Читать книгу Three Reasons To Wed - Helen Lacey - Страница 9
ОглавлениеThere wasn’t anything he could say to himself that would convince Grady that having Marissa over for dinner was in any shape or form a sensible idea. But the girls had begged him to invite her and he couldn’t refuse them. They rarely asked for anything, particularly Breanna, who he knew missed her mother deeply. So if it meant being around Marissa for a few hours every now and then, he was happy to do it.
Sunday afternoon came around way too quickly, and by the time the girls were bathed and dressed and waiting patiently for her to arrive, it was past five o’clock. They could barely contain their excitement at seeing Marissa again.
She pulled up in the driveway at precisely three minutes to six, and as soon as she walked through the door his daughters bounced around, twirling and laughing, showing off their now-chipped nail polish. Once again he marveled at how easily and completely she captured their attention. Since their mom died, no one else could reach them the way Marissa did. She had a certain kind of magic when it came to his daughters. Even Liz had known it. But he was pretty sure Marissa had no idea how much she meant to his family.
“Hi,” she said when he greeted her in the hall.
“Hi yourself,” he replied and stepped aside to give her room to pass. “We’re eating out on the back veranda tonight,” he explained. “The girls have already set the table,” he said and winked slightly. “To celebrate your homecoming.”
“Don’t tell her that, Daddy,” Breanna said and tugged at his shirt. “It’s a surprise.”
She laughed. “A surprise? I look forward to seeing it.”
Grady grinned. “Don’t say you weren’t warned.”
Tina grabbed his leg and begged to be held, and before he could pick her up Marissa held out her arms. “I’ve got her,” she said and lifted her up. “I don’t want to interrupt the cook,” she said and pointed to the bright pink apron he had around his waist.
“Are you laughing at me?” he asked good-humoredly.
“If you want to walk around in that getup, you need to deal with the consequences.”
“True enough,” he said and plucked at the pink and silver sequins on the small apron tucked into his jeans. “But in case you were wondering, it actually belongs to Breanna and she insisted I borrow it while I cook on the grill.”
Marissa raised a skeptical brow. “And it’s not emasculating in anyway whatsoever.”
“Gee...thanks.”
She laughed again and the sound hit him directly in the solar plexus. She looked lovely in a knee-length soft denim dress and silver sandals. Her hair was down, flowing over her shoulders and down her back, and he remembered how he’d touched some strands the day before. He had no idea why he’d done it. He never overstepped the bounds of their often fraught relationship. She was Liz’s friend. Not his. And he didn’t think about Marissa like that. He’d dismissed all those thoughts long ago, when he’d started dating Liz and fallen in love with her. But for some reason, one he couldn’t fathom, right in that moment, with her beautiful hair flowing and her cheeks bright with color while she held his child as if she was a precious gift, Grady was thinking about it. And attraction, white-hot and completely unexpected, coursed through his blood with the speed of a freight train.
No! It can’t be!
But he couldn’t deny it. Couldn’t do anything but let it wash over him and settle behind his ribs. He wasn’t sure what to do with it. What to make of it. Or if he should or could do anything.
It will pass...
Of course it would. It was a fleeting fancy. Simply a matter of geography. Marissa was beautiful and familiar and suddenly near. Of course he would notice her. It didn’t mean a solitary thing. And it didn’t mean he’d be prepared to do something about it. If she knew what he was thinking, she’d probably get all outraged and call him a bunch of well-deserved names.
If and when he started dating again, it certainly wouldn’t be with Marissa Ellis. They had too much history between them. They had Liz...and he wouldn’t dishonor the memory of his beloved wife like that. Even if Liz gave the whole idea her blessing, which knowing Liz, she probably would have. The last thing she’d told him before she passed away was to be happy, to make another life, to not be alone. But he wasn’t ready. Not just yet. And when he was, he’d find someone who didn’t have a window into his past. Marissa was not for him. She might wield magic with his daughters, but he wasn’t about to turn that into anything else. Anything more.
“Are you okay?”
Marissa’s soft voice jerked him into the moment. “Sure...” he said and waved a vague hand. “Let’s go out to the patio.”
She followed him outside, Tina still locked in her arms. Grady watched her expression change to one of pure delight when she saw what Breanna and Milly had done to the long table. Dolls and colorful toys decorated some of the chairs. Bunting made from colored paper was stretched between the porch beams, and the table was decorated with glitter and colored glass ornaments.
“Oh...wow,” Marissa said as she walked out onto the patio. “This is amazing.” She looked at Breanna and Milly. “Did you do this for me?”
“Yes,” Milly said excitedly and twirled a little. “We did it today. Daddy helped, too.”
Marissa sighed and adjusted Tina on her hip. “Well, I have to say, this is just about the best decorated table I’ve ever seen. You’ve made me feel very special.”
“You are special,” Breanna said adamantly and grabbed Marissa’s hand. “You’re Mommy’s best friend. So you’re our best friend, too.”
Grady fought back the lump in his throat. Of course. It made perfect sense. Through Marissa, his daughters stayed connected to their mother. They still felt as though they had her in their lives. Sadness lodged in his chest, sitting there like a heavy weight.
Marissa met his gaze and he knew immediately that she knew what he was thinking. Because she was thinking it, too. Her eyes shimmered a little, as if she was trying to hold her emotions at bay. He’d seen her cry once before—the day Liz had died. She’d gone into his wife’s hospital room for a few minutes and emerged stoic and breathing deeply, until she’d made her way into the corridor. That’s when she broke down. Grady was coming from speaking with the doctor and had watched her for a moment. He hadn’t offered any comfort, because he didn’t have any to offer. There were no words. His wife was dying and he had children he had to prepare to lose their mommy. But he’d felt Marissa’s despair in that moment, right to the core of his being. At Liz’s funeral she’d held it together, as he had. She’d given the eulogy and spoken about her love and admiration for her best friend. During that day, through his grief and sense of loss, he’d appreciated how she’d kept everything running smoothly—the wake, the funeral, even putting the girls to bed with a story.
Later, after everyone had left and his daughters were finally asleep, she’d made coffee and sat at the kitchen table. He’d joined her there, sitting opposite, sipping coffee he didn’t want, wondering how he was supposed to go on, but knowing he had to for the sake of his children. In that moment, Marissa had shared his anguish as no one else could. She’d gripped his hand from across the table and held on and told him everything would be okay. And he’d believed her, trusted her, absorbed her words as if they were tonic. He owed her a lot for her strength that day.
Grady gathered his thoughts and ushered the girls away from her a little. “How about you give Marissa some space so she can relax.”
“But, Daddy, I want—”
“No buts,” he said to Breanna. “I’m going to cook dinner, so why don’t you go and get that pitcher of lemonade from the refrigerator, okay?”
His daughter looked serious, but happy to do the chore, and took Milly with her.
Grady looked at Marissa. “You okay?”
She nodded and held the baby close before she placed Tina down so his youngest could play with the dolls strewn across the play mat. “Fine. Only...only I...”
“I know,” he said when her voice trailed off. “They just about break your heart.”
She nodded and sucked in a deep breath. “They miss her so much, Grady. I don’t think I realized how much until this very minute. I’m in awe of how well you’ve managed these past couple of years.”
He shrugged and moved toward the grill. “I’ve had help. My mom has been great and my cousin Brooke helps out with the girls when she can. And my best friend, Tanner, was always on hand right after Liz died.”
She shook her head ruefully. “And I went back to New York.”
“You did what you had to do,” he said and placed the steaks on the grill. “Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
“I should have helped more. I promised Liz I’d—”
“You had your own life, Marissa. We all did. And Liz didn’t expect you to hang around town. The girls are my responsibility, not yours or anyone else’s.”
Her expression sharpened. “Is that meant to put me in my place?”
Grady felt irritation weave down his spine. He always seemed to say things she took the wrong way. “It’s meant to let you off the hook.”
* * *
Maybe he did have the right intentions. And maybe he did have a point. But Marissa was still annoyed by the arrogance of his words. As if he knew what was best for her. The inference wasn’t missed.
You should have stayed in New York...
“If you’d rather I didn’t spend time with the kids, then just say so.”
He put down the tray in his hand and turned. “You’re here, aren’t you?”
Marissa glanced toward Tina to ensure the child hadn’t picked up on the sudden strain between them and then she glared at Grady. “I’m here because Breanna and Milly want me here. I’m not under any illusions, Grady. I’m sure you don’t want me one little bit.”
His expression changed instantly and his eyes widened. How long had it been since she’d noticed how brilliantly blue his eyes were? Years, maybe. Over a decade. But now they devoured her with their intensity. Her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard. There was something hypnotic about his stare, as if she was being drawn deeper and deeper into it, into him. Marissa tried to look away but couldn’t. He knew it, too. She was certain of it.
“Wanting you,” he said, saying the words so slowly it was excruciating, “isn’t the issue.”
Marissa quickly realized how her words must have sounded to him. Intimate. Provocative. You don’t want me...
“I meant that you obviously don’t want me here.”
“I don’t?” he shot back. “Is that right?”
Breanna and Milly emerged through the wide doors at that moment and anything else he intended saying was clearly put on hold for the moment. Marissa plastered on a smile and chatted and played while Grady grilled steaks. Once he was done, they all sat down and Marissa watched as he put together a small plate of food for Tina and set her in a booster seat and got Breanna and Milly organized with their own plates. He was an exceptional dad. Caring and loving and exactly what she’d envisioned a father should be. She had nothing to test it against, no memory of a father or grandfather to make comparisons. But she could only think that if she ever had a child of her own one day, she’d like to share that child with a man who put his children above all others...a man who would protect his family with his last breath. A man like...Grady.
Whoa!
Marissa swallowed hard and pushed the notion from her mind. She had to. She had to forget that thought and never let it enter her head again. Because it was crazy thinking. Maybe she would get married again one day and hopefully have a child of her own...but it wouldn’t be the man now seated opposite her. He was as off-limits as anyone would ever be. No matter how good a dad he was, or how sparkling his eyes were.
“Everything all right, Marissa?” he asked, watching her. “Steak okay?”
She nodded and dished some salad onto her plate. “Looks great. Just how I like it.”
His mouth creased fractionally. “Well, I aim to please.”
He didn’t. They both knew that. There was nothing about their relationship that suggested either of them genuinely compromised when it came to one another. He would have been happier cooking her the rarest steak of the century and then telling her to deal with it. But he didn’t. Instead, he pretended interest in his food and chatted to his daughters. But Marissa wasn’t fooled. There was an undercurrent of tension whispering on the air between them, and she knew he felt it as much as she did.
Once they’d finished eating, the girls lingered over their plates and played with a couple of the dolls that decorated the table. At seven, Grady excused himself to put Tina to bed, and by the time he returned Marissa had cleared the table and was stacking the dishwasher. Breanna and Milly helped and she marveled at how easy the whole scene was—as though she’d done it a thousand times before. In that moment she felt a profound sense of loss for her best friend and said a silent prayer to Liz for allowing her to spend time with her precious daughters. Of course, it was Grady’s doing really, but the gratitude she experienced deep through to her bones made her uncomfortable. She still couldn’t bring herself to acknowledge it to him.
When Grady came back into the kitchen, he told the girls to kiss Marissa good-night and then to hightail it to their bedroom with the promise of a story before they went to sleep.
“You’ve cleaned up?” he remarked once the girls skipped from the room.
Marissa shrugged. “Seemed like the least I could do, since you cooked.”
She noticed the pink apron was gone but there was glitter on his shirt and jeans. As she looked him over, a strange sensation hit the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t define the feeling. It wasn’t simply a reaction to his good looks. After all, she’d known good-looking men before. He ex-husband had been as handsome as anything. But Grady was different. He was confident but not cocky. He was also immensely likable even though it always seemed as though they were at odds with one another. Back in high school they’d been friendly, but not friends. She’d always been a little on edge around him, always conscious of the awareness that thrummed through her whenever he was near. Once he’d started dating Liz, though, she pushed those feelings aside, never willing to admit that her heart had broken just a little. But she’d loved Liz and would never had said or done anything that might have hurt her best friend. And she’d gotten over her harmless crush.
Or so she thought...
Because in that moment, he looked so good in low-riding jeans and a navy polo shirt, Marissa was forced to admit that she did find him attractive. Very much so.
“Coffee?” she asked, aware that it sounded more like a squeak than a question.
“Sure,” he said and came around the kitchen counter. “But I’ll make it. Do you want to read the girls a story before they go to sleep?”
Her eyes widened. “Really? I’d love to.”
He nodded. “Go ahead.”
She disappeared quickly—anything to get away from him in that moment. The kitchen had suddenly grown smaller, the air thicker. Panic set alight across her skin and she lingered in the bedroom with the girls, determined to get her foolish thoughts from her mind. She read them a story about castles and princesses and tucked them in tightly when she was done.
When she returned to the kitchen, he was sitting at the big round table, coffee mug between his hands, and he looked up when she entered. “Are they asleep?”
“Dozing,” she replied. “I said you’d be in a little later to say good-night.” Marissa took a breath and straightened her back. “Well, I guess I should probably get going. It’s a school night and—”
“Not for me,” he said and raised a brow and motioned to the other mug on the table. “Or you.”
She nodded slowly and sat down. The room was quiet, except for a clock ticking methodically on the wall and the infrequent sound of insects outside. It was a simple moment that suddenly seemed as complicated as anything ever had in her life. And she didn’t know why. She wasn’t sure what the intense tension between them was all about. In the past she’d been able to ignore it. But not now.
“Grady, I—”
“Why’d you get divorced?”
It wasn’t a question she’d been expecting. Grady had never asked her personal questions, not in all the years they’d known one another. Liz had been her confidante. Her friend. In some ways very much her soul mate. It was a friendship she deeply missed.
“He was...unfaithful.”
There. It was out. For the first time. Without Liz to confide in, Marissa had felt very much alone since she’d discovered Simon had been with another woman. With several, in fact, pretty much from the onset of their marriage. Saying the words felt good.
Grady raised his mug and stared at her over the rim. “Unworthy bastard.”
Emotion clogged her throat. “Yes...that’s a good way of putting it.”
“You’re well rid of him, then?”
She nodded. “I guess I am.”
His gaze narrowed. “Do you still love him?”
“No.”
He looked surprised by her quick response. “Do you miss being married?”
It was another question she hadn’t expected. “Sometimes,” she admitted and took a sip from the mug in her hands. “I miss having someone to talk to. I miss...intimacy.”
“Sex?”
Marissa let out a brittle laugh to hide the discomfort climbing across her skin. “Now, that’s a typically male response to the idea of intimacy.”
“We’re not very complex creatures,” he said and smiled. “But I do know the difference between emotional and physical intimacy.”
“Glad to hear it.”
She meant to sound flippant, humorous. But once her words were out they sounded altogether different. Almost like a flirtation...or an invitation. His eyes darkened and he placed the mug on the table. Marissa held his gaze, even though her heart was pounding and all she wanted to do was run for her life.
“You know,” he said quietly, his deep voice the only sound she heard, “you really are incredibly beautiful.”
Her breath sharpened. “Don’t.”
His brows rose. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t flirt with me.”
Grady’s eyes were suddenly even a more brilliant blue. “Is that what I’m doing?”
“I don’t know what you’re doing.”
He laughed softly. “Frankly, neither do I, Marissa. But there’s something about you that’s impossible to ignore.”
“You mean the fact we’ve always disliked one another?”
“I’ve never disliked you.”
Her insides folded like origami paper. “But you hardly ever talk to me.”
“We’re talking now,” he reminded her.
“I mean before,” she said quickly. “When Liz was alive. I thought you only ever put up with me because I was Liz’s friend.”
He shrugged loosely, as if she’d made a point he didn’t quite want to admit. “I...like you.”
He didn’t sound as if he did. It sounded as though it was one of the hardest things he’d ever said. She bit back the urge to tell him the feeling was mutual. But she didn’t want any more regrettable words hanging in the air between them.
“I should go,” she said, scraping the chair back as she stood.
Grady got to his feet immediately and didn’t try to stop her. Marissa grabbed her bag, thanked him for the coffee and walked down the hallway. He was beside her in a flash, opening the front door wide as they both stepped out onto the porch.
“Thank you for coming, I know it meant a lot to the girls.”
She nodded. “Me, too. Good night.”
“Good night,” he said and then called her name when she was almost at the bottom of the steps.
“Yes?”
He took his time. “I like you enough that I wanted to ask you to prom in senior year.”
Prom? What was he talking about? She shook her head. “You asked Liz.”
He nodded. “I wanted to ask you first. She talked me out of it. She said you weren’t interested.”
Oh, Liz.
Marissa pushed back her shoulders, fighting the denial sitting on the edge of her tongue. “I guess she knew me better than I thought. Good night, Grady.”
By the time she got to her car, her hands were shaking. They were still shaking five minutes later when she arrived home, and still as she peeled off her clothes and changed into comfy sweats. She was shaking and thinking one thing.
