Читать книгу Against the yellow background. Zero tolerance - Ilya Marushchak - Страница 3

This chapter might hurt somebody’s self-esteem. I mean both those who regard themselves as experts in some field and also those who are supposed to be successful businessmen.

I’ll try and sugarcoat it from the beginning. Most probably, your self-rating is realistic. But bear in mind, it is realistic according to the reality of the western world. Local reality makes some difference. It is extremely important to realize it and accept as a given, because this will be the basis for all of your future communication “matrix”.

The optimum alternative for the start is to tell yourself: “I am an alien. I don’t know anything. I don’t understand what’s going on here. My experience is not an established truth. All seemingly familiar external evidence might turn out to be something completely different”.

This approach will help you not to delude yourself with any “familiar” things before you really check and study all the information. Besides, your past experience in social interaction and building relationships is not helpful at all here. There is one most important reason for it. You don’t understand what motivates people in every specific case. You might have an impression that something is similar to what you dealt with before. You might imagine the differences are not so big. This will be your biggest mistake. In some (very simple) situations your experience will be useful, of course, but it is always better to spend some time and analyze the motives of the opposite side in details beforehand (well, or later, when something goes wrong). Never jump to conclusions before you get a store of knowledge about this place.

I will repeat it again and again. You are among people whose civilization background goes back thousands of years and hasn’t really changed for all this time, whereas the Western world has been drastically changing during the last 100—150 years, especially regarding communication and “universal human values”.

So if you still choose to bite the bullet and agree to be an alien, let’s move on to the next point.

Who are you to them? The answer to this question will hardly make you feel happy.

You are assets. A resource. That’s it. You are not exactly a human being to them. Those who don’t belong to their race and civilization are not exactly human beings like they are. Actually, even if you do belong to their race, it doesn’t mean much if you haven’t been brought up in the local traditions of the country and know nothing about them. Those Asians who were born and raised in the West and have different mindset are called “bananas”. If they don’t share the historically developed moral principles and ethical norms and values of Asia, they are like bananas: yellow outside, white inside.

When they interact with you in any field, regarding any subject, you can be absolutely sure: their priority is always the same – using you to their advantage. There are no exceptions here. You can be a source of material valuables and higher reputation, or even a source of genetic material for their future children. The behaviour pattern can slightly change for those reasons. It is the behaviour that can be different, not the basic approach. You are still a resource. If you remember it and act accordingly, you have some prospects of success.

In order to substantiate my statement, I will make an example at the very mundane level.

If you often go to the market and buy fresh vegetables from the same vendor every time, what they do after some time? In the “western” world the vendor will make a discount for you or choose better vegetables for you and recommend what is fresher today. They will do everything to please you and make you feel like coming here again and again. An Asian vendor will soon start covertly increase the prices for you. It will go on like this until you find it out and leave for another vendor who will do the same after some time. It makes sense: you are a temporary resource, and low prices are for “insiders”. They should get their maximum profit from you while you are here. Local ethical principles are for locals and have nothing to do with you. Most of Asian countries have only one prevailing nationality. So don’t waste your time trying to find any “integrative” or “globalist” views in their culture, history, and, consequently, in their minds. You are a representative of another race. Nothing here is about you. You aren’t supposed to be equal in their view of the world, and their approaches show it in the best possible way.

Conventional wisdom has it that Asians are all and one super friendly and hospitable but this impression is superficial. Partly it is due to formal politeness that can be called the foundation stone of many ancient Asian cultures. As for the real motivation of some actions, you just won’t get it due to lack of knowledge. Here is a simple example. If an Asian that you hardly know invites you to a restaurant with other people that you know even less and pays for you – you are his reputation resource. He has a foreign friend, so his profile has been raised in the eyes of the others.

A few more words should be said about the equality. Forget your beliefs that all people are equal. Forget everything you knew and read about it in the West. Never start any communication on these grounds. People are not equal in Asia. Even if they are equal according to their state law, they are actually not. Asian civilization is a typical “civilization of social status”. Every more or less popular language in SEA has words indicating a person’s status in every specific case. Western terms “mister”, “miss”, “missis”, “sir” look like a feeble resemblance of Eastern classifications. For example, Vietnamese language has at least eight words describing someone’s status in terms of their gender, age, marital status, achievements etc. Asian society is a hierarchical society whether you like it or not. If you are going to live in Asia and always keep in mind what is right and what is wrong according to your personal beliefs, you will only make your life more complicated. Try to place yourself within local hierarchical limits. Try to understand who is “upper” than you, and who is “lower”. It might seem unpleasant to you in the beginning, but it won’t become a part of you, it won’t change your personality, it won’t harm your spiritual values. Regard it only as a working tool. If a person you are talking to doesn’t understand your position in the hierarchy, they simply don’t know how to deal with you. If you are in a big group of people, be ready to be asked about your age, marital status and children. These are not questions of pure interest, it’s an attempt to give you the right place in the hierarchy and treat you accordingly. Your relationships with locals will always be regulated by hierarchical rules. It’s the only way for them to communicate. They will be genuinely puzzled if you try to manifest another communication model. We will get into this in the next chapters with a lot of vivid examples.

Until then, let me cite a popular expat joke as an example.

Question: what is your place in a family hierarchy if you are married to an Asian woman and live in Asia?

Answer: “seniors” come first, so your wife’s grandparents are on top of the hierarchy. Then come her parents, then her uncles, aunts, their children, then your wife, her brothers and sisters, your children and your nephews and nieces, then – a goldfish in the bowl in your living room. You rank after the fish. Besides, you are the one who should support the whole family.

The next following paragraphs are especially for the gentler sex. Dear ladies, when in Asia, always keep in mind that this is a totally men-oriented civilization. They have probably heard something about equal rights for women but they don’t really understand, even now, how we live with it. In general, if you are a woman and plan to start independent business in Asia (or any other independent activity) and communicate on your own, you will have to act a bit different than you used to do at home. First of all, let your skin be as thick as possible, because you will have to put up with local men’s teenage sense of humour and behaviour, even though you keep in touch with them only because of business or work. I’m not saying there will be necessarily sexual harassments but, believe me, you will often be left with a bad taste in the mouth. Of course, you can react appropriately to protect yourself, but doing this, you take a risk to lose your potential business partner. Besides, you will constantly have to struggle and prove everyone around that you are really a professional and have a firm character. No matter what you do, no matter what your field is, whether it is oil production or modeling. Makes no difference at all. You will often have a feeling that nobody takes you seriously, and I wouldn’t call these suspicions ungrounded. That’s how it is, it’s a traditional point of view. You will have to change it in every single case, with every single man you need to communicate with to achieve your goal. Let’s be honest, it’s annoying. It will take you some time to start to get used to it and change. If you manage to change your ways, you’ll be able to run a business or work in Asia. But these changes will be very noticeable for your family and friends, especially for those who stayed at home. Moreover, you never know whether it will make you happy. I can only claim that such acquired toughness will undoubtedly help you do business with any type of partners in any part of the world.