Читать книгу The Law of Desire - Gwyneth Bolton - Страница 9

“Surprise!” The gleeful voices greeted her as soon as she opened the door.

M. Athena Jones—the “M” stood for Minerva, a name she hadn’t willingly gone by since her mom died—clutched her chest as she entered the two-bedroom apartment she used to share with her brother.

It was still a full two weeks before the summer semester was over but she had turned in her last paper and had officially finished her undergraduate degree. As exciting as it was, she certainly wasn’t expecting a surprise party.

“I had to do something special. And I had to make sure your smart behind wouldn’t figure it out.” Her brother, Calvin, picked her up and spun her around. “Did it work?”

Calvin placed her carefully back on the floor and she gazed up at him. He’d taken after their father in the height department and towered over her petite frame by at least a foot. His caramel complexion and the deep waves of his recently cut Caesar made for a dapper combination. He was wearing his usual khakis and Chucks. His handsome face even gleamed with a rare smile.

“Yes! Oh, my God, Calvin. You didn’t have to do this. I thought we were going to do our usual.” Her eyes welled up as she looked at the streamers and balloons that decorated the apartment.

“Oh, we’re still going to have our usual celebration. You know we have to keep up tradition. But this is special, baby girl. It’s not every day that my little sister gets her degree! I’m proud of you, girl.” Calvin hugged her again.

In two weeks she would walk the stage and receive her bachelor’s degree from California State University-Northridge. At twenty-six years old, she had finally managed to work her way through school and get her degree. Two classes here and one class there…it had added up. She had had to work her way through school because her family didn’t have a lot of money when she’d graduated from high school. So she went right into the workforce, taking jobs that she’d hated, but always keeping her eyes on the prize.

One degree down and one to go.

She hoped to have her master’s of social work degree by the time she was thirty—thirty-five the latest.

A girl could dream…

Her voice caught as she greeted everyone. She had almost called her brother to let him know that she couldn’t stop by. But if she had stayed in her own small apartment to fill out grad school applications, she would have missed this.

There weren’t that many people there, only a few in fact. But everyone there held special meaning to the two of them. They’d lost their parents when they were young and even before that her older brother was the one who really raised her.

Valerie Monroe, the social worker who worked with them so that she could remain with her brother after their mother died, was there along with Taj and Pam, two of her closest friends from childhood, and a few other folks from the neighborhood.

She couldn’t believe that because of her quest to finish her degree and “make it” she could scarcely remember the last time she’d seen them. She still called Valerie every couple of weeks just to check in. But she had lost contact with Taj and Pam completely. None of her friends from work or school were there. She didn’t have many at either place. With school and work she didn’t have a lot of time for socializing.

Friends from work and school wouldn’t have fit in at the party, anyway. She remembered reading W. E. B. DuBois’s book The Souls of Black Folk in one of her Africana studies classes and mused that she needed more than the concept of double consciousness to describe the fractured feeling in her life. More like triple consciousness. Sometimes it felt as if she had one face for her work life as office manager in a predominantly white law firm, one face as a college student, and one for her friends in the neighborhood and her brother. One day she would find a way to make all her worlds fit together.

Normally, she and Calvin celebrated all milestones with a night out for dinner. Her brother would let her pick the restaurant and tell her that she could pick the most expensive place in town. She always picked Roscoe’s House of Chicken ’n Waffles. They ate there when she completed middle school, high school, and when she got her job as an office clerk at Henderson, Moore & Moore, the law firm where she still worked.

The banner on the wall read CONGRATULATIONS THENA! That was big for her brother. He was the last remaining holdout when it came to her name. She’d pretty much decided after her mother died that she would go by Thena, the shortened version of her middle name. He had pretty much decided that the name their mother named her Minerva, was just fine.

Minerva Athena Jones didn’t know what had possessed her mother to name her after not one but two goddesses of wisdom. She did know that neither name made her the coolest girl in class growing up. The only thing she hated more than people calling her Minerva was when they called her Minnie. It made her skin crawl. So until she could officially change her name she went by M. Athena Jones. Friends called her Thena.

She took off the cream linen jacket that went with the matching pencil skirt she was wearing. Like most of her clothing, she’d gotten the smart and sassy business suit on sale.

She hugged and greeted the rest of the guests and kept looking back to smile at Calvin. Who knew he was so sentimental? She knew he loved her without a doubt. He was just a guy’s guy and didn’t always express his feelings outwardly.

“So what are you going to do now that you’re done with school?” Valerie was leaning against the wall in the kitchen. She and Thena both watched Calvin taking some heat while he took chicken wings out of the oven.

“My baby sis is going to get more education. She’s just like our mother. She’s smart and she’s going to live the life Mama should’ve lived.” Calvin answered Valerie’s question before Thena could.

