Читать книгу Hykie Berg: Ultimate Survivor - Hykie Berg - Страница 7

A principle that is often used in Twelve Steps meetings or in the NA community is that of the drunk horse thief.

When you’re a drunk horse thief and you stop drinking, you remain a horse thief. Thus, you might as well keep on drinking. If the horse thief doesn’t want to change the core of their being, they’ll never find a new way of life. We call such ‘drunk horse thieves’ dry drunks.

Many people stop using drugs or alcohol, but never advance to the stage where true recovery takes place. It’s a space of true freedom and happiness, where life is truly meaningful and things excite you without the influence of drugs or alcohol. You might become physically sober, but if you don’t change on an emotional, spiritual or psychological level, you’ll continue with your disruptive and dangerous behaviour.

Dry drunks’ deviant and unhealthy patterns of behaviour, for example, cause considerable damage to their relationships. Even when they’ve stopped drinking, they continue to manipulate and emotionally blackmail other people. Their poor self-esteem makes them mistrustful in their relationships.

That’s why many sometimes display attention-seeking behaviour, and they blame everyone and everything for their circumstances. They accept no personal responsibility for their choices. They feel alienated and often lapse into self-pity. They feel like the world owes them something. They’re constantly dissatisfied, bitter and depressed about everything and everyone in their life.

Addiction is an illness that presents itself through obsessive and compulsive patterns of behaviour. Most addicts suffer from a dual diagnosis: depression, bipolar disorders, eating disorders, sex addiction, self-harm and personality disorders, and many more. The illness can be the cause or symptom of the addiction. It’s very complex with no single solution. It is a physical, spiritual, emotional and psychological illness. To recover on all these levels, every problem needs to be addressed on a step-by-step holistic basis.

True recovery is a combination of processes and actions for which the addict is responsible, and which have to be applied proactively for the rest of your life. It demands that you reject your old beliefs in order to build a new foundation on which you will do things in a new way. A total paradigm shift needs to take place; a change of heart, a mental shift, a complete surrender to God.

You’re not alone in this process. Different groups with a variety of programmes can support you during rehabilitation.

My first NA meeting was in a small church hall in Kalk Bay near Cape Town. Everyone introduced themselves as addicts and shared their hopes and experiences.

They admitted that a life controlled by alcohol and drugs is a terrible life, and that their lives had become unliveable. They also attested as to how their lives had made a positive turn. They were saved by the God of love and grace, and their pain and suffering turned into a testimony to victory.

At first, everything sounded like complete nonsense, but only until I heard a man give a talk one Tuesday evening – his story sounded exactly like mine. His tale shocked me to the core; it was the first time I could identify with someone else.

I wasn’t the only one struggling with that kind of anxiety, pain, problems, a dysfunctional family and loneliness. I realised that I wasn’t alone. That there might be a little hope for me, too. That day something inside me changed.

The Twelve Steps to Recovery can help you to change, and think differently. It’s a process that gently removes the layers of denial and false perceptions that we’ve cherished for so many years. Systematically, we discover who we truly are, who God is and our purpose here on Earth.

You can experience complete freedom and lead a full life after rehabilitation. For an addict or alcoholic, this does not sound possible. I also thought so. Yet, the possibility exists and has become a reality for the thousands of people who’ve indeed recovered, thanks to the Twelve Steps. If you really want to fully recover, you need to know that:

•Stopping your drinking, drug abuse or compulsive behaviour is only the beginning of a lifelong transformation. You’ll probably also have to go to a long-term half-way house for secondary treatment after you’ve been to a primary inpatient rehabilitation centre. It’s been proven time and again that long-term treatment of three months or more is far more effective than short-term treatment of three to six weeks. Hopeinaction.co.za provides a list of excellent rehabilitation centres.

•Mixed feelings and uncertainty about the rehabilitation will most likely lead to a relapse. Therefore, fully commit yourself to the process.

•You have to make the process your own and actively participate in it. Be honest and humble, and join support groups like NA or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). A schedule of meetings is available on these organisations’ websites.

•You have to be prepared to meet a therapist or recovery coach on a weekly basis if necessary.

Chronic medication can definitely play a role in recovery, and perhaps you should consider it. If it weren’t for medication, I would probably be dead by now. When you’re unable to ride a two-wheel bike, a third wheel is necessary until you feel confident about riding with two wheels again. Medication will never completely remove a problem, but it’ll help give you perspective on your challenges.

There are plenty of other things that can help you on the road to recovery. Exercise, therapeutic treatment, activities centred on God, a healthy diet, building relationships, community service, as well as surrounding yourself with constructive people and a positive environment, will all play a critical role in your recovery.

Searching for recovery will force you to look critically at yourself – it won’t be a pleasant process, but hang in there. I believe that every soul on Earth deserves to be free, to know the truth, to be empowered and to exceed the world’s expectations.

Life is difficult, I know. Every day delivers new challenges: stress at work, relationships, the boss, family issues, violence and poverty. People struggle without looking for or deserving hardships.

Let me share my personal solution with you: the hard reality is that’s how life is – accept it. It’s not our job to figure out God’s will. It simply is what it is. If you think life should be fair because you are just, then you might as well expect the lion not to eat you because you won’t eat the lion. Where you are and what you have at this moment should be enough for today. You’re where you are for a reason and it’s been prepared for you out of love. One day you’ll realise why. As Pulitzer Prize-winner Russell Baker said: ‘There is a hunger in us … for assurance that our lives have not been merely successful, but valuable – that we have accomplished something grander than just another well-heeled, loudly publicised journey from the diaper to the shroud. In short, that our lives have been consequential.’

Today I’m more blessed than ever: where once I was on the ash heap of despair, I now have a rich and full life. Your life can change for the better, too.