Читать книгу Honor Before Heart - Heather McCorkle - Страница 8

At the count of thirty, Ashlinn finally gave up on finding a pulse and removed her fingers from the doctor’s neck. She pried the blood-splattered leather bag from his stiff fingers and marched on through the sea of corpses. Time was of the essence and sparing any for a prayer or kind word toward a man who had shown her nothing but contempt could cost another man his life. Steeling her heart against the carnage before her, she marched on, searching the field of corpses for anyone still breathing.

At least, that’s what she told herself she searched for. The other medical personnel had long since pulled back with the union troops, returning to Harrison’s Landing to regroup. But she refused to leave while daylight still set the cloudy sky aglow. Little danger remained since the Confederate soldiers had retreated hours ago. So she told herself.

Rain began to drip down the back of her exposed neck and run beneath the collar of her shirt. She longed to let her long hair free from her woolen forage cap to protect her neck, but she didn’t dare. The long blond tresses would be a blazing fire that branded her a woman to any who may look across the field. It was one thing for her gender to be known at the ambulance wagons or field hospital, another entirely to be discovered out here amidst the carnage where civility had been abandoned completely.

Carefully inspecting the face of each corpse, she searched to find the one so familiar to her—and prayed not to at the same time. More than once she had to roll bodies over, wipe coagulating blood away, and even discern identity from only part of a face that was left. Each one made her heart ache for a family that would never again see their son, father, or brother. But it was a distant, dull ache from a heart that had hardened over the two years she had spent as a nurse in this war. Such curing was the only way for one’s heart to survive the atrocities surrounding her.

On and on her search went and not a single survivor stirred amidst the carnage. Most had been picked up and hauled off, but she had already checked those. In the fading light it soon became difficult to make out the faces of the dead. Casting her gaze out across the blood-soaked field, she took in the dozens upon dozens of bodies strewn about that she still had to check. Today’s casualties easily numbered in the hundreds on both sides. The cloud-choked sky deceptively hid the sun’s march toward the horizon. It was nearly impossible to tell how late it was. She was too close to finishing to stop now, though. At least she had reached an area where the ground had leveled out now and would be easier going. The hillside didn’t look like much, but it had been hell maneuvering through the bodies coming down it.

Roused from her searching by a soft woof, she instinctively clutched the doctor’s medical bag to her and looked up. A long-legged gray dog that looked more like a monster out of an old myth than a canine came loping across the field toward her. At the size of a small pony, it leapt over the bodies it couldn’t go around, clearing them with ease. Letting out a breath, Ashlinn relaxed.

“Cliste, what are you doin’ out here, girl?” she whispered.

Again came the soft woof as Cliste bounded to her, licked her face, and turned to start back the other way. Knowing the dog’s signs all too well, Ashlinn rose and followed like an obedient owner. Once upon a time Cliste’s discoveries sent a thrill through her, a hope that the one her hound had found just might be the one she searched for. But that hope had died a long time ago. Still, a survivor was a good thing, regardless of whether or not it was the one she longed to find.

At the muddy bank of the James, Cliste darted into the brush.

Ashlinn shook her head. “Bloody hound, if you just have a rabbit in there…” she whispered as she followed slowly behind.

One hand strayed toward the knife belted at her waist. At least a rabbit would mean fresh meat for dinner. As much as she detested harming any living thing, she had learned to do what she had to so that she survived this damnable war. Careful of her footing on the slippery slope, she followed Cliste’s wagging gray tail down the riverbank. The big hound began backing out of the bushes, the muscles along her neck and back flexing as she dragged a burden along with her. The sight of the collar of the blue uniform clenched between Cliste’s teeth made Ashlinn’s heart thump so hard in her chest that it hurt.

Or perhaps it was the thrill of hope that caused the pain. The loyal hound never touched the survivors she found, only stood over them. The soldier attached to the collar didn’t so much as stir as Cliste dragged him through the mud. Blood stained the abdomen and left arm of his uniform a dark crimson. It was always hard to tell if the blood on a man was his own or another’s, but this one’s lack of movement did not bode well. One look at his face and the hope that had blossomed in her heart withered and died as if poisoned.