Thena smiled and let her brother bask in his happiness. He’d practically raised her when their mother died. He had just turned eighteen at the time, and she’d been twelve. Things were hard. But they had made it and they’d been able to stay together until she moved out on her own three years ago. He deserved to be proud. It was because of his tough love and firm hand that she was able to do much of what she had done.

If only their mother could see Thena now. She’d sing for joy.

Their mother had a voice that would have put the Queen of Soul to shame. She had come to California from Alabama with stars in her eyes. All hopes of stardom got put on hold, though, when she’d met and soon married a guitarist and gave birth to a son. Six years later she’d given birth to a baby girl and soon after that her husband’s recreational drug use spiraled out of control, making him take risks not only with his own life but with hers, as well. Neither of them made it.

It was Calvin who’d encouraged Thena to further her education. He kept books around for her to read from the time she first learned how. He made sure she did all her homework over the years.

Sure, Calvin was strict and might have been the reason at least two of Thena’s former boyfriends ended up in the hospital badly beaten, but underneath his brash persona lay the man who stayed up all night with her whenever she’d been sick. Complicated didn’t even begin to describe Calvin, or Thena’s feelings for him.

“I hope to get my MSW eventually and go into social work like you, Val. You’ve inspired me so much.”

“You’ll be a great at it.” Valerie offered with a smile as she helped Calvin place the wings on the plastic serving tray.

When Calvin went to answer the door, Thena and Valerie worked together to ready the rest of the food. They carried the platters out to Calvin’s living room, which was filled with royal-blue crushed velvet furniture.

“Yeah, sorry man. I thought I told you about the party. Must have thought I did when I actually hadn’t.” Calvin walked toward the living room with his best friend David Sims following him.

Thena’d been wondering where David was and just assumed that he was off wheeling and dealing somewhere. He was a serial entrepreneur at Langer and Associates, launching, developing and making small businesses profitable. And he was one of Calvin’s only noncriminal, non-gang-banging friends. David and Calvin had grown up together on the South Central streets, but David had gone the school and college route. She looked up to David almost as much as she looked up to her brother.

She ran over and gave David a hug.

“Hey, baby girl. Sorry I almost missed the celebration. Calvin neglected to tell me about it. Good thing I was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by.” David hugged her close before letting her go.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you made it and I hope you can stay. I know you’re busy.”

“Never too busy for you—” David started.

“Hey, sis, get in here and blow out the candles on this cake. I got your favorite, with pineapple filling.” Calvin interrupted David by pulling her away and leading her to the cake.

She frowned and shook her head. Her brother could be so controlling at times. She cast an apologetic glance at David and he just shrugged nonchalantly and winked at her.

She figured if David wasn’t irritated with her brother, then she shouldn’t be, either. When two men were friends as long as they’d been friends, they probably had disagreements and bounced back from them more than times she could count. And that sheet cake with the pineapple filling was calling her name.

After everyone left, Calvin gave her a ride back to her apartment. And she was glad to have the one-on-one time with her brother. Seeing everyone meant a lot to her. She had let too many relationships fall to the wayside, and she needed to reconnect. It was a good thing it wasn’t too late to do so. And as soon as she finished her grad school applications she was going to start working on rebuilding her friendships and her relationship with her brother. Girl from the ’hood makes good.

“Thanks, Calvin. That celebration was so special.”

“You know I had to do something special for this, baby girl. You made it. Mama would be so proud.” He smiled and kept his eyes on the road, as 50 Cent’s “Many Men” started playing. Calvin reached over to turn it up while bouncing his head to the grim lyrics.

“Do you really think Mama would be proud?”

“Hell, yeah…She made me promise her before she passed that I would make sure you got your education and didn’t get caught up with no boys. She wanted to be sure you at least got your high school diploma. Trust me, she’d be proud. You’re all upwardly mobile now! You even dress all fancy.”

“Well…since I’ve clearly exceeded her wishes now…” She flipped from his CD changer to the radio and changed 50 Cent to Maroon Five.

Now that’s more like it! A nice happy tune about love on “Sunday Morning,” not maudlin lyrics about men wishing death on someone…What is it with gang bangers, rappers and death wishes anyway?

“Do you think you can ease up and stop scaring away my boyfriends?”

“First, Minerva, never touch a black man’s radio.” He turned the CD changer back and restarted the 50 Cent song from the beginning. “And second, boyfriends? You got some boyfriends I haven’t scared away yet? Who are they? What’re their names?”

She punched him on the arm, not enough to hurt him but enough to sting, she hoped. “Come on, Calvin. It’s not funny. I’d like to get married and have kids one day. That won’t happen if you don’t stop blocking!”

