Читать книгу Protect and Serve - Gwyneth Bolton - Страница 9

The worst part about funerals was, you had to make nice and be cordial to people you either despised or couldn’t care less about. There was something about death that brought out all the clichés: Life is short. You never know when you’re going to go. Treat each day like it’s your last. As if coming face-to-face with mortality would make a person want to “get right” before they had to explain to Saint Peter why they didn’t do better.

Penny Keys understood all of this in theory. But with Big Mama gone, she didn’t care about the niceties and what she should be doing.

Sophie Hightower embraced Penny as if the woman had been Big Mama’s closest friend, and ran off at the mouth about how good it was to see Penny again. And it was all Penny could do not to haul off cussing in the funeral home and shake up the staid and calm wake.

“Thanks, Sophie.” Penny couldn’t bring herself to fake pleasantries of any kind to this evil-mouthed, hateful old woman. She could barely manage a smile. Ever since getting the call from her mother, telling her Big Mama had passed away, Penny hadn’t been fully thinking or feeling. She’d functioned. She’d organized, planned, taken care of everything. But feeling? That was gone.

Heartbroken, dejected, lost…

Those words didn’t even begin to describe her mood. They certainly couldn’t cover the large hole that seemed to stretch on and on in her spirit. She only remembered feeling this empty one other time in her life. She’d had no idea the hollowness in her heart left over from that loss had any room for expansion. Yet there it was, growing and threatening to take her over at any moment if she dared let go of her tenuous grip on control.

Penny gave the funeral home another once-over, but still couldn’t find her mother, or anyone else who might save her from cursing Sophie out and making a mockery of Big Mama’s wake. Anyone, that is, but the man who caught her gaze immediately. Jason Hightower.

She knew the very second Sophie Hightower caught the passing glances between her and Jason, because the old woman’s fake smile dried up, and her well-wishing facial expression hardened ever so slightly. Sophie’s lips twisted as if she’d bitten into something bitter, and her shoulders reared back, causing her overly large bosom to poke out even more than the pointy cones already did. The tall, rich-mocha-complexioned woman with the full figure would have been considered forbidding on a good day. Once she had her panties in a bunch over one of her precious nephews possibly falling victim to an unworthy ’hood girl like Penny, forget about it…. Attitude overload.

Penny straightened her back and swallowed. She felt her hands clenching together at her side. She resisted the urge to take a scrunchie out of her purse, put her long locks in a ponytail, dig out the Vaseline and take off her earrings in preparation.

I will not cause a scene. I will not—

“So, when are you going back to California, Penny? You know there’s nothing for you here.” Sophie’s right eye slanted, and her lip tilted in a bit of a snarl.

Get thee behind me, Satan. I will not cuss this old woman out at Big Mama’s wake. I just won’t do it. I don’t care what you have this old biddy say to me.

As if on cue, Jason, with his confident swagger and cocky demeanor, came walking over.

Was it just her, or did the people in the crowded room of the funeral home seem to part and make way for Jason as he zeroed in on her? Penny hadn’t seen him in fifteen years and didn’t want to face him now. It didn’t appear she had much choice.

She tried to focus on anything else in the room besides him—the metal folding chairs in the corner, the stack of church fans piled on the wooden table along with a big white guest book and carefully folded programs. Even with those things to gaze at, her eyes still managed to find Jason’s again.

Those dark brown pools full of accusation and allure would surely be the death of her—or, at the very least, the end of her sanity—if she continued to look into them.

“Hi, Aunt Sophie.” Jason gave his aunt a big hug, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on Penny.

He had changed from the eighteen-year-old love of her life. His athletic build appeared stronger, more substantial, if that were possible. He was still tall. And his deep mahogany complexion was still flawless. For some reason, however, this grown-up Jason seemed larger than life. His presence filled the room, and left her feeling a barrage of things she didn’t dare try and label. The dark, navy-blue designer suit he wore fit as if it were custom-made for him.

They must be paying police detectives well these days, Penny thought wryly, as she let her eyes roam Jason’s appealing but also very off-limits body.

She was there to bury Big Mama, and that was it. As much as she despised the meddling Sophie Hightower, the woman was right. There wasn’t anything here for Penny—anything or anyone.

“Penny.” The stiff and stilted tone of voice as well as his clipped manner let her know Jason was only speaking to be polite and wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.

Fine with me.

He kept those sexy, daring brown eyes on her, though. The straight and serious line of his mouth made her long for the days when those lips held smiles only for her.

