the speakers remind me that my old way of viewing life led only to disaster, whereas those occasions in recent years when I learned the will of my creator and followed it were precisely the times when life was really happiness. But surely I need more help and I will prayerfully search for it.

A new spiritual awakening can come at every meeting when I give up again that old total reliance on my own omnipotence and realize that I am accepting help; and when I get to see and talk to a few new people during the coffee session I might be carrying the message a little bit, too, this night.

I’m not sure yet if practice makes perfect, but I do know that practice makes it easier and that every one of the Twelve Steps can become a conscious part of our lives and cannot alone keep us sober, but truly make us want to stay sober. They have helped me find that I can get along without alcohol … I prefer it this way.

It’s a little different every time. New speakers and other meeting places help to make it so. I’m sure that practically all of us do just about the same thing consciously or otherwise. It’s a good practice and it does become a delightful and fruitful habit.

This practice made with little or no effort makes one wonder if those “rugged individualists” who often claim they never “took” the Twelve Steps might not have done so many times and been practicing and utilizing these suggestions so deep down inside that they hadn’t even noticed it.

ANONYMOUS

Hartsdale-Ardsley, New York