Читать книгу Vets and Pets 2: Jamie and the Horse Show - Helen Brain - Страница 5

Snotterbel Delight

Jamie couldn’t wait to tell her mother the news about Oreo, but Arabella wasn’t in the mood. She’d had a long day in the vet practice and now the prof was late for dinner.

“Where is your father?” she said, slamming the wooden spoon on the kitchen counter. “The supper is getting ruined and I made something special.”

“Something especially disgusting?” asked Toby, rolling his eyes.

“You know what?” said Arabella, ignoring her eldest child. “I think we should just start eating. Your dad is really late. Sit down kids, and I’ll dish up.”

Jamie and Toby eyed the serving dishes suspiciously. The only one looking forward to dinner was the monkey. He leaped onto the table and snatched a fish finger from the dish.

“Tick, you know you’re not allowed to have Bieber in here at meal times,” Arabella said irritably. “Take him out and shut the door.”

“Where’d you put him?” Jamie asked when her little brother came back into the kitchen.

“In the lounge. He’s watching Jackass.”

Pan giggled. “You really put the TV on just for your monkey?”

“Anything to keep him quiet,” said Arabella, dishing up the fish fingers. They were curling up at the edges and had lost their crumbs.

“What happened to the fish fingers, Mom?” asked Jamie. “They look like they’ve got mange.”

“Don’t be silly, Jamie,” Arabella said, plopping a wodge of grey stodge on each plate. “Fish fingers and mash. Your favourite.”

“When I was five maybe,” Jamie said. “Before I tasted the food Pan’s chef cooks.”

“Well, Pan’s chef doesn’t spend all day helping sick animals,” Arabella said with her lips tight. “And I bet you even Pan’s chef won’t have heard of the delicacy I’ve made tonight. Here it is, my piece de resistance,” she exclaimed, lifting the lid off the last dish. “Snotterbel!”

The four children peered at the blob of murk lurking at the bottom of the dish.

“Snotterbel?” Jamie said. “I’ve never heard of that.”

“It’s an indigenous South African plant. It’s the new super food.”

“It looks like parrot poo,” said Toby.

“Where did you get it?” Jamie asked, prodding it with her fork. “Do they sell it at Pick n Pay?”

“It grows outside the garage. I’ve been feeding it worm wee from my wormery and it’s growing like wildfire.”

“Worm wee?” said Tick, looking a bit pale. “I don’t think I want to eat snot or worm wee.”

“It’s not snot, Nicholas. It’s Snotterbel,” Arabella said firmly, passing the plates down the table. “And anyway, I washed it. Now tuck in everyone.”

“Who’s that flushing the toilet?” Jamie asked as the water pipes clunked in the ceiling.

Tick looked smug. “Bieber, of course. He’s getting the hang of it. This afternoon he did a number …”

“Tick, that’s enough,” Arabella snapped. “We don’t want to hear about monkey bowel movements at dinner.”

Before Tick could argue they heard the car pull up. Professor Waine came in at the back door, beaming.

“Good evening, Family. I see you’ve already started. Good, good.”

“We couldn’t wait any longer, Dear,” said Arabella in an icy tone. “I hope you’re hungry.”

The prof looked at the sad array of dishes and gave a little belch. “Ah, no, Love. Too many pub nuts. Been at my college reunion. Super time. Super.”

“Well,” said Arabella, “all the more for me then.” She flicked her napkin out as if it were a switch blade and attacked her meal with her knife and fork. The children watched her carefully as she chewed a mouthful of green sludge. Jamie waited till she wasn’t looking and tipped hers under the table, where Fungi, her dog, gobbled it up.

“Ah, Tobias I have a gift for you, Boy.” The prof smacked Toby on the back so he nearly choked. “My old colleague, Dr Horeheck, has to go into a retirement home next week. Eccentric old chap. Gave me something that he can’t take with him.”

“Poor old Dr Horeheck,” Arabella said as the prof trotted off to the garage. “Such an old dear, and all alone in the world. No family. No one to make him home cooked meals … I’ll go and visit him next week and take him some meatloaf.”

Toby sniggered. “Are you trying to kill him off, Mom?”

“About my horse, Mom,” Jamie said. “I was talking to Mrs Bunhoffer today – you know that pretty German lady, Oreo’s owner?”

“Hmm,” said Arabella. She wasn’t listening. “What IS your father doing now?”

There was a scraping, rasping noise. “Hell and Damnation,” cursed the prof. Something squawked, and he reappeared dragging an enormous bird cage. A bedraggled African Grey sat on the perch. “For you Toby,” said the prof, standing with his arms stretched out like a sexy model at a car show.

“No, no, no!” Arabella exclaimed. “NO MORE PETS! I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. But you people never listen. Who cleans up after them and feeds them and picks up their poo? ME, that’s who!”

The family ignored the ranting they’d heard so many times.

“For me, Dad?” Toby asked. His geeky face was all lit up with joy. “I’ll put him in my room with Hawking. Maybe they’ll mate.”

The parrot looked at him with its beady eyes. “Hell and Damnation,” it squawked. “Pi equals three point one four one five nine two six five.”

Everyone laughed.

“Well maybe he can stay a while, until we find him a new home,” Arabella said. “Let me take a look at him.”

She went over to the cage and began to undo the door.

“Not such a good idea, my beautiful wife,” said the prof with a hiccup. “Doesn’t like ladies.”

“Oh nonsense, I’ve treated hundreds of parrots. You’ve just got to handle them right.” She opened the cage door and reached for the parrot. He growled and scuttled away across his perch.

“Come on, Boy,” she murmured. “Let me look at you.”

The parrot bent his head and looked at the floor.

“Do you want tickles?” Arabella asked, reaching out to scratch his head.

He lunged at her, slicing her hand.

“Ouch!” she squeaked. “He bit me!”

Toby got up. “Let me,” he said, pushing his mother aside. He crouched down, murmuring softly. The parrot looked up at him and relaxed his ruffled feathers. Toby cautiously put his hand into the cage.

“Up,” said Toby. “Up you get.”

The parrot hopped onto Toby’s hand. Toby drew him out of the cage and held him, stroking his head.

“We shall never surrender,” squawked the parrot in a deep resonant voice. “We will fight them on the beaches …”

“What’s his name, Dad?” asked Tick.

“Dr Horeheck called him after his favourite scientist, Richard Dawkins.”

“That’s hilarious,” giggled Pan. “Now you’ve got Hawking and Dawkins. And they’ll both be squawking.”

Dawkins rubbed his head against Toby’s finger. “We will NEVER surrender,” he said happily.

“If Toby gets a new pet then I want one too,” Jamie said. “About my horse, Mom, Oreo is now for sale …”

“Jamie, it will be years before you’ve saved enough for a horse,” Arabella said. “Let’s talk about it nearer to the time. Now who wants seconds of the Snotterbel?”

“Fine,” said Jamie crossly when she and Pan were in her room after dinner. “If she doesn’t want to talk about it, I won’t talk about it. I’ll just sell everything I don’t want anymore and surprise her when I’ve got the full ten thousand rand.”

“Good idea,” said Pan, opening Jamie’s wardrobe. “Now let’s see what you’ve got in here that we can sell.”