Even though she secretly longed to see him smile just once, so she could see if the sight of those perfect teeth, those full lips and the dimple in his right cheek still had the capability to make her heart stop, she knew it was a lost cause.

And she didn’t have time for things she couldn’t change, wrongs she couldn’t correct.

She only needed to bury her grandmother and get out of town so she could have the nice private breakdown she’d been putting on hold since she got the news.

“Jason.” He wasn’t the only one who could give a one-word greeting. She would have been willing to forgo speaking at all. She could very well do without the just-under-the-surface bad feelings threatening to bubble up and explode.

“Sorry about Big Mama. She’ll be missed. I used to stop by and check up on her a couple of times during the week. I never would have thought we’d lose her. Seemed like she would be here forever.” His eyes softened a little, then hardened again just as quickly.

Big Mama never told me she was visiting with Jason twice a week.

But Big Mama wouldn’t have. When Penny called, it was all about Penny. And Penny was sure that when Jason visited, Big Mama made those moments just for him. That was her way.

The huge lump that had taken up residence in her chest since she had gotten the news of Big Mama’s passing began to throb. Big Mama was really gone, and there was nothing she could do about it. The thought of it made her want to curl up in a corner and just weep until she ran out of tears.

But there was too much to do now. She could cry when she went back to Los Angeles. Right now, she needed to get the wake and the awkward reunion with Jason and his evil aunt over and done with.

With no time to get choked up, Penny took a deep breath. Taking another, she relished the calm that overcame her body.

Sophie cleared her throat and stepped back. “Yes, she will be missed dearly. The Deaconess Board at Mount Zion won’t be the same without her.”

Giving Penny a quick and cutting glare, she added, “I’m going to leave you to greet the rest of your guests, dear. Come along, Jason. Penny can’t be rude and spend all her time talking to us.”

Subtlety had never been Sophie’s strong point.

Jason nodded to his aunt and then returned his intense stare to Penny. “You can go ahead, Aunt Sophie. I’ll catch up with you.”

No, you go, too. Follow your dear, sweet aunt. I can’t deal with you right now, Jason Hightower. Urgh…

Penny inhaled and exhaled.

Remember…calm, girly, calm.

She wondered what kind of visualization technique she could use to ease her nerves and get her through the wake and the proximity of the former love of her life. The image of Sophie Hightower’s head being compressed in a metal vise held some appeal.

A bright, gleaming, false smile covered Sophie’s face just before she cut her eyes at Penny. “Fine. I’m going to go and find my baby brother.” She turned to her nephew. “Be sure not to tie up too much of Penny’s time.” She draped her scarf across her shoulder and haughtily took off across the room.

Penny watched Sophie waltz away, all the while mentally crushing the woman’s head, until Jason’s smooth baritone interrupted her concentration.

“It’s good to see you back, in spite of the horrible circumstances, Penny. Too bad you couldn’t have visited when Big Mama was alive.”

How did his cocky, tell-everyone-what-they-need-to-be-doing personality not bother me all through high school? Oh, wait…it did—until he made me fall in love with him….

Penny swallowed. Being home again had dredged up enough of her feelings of guilt. She didn’t need Jason to remind her of all the reasons she was a horrible person.

She knew she should have visited more. During the time she’d been away, she had spoken to Big Mama five, sometimes six times a week. Penny had flown her grandmother out to Los Angeles for visits at least once a year. Once she had finished school and could afford the costs, she’d never neglected the woman who had raised her.

Penny pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. “Big Mama understood better than anyone my reasons for moving away and staying away. And most important, she knew I loved her.”

“Are you sure about that? Because from what I could see, that woman missed you and mourned you the entire time. And for you to stay away that long shows what a cruel, heartless, selfish—” Jason took a deep breath, glared at her and cut himself off.

She knew he’d been about to say something that couldn’t be taken back. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

The two of you deserve each other—a backstabber and a slut. I can’t believe I ever trusted either one of you. The harsh words he had spoken fifteen years ago echoed in her mind as she took in his mahogany face. The ruggedly handsome and manly face glaring at her right now had residual traces of the anger that had covered his more boyish face fifteen years ago.

She braced herself as best she could, given the fact that she had just lost the only person in the world who understood her and loved her unconditionally. And the only other person she had ever loved with her whole being was standing in front of her, blasting her in a creepily déjà vu manner.

She inhaled and exhaled several times. “You need to calm down, Jason. This is not the time or the place. If you cared about Big Mama as much as you claim you did, then you wouldn’t disrespect her wake like this.”

A hand rested on her shoulder and stopped her from saying more. Praying it wasn’t her mother, Penny turned around.

