Читать книгу A Hopeless Romantic - Harriet Evans - Страница 20

Slowly but surely, Laura’s rehabilitation had begun. When she got back from Mary’s, in the early evening, slightly light-headed from the gin and wine her grandmother had pressed upon her, and full of good intentions, she cleaned the rest of her room from top to bottom, and the rest of the flat, even vacuuming in Paddy’s room. She went out and bought fresh flowers, bunches of sweet peas and cheap anemones. She had long known that a broken heart takes a while to mend, but as Mary always said, flowers in vases to look at go some way to help. And she bought food. She made supper, spaghetti with clams, scrubbing them clean for ages, cooking them in white wine, garlic, lemon juice.

She didn’t feel suddenly light as a feather, or much better. She felt – numb. But a little hopeful. She was just glad she was out of bed, frankly. She told herself she would take everything as it came, not try to sort it out immediately, in the old impetuous Laura way. When Paddy came back from work they sat together and ate, chatting lightly over a bottle of wine, and Paddy asked, ‘What the hell happened to you?’, and Laura repeated the story again that day. Everything – Dan, the baby, the job, no money. Somehow saying it all to someone her own age, who wasn’t on her side necessarily, made it worse, because then it was out there, final and true, not just in her head. Paddy whistled through his teeth as Laura finished. She held her glass of wine by the stem, and looked into her lap.

‘I’m sorry, love,’ Paddy said. ‘I’m so sorry. I wish –’

‘You wish you’d been wrong, and you wish I wasn’t so stupid,’ Laura said lightly. ‘There’s no need to say anything. I just wanted to say sorry, Pads. I’ve been a crap flatmate. And an even crapper friend. Not any more. Things have changed now, OK?’

‘Oh, right,’ said Paddy uneasily. ‘How?’

Laura heard the tone in his voice, but carried on regardless. ‘How? How? Ha, well. New leaf, that’s all. I’ve seen the light. No more romance. It’s cold, hard facts for me from now on, and that’s that. I’m not going to go on about it,’ she said as Paddy coughed politely and settled back into his chair. ‘Seriously! I’m not. That’s all I’m saying.’

‘Yeah right,’ said Paddy. He smiled. ‘You don’t have to change, Laura. We all love you just the way you are, you know.’

‘Thanks, Pads,’ Laura said. ‘But you don’t get it. I mean it. This isn’t a thing thing I’ll forget about in a couple of weeks’ time. I am Never. Feeling. Like. That. Again.’ She banged her glass on the table. ‘I promise you. I never want to go through that again. I will do Anything. To. Make. Sure. I. –’

‘Yes, yes,’ said Paddy. ‘I see, I see.’

‘I mean it, seriously,’ said Laura. She looked at him.

‘Right,’ said Paddy, but she saw him hide a smile in his wine glass.

Never mind, she thought to herself. I’ll just have to show them all. ‘So,’ she said, changing the subject. ‘What about Becky? Any news?’

‘Hah!’ said Paddy. ‘She’s got a bloody boyfriend!’

‘No!’ said Laura. ‘Oh damn. How do you know?’

‘Because I effing saw him, didn’t I?’ Paddy said bitterly. ‘I was walking down the stairs today, really slowly, just in case she came out of the flat.’

He paused, and looked into his wine glass, shaking his head as if wondering at the cruelty of the world.

‘So?’ said Laura. ‘Then what happened? Did she come out of the flat?’

‘Yes, oh yes,’ said Paddy. ‘Ha. She came out of the flat all right.’

‘Yes?’ said Laura. ‘And?’

‘With some bloke. Who she snogged for about five minutes outside. I walked past. They didn’t even say hello,’ he finished sadly, as if it was the breach of manners that really upset him about the whole thing.

‘Oh,’ said Laura. ‘Sorry, man.’

‘No sweat,’ said Paddy. He raised his glass. ‘Onwards and upwards, yes?’

‘Yes,’ said Laura, clinking his glass. ‘Onwards and upwards.’

The next day, Laura got up at eight thirty. She knew what she was going to do. She showered and got dressed, putting on jeans and a strappy vest top, and smoothed her thick shiny hair back into a plait. In the kitchen, she made herself a cup of hot water with a slice of lemon and then went to the cupboard and pulled out a big cardboard box, which she stared at for a while. She went back to her room, carrying both. It was starting to look quite bare, she’d thrown so much away, and it was tidy and fresh now Mr Kowolczyk had been.

