Читать книгу Grifters' Asteroid - H. L. Gold - Страница 4

Characteristically, Harvey Ellsworth tried to maintain his dignity, though his parched tongue was almost hanging out. But Joe Mallon, with no dignity to maintain, lurched across the rubbish-strewn patch of land that had been termed a spaceport. When Harvey staggered pontifically into the battered metalloy saloon—the only one on Planetoid 42—his tall, gangling partner was already stumbling out, mouthing something incoherent. They met in the doorway, violently.

“We’re delirious!” Joe cried. “It’s a mirage!”

“What is?” asked Harvey through a mouthful of cotton.

Joe reeled aside, and Harvey saw what had upset his partner. He stared, speechless for once.

In their hectic voyages from planet to planet, the pair of panacea purveyors had encountered the usual strange life-forms. But never had they seen anything like the amazing creature in that colonial saloon.

Paying no attention to them, it was carrying a case of liquor in two hands, six siphons in two others, and a broom and dustpan in the remaining pair. The bartender, a big man resembling the plumpish Harvey in build, was leaning negligently on the counter, ordering this impossible being to fill the partly-emptied bottles, squeeze fruit juice and sweep the floor, all of which the native did simultaneously.

“Nonsense,” Harvey croaked uncertainly. “We have seen enough queer things to know there are always more.”

He led the way inside. Through thirst-cracked lips he rasped: “Water—quick!”

Without a word, the bartender reached under the counter, brought out two glasses of water. The interplanetary con-men drank noisily, asked for more, until they had drunk eight glasses. Meanwhile, the bartender had taken out eight jiggers and filled them with whiskey.

Harvey and Joe were breathing hard from having gulped the water so fast, but they were beginning to revive. They noticed the bartender’s impersonal eyes studying them shrewdly.

“Strangers, eh?” he asked at last.

“Solar salesmen, my colonial friend,” Harvey answered in his usual lush manner. “We purvey that renowned Martian remedy, La-anago Yergis, the formula for which was recently discovered by ourselves in the ancient ruined city of La-anago. Medical science is unanimous in proclaiming this magic medicine the sole panacea in the entire history of therapeutics.”

“Yeah?” said the bartender disinterestedly, polishing the chaser glasses without washing them. “Where you heading?”

“Out of Mars for Ganymede. Our condenser broke down, and we’ve gone without water for five ghastly days.”

“Got a mechanic around this dumping ground you call a port?” Joe asked.

“We did. He came near starving and moved on to Titan. Ships don’t land here unless they’re in trouble.”

“Then where’s the water lead-in? We’ll fill up and push off.”

“Mayor takes care of that,” replied the saloon owner. “If you gents’re finished at the bar, your drinks’ll be forty buckos.”

Harvey grinned puzzledly. “We didn’t take any whiskey.”

“Might as well. Water’s five buckos a glass. Liquor’s free with every chaser.”

Harvey’s eyes bulged. Joe gulped. “That—that’s robbery!” the lanky man managed to get out in a thin quaver.

The barkeeper shrugged. “When there ain’t many customers, you gotta make more on each one. Besides—”

“Besides nothing!” Joe roared, finding his voice again. “You dirty crook—robbing poor spacemen! You—”

Harvey nudged him warningly. “Easy, my boy, easy.” He turned to the bartender apologetically. “Don’t mind my friend. His adrenal glands are sometimes overactive. You were going to say—?”

The round face of the barkeeper had assumed an aggrieved expression.

“Folks are always thinkin’ the other feller’s out to do ‘em,” he said, shaking his head. “Lemme explain about the water here. It’s bitter as some kinds of sin before it’s purified. Have to bring it in with buckets and make it sweet. That takes time and labor. Waddya think—I was chargin’ feller critters for water just out of devilment? I charge because I gotta.”

“Friend,” said Harvey, taking out a wallet and counting off eight five-bucko bills, “here is your money. What’s fair is fair, and you have put a different complexion on what seemed at first to be an unconscionable interjection of a middleman between Nature and man’s thirst.”

The saloon man removed his dirty apron and came around the bar.

“If that’s an apology, I accept it. Now the mayor’ll discuss filling your tanks. That’s me. I’m also justice of the peace, official recorder, fire chief....”

“And chief of police, no doubt,” said Harvey jocosely.

“Nope. That’s my son, Jed. Angus Johnson’s my name. Folks here just call me Chief. I run this town, and run it right. How much water will you need?”

Joe estimated quickly. “About seventy-five liters, if we go on half rations,” he answered. He waited apprehensively.

“Let’s say ten buckos a liter,” the mayor said. “On account of the quantity, I’m able to quote a bargain price. Shucks, boys, it hurts me more to charge for water than it does for you to pay. I just got to, that’s all.”

The mayor gestured to the native, who shuffled out to the tanks with them. The planetoid man worked the pump while the mayor intently watched the crude level-gauge, crying “Stop!” when it registered the proper amount. Then Johnson rubbed his thumb on his index finger and wetted his lips expectantly.

Harvey bravely counted off the bills. He asked: “But what are we to do about replenishing our battery fluid? Ten buckos a liter would be preposterous. We simply can’t afford it.”

Johnson’s response almost floored them. “Who said anything about charging you for battery water? You can have all you want for nothing. It’s just the purified stuff that comes so high.”

After giving them directions that would take them to the free-water pool, the ponderous factotum of Planetoid 42 shook hands and headed back to the saloon. His six-armed assistant followed him inside.

“Now do you see, my hot-tempered colleague?” said Harvey as he and Joe picked up buckets that hung on the tank. “Johnson, as I saw instantly, is the victim of a difficult environment, and must charge accordingly.”

“Just the same,” Joe griped, “paying for water isn’t something you can get used to in ten minutes.”

In the fragile forest, they soon came across a stream that sprang from the igneous soil and splashed into the small pond whose contents, according to the mayor, was theirs for the asking. They filled their buckets and hauled them to the ship, then returned for more.

* * * *

It was on the sixth trip that Joe caught a glimpse of Jupiter-shine on a bright surface off to the left. The figure, 750, with the bucko sign in front of it, was still doing acrobatics inside his skull and keeping a faint suspicion alive in him. So he called Harvey and they went to investigate.

Among the skimpy ground-crawling vines, they saw a long slender mound that was unmistakably a buried pipe.

“What’s this doing here?” Harvey asked, puzzled. “I thought Johnson had to transport water in pails.”

“Wonder where it leads to,” Joe said uneasily.

“It leads to the saloon,” said Harvey, his eyes rapidly tracing the pipe back toward the spaceport. “What I am concerned with is where it leads from.”

Five minutes later, panting heavily from the unaccustomed exertion of scrambling through the tangle of planetorial undergrowth, they burst into the open—before a clear, sparkling pool.

Mutely, Harvey pointed out a pipe-end jutting under the water.

“I am growing suspicious,” he said in a rigidly controlled voice.