Читать книгу The Captain's Journal - Hans M.C. Mateboer - Страница 4

Life at sea in many ways is somewhat similar to that of the Army or Navy. Rules and regulations need to be upheld more so than in comparable businesses ashore, but our rules can never be as rigid or strongly enforced as in the armed services because we’re a civilian organization. A working middle-of-the-road way has to be found. Of course, not every ship faces the same challenges. It doesn’t matter very much on a cargo ship if a crew member shaves each morning, but on a cruise ship our guests appreciate a clean and crisp look.

Most of the rules on board are related to safety, and very few people question them. Sometimes a new crew member needs an explanation as to why he can’t put his trolley laden with delicacies for that party next door at the most convenient place because it blocks the escape route or why can’t he go ashore anytime he likes with all his friends even when he is off-duty, because a minimum number of crew must stay on board in case of an emergency.

On a cruise ship, crew also need to be more aware of each other when going about their daily activities simply because we are housed so closely together. A party on a cargo ship could easily involve the whole crew, while on a cruise ship a party often involves only a certain department. If it becomes too noisy it can easily disturb the sleep of others who have different working hours. This happens sometimes and security has to intervene. Sometimes it’s brought to my attention.

“There were problems in the officer’s bar last night,” the hotel manager told me on the phone. “It should be in the night report.”

“Haven’t read it yet. Here, let me check.” I put on my glasses and clicked on his email. Oh, brother! Apparently a few crew had been at each other. I read on, because something like this doesn’t happen that often.

“What? She scratched another crew member crew member crew member crew member on the face and then poured beer over him?”

“Not a him, a her,” he answered. “That girl has been nothing but trouble, late for work, drinks too much, insults to others. Last week, she damaged the sound equipment and we had to cancel the show. I really think it’s time we said goodbye to her.”

“Hmmm … I tend to agree, but it’s better to have security investigate the whole thing. Before you know it, we overlook something, and I have a wrongful dismissal on my hands with all the hassle that goes with it,” I answered. After all, dismissing people is one thing, but it’s up to the captain to make sure everyone is treated fairly. How often has it happened after looking further into a clear-cut case that just about every “sure fact” becomes questionable?

A few days later my security officer delivered the report himself.

“It took you long enough,” I snorted. “I didn’t think something like this would take that long.”

He blinked his eyes nervously and started to clean his glasses with a paper napkin.

“Sorry, sir. It was a bit complicated. Maybe I’d better stay while you read it so I can answer your questions.”

I started to read it and halfway through I stopped. It was indeed complicated. I started reading again from the beginning. I did this three times before I looked up.

“Can’t make heads or tail of it. So this Keeley scratched her boyfriend Donny?” I asked.

“No, sir. That’s why it took so long. I had to rewrite the report several times, and this is as clear as I could get it,” he sighed, as if I were some child who couldn’t understand his report.

“Donny is the boyfriend of Kelley. Keeley’s boyfriend is Dirk, but he isn’t involved here because he was with Angela at the time. Keeley scratched Kelley because she was talking to Donny. She used to be Donny’s girlfriend. She also punched her, and it could have been a lot worse if Kylee hadn’t interfered.”

“Kylee?” I searched for that name in the report. “Oh yes, here it is. So she interfered. Good for her.”

“Yes, sir. Her boyfriend’s name is Mark. He wasn’t there either, but the barkeeper is a witness and his name is Mark, too. Just for your information, sir, because I don’t want to confuse you by not mentioning this.”

“Ahh! Well, thank you for that. So it really looks like Kylee – I mean Keeley had better go home.” I sighed. “Did you do an alcohol test?”

“Yes, sir, but the problem is that after the infirmary did the two tests, they got confused about the names and mixed up the test results. Can’t understand how that could happen.”

I looked at him and frowned, having a pretty good idea how this could happen.

“You’d better set up a court for tomorrow so I can hear it from the horse’s mouth. So what does Keeley look like? Blonde, brown…?”

“They’re all blonde, sir, except Mark.”

“I thought you said Mark wasn’t involved.”

“I mean Mark, the bartender. He has black hair. But don’t worry, they’re easy to recognize because Kelley has blue eyes and a scratch on her cheek. Kylee and Keeley have brown eyes. It’s easy enough once you know what to look for.”

I sighed again, because I started to wish that for recognition purposes at least one of them had a black eye. I sent the security officer away and studied the report a few more times to make sure I had it all straight.

The next day, we met in my conference room – the chief engineer, chief officer, hotel manager, and the human resources manager all reading their copies of the report. The chief engineer had even more problems getting the facts straight than I had the previous day. With a growl, he threw the report on the table.

“You know, I don’t understand a thing of all this. I thought that this Keeley was dating one of my guys, but apparently I’m wrong.”

The Human Resources Manager laughed. “She did, but that was two weeks ago. After that she dated Donny and now it’s Dirk.”

The hotel manager joined in. “I know Dirk. Isn’t he the sound technician? I thought he was seeing…”

It was time to break in before I lost track of all the names again. It had cost me enough time as it was to get everything straight in my mind. The security officer stuck his head around the door.

“They’re here, sir.”

“Send them in.”

The first to enter clearly was Kelley. Nice looking, but way too heavy on the makeup. Then the others came in, but who was that brunette? The only one I was sure of was Mark, because he had black hair.

I turned to Keeley.

“So you misbehaved in the bar and harassed others. There now have been numerous complaints about you, so what do you have to say for yourself?”

Sternly I looked her in the eyes. They were blue! Quickly I scanned my notes. What were they again, brown or blue? Before I could find out, Kylee exploded.

“Complaints about me? From who! I never did anything wrong, only stopped a fight. She pointed at the brunette standing next to her. She’s the one you need to talk to!”

“Wait a minute now.” I exclaimed. Where is Kelley? She should be here, as well.”

“I’m Kelley,” yelled the girl I thought was Keeley. “Who did you think?”

“You told me she had a scratch on her cheek!” I hissed at the security officer standing behind me. She overheard me.

“I’m Kelley, and I have a scratch. Took me an hour this morning to cover it up. I never use this much makeup, but do you really think I’m going to walk around with that thing on my face?”

“But then, where is Keeley?”

“I’m Keeley,” the brunette said, stepping forward.

“You told me she was a blonde!” I turned to the security officer again, who by now had a thoroughly confused look on his face.

“Oh, that,” Keeley smiled. “I didn’t like being blonde anymore, so yesterday I had my hair colored brown. You like it?” she asked coyly.

“Yes…I mean, no! Oh, never mind the color. So you assaulted Kelley, and Kylee interfered. Her boyfriend Mark witnessed it all.

“I’m not her boyfriend,” the bartender chimed in. “I’m dating Dirk now.”

“Yes, you’re right, I got it turned around. What do you mean you’re dating Dirk? Just forget it. I don’t want to know.”

“I want to know!” I’m dating Dirk,” Keeley yelled.

“Well, not since last night. He’s with me now!” Mark gloated.

The court lasted another ten minutes in which the Dirks, Kelleys, Keeleys, Kylees, and Marks were freely mixed up with even more names of both sexes. At some point in time Kylee had insulted Simon when he was dating Kelley. Donny was not entirely innocent either, because he hadn’t paid his bar bill in months, and on and on it went.

The chief engineer lost track early on and glassy-eyed, stirred his coffee while I made a small spreadsheet to better understand the whole situation. It was of little use because each time one girl opened her mouth, I had to add another confusing fact. In the end I dismissed them all.

The hotel manager rummaged through the desk drawer. “Thought you had some aspirin here. Got a terrible headache. So what do we do now?”

I rubbed my eyes and looked at the security officer who by now had taken an interest in studying the ceiling. Then an idea came to mind, maybe not the most ethical one, but a very bright one all the same.

“Why don’t you just write another report? One with the conclusion that the issue is too complicated to investigate further, and we’ll leave it at that.”

Everyone’s face visibly brightened, because after all, this was the whole truth and nothing but the truth.