Читать книгу Letters not sent - Heli Künnapas - Страница 5

Mornings are „me time“. Lauri is at work, the kids in the kindergarten. Classes at the dance school don’t start till afternoon. I grab my coffee from the kitchen counter. It’s gone cold since I left it there during the argument. I sit down to watch a rerun of yesterday’s news on TV.

Doorbell.

Curious... I’m not expecting anyone.

“Are you Mrs. Miia Tammik?” After receiving a quick yes for an answer, the young delivery guy asks for my ID. I retrieve it from my purse and receive an envelope in exchange. Staring at the return address, I barely remember to say goodbye before closing the door. It’s from a lawyer’s office.

I rip the envelope and skim the lines. I read it again. Dazed, I stumble towards the couch, sit down and read it through once more.

„ … According to the last will and testament of Marta Laikre you have inherited 50% of a property located in Pärnu-Jaagupi…” I read this sentence again and again without paying much attention to the rest of the long letter.

Apparently, Simon’s grandmother has passed away… We haven’t been in contact for years… maybe even decades? When was the last time I actually went for a visit? Simon left my life nineteen years ago. That I know for sure. Not that I’m keeping track… or, maybe I am?

Why shouldn’t I? For me, it’s been nineteen years of hatred, confusion, reconsidering and rehashing the past... and more confusion. I can’t fathom how someone could hate me so much that they would leave without even saying goodbye. No matter what happened between us, we had been best friends for years. We had shared everything. I was there for Simon for so many of the really tough times in his life. And when I wanted to share my joy with him, he disappeared.

He didn’t leave just me, he also left his grandmother behind. At least that was the case when I was still in contact with Marta. After Simon left, I was still in high school for about a year. From time to time, I’d bring Marta flowers and sit down with her for a chat. When I think about it now, there was so much more I could have done, but hanging out with a former friend’s grandma didn’t make it to the top of my high school days’ priorities...

What was she thinking? I seriously don’t get it why would she leave me half of her house? Is it some strange joke and I’ve been taken for a fool? Is Simon using this as a trick to get back at me? But for what? For just walking away and leaving me?

I can’t tell Lauri about any of this, he already thinks I’m out of touch with reality. If I’d tell him that my former best friend’s grandmother has left me half of her house, he’d think I’ve totally lost it.

This is my life - I need to calculate what I can share with my husband, based on what fits into his mental map of the world. If it won’t fit his framework, I’ll keep it to myself. This means I can’t share most of my life. He’s a CFO – his life is led by numbers, order, rules and stability.

I’m the opposite. My work is to dance. This demands a complete collaboration of body and soul. I can’t just pull off a performance in the break between TV shows. Of course, it’s possible to practice specific moves and train for physical fitness. But the true magic of dance is born when every part of you works together in perfect harmony. You cannot shine on the stage while worrying about unpaid bills or dirty dishes.