Terrill had finally made it.

Penny let out a sigh of relief.

“Everything all right?” Terrill spoke the words to her, but his serious hazel eyes remained fixed on Jason.

Giving him a heartfelt hug and greeting, Penny felt herself shake just a little. She had no idea how much longer she was going to be able to hold up. But at least with Terrill—one of her oldest and dearest friends—there, she wouldn’t have to go it alone.

“Everything is fine, Terrill. I’m glad you were able to make it.”

She had just seen her friend before she left Los Angeles, so she knew Jason’s presence was what made her extra happy to see Terrill. She leaned on Terrill’s sturdy shoulder and clasped the arm of his suit jacket.

Terrill smiled at her and winked, his way of letting her know he was there for her no matter what.

Most of the people in the room were checking Terrill out. Success seemed to exude from him in ripples, and those who’d known him when he and his mother lived in a small one-bedroom attic apartment were either happy for him or jealous. The way eyes darted and conversations took place behind hands showed that Terrill had given many of the folks in the room something to talk about.

In fact, given the history the three of them shared, the room was probably abuzz with gossip.

She was very proud of Terrill, because she knew what it meant for both of them to make it from their inner-city neighborhood in Paterson, New Jersey, to their positions as movers and shakers in Los Angeles. Not many people from Warren Street who attended PS #10 and then Eastside High School ended up where they were. The two of them were kids from the ’hood who’d done well for themselves.

Shocked by how much she needed someone to lean on at this moment, she let out another sigh. Shooting a hesitant glance at Jason, she couldn’t help but notice the intense anger in his glare.

Whoever said time healed all wounds told a big lie.

It seemed as if everyone in the funeral home had their eyes on the trio. Penny lifted her hand to her right eye and rubbed it across the tiny scar she had gotten when she was twelve. Although it was barely noticeable now, whenever Penny felt uncomfortable or put on the spot, her hand found and worried the small mark. She circled it with her pointer finger for a minute before she forced herself to put her hand down at her side.

So what if everyone in the funeral home was probably waiting to see if the three former best friends would cause a scene? She refused to turn into a ball of nerves for their entertainment.

As an image consultant, she knew the importance of appearances. The only thing a person really had any control over was the image he or she put forth. The perceptions of others might have been out of her hands, but that didn’t mean she had to play to anyone’s expectations.

“Hey, Jason. How’s it going?” Terrill made an attempt to reach out to his old friend and got a harsh stare and a sneer for his trouble. His warm-honey complexion took on a tint of red when his former friend snubbed him. He slanted his hazel eyes and nodded.

“You’re right, Penny. This isn’t the time or the place.” Jason gave her a once-over before walking away, and didn’t even bother looking at Terrill. “It wouldn’t even be worth it, anyway.”

Her heart stilled, and a pain so sharp it could only be the reopening of an old, barely healed wound throbbed in her chest. Chancing a glance at Terrill, she couldn’t help noticing that he had been seriously stung by Jason’s words, as well. The two men hadn’t been able to say a kind word to one another in fifteen years.

Terrill squeezed her shoulder, and she knew he was trying to let her know he didn’t blame her for losing his best friend. His attempt at comfort made the pain even worse.

Looking at them now, no one would be able to tell people used to jokingly call them the Three Musketeers and tease them about being joined at the hip. They had been best friends since grade school, and the three-way friendship hadn’t changed when Jason and Penny became high school sweethearts. They hadn’t thought anything would be able to come between them. But they had been wrong.

Jason hated Penny and Terrill now, and it was all her fault. The realization that it was too late to correct the past caused a sharp pain in her chest.

Penny cringed.

If Jason Hightower could still hurt her with his words in the same way he had when she had left Paterson years ago, then she had no business being back here.

As soon as the funeral was over and done with, she was getting out of there as fast as her feet could carry her.

As Jason walked away, he mentally chided himself for losing control the way he had. There was something about seeing Penny again after so much time that brought back all his emotions about what had happened when they were seniors in high school and thought they had had their entire lives in front of them.

Seeing the man responsible for ruining all his dreams come up and comfort the woman he would always see as his did nothing to soothe Jason’s raging emotions.

Neither of the two people who had betrayed him in the worst way possible had been home in years. Terrill had come back more often than Penny, who hadn’t been home once since she left. He had run into Terrill off and on through the years, but could never bring himself to speak to the man.

