Читать книгу The Wisdom of Wildflowers - Heather Robbins - Страница 9

Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine the purest shade of blue you can. A hue that is crisp, soft, and wonderfully simple. I am certain the color of the Forget-Me-Not is exactly the shade of blue you have in mind.

These plants grow abundantly in the foothills. Delicate sprays of miniature blue flowers stand twelve to eighteen inches high on pale-green stems. They have the cutest blossoms one could ever imagine, with tiny pale-yellow discs surrounded by five perfect little blue petals. The soft hue is so pure and fresh, it greets the eye like a soothing breeze on a hot summer’s day.

The name of the Forget-Me-Not speaks to the lesson this beautiful blossom has in store. And although poets in the past wrote of it as a token of affection between lovers, we can look at it as a reminder to never forget our past, and to understand and recognize where we came from.

Our personal history is the rich soil in which our roots are embedded, and regardless of what lies buried there, it is the ground from which we came. How we grow today is our choice, but looking back can provide tremendous insights into the path we have chosen for ourselves. Peering into the past lifts a veil, allowing us to discover the intricacies of our unique personality. And not only can we excavate the depths of our own persona, but we can also discover the richness of our family’s history.

Looking into that history can reveal wonderful and exciting discoveries about the time spent with family and loved ones. But for those who had difficult past experiences in their lives, it can be a very painful exercise. Nevertheless, in order to move forward, we must sometimes look at where we’ve been.

What circumstances influenced our decisions? What did we have control over, and what did we not? Which family behaviors and traditions do we want to carry forth into our own lives and pass onto future generations? Which behaviors and traditions do we want to see end? Were we lifted up and supported, or did words and actions from our loved ones tear us down? What made us stronger? What continues to eat away at us and rob us of our power today?

Rooting through our past can help dislodge deeply held negative thoughts and feelings, which we can then confront and deal with. Fortunately, for those who find doing any of this too overwhelming on their own, there are many counseling resources available in communities and online to help guide them through.

If it is not possible to look back at our past with loving smiles and a happy heart, then perhaps we can look back with some understanding. When we delve even further into our family’s story and see what the childhoods of our parents or caregivers were like, it may help us understand what shaped their behavior and made them into the people they are.

Did they have loving influences in their early years? Was there a lot of pain and anguish? Did their little spirits retreat from an unrelenting stream of abuse and mistreatment? What did their lessons in love look like?

It can be very difficult to shower love and affection on someone when your own wellspring of emotion was never filled or replenished. We learned how to express love and kindness from those who expressed love and kindness towards us, but if our caregivers were never shown how to do that, how could they possibly have loved us the way we needed them to?

The more we understand how and why our family members behaved as they did, the clearer the path towards forgiveness. We must remember, however, forgiveness does not mean condoning behavior. It simply means we understand where that behavior comes from, and we make the decision to no longer let it influence us.

When we are flooded with the memories from past negative experiences, it is important to allow ourselves to completely feel the emotion of it. Conjuring up painful memories is a very uncomfortable process, but they are just memories, and the actions that precipitated those feelings are no longer present. We are in control now and we are safe. Once we allow ourselves to feel the pain, then we can release it. We can cry it out, scream it out, pray it out, or just close our eyes and imagine the hurt draining out of our bodies with each exhaled breath. And each time the pain rises up, we can acknowledge it, feel it, and release it. If we fight the emotions and try to block them out, all we are doing is holding them tighter to us. We need to call them out and release them.

This is an exercise that will probably need to be repeated again and again, but each time we do it, each time we allow ourselves to feel the pain associated with the memory, and then let it go, the pain will become less and less until the day comes when we are no longer held captive by it.

It can be a bit like watching a scary movie. The first time we watch the film our reactions are very strong. However, if we watch the movie again and again, our reactions become less pronounced. If we continue to watch the film, we will get to a point where the scary parts no longer shake us to the core.

It is the same with unpleasant memories that have created anguish in our heart. Each time we allow ourselves to feel the pain, and each time we acknowledge what happened in the past, we become less captive by it. We realize that now we are in the driver’s seat, that we are in control. We are safe to feel the emotion, and we can work on setting ourselves free.

When we are aware of our family’s history and dynamic, we can make better, more informed choices for our own lives, as well as for the lives of those who come after us. We cannot change our past, and it will always be a part of us. But we do not have to continue to carry the heavy chains that were forged by pain and anger, and passed down through the generations. We can be the change that puts our family’s story on a smoother, gentler track. Remember, we will be part of the past that future generations will look back on, so what do we want them to see? Our strength, our grace, and our humanity, or that we continued to carry pain and heartache, and pass it onto the next generation?

Just the fact some of us are alive today is an incredible testament to our family’s will to survive. The lives of our ancestors were much different than what we are experiencing today. Their time on earth was probably very difficult. They would have made tremendous sacrifices, endured back-breaking work, and faced painful and difficult choices. Whatever their circumstances, a tenacious, driving spirit would have carried them through, and we have inherited that spirit, that incredible strength that helped our ancestors through wars, famines, depressions, and loss.

Regardless of what other attributes they carried with them, our ancestors were survivors, and so are we. There will always be days when we feel overwhelmed and vulnerable, but if we have faith that our family’s strength of spirit beats strong and true within us, and that God’s divine love is ever present, that will be the legacy we carry into the future.

Our history, like the delicate Forget-Me-Not tells us, is full of precious stories and interesting people. We are all sewn into the embroidered lace of our family’s tale. Let’s make an effort to understand our past, embrace our present, and make our lives a beautiful and inspiring chapter for future generations to discover.