Clean-shaven as he was, she knew instantly that he wasn’t the man she searched for. Swallowing back the tears that tried to choke her, she put her mind to the task at hand. At least she could save someone’s brother, husband, or father this day. Slightly prominent cheekbones and a strong jawline framed a handsome face that tugged at something deep inside her. She found herself wishing his eyes were open so she could see what color they were. His forage cap had gotten lost sometime during either the battle or Cliste’s handling of him, leaving his dark brown hair to tumble loose and drag in the mud. His chest rose and fell rhythmically, a good sign despite the blood covering him.

After a quick glance around the still battlefield, Ashlinn knelt beside the man. She undid the rain-slick buttons of his uniform, exposing his undershirt. Grabbing the collar of the threadbare beige garment, she tore it open easily.

“Sorry, soldier. I know you probably brought that from home,” she murmured as she pushed it open wider.

Blood still oozed from a horrible gash in the man’s left side about four inches wide and deep enough that Ashlinn could see muscle. A bayonet wound, which likely meant it was even deeper than it appeared. From the placement, the chances that the weapon had missed anything vital were good. Another glance at the lengthening shadows of twilight stealing over the land and she knew she wouldn’t be moving him far. Her gaze methodically checked the landscape, looking for anywhere she could hide him away from prying eyes and the weather.

Most of the trees had been chopped down for one army or another’s use, leaving nothing but open fields and brush along the river. A few abandoned cannons and broken-down wagons lay a good distance away back up on the hillside, but they weren’t exactly a good option. Too obvious. A soft woof drew her attention back to Cliste, who stood wagging her tail so hard her entire rear end swayed. The moment Ashlinn looked at her the hound dashed off into the underbrush and disappeared. Another woof sounded, this one echoing.

Trusting her furred companion, Ashlinn grabbed hold of the soldier’s collar with both hands and slowly began to drag him back the way Cliste had brought him. The tall bushes allowed her to duck beneath them, and the mud helped her pull the man along despite the fact that he probably weighed almost double what she did. Once she had him beneath the cover of the bushes, Ashlinn turned around to see where Cliste had disappeared to.

Between the leaves and the shadows of the rapidly approaching night, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust and realize what they beheld. Around the edge of this bush and down along the river a little was a dark spot on the bank that resembled a cave mouth. Like a gray ghost, Cliste bounded from the yawning darkness and reached Ashlinn’s side in less than four steps. While Ashlinn stood catching her breath with her hands on her hips, Cliste took the soldier’s collar in her teeth again and began to drag him toward the cave mouth. Shaking her head, Ashlinn crouched low to avoid the snarling branches and lifted the soldier’s wounded arm out of the mud.

More than once the riverbank sucked at her calf-high boots, nearly making her slip. Only a few feet of rain-slickened plant life lay between her and the muddy waters of the James River. Warm though the evening was, this man had lost so much blood he was bound to get cold, and his battle to survive the night would be hard enough as it was without a plunge into the water. She had to be careful. The closer they got to the cave opening, the less it looked like a cave. It was more like a shelf of ground hollowed out by the river when it had been swollen with winter water. Regardless, it would have to do.

Finally, with Cliste’s help, she was able to pull the soldier inside the makeshift cave. She suffered a few scratches shoving aside leafy branches of the bushes that were trying to overgrow the opening, but they made it inside. The earthen roof was almost high enough that she could stand up and wide enough for the three of them with room to spare. Sitting slightly above the water level, the alcove would keep them warm and dry, which was all she could have hoped for.

Outside, rain began to fall in great sheets, obscuring what little view of the river she had from between the leaves. A sigh of relief slid from her. She’d be able to start a fire without having to worry about the smoke being seen. She had to boil water and cleanse the dead doctor’s medical instruments and stitching material. God knows he certainly hadn’t done it. More than once she had tried to convince the doctors of the Union army that such precautions were necessary, but they always dismissed her ideas as the ramblings of an uneducated woman. All despite the fact that the hacks knew her father had been a forward-thinking doctor and her mother a midwife who fancied herself a scientist. In fact, she had often thought her lineage was part of why they seemed to despise her so. Softly chastising herself, she shook her head. To think ill of the dead invited nothing but trouble.

Like a massive sentinel, Cliste lay down close to the soldier’s head. Again, Ashlinn puzzled over what could possibly make the hound so protective of a complete stranger.

She began to collect the few bits of driftwood that she could find in the dark alcove. She would need more, a lot more, but this would do for now. Several of the branches were dry enough that she was able to strip the bark from them with ease. She piled the strips beneath the wood. From within her frock coat she pulled a small box of lucifers, struck one, and touched the resulting flame to the pile of dry bark. In a few moments the tinder caught. When the tiny flame started to devour the driest bits of bark, she placed a few of the smaller branches over the orange flames. With a bit of coaxing a steady fire soon burned.

Removing her frock coat, she laid it aside, then removed the small satchel she kept hidden beneath it. She dug out a small pan from within the satchel and filled it with water from her canteen. Using a few rocks and larger branches she found near the entrance of the alcove, she made a place for the pan to sit over the fire. Upon her coat she laid out the contents of her satchel: clean linens for bandages, vials of morphine, a bottle of iodine, suture needles, and suture thread that had been boiled and stored carefully within a wax-sealed envelope.

Such items weren’t customary and often got her laughed at by the other nurses and the few doctors who had ever seen them. But they were items vital to a patient’s survival, according to her father. And considering the survival rate of his patients versus any other doctor she had ever known, she put her trust in his teachings. Morphine was the one thing that the hack doctors of this war used, but they did so sparingly and often only on officers. It was hard to come by, which was part of why she kept it hidden inside her coat with her other precious items.

Feeling as prepared as she was going to get, she set to the task of removing the soldier’s coat and undershirt. Unable to move him much due to the wound in his side, she had to settle for removing his wounded arm from his coat and pushing his clothing away from his side wound as much as possible. Not an ounce of fat seemed to cling anywhere to his muscled frame. Though the sight of his mostly naked chest stirred her, it also saddened her. Lack of good food kept the poor man teetering on the edge of skinny, like so many of the soldiers in this war. That thought led down a slippery path of concern, hope, and despair, haunted by the ghostly images of her brothers.

More water from her canteen cleaned the blood away and revealed the wounds. Much like the wound in his side, the one on his arm was so deep that she could see the gleam of muscle. His arm was starting to swell, which would make it more difficult to sew the wound closed if she didn’t hurry. Thankfully, the bayonet hadn’t gone through the man’s arm and didn’t appear to have hit bone. Regardless, the three-inch or so wide laceration was nasty looking.

Brown eyes wide and trusting, Cliste watched every move she made. Ashlinn shook her head at her companion.

“Don’t know what draws you to this one so much, but I’m curious to find out,” she murmured.

Standing, she held a finger out to the hound. “No lickin’,” she commanded in a soft whisper.

Eyes dropping in disappointment, Cliste lowered her head onto her huge, crossed front paws.

Though the water in the pan hadn’t started to boil yet, she dropped the suturing needles and the end of the tongs in it as she moved to leave the alcove. Rain fell from the sky as if it wept over the atrocities of the day, turning the world into a dreary gray haze that was impossible to see through. Nevertheless, she scanned the area, listening hard as she did so. All she could hear was the splatter of thousands upon thousands of fat drops of rain. With the ghosts of her past waiting to haunt her, she didn’t want to go out there, but she had to. The urge to return to the battlefield and continue searching pulled at her the moment her gaze drifted that direction. She fought it with every ounce of strength she had. This man needed her help. Returning to a fruitless search wasn’t an option.

Careful of the slippery slope, she climbed down the last few feet to the mud-colored water and plunged her hands in. With a bit of soap she kept tucked into her pocket, she washed as thoroughly as she could with such water, scrubbing until even her nails shone clean. If only the “good doctor” of the regiment could see her now, he’d surely be cursing and shaking his head at her supposed foolishness. Washing one’s hands was a waste of precious time he had always told her. Well, she would waste time so that this soldier didn’t join the bastard in the afterlife.

Lips curving up into a smile, she glanced skyward.

By no small miracle, she made it back to the alcove with her hands held up and out before her without touching anything. The soldier’s breathing had become slightly labored, his chest rising and falling too rapidly. She knelt beside him.

“Sir, can you hear me?”

His eyes fluttered beneath his lids. Cliste’s tail thumped in the dirt.

“If you can hear me, sir, this is going to hurt.”

Careful so as not to overuse the precious mixture, she poured the iodine tincture directly into the open wound on the soldier’s arm. A colorful curse flew from his lips as his eyes shot open and he tried to sit up, getting only a few inches off the ground before collapsing back. Surprisingly, he did not scream as most soldiers did when exposed to the tincture. Those eyes she had wondered about were copper with sunbursts of darker brown coming out from the pupil. They fixed upon her, their pain and beauty ensnaring her so that she couldn’t move, let alone look away.

Beside them, Cliste whined. The soldier’s gaze shifted and the trap released, allowing Ashlinn to breathe again.

“Is the dog all right?” he asked.

The heavy Irish brogue coloring his voice sent a thrill into her that darted straight for her abdomen. She possessed a similar accent, but not nearly as strong since her family had been in America for two generations and had worked hard to get it out of her voice. It made her wonder if he were a new immigrant. When his words sank in, she smiled.

“Of course, she is just worried about you.”

Hair so dark brown it was nearly black fell across those alluring eyes as his head turned to look at the hound. “The Reb didn’t hurt her, did he? I tried to stop him, but when he wounded me, she ran after him.”

Ashlinn sat up straighter, having to fight the impulse to cover her gaping mouth with her clean hand. “You saved my hound?”

A smile turned the man’s rugged face handsome. “Aye. But she saved me as well.”

Were he not bleeding and nearly mortally wounded, she would have hugged him, societal rules be dammed. “Thank you. She is all I have left,” she whispered.

The man’s gaze shifted back to her and it was as though the sun itself shone upon her again. “You are an angel hidin’ in men’s clothin’, but an angel nonetheless for it.” His voice began to drift, trailing with each word.

Smile turning crooked, she cocked her head. “You won’t be thinking that for long. I’ve got to clean the wound in your side and it’s going to hurt like hell. But I need you to hold as still as you can, understand?”

He turned his gaze to the roof of their little alcove and nodded. “Aye.”

“Would you like some laudanum or morphine first?”

Closing his eyes, he shook his head. “No. That stuff’s wicked addictive.”

“All right then. Here we go.”

She poured the tincture into the wound on his side. Lips closing tight over a groan, his back bowed. Using the clean cotton rags she had brought with her, she cleaned the area around the wounds after flushing them both with the iodine tincture.

“Bloody hell, ’tis not water you’re cleanin’ me wounds with, is it?” he asked when she retreated to get the needles and thread.

“No. It is an iodine tincture.”

His labored breathes tugged at her heart. “Why?”

She looked deep into his pain-filled eyes. “Because it will save your arm and your life. You do want me to save your arm, do you not?”

“Aye. My soul would die if I could not hold me fiddle.”

Shock raised her eyebrows. Few men she had used such methods on had ever acquiesced so easily. Most wanted the false comfort of their regiment doctor’s usual practices, even if that was sawing off their limbs. She wasn’t about to tell him that her methods included two sets of sutures, one inside the wound, and one outside. Some things were just best left unsaid.

While he wasn’t looking, she dipped the little finger of her left hand in laudanum. Holding it up to his lips, she gave him her best casual smile.

“Here, suck on this.”

His eyes widened and he grinned. “I would deny you nothin’ me angel,” he murmured.

“Delirium already, not a good sign,” she said through a smile.

The tightness around his eyes and lips betrayed his pain despite his playful expression. Obedient as his word, he opened his mouth and closed his lips around her little finger. The warm wetness of his mouth made her skin tingle. The smooth, bumpy texture of his tongue running along her finger caused her to shiver in the most wonderful way. His brow furrowed deeper as she withdrew her finger, tongue darting out to touch his lips.

“You tricked me,” he said.

“I am sorry, truly. But no worries, it was not enough to make your body want more. Just enough to take the edge off.”

His head turned away from her. “Hope you’re right, I’d rather be dead than addicted.”

Respect for the man swelled within her. Not many would refuse laudanum or morphine, even knowing what it could do to them. All too often their fear and pain got the better of them until many begged for it.

“You are very brave, soldier. And smart,” she said as she picked up the suture thread and the first needle she would use.

He opened his mouth but only a moan came out. Already the drug was taking effect. It took several tries before he could produce words. “Sean. My name…is Sean.”

“’Tis a fine name. Now you just relax while I sew you up.”

Eyes falling closed of their own accord, Sean’s mouth worked wordlessly. She watched him for a few moments. The long lashes touching his cheekbones fluttered like moths against a flame as his eyes moved beneath his lids. When his breathing deepened and he went still, she set needle to flesh and began to mend his body.