Of the two of them, Jason didn’t know whom he blamed more. Thinking of Terrill’s betrayal made the blood run cold in his body. Numbness had come over him when he saw his former best friend, the man he had thought would one day stand with him at his wedding. Any emotion he felt seemed to be layered with ice, and he liked it that way. He didn’t think he would ever thaw when it came to Terrill.

And Penny? Well, seeing her in person again for the first time in fifteen years caused his blood to boil and his body to run hot.

Anger. Hurt. Attraction…?

His conflicting feelings made for one jacked-up combination, as far as he was concerned.

How could he still be attracted to her?

Seeing the two of them together made him run hot and cold at the same time, and Jason wasn’t comfortable with the impact their presence had on him.

It didn’t help that Penny still looked gorgeous. The simple black dress she wore clung to her curves in ways that brought scandalous thoughts—certainly thoughts he shouldn’t have been having at a wake—to his mind. The designer sandals with lots of straps and stiletto heels did things to her calves that caused his pulse to quicken.

But that was nothing compared to what it did to his heart to see that toasted-cinnamon face, those bold copper eyes and that beautiful sandy-brown hair, all in the form of a woman whom had grown up to be just as beautiful as he’d always known she would be. Her hair was styled in those thin sister-locks and hung loose around her face and down her back. The sisterlocks had soft blond and bronze highlights that shimmered and beckoned to him to reach out and caress them.

“I heard Terrill saw the light and got rid of that little slut soon after they left town.” Aunt Sophie had snuck up behind him, and now she tilted her head toward the corner of the crowded funeral home where Terrill sat with Penny.

Jason didn’t know how he felt about the fact that his aunt had probably seen him watching the two of them make their way to a set of folding chairs in the corner. He knew for sure he didn’t like his supposedly saved and sanctified aunt calling Penny a slut, no matter how much the name seemed to fit.

He had even called her that himself, once upon a time.

Now, in spite of how she had hurt him, he regretted lashing out at her. Years and some distance had him rethinking everything that happened back then. Maybe it was his cop’s instincts, or his cold-case training, but something about those past events still nagged at him.

“Is that any way for the president of the Deaconess Board to talk, Aunt Sophie? I swear, your mouth is worse than some of the criminals I arrest.” Jason pinned a disapproving gaze on Sophie, in hopes it would halt her bad talk about Penny.

“I’m just calling it like I see it. I’m just letting you know your friend Terrill had the sense to let her go. You should, too. A girl like that is bad news. Just look at her mama.” Aunt Sophie paused and hissed as she sucked her teeth in disgust.

“And Doreen, God bless the dead, as hard as she tried to make sure that Penny didn’t end up like Carla, look at her. She threw away the best thing that ever happened to her and went off to California, dancing in music videos. It’s a wonder Doreen didn’t drop dead from the shock of it.”

Sophie offered a dramatic pause and threw her head toward the heavens for effect. “Her daughter whoring her body for crack cocaine, and her granddaughter whoring her body for God knows what to the tune of that god-awful rap music. Lord, have mercy!”

Jason counted to ten before saying a word to his aunt. The woman meant well; he knew she did. She had been the one who had comforted him when Penny had broken his heart.

He also knew as well as anyone that Penny had used those few videos she’d modeled in to help pay for college. She was a successful businesswoman now, who didn’t trade in on her looks—her still gut-wrenchingly beautiful looks—to make a living.

He chanced another glance at Penny and found himself lingering again over her soft, cinnamon-toned skin. She had always been shapely, and what had been a knockout body when she was a teenager had turned into a to-die-for body in the woman. Her curves spoke to him from behind her black wrap-style dress, and he silently reminded himself that they were in a place for mourning, not salivating. Captivated, he tried to get past the in-your-face realization that his copper-eyed girl had turned into a gorgeous woman.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to let his aunt know what he thought of her snide remarks, he stopped himself, wondering why he felt so compelled to stand up for Penny. She had no loyalty, and she certainly didn’t deserve his. Shaking his head, he walked away from his aunt.

Deciding he needed some air, he walked outside of Lee’s Funeral Home and took big gulps. Taking in the vibrant street life happening all around him on Rosa Parks Boulevard, he had to wonder why he’d bothered to show up at the wake at all.

Sure, he had loved and respected Doreen “Big Mama” Keys as much as anyone. But he could have just attended the funeral and paid his respects the next day—from a distance. As it was, now he’d be seeing Penny two days in a row.

Glancing across the street, he noticed his brothers—Lawrence, Joel and Patrick—exiting their vehicles. Lawrence stopped to talk to four teenagers hanging on the corner, who immediately hustled to hide their dice and cash. Jason kept his eyes focused on them, in case they gave Lawrence any trouble.

