Читать книгу Homecoming Day - Holly Jacobs - Страница 8

LAURA WATSON WATCHED the monitor.

The staff had long since turned down the volume, but she could still see the numbers rise and fall on the screen over Jay’s head. Blood pressure. Heart rate. Those numbers should have been comforting. They meant Jay was still here with her.

But she knew those numbers were a lie. Despite the fact that Jay’s heart was beating, he was gone.

His mother and father stood on the other side of the bed, their faces as ashen as Laura suspected her own was. His mother clutched his unmoving hand.

“We need to honor…” Laura’s voice broke. She took a moment and tried again. “We need to honor Jay’s wishes.”

They were the hardest words that Laura had ever said. But she knew it was the right thing to do. It was what Jay would have wanted. It was what he made her promise.

Not that he’d planned this.

Jay was a cop and even in a small city like Erie, Pennsylvania, there was always a chance that he’d end up here in a hospital and this decision would be on her shoulders.

As they’d planned their future, planned their wedding, they’d discussed everything, including this possibility. Jay didn’t want to linger, held to this life by machines.

But, despite all their conversations about the future, they hadn’t envisioned this, because it wasn’t a bullet that put Jay here. It was bacterial meningitis. Jay wasn’t laid low in the line of duty, but by a tiny bacterium.

“He’s not coming back,” Laura said. “The doctors were clear.”

Even if his body could survive this illness, his mind was gone and he’d never be Jay again.

They’d never be married. Their June wedding, only two weeks away, would never happen. No minister would ever pronounce them husband and wife. Jay would never know this child.

Laura’s hands rested on her still-flat stomach. And this baby would never know its father.

The thought was a physical pain that tore at her.

She remembered the night she told him about her suspicions. They were engaged and already planning a fall wedding, but she’d still felt nervous, afraid that he’d be unhappy about a baby coming so soon.

She remembered his whoop of joy as he’d hurried across the room, scooped her up and swung her around in his excitement.

She remembered his moment of concern as he realized he was swinging around a pregnant woman.

She remembered his tender kiss and his assurances that this baby was welcome, wanted and was already loved. He’d been the one who’d urged her to push the wedding forward. He’d held her and whispered that he loved her and their child so much, he couldn’t wait until fall.

The memory burned brightly. Tears streamed down her face. She’d fallen in love with Jay all over again. That’s how it was with Jay. Every time she thought she loved him as much as humanly possible, he’d do something that would make that love grow exponentially.

“I hope she’s beautiful like her mom, both inside and out. Blond hair and blue eyes,” he’d whispered. “Smart, creative, sweet…” He’d kissed her cheek after each descriptive word, as if punctuating it.

She touched her cheek, willing herself to feel the imprint of his lips there, but it had long since gone cold.

Now, weeks later, she looked at Jay’s parents, her unborn baby’s only grandparents. Since she and Jay weren’t married yet, his parents were the ones who would have to sign the papers that would allow the staff to remove the life support.

“He made it clear that it’s what he wanted,” she told them gently.

Jay’s mother’s face was suddenly animated with anger. “We won’t pull the plug, Laura. You can’t ask it of us.”

“Mrs. Martin, the doctors said he’s not going to recover, knowing what his job might entail, Jay was clear—”

Adele Martin was a tiny, elfin-looking woman who’d been so much more than her fiancé’s mother or Laura’s future mother-in-law. Laura loved her. But looking at her now, so upset, Laura admitted she didn’t really know her at all. Laura was taken aback by Mrs. Martin’s rage.

“You have no idea how hard a parent will fight for a child, for a miracle,” Jay’s mother said. “I’m not giving up on my son just because you have.”

“Mrs. Martin, I haven’t given up on anything.” Nothing except her heart…her dreams. “I—”

“Get out, Laura. Go. My husband and I will look after Jay. We don’t need you here.”

Laura stared at the woman—the woman who’d asked her to call her Mom. Laura recalled laughing and telling Adele, After the wedding, when it’s official. When she’d said those words, she’d planned on a life with Jay, and his parents becoming her parents. Finally, after years of being on her own, she’d belong to someone—to a family. She could still see the fragments of that imagined future. And the knowledge that it would never happen was crushing.

Her heart broke as she pushed back the chair and stood, facing the Martins. She knew there wasn’t anything left she could do for Jay except honor this one last request and she didn’t have the power to do it. “He didn’t want this.”

She leaned down and kissed his still-warm cheek. It would be so easy to deceive herself. To watch the machine and believe its lie—believe that Jay was there and that somehow they’d still have a life together.

Filled with sorrow, she said goodbye to the family she’d hoped to belong to, then turned and walked from the room.

Laura realized that the idea of the family she’d wanted was an illusion.

But this baby growing inside her—her child and Jay’s—was the reality. And the family she’d build with the baby would be real, too.