Laura took a sip of her drink, and squared her shoulders. Then she opened her chest of drawers, and from it pulled a bundle of letters from Adam – her Romantic Poets university boyfriend – a series of cards from Josh, and the tiny pathetic scraps of memories she had from Dan. A photo of him. His expired work security pass. The bill from their weekend away in the Cotswolds (which she had had to pay for). A condom packet – god, how pathetic. Yet symbolic, she thought wryly as she chucked it in the bin. A couple of cards swearing undying love and promises of disgusting things he wanted to do to her. A bookmark – why, she had no idea. All of these went in the box. Then, with a heavy heart, she turned to her video collection, stacked up on the bookcase by her ancient video recorder. Laura was the one person who still scoured HMV for videos, scurrying home at the dead of night with a fresh cull of films Paddy would simply refuse to watch.

In went her beloved Doris Day Collection. In went My Fair Lady, The Way We Were, Pride and Prejudice (TV boxed set), Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Gone with the Wind and Brief Encounter. She lingered over When Harry Met Sally – surely that was a comedy primarily, a fine piece of film-making, winner of an (she squinted at the case) Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay – but she was firm, and it went in the box, to be followed by Moonstruck, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, What Women Want and Four Weddings and a Funeral. Finally, with the heaviest of hearts, in went The Sound of Music, her own personal favourite. Yes, the songs were great, but as far as Laura was concerned, it was all about the Captain and Julie Andrews. The misunderstandings! The harsh words, the cross-purposes! The dance in the moonlight on the terrace! The – she stopped herself, and with her left hand prised the tape out of the frenzied grip of her right hand, and threw it almost viciously in the box. Gone.

She moved over to the bookshelf. Laura gulped. This was harder than she realised. She thought of Mrs Danvers again, and hardened herself. Firm. Strong. Away with childish things. She put Rebecca on the bed, in case she needed to consult it. But in went all her Nancy Mitford books. In went all her Mills & Boons. She hesitated over her Jane Austen collection. Surely that was proper English literature, she shouldn’t be throwing it away! But no, the Mrs Danvers in her spoke again. You have never read them for academic enjoyment, Laura Foster, she said. You read them because they make you swoon and sigh and they have striding men with breeches in them. In they go.

Finally, she reached the top shelf of her bookcase. With a shaking, heavy hand she picked up her Georgette Heyer collection. She knew it had to be done, but by god it hurt. Tears came into her eyes. One by one, she dropped each book in, watched as they slammed onto each other, the pale colours of the old paperback covers gleaming up out of the box at her. It was torture.

But no. They were wrong, and they had to go. And the box was full. Slowly, Laura taped it up, and carried it out into the hall, down the stairs. Outside, in the fresh sunshine, she squinted up at the sky as she staggered like a drunk person down the path to where the wheelie bins were kept. She balanced the box on top of one, and was debating whether to open the bin and throw everything in or whether to just give the box to Paddy for safekeeping when a voice said,

‘Hello, Laura! How are you doing today, then?’

‘Hello, Mr Kenzo,’ Laura said. ‘I’m fine. Much better than the other day, you know.’

‘I’m glad, I’m glad,’ said Mr Kenzo, who was carrying a balsa-wood box of fruit. He reached in, handed her something. ‘Have a peach, my dear.’

‘Thank you,’ said Laura, and bit into it. The rasp of the skin caught on the roof of her mouth, and she pressed her tongue up to the flesh and felt the sweet, musky juice flood down her throat. ‘Mm,’ she said. ‘My goodness! That’s delicious!’

‘You look well today,’ said Mr Kenzo, considering her. ‘Hair nice. New skirt? Much better than on Saturday. My dear, you looked – my gahd. Like a dead, drowned cat. Old.’

‘Er,’ said Laura, taking another bite, not sure how to respond. ‘Thanks?’

‘Let me help,’ said Mr Kenzo, and before Laura could protest he had gripped the box firmly under his arm, lifted up the bin, and tipped the contents into its black mouth.

Laura gazed helplessly as videos, books, letters, all tumbled out of the box one after the other, disappearing into the dark. She’d never actually thrown a book away before, and she normally took her conked-out videotapes to the plastic recycling bin. It felt like sacrilege. ‘Oh,’ she said.

‘Mistake?’ said Mr Kenzo. ‘Oh dear. Were you – that was rubbish, wasn’t it? You did want to throw it away? Yes?’