Lawrence, a well-known narcotics detective, actually worked this part of town, so Jason doubted his brother would have any trouble. Lawrence saw a lot more action as a narc than Jason did as a forensics expert and cold-case detective.

The teenagers cleared the corner, and within seconds Jason’s three older brothers were standing in front of him.

All three shared the trademark Hightower rugged good looks. They were tall, had skin in varying shades of mahogany, and their looks had been known to drive women wild. Joel and Patrick were both firemen with the Paterson Fire Department. And he and Lawrence were both detectives with the Paterson Police Department.

“Hey, ’lil bro.” Joel reached out and gave Jason a quick hug.

Lawrence and Patrick followed with the same greeting, and then they all just stood there.

He could tell that they were trying to feel him out, that they wanted to ask if he’d seen Penny yet.

“We came to pay our respects,” Patrick offered, clearly sick of the silence. His older brother normally had little use for small talk or other common niceties. He was a shoot-from-the-hip kind of guy whose brash manner normally didn’t go over well with the ladies.

“Yeah. That’s good. You should,” Jason responded.

“She here?” Never one to mince words, Joel seldom bit his tongue. However, he usually tempered his demeanor with wisecracks and his playboy charm. He was definitely the ladies’ man of the family.

Jason caught Lawrence giving Joel a why-did-you-bring-that-up look.

“She’s here,” was all Jason could say in response.

“Well, it was a long time ago, Jason. You need to just let it go. You guys were young. You’ve moved on. She’s moved on. It was the past. Don’t be all sulky about it fifteen years later. And for Pete’s sake, don’t cause any drama at the wake.” Joel was only a couple of years older than Jason. But Jason swore when it came to getting in his business and trying to boss him around, Joel had the older brothers beat.

“Joel is right, Jason. This isn’t the time. And besides, women are scandalous, anyway. We all know this. Don’t let her deceit get to you.” Patrick, still bitter over his divorce and his cheating ex-wife, wouldn’t give any woman the benefit of the doubt.

Catching his woman in bed with another man must have been hard on Patrick. Even five years later, he still hadn’t really gotten past it.

Jason could sympathize with his older brother in more ways than he had ever let any of them know. He had never told his family the full story of his breakup with Penny.

He took a deep breath. After years of distance, he suspected that the things he’d been made to believe back then might be false. He was determined to find out, one way or another, once and for all.

“I agree. Shake it off, baby bro. Be the bigger person. Let it go.” Lawrence slanted his left eye when he spoke, as if it would help make his point more clearly. Lawrence was suspicious of just about everyone, and it probably had a lot to do with the things he had seen working in the narcotics division of the police force. But he was a stand-up guy who always tried to do the right thing. The only problem was, he always encouraged others to do the same.

Since Jason didn’t want to have this conversation with his brothers, especially not on the front steps of the funeral home, he just nodded.

His brothers accepted his nod as confirmation that he’d let it go. But Jason wasn’t certain he really could. Watching as they entered the funeral home, Jason let the pep talk his brothers had given him stew for a moment. Yes, he could be the bigger person and not confront Penny, but he needed to know a few things. He still had some burning questions. Pieces of the puzzle didn’t fit.

Since solving old crimes and mysteries had become his job, he looked forward to having the chance to apply his cold-case detective skills to this very personal area of his life.

He would have to work on his approach if he was going to solve this case. He hadn’t meant to approach her with such an attitude. But there had been something about seeing her again. And when Terrill showed up…well, that had been the last straw.

“This is a tough time for Penny, you know. Big Mama was the only person who was always there for her, no matter what. She’s taking it hard, so you really need to lay off about the past.”

Terrill! Speak of the devil.

Jason turned to see his former best friend, and it was all he could do to contain himself. He had already made the mistake of showing them he still felt hurt by their betrayal, and he didn’t want to let them see any more of his vulnerability.

“Shouldn’t you be inside with her, then, if she’s so torn up? Isn’t that what lovers are supposed to do for one another? Comfort? Console? Why are you out here talking to me?”

“I’m out here because, despite what you think, I want what’s best for everyone involved. She doesn’t need the stress. It’s bad enough she has to deal with Carla, and you know how that can be.” Terrill ran his hand through his close-cropped, naturally curly hair and sighed. “You don’t need to be all hung up on a past you barely understand. There’s a lot you just don’t know, Jason. If I could tell you without breaking confidences, I would.”