Liz had lied.
In the middle of senior year she’d confided to her best friend that she was crushing on Grady just a little and hoped he’d ask her to prom. He didn’t. Instead he’d asked Liz and after that they were very much a couple. Liz had assured her she wouldn’t date Grady if Marissa found it hard to deal with—but she couldn’t deny her friend the happiness she deserved. Liz blossomed as she fell in love with Grady, so Marissa tucked away her silly schoolgirl crush, never mentioned it again and got on with being Liz’s best friend. And she did get over it. She went to college, got her MBA and worked her way into a great job. Then she met Simon and had been happy...until it all fell apart. Through those years, she’d stayed loyal to her friend—through Liz’s fairy-tale wedding to Grady, to the first time she’d announced she was having his baby and then when Breanna was born. And she’d never harbored one ounce of envy or resentment. She’d loved Liz and had been heartbroken when she’d died. And she wouldn’t let the knowledge of something that happened so many years ago taint her memories.
Still, she slipped into bed with a heavy heart and woke up around six. She ate breakfast and changed into some yard clothes, fully intent on spending the morning outside weeding and pruning. Rex arrived just before nine and she spent a few minutes showing him the broken palings and then left him to his own devices. He was a quiet man and barely made eye contact with her.
Around nine-thirty, Marissa was around the side of the house pulling out the remnants of an old vegetable patch when she heard a vehicle pull up to the house. She got to her feet, dropped the gardening gloves and wiped her hands down her jeans before going to investigate.
Grady’s truck and horse trailer was parked in the driveway and he was hanging around the back end of the vehicle. She spotted Rex coming around from the backyard and the two men spoke for a moment before the trailer door was opened and the ramp came down. Less than a minute later Grady was leading a dark-colored horse off the ramp and across her driveway.
She walked toward him and planted her hands on her hips. “What’s this?”
He held out the lead. “For you.”
“What?”
“She needs a home,” he said and looked around at the pasture and stables adjoining the house yard. “And you have room.”
Marissa continued to stare at him. “You’re giving me a horse?” she asked and noticed Rex was by the rear of the truck, watching their exchange with a kind of wary interest.
Grady shrugged. “She’s old, around twenty-six. But she’s in good health and will do for a riding horse until you are confident in the saddle.”
Marissa stroked the mare’s cheek. “Where did she come from?”
“I picked her up from the sale yards a few years ago. The girls learned how to handle a horse with this old mare. She was too big for them as a riding pony, but she’ll be okay for you.”
The mare rubbed her face affectionately against Marissa’s arm. “She’s just lovely. But I’ll pay you for her.”
“No need,” he said and began to walk the horse toward the neighboring paddock. “She’s more than earned her semiretirement.”
Marissa followed and waited by the fence while he turned the old mare out into the pasture. He did everything with such a natural ease she couldn’t help but admire him. The mare whinnied when she was released and trotted around for a few minutes, tail and head extended.
“She’s just beautiful. Thank you...it’s very generous of you.”
Grady rested his elbows on the fence and turned his head toward her. “I thought you’d like the company.”
“I do,” she said and smiled. “But won’t the girls miss her?”
“They have their own ponies. Old Ebony hasn’t been getting a lot of attention of late.”
“I’ll see that she does,” Marissa said. “I’ll need to get some gear—like a saddle and bridle.”
“No need,” Grady replied. “Rex is unloading some gear into the stables for you.”
“Thank you,” she said and managed a small smile. “But I really... I have to...”
“It’s a gift, Marissa,” he said and straightened. “But if that’s too hard for you to accept, consider it an exchange for your kindness toward my daughters.”
“I don’t need payment to love the girls, Grady. Really, what kind of person do you take me for?”
He made an exasperated sound and she felt his rising anger. Unease snaked down her spine. But this wasn’t Simon. She had nothing to fear from Grady. She knew that. It was herself she feared. And the feelings running riot throughout her body.
“Can I ever get anything right with you? I wasn’t criticizing. I wasn’t inferring anything. Maybe I just wanted to give you a horse because you said you wanted to learn to ride. Maybe I just wanted to do something nice for you, Marissa.”
“Why?”
Grady’s expression suddenly looked like thunder and she winced. “Who the hell knows!”
Then he took off back to his truck and reversed out of the driveway as if he had the devil on his tail.