She couldn’t help feeling a little irritated. When she was in high school, two of the boys she had started dating ended up getting jumped and beaten severely. Calvin always said he hadn’t had anything to do with it. But after the second one, her conscience wouldn’t allow her to date a guy knowing he might get hurt because of her, not to mention that having a crazy gang-banging brother scared a lot of guys away.

“What do you know about blocking?” Calvin teased as he eased the car onto her block.

“Stop laughing. It’s not funny. I’m twenty-six years old. I think it’s time I started living my life.”

“You need protecting. Look at what happened to Mama.” Calvin’s voice took on that serious, brother-knows-best tone. “This world is rough. You wouldn’t survive without me to protect you. I couldn’t protect Mama because I was just a kid. But I’ll protect you with my life, Minerva. And that’s real talk. Trust me, when the right guy comes around, I’ll know and I’ll let you know. For now, just focus on getting those degrees and making your big brother proud.”

She let out an exasperated breath and rolled her eyes. There was no talking to Calvin and certainly no way to get him to see how stifling he was being. In fact, he saw that as his main purpose in life since their mom had passed away. Sometimes she wished she didn’t have a big brother.

“So I’ll see you in a few days for dinner at our spot, right?” He pulled up to her apartment building.

“Yes, Calvin, I’ll be there.” She got out and walked inside.

Where is he?

She glanced at her watch. It was telling her she might have been stood up. Usually when her brother said he would meet her somewhere, he got there before she did. Of the two of them, she was the chronically late one. And today she was running late from work. That’s why when she got to Roscoe’s House of Chicken ’n Waffles and found that she had beaten him there she should have known something was wrong.

After waiting an hour with no sign of Calvin, she decided he must have made good on his threat to leave the next time she kept him waiting. She finished her meal alone and ordered one special to go before getting on the bus heading toward her brother’s apartment.

Standing and brushing the crumbs off her navy-blue-and-white pin-striped suit with wide leg pants and a double-breasted jacket, she shook her head. Calvin was probably mad at her. But the meal would be her peace offering. Although she didn’t know why he wasn’t used to her perpetual lateness by now. He didn’t have to pick tonight to set an example and leave. It was their official graduation celebration, after all.

But his door was open when she got to his apartment.

That wasn’t a good sign.

Given some of Calvin’s unsavory business dealings, a busted open door signaled either a police raid or a rival gang’s hit. She never thought the day would come when she would be hoping for the former.

Feeling like the stereotypical hapless and clueless teen beauty in a horror flick, she pushed open the door and went in.

Things were strewn all over the normally neat living room. Papers covered the floor and Calvin’s coveted Crip-blue crushed-velvet sofa had been turned upside down, the pillows torn to pieces. She didn’t have to walk too far into the room to see her brother.

He lay on the floor with a bullet in the middle of his forehead.

Thena’s legs threatened to give way and she stumbled, dropping the container of food. Somehow she managed not to hit the floor along with the fluffy waffles and crispy chicken.

Her handsome, tall, strong and protective older brother, the only constant in her life, lay dead. Her heart dropped and her knees buckled. She hit the floor with a thud and her hand flew to her mouth. She wanted to scream but no sound came out. The air was as empty as she felt.

How could this be happening?

She reached out and touched his caramel face. His eyes were still open and she moved her hand over them to shut the lids.

Her heart felt as if it had exploded in her chest the pain was so deep. Tears fell, feeling hot and scorching against her skin. She grabbed her chest and gasped before she realized she wasn’t alone.

Someone was in the back room throwing things around, obviously looking for something. Whoever it was must have heard her because the shuffling stopped.

Somehow, even with the ever-expanding hole in her heart, the pronounced lack of air and the absence of any rational thought, she was able to pull herself up from her brother’s side and run. She dashed out of the apartment building and ran as if her life depended on it.

The burning tears cooled somewhat with her sprint, but they kept falling. She ran for blocks and blocks before she had to stop. The vision of her brother with a hole in his head stuck in her mind until the food she’d eaten at Roscoe’s would no longer sit in her stomach. Everything came barreling back up and out, projecting forward and hitting the cement before she could even come to a full stop. She fell to her knees and sobbed as she vomited. The navy-blue headband that held back her shoulder-length natural curls popped off her head and landed in the mess.

She had never felt so empty in all her life.

Realizing that whoever was in the apartment hadn’t followed her, she didn’t know what to do. She thought about going back to his place and calling the cops, but decided to go home and get cleaned up first. She could call the cops once she got rid of the tears and the sour taste in her mouth.

The emptiness, the guilt, the loss, all threatened to consume her, to eat her alive. What was she supposed to do without Calvin?