Jason watched kids ride their bikes down the crowded street, took in all the hustle and bustle of the inner city on a spring evening. Paterson’s streets came alive, pulsing with energy, once the days became warmer and longer. There might not be a lot of flowers in bloom or trees blossoming in the tenement jungle, but spring was definitely in the air. While feeling the pulse of his beloved city, Jason counted to ten.

It didn’t work.

The fact was, Terrill was the same pretty boy who’d gone off to Los Angeles with his girl. He was the same former record company intern who had made it possible for Jason’s girl to dance in rap videos, thereby torturing Jason for years, because he could still see her everywhere but she was no longer his.

If anyone in the world knew how much Jason had loved Penny, it was Terrill. For those reasons alone, Terrill’s betrayal was unforgivable.

“Oh! Now, you have morals. Where were they fifteen years ago, when you stole my girl?”

Terrill threw his hands up and shook his head. “I give up, man. I tried, but you’re stuck in the past. You need to let it go. And like I said, lay off with the guilt trips on Penny. She doesn’t need that right now.”

Watching Terrill walk away, Jason was almost tempted to chase him and finish the fight. It was a fight fifteen years in the making, and he was sure they would have it eventually.

Maybe the wake wasn’t the time and place. But he would get answers—especially from the woman who’d broken his heart.

Penny let out the breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding when she saw Jason leave the funeral home. And she smiled when she saw the other Hightower brothers coming in to pay their respects. Patrick, Lawrence and Joel had always been like unofficial big brothers to her. She missed the closeness she used to have with their family.

If only things could have been different….

“Penny, baby, it’s so good to see you. You look good. I’m just so sad I’m seeing you under these circumstances. How’re you holding up, baby?” Jason’s mother, Celia Hightower, gave her a big hug, followed by her husband, James Hightower.

Seeing the other two adults who had provided her with a place of refuge when she was a kid, while her only other constant source of support lay in a coffin, made her chest swell up. But she refused to break down and start crying. If she started, she feared, she’d never stop.

She stood in front of Big Mama’s casket, and the only thing she could think was how someone who was so much larger than life, someone who had been life to her, could possibly be gone.

The makeup the mortician had put on Big Mama seemed a few shades too dark for the light-complexioned woman Penny had known. Penny touched the long, wavy hair that Big Mama and her own mother shared but had skipped a generation with her.

She remembered it had been Big Mama who taught her to be proud of her thick, sandy-brown hair when she wanted soft, jet-black hair like Big Mama and Carla’s. When Carla complained that Penny’s hair was just too much to handle, Big Mama had taught Penny how to love and tame her mane.

Penny let the good memories wash over her and fought back her tears as she touched Big Mama’s cheek.

Mr. Hightower kept his strong arm around her. “She’s in a better place now. She’s with the Lord.”

Why do people always say that? How do they really know? Penny wondered as she continued to caress Big Mama’s cheek.

“She was so proud of you, Penny. She talked about you all the time. And she loved you, Penny. We’re all proud of you, baby. And we miss you.” Mrs. Hightower smiled brightly. The woman sported a full and shapely figure and a warm demeanor. She wore a beautiful black skirt suit and a delicate string of pearls with matching earrings.

Penny moved with the Hightowers away from the casket. She couldn’t look anymore and she couldn’t listen to them anymore. If she did, the lump in her chest that was threatening to explode any minute would be her undoing. And she couldn’t lose it at the wake. She had to hold it together.

Mrs. Hightower’s kind eyes made Penny remember all the times she had let her help out in the kitchen or had taken her shopping. Celia Hightower used to say she wanted to spend some girl time and get away from a house full of men and boys.

Even before Penny and Jason became a couple, Mrs. Hightower had taken Penny under her wing as the daughter she never had. Seeing her, and missing their bond, made Penny feel even worse—as if it were possible for her to feel any worse.

“Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Hightower. I just wish I could’ve seen her before she died. She wasn’t even sick. It—it just happened too fast. I never got the chance to—”

Her voice choked off, and Penny took a deep breath. She couldn’t break now. There was just too much to do. She could have her breakdown when she returned to Los Angeles.

“She knew, baby. She knew you loved her.” Mrs. Hightower patted her hand and smiled. “Now you be sure to stop by and catch up before you head back to the West Coast. Don’t you leave here without coming to see me! I’ve missed you, sweetie.”

Penny felt the weight of the guilt she’d been feeling since finding out Big Mama died grow and press her chest down. She had never wanted to lose contact with Mr. and Mrs. Hightower. She loved them. They were like the parents she’d never had, the parents she’d wished she had. Spending time in their home while growing up had made her feel normal and, most important, loved.

“She could come over for Sunday dinner,” James Hightower offered. He stood over six feet tall and shared the same deep mahogany complexion as his four sons. He seemed to be the aged but still handsome template for those classic Hightower looks.

Penny took a deep breath. She remembered Sunday dinner at the Hightowers’ after church. And she knew she couldn’t sit through one of those family gatherings, no matter how much she secretly yearned to do so. No way could she do it.

“I’ll try, Mrs. Hightower,” Penny offered, hoping that would be enough. “But I better move along and see some of the other guests now.”

“Go ahead, baby, and we’ll see you on Sunday.” Mrs. Hightower patted her back with a smile and pushed her on her way.

It occurred to Penny to say that she hadn’t said she’d definitely be there. But given the determination Mrs. Hightower always had, she knew better than to say never.

Carla slipped out the side door of the funeral parlor as soon as she saw him. He was probably the last person she wanted to see at her mother’s wake. But there he was. If she could give him the slip, the way she had been doing since he got out of jail, that would be a good thing. If she could keep giving him the slip until she managed to talk her daughter into taking her back to Los Angeles with her, that would be even better.

Who would have thought both of those men would be out of jail at the same time? When your past came back to shoot you in the behind, it sure as hell came back blasting. For sure, this was more stress than her hanging-on-to-recovery-by-the-skin-of-her-teeth behind could handle.

She wouldn’t have her mother to help her stay clean this time. It had been hard enough doing so with her mama alive and giving her positive encouragement.

How will I stay clean with Mama dead and those fools breathing down my neck?

There was no way. She would have to find a way to get Penny to let her move back to California with her.

Yeah. That would work.

She ducked into the corner store and realized she didn’t have a whole lot of cash on her. Okay, she didn’t have any cash on her. She’d run through the money Penny sent her every month a week ago. And with Mama’s death and all, Carla didn’t think it was a good time to beg Penny for some more ends. Plus, she had to save her favors for the big stuff, like getting the hell out of Dodge on a one-way ticket to Los Angeles.

Carla only had enough for a single cigarette. If the bodega followed the new laws, she wouldn’t be able to get one, unless they had those individually wrapped cigarettes. Not every store carried them. Since she was trying to quit smoking, too, and had been doing well, that might have been a good thing. But she needed something. For sure, cigarettes were the lesser evil.

“Y’all sell loosies?” Carla patted her hair down and took a glance out of the window. Her heart stalled, and she ducked. The jerk must have followed her.

She saw him walking in front of the store. He looked like a dang-gone wild beast on the prowl.

Oh, shoot!

“We not supposed to split up the pack, Mami. It’s against the law.” The smooth Puerto Rican brother leaned against the counter and looked at her cringing on the floor. “Who you hiding from? Your boyfriend?”

He was handsome, if you liked those gooey-sticky caramel latte brothers with the deep, dark bedroom eyes. She liked her men taller, darker and a little more dangerous. Well, those tastes hadn’t gotten her anywhere but crouched on the floor hiding. So maybe she should give Papi a try?

Carla didn’t get up from her crouching position. “Did he pass by?”

“Yeah, Mami, he passed. You scared? You look like you scared.” The store clerk had a humorous expression on his face, and his lips were tilted in a half smirk.

If she hadn’t wanted him to sell her a loose cigarette so bad, she might have cussed him out and asked him what the hell he found so dang funny about her situation. But years of hustling had taught her a little something about the value of a good game face. Plus, he was cute, if you liked that type.

Carla stood and sucked her teeth in what she hoped came off in a joking manner and not the pure disgust she felt.

“How the kids say it these days? I ain’t nevah scurred.” She batted her eyes and then winked at him. “So what’s up, Papi? You gonna sell me that loosy or what?”

“Well, normally, I wouldn’t be breaking the rules. But you seem like a nice lady. So I’m gonna do you a favor. What you smoking, Mami?”

“Newports.” She gave her lips a seductive lick for good measure. “Regular.” She smoothed her wavy hair back. The stuff never held on to any hairstyles like she wanted it to. But most men seemed to like the long hair.

“I’m gonna give you this pack of Newports, Mami. You gonna give me your phone number?” He took a pack of cigarettes down, slid them across the counter with a book of matches and winked at her.

Carla noticed the wedding ring on his finger as he made the slide.

Men ain’t worth a damn!

She smiled slyly as she grabbed the cigarettes and slipped them in her purse. “You think your wife would like it if I gave you my number, Papi?”

