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Илья Ильф. The Twelve Chairs / Двенадцать стульев. Книга для чтения на английском языке
Part I. The Lion of Stargorod
Сhapter One. Bezenchuk and the Nymphs
Сhapter Two. Madame Petukhov's Demise
Chapter Three. The Parable of the Sinner
Chapter Four. The Muse of Travel
Chapter Five. The Smooth Operator
Chapter Six. A Diamond Haze
Chapter Seven. Traces of the Titanic
Chapter Eight. The Bashful Chiseller
Chapter Nine. Where Are Your Curls?
Chapter Ten. The Mechanic, the Parrot, and the Fortune-teller
Chapter Eleven. The Mirror-of-Life Index
Chapter Twelve. A Passionate Woman Is a Poet's Dream
Chapter Thirteen. Breathe Deeper: You're Excited!
Chapter Fourteen. The Alliance of the Sword and Ploughshare
Part II. In Moscow
Chapter Fifteen. A Sea of Chairs
Chapter Sixteen. The Brother Berthold Schwartz Hostel
Chapter Seventeen. Have Respect for Mattresses, Citizens!
Chapter Eighteen. The Furniture Museum
Chapter Nineteen. Voting the European Way
Chapter Twenty. From Seville to Granada
Chapter Twenty-Оne. Punishment
Chapter Twenty-Two. Ellochka the Cannibal
Chapter Twenty-Three. Absalom Vladimirovich Iznurenkov
Chapter Twenty-Four. The Automobile Dub
Chapter Twenty-Five. Conversation with a Naked Engineer
Chapter Twenty-Six. Two Visits
Chapter Twenty-Seven. The Marvellous Prison Basket
Chapter Twenty-Eight. The hen and the Pacific Rooster
Chapter Twenty-Nine. The Author of the «Gavriliad»
Chapter Thirty. In the Columbus Theatre
Part III. Madame Petukhov's treasure
Chapter Thirty-Оne. A Magic Night on the Volga
Chapter Thirty-Two. A Shady Couple
Chapter Thirty-Three. Expulsion From Paradise
Chapter Thirty-Four. The Interplanetary Chess Tournament
Chapter Thirty-Five. Et Alia
Chapter Thirty-Six. A View of the Malachite Puddle
Chapter Thirty-Seven. The Green Cape
Chapter Thirty-Eight. Up in the Clouds
Chapter Thirty-Nine. The Earthquake
Chapter Forty. The Treasure
Отрывок из книги
There were so many hairdressing establishments and funeral homes in the regional centre of N. that the inhabitants seemed to be born merely in order to have a shave, get their hair cut, freshen up their heads with toilet water and then die. In actual fact, people came into the world, shaved, and died rather rarely in the regional centre of N. Life in N. was extremely quiet. The spring evenings were delightful, the mud glistened like anthracite in the light of the moon, and all the young men of the town were so much in love with the secretary of the communal-service workers' local committee that she found difficulty in collecting their subscriptions.
Matters of life and death did not worry Ippolit Matveyevich Vorobyaninov, although by the nature of his work he dealt with them from nine till five every day, with a half-hour break for lunch.
.....
Then, clearly repeating what she had heard, added: «The possibility of her not recovering should not be discounted. I've been on my feet all day. I came this morning to borrow the mincer and saw the door was open. There was no one in the kitchen and no one in this room either. So I thought Claudia Ivanovna had gone to buy flour to make some Easter cake. She'd been going to for some time. You know what flour is like nowadays. If you don't buy it beforehand …»
Mrs. Kuznetsov would have gone on for a long time describing the flour and the high price of it and how she found Claudia Ivanovna lying by the tiled stove completely unconscious, had not a groan from the next room impinged painfully on Ippolit Matveyevich's ear. He quickly crossed himself with a somewhat feelingless hand and entered his mother-in-law's room.
.....