When she got home she saw, David Sims sitting in front of her building in his luxury car waiting for her. The tall, golden, honey-complexioned man stepped out of his car and walked up to her. She couldn’t think of anyone better to be waiting for her at this time.

“David.” She ran right into his arms. “Oh, my God, David…Calvin is…Calvin…I just came from his house and…” She took a deep breath. She couldn’t say it. She couldn’t say the words; her brother was dead.

“I know. It’s bad. He was into some serious stuff this time. I tried to bail him out, but I got there too late.” He took a short step away, placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head so that he was looking right into her eyes. “Did you see anything?”

She gazed up at him. “There was someone there looking for something when I walked in. I heard noises in the back of the apartment and I ran. I ran and I haven’t even called the police yet. I have to call the police and—”

“I must have gotten there after you. Because there was no one there when I got there. I did make an anonymous call from a phone booth to the police.” He shook his head. “The thing is, baby girl, according to your brother, the people he got on the wrong side of are not the kind of people you want thinking you know anything or saw something. And they have folks in the LAPD on their payroll. If they thought you knew anything they would have no problem killing you, too.” The warning in his voice and the stern expression on his face made her heart stop.

“I didn’t see anyone. I don’t know anything.”

“You can tell me if you do. Did Calvin give you anything recently? Did he tell you anything?”

Besides the surprise party, he hadn’t given her anything. And besides his typical warnings—about staying away from guys and making sure to run anyone interested in her past him because too many people might see her as an easy mark to get back at him—he hadn’t told her anything.

“No, he didn’t and I don’t know anything.”

“Okay. We still can’t risk the cops questioning you and those folks thinking you might know something. Some of the things Calvin told me about them…” He shook his head. “Trust me, you don’t want to mess with them. You have to get out of L.A. It wouldn’t be good for them to find out you spoke to the cops, especially if they saw you leaving Calvin’s place.” David rubbed his chin, while keeping a careful eye on her.

She tried to hold it together, because she didn’t want to appear like some weak-willed woman who couldn’t deal. She gulped in an attempt to swallow the fast-growing lump in her throat.

“I can’t just up and leave. I don’t have anywhere to go. And what about Calvin? I have to bury my brother! I can’t just leave.”

“You don’t have a choice.” His face went hard and serious before he softened slightly. “You were the most important person in the world to Calvin. The only family he had. He wouldn’t even let a straight-laced guy like me try and kick it to you because he felt I wasn’t good enough for you.” David gave a rueful smile at the memory. “And I was his best friend. So I feel obligated to look out for you and make sure the cops don’t unwittingly put you in danger. I have some folks in Jersey you could stay with until the danger passes. You remember my twin cousins, Timmy and Tommy McKnight?”

She remembered the twins who used to hang out with Calvin and David before moving back East. They had been members of the same gang as her brother. She nodded.

“Well, they’re probably the only people besides me that would feel strongly about protecting Calvin’s little sister.” He ran his thumb across her cheek, wiping away endless tears.

She willed herself to be stronger. “Why would they feel obligated? I doubt they even remember me.”

“Because Calvin, Timmy and Tommy all started banging around the same time. They share a bond.” He glanced down the street, no longer looking her in the eye, as he finished. “And even though I never went there with them, I know how seriously they took their affiliation.”

“Are they still banging?”

“I have no idea. I doubt it.” He turned and glanced at her briefly. “We need to get you out of here before the cops start questioning you. Come on.”

“But don’t I need to pack or—”

“No. You don’t have time. I’ll give you enough cash to get some things when you get there. We need to leave here now.” He glanced away again. “I also have something for you to give to my cousins. It’s just a jacket…a family heirloom of sorts…It used to belong to my dad…their uncle. But I need you to give me the keys to your place and Calvin’s.”

She bit back a sob. This couldn’t be happening. This was supposed to be the happiest time in her life. She was going to finally get that nice pretty diploma to hang on her wall. She was going to show her brother that all the sacrifices he had made for her and everything he’d done to raise her when their parents died was worth it. And now he was dead and she had to go on the run.

“When the coast is clear, I’ll be able to send you your things and get into his place and see if they left anything you might want. I’m so sorry this happened, baby girl. But I’m going to help you. Because I know Calvin would’ve wanted me to help you. And don’t worry. I’ll be coming for you when it’s safe.”

He opened up his car door as he spoke and guided her in.

She took one last look at her apartment complex as she got in the vehicle. She had no idea how her life could have taken such a drastic turn in a matter of hours, but she did know things would never be the same again. She just felt lucky to have Calvin’s best friend looking out for her. And she hoped Timmy and Tommy McKnight had her back the way their cousin David did. My life depends on it.