He shrugged. “What my wife don’t know won’t hurt her.”

Ain’t that a blip?

She started walking out of the store. “Well, in that case, it’s 777-9311.” She busted out laughing.

“That’s not your number, that’s a song. Oh, why you playing me, Mami?”

Carla let the door close, all the while chuckling to herself. Once outside, she tried to decide if she should go back to the wake and ride back to the house with her daughter in the family limousine provided by the funeral home, or head home on foot. If she didn’t ride back with Brat, then the girl would be in the limo all by herself.

Like it or not, they were the only family either of them had left. And without her own mother there as the go-between, it was going to be hard getting her daughter to see that.

Carla reasoned that if he was really gone, then it would be safe to go back. And she sure didn’t feel like walking home. She headed back to the funeral parlor, puffing on a cigarette and trying to think of a way around the latest crazy predicament in her life. But as she came up to the funeral home, a large hand snatched her into an alley.

Her pack of cigarettes fell into a puddle of water, and she reared up to curse whoever had grabbed her.

“What the hell!” She struggled and tried to pull away, only to get slammed against the brick building for her trouble. She looked up at the idiot who held her, intent on telling the fool she didn’t have any money or anything worth stealing, but then she saw it was him.

Dang!

“You think you slick or something? You know I been looking for you. I put the word out, and you act like you couldn’t even get at a brother. Since I had to hunt you down, I ought to bust you upside your damn head.” The same mean, angry face she still saw in her nightmares glared down at her.

She had to strain her neck to really get a good look at the man who towered above her in a threatening manner.

“I didn’t know you was looking for me. I hadn’t heard anything. Shoot, I didn’t even know you were out. How’d that happen?” She hoped her game face was still in place. Because dealing with this animal without one would be foolish, to say the least.

His lips curled into a sneer. “It happened. That’s all you need to know.”

“Well, that’s good.” She smiled and tried the old batting of the eyes, knowing it was probably useless with this one. “I’m glad. But since you out and all, then you probably know my mother passed away. We burying her and all, so—”

“Yeah, my condolences. I just saw yo’ mama the other day, when I stopped by there looking for you. I guess she ain’t tell you I stopped by, huh? Nah, I guess she wouldn’t have, since she seemed pretty heated that I even rang her doorbell. And I see yo’ little daughter is home and all grown up.” He licked his lips in a disgusting manner, and an evil leer crossed his face.

If he stopped by Mama’s house, that might have been enough to make her have a stroke and die. Shoot! I’m so sorry, Mama.

Carla mentally kicked herself. Once again, her mistakes had made her mother suffer. She made a silent promise to her mother and herself. She would try and get it right this time. She was going to get herself and her child out of Paterson, and she was finally going to be a good mother. She had to…

“No, my mother didn’t mention you had stopped by.” She couldn’t help but narrow her eyes, and she knew her voice had lost some of its fake pleasantness. She knew she needed to keep layering it on, if she wanted to escape the alley unscathed. But it was hard to do, when she thought about her mother lying in a casket inside.

“So, I see your boy beat that murder rap. You seen him yet?”

Answering his question would be too tricky. Even though they were no longer together, she knew this fool still had an irrational and psychotic jealous streak, especially when it came to her ex. She looked down at the pavement and thought for a minute.

“No.”

The flat of his hand moved as soon as she uttered the word and knocked her upside the head so hard her head bounced against the brick wall. “That’s for lying. I know you saw him.” He slapped her upside the head again. “And that’s a warning. Stay away from him. Your baby’s daddy is still off-limits to you. Just ’cause we ain’t together no more don’t mean any of that has changed.”

Carla tried her best to keep her eyes focused on the ground, because if she looked at him, she would probably lose it. She didn’t want to give him the benefit of her tears. And she wasn’t sure looking in his smug, arrogant face wouldn’t make her cuss him out.

Cussing him would no doubt have her explaining a bunch of bruises to Penny. And if she was going to get Penny to take her to Los Angeles, she needed to play it clean.

No stress. No drama. No idiots from her past set on ruining her, especially not this idiot.

He took her chin in his hand and lifted her face. Leaning in, he covered her mouth with his, and she let him kiss her.

“You still belong to me. And I’m only going to give you a little bit more time to come to that conclusion. So you go ahead and bury yo’ mama and send yo’ little daughter back wherever the hell she was, and be sure to stay away from that punk Gerald, and I’ll get at you soon.” He walked off down the alley and Carla shuddered.

She had to find a way to get Penny to take her to L.A.—as soon as possible.