‘Yes,’ said Laura, finishing the peach and slinging the peach stone in afterwards. She shut the bin lid and licked her fingers. ‘Yes, I did. Thanks, Mr Kenzo. See you later.’

And she turned and walked up the path and up the stairs back to the flat. Another thing to check off the list. She was doing well. It was like having a New Year’s resolution, she thought. I will get over Dan and I will sort out my life. Also, I will go to the gym and have freshly squeezed fruit juices every morning before work. Well, little by little.

The phone was ringing as she came back into the flat, and though she’d been avoiding the phone she instinctively picked it up. It was Jo.

‘Hi, babe,’ she said.

‘Er, hi,’ Laura answered uncertainly.

‘Look. I know it’s none of my business. But Paddy just rang me. He told me what happened.’

Her voice was echoing, it reverberated down the line.

‘Oh,’ said Laura. ‘Right.’ She twisted the phone cord around her finger and sat down on the chair by the hall table. ‘Go on then,’ she said, not really knowing what to say, not wanting to sound rude, but not wanting to get into it. She really couldn’t cope with Jo if she was going to be sanctimonious and say, ‘I told you so.’

‘Well…’ Jo coughed. ‘I just wanted to say hi.’

‘Thanks,’ Laura said, fidgeting, feeling like a five-year-old.

There was a pause, then Jo said in a rush, ‘Look. It’s none of my business. I’m not going to judge. You know what I think about it all. But I’ve been a really bad friend to you lately. And I’m sorry.’

‘You haven’t been a bad friend!’ Laura cried. ‘My god! I’m the one who’s been bad! How can you say that?’

Jo’s voice was a bit muffled, but she chuckled and said, ‘Well it’s over now, isn’t it? Hey.’ She sniffed. ‘I really, really miss you, Laura. Can we – er, can we be friends again?’

‘Of course!’ said Laura. She hugged herself. ‘Oh, I’m so glad.’

‘Me too,’ said Jo. Her voice was quiet. ‘Look, I am really sorry. You poor thing. Are you OK?’

‘Well,’ said Laura, not wanting to sound pathetic. Then she said, ‘Actually, no, not really. But I will be.’

‘Can I – can I pop round?’

Laura looked at her watch. It was only three o’clock. Jo should be at work. ‘Course,’ she said. ‘Where are you?’

There was a knock on the door, three feet away from Laura. She jumped up in the air. ‘Argh!’ she cried.

‘It’s me,’ came Jo’s voice, from down the phone and outside at the same time. ‘Hello.’

Laura opened the door. There was her best friend, standing in the doorway, her tiny frame dwarfed by her enormous backpack. She was holding some chocolates and a bottle of wine. She raised a hand and her eyes met Laura’s and she smiled.

‘Bunked off work,’ she said, rolling her eyes in the direction of the backpack crammed with papers on her back. ‘I – I wanted to see you,’ and she came forward, her arms outstretched, and gave Laura a hug.

‘Poor, poor baby,’ she said soothingly into Laura’s hair, and both of them were crying, not just for Laura’s predicament, but because girls are a bit pathetic like that. ‘Poor baby.’

‘Yes,’ sniffed Laura, wholly in agreement. ‘Thanks,’ she added. ‘You must think I’m a complete idiot.’

‘No I don’t,’ said Jo firmly. ‘Just – no, I don’t. He’s the idiot, isn’t he?’

‘Yeah!’ said Laura. ‘But – well, I have been really stupid. And the worst of it is, you were right,’ she said in a rush. ‘All along. You’re always saying it.’

‘Saying what?’

‘You know,’ said Laura, looking at the floor.

Jo swung her bag onto the ground and said nothing.

‘Well,’ Laura said after a while. ‘Just – it’s not the first time. I should have learnt my lesson by now. I have. Just so you know.’

‘Sure, sure,’ Jo crooned, putting her arm around her friend. ‘Yes, of course you have.’

‘No, I mean it,’ said Laura firmly. ‘You sound like Paddy. I have. Well, you’ll just have to see. I’m a changed person. Anyway. Forget it.’ She eyed the bottle of wine. ‘Screw-top, yum. Come and get a glass.’

‘Great,’ said Jo. ‘So, tell me all about it. It happened on Friday, right?’

‘Right,’ said Laura, retreating into the kitchen. ‘So…’

Laura suffered a setback on Wednesday. She knew she’d been doing so well, but it was hard being good and kind and