Читать книгу Friend or Foe - Imani Black - Страница 9

Chapter 4

Cheyenne

Being home from medical school sent Cheyenne into a deep depression. She’d barely eaten, and talking was out of the question. Lil Kev had come home only twice since she’d been back in Brooklyn, a fact that disturbed Cheyenne. He hadn’t said much to anyone, and she hadn’t seen him shed a tear for their mother. Cheyenne knew her brother had grown more selfish as he got older, but she never expected it to be like this. He had to be the angriest young person she knew on the planet.

On the first full day at home, Cheyenne forced herself to get out of bed after a sleepless night. She padded into the kitchen. Everything there reminded her of her mother. The cow-spot patterned dish towels and potholders hanging neatly from little pegs above the sink had been her mother’s quirky joke one time after they drove cross country on college tours for Cheyenne. The gleaming silver dish rack had been her mother’s prized kitchen accessory, because when her mother was growing up, all her family could afford were the cheap, plastic ones that quickly grew mold. Everything in the house had a lighthearted explanation for being there. That was how fun her mother was.

Cheyenne swallowed hard and stood in front of the refrigerator. She yanked open the freezer to get ice for her glass, and there it was. Cheyenne sucked in her breath. The glass slid from her hand and shattered into pieces as it hit the tile floor. Cheyenne reached out and touched the frozen cake top, and as if she had been teleported to that place and time, her mind reeled back.

* * *

“Surprise!”

Cheyenne almost jumped out of her skin when she walked into the Carey Gardens community center. Her cheeks flamed over, and her heart thundered with excitement. She clutched her chest to make sure her heart didn’t jump loose. There were so many people huddled together. Cheyenne didn’t even know what to say or do. She stood frozen, her mouth and eyes wide.

“Aha! We got you!” Kelsi yelled as she ran straight into Cheyenne with a big bear hug, breaking up the awkward moment.

“Surprise, baby girl!” her mother yelled and then grabbed her and kissed her on the cheek.

Everyone in the room laughed, talked, and cheered Cheyenne on.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe y’all got me so good. I really thought I was coming here for Tanya’s baby shower,” Cheyenne replied, red-faced. The crowd laughed. Cell phones popped out from everywhere to snap pictures and videos of her.

“Yo! You are so hard to surprise. You are mad nosey! All day you kept asking me where I was going, what I was doing, why I’m not coming with you to get your hair done, then caught an attitude because I wouldn’t tell you! Damn! You are one nosey-ass chick!” Kelsi complained jokingly.

She was right. Cheyenne had copped a salty attitude when she thought Kelsi was brushing her off all day so she could be with her lowlife boyfriend.

“Yes, lawd! Hiding stuff from you is almost impossible. I had to keep everything for the party hidden in the nurses’ lounge at the hospital,” her mother followed up with the biggest grin she could muster on her face.

Cheyenne reached out and gave her mother another big hug. She could never know how much Cheyenne appreciated her.

“Well, y’all both know I am an investigator on the low. Neither one of y’all can do anything without me, so this was totally a surprise. Y’all did real good hiding this one from me,” Cheyenne joked. She felt over the moon happy. At that moment, she loved her mother and Kelsi so much.

It definitely turned into a party. The entire neighborhood had come out. Even Ms. Lula, who’d gotten so fat over the years it was hard for her to get out of her apartment, was there, shaking her cane to the music. Some of Cheyenne’s high school and college friends were there too. She couldn’t believe her mother and Kelsi had pulled it off without her even having an inkling something had been going on.

“What up, sis? Congrats on graduating and happy birthday,” Lil Kev said dryly as he bopped in and gave Cheyenne a quick tap-hug. She noticed that her brother acted like he was embarrassed to hug his own sister. Cheyenne also noticed the six seedy-looking street dudes he’d brought with him. She shrugged, thinking maybe they were supposed to be Lil Kev’s thug entourage. Yeah, right. He was still her baby brother. Period.

“Thanks, baby bro. But you know we need to talk, right?” Cheyenne said to Lil Kev, her tone serious.

Cheyenne hadn’t forgotten that he had not been home in three days. He had not been listening to their mother at all, and they’d all been worried sick over him. Cheyenne was glad to see him there safe and sound, but she still intended to give him more than just a piece of her mind when they were alone.

“Nah, we ain’t gotta talk. I’m a man. I’m a’ight. Enjoy your party... nerd,” Lil Kev said, trying to make light of the situation.

Cheyenne immediately noticed the strain on her mother’s face as she watched their interaction. For her mother’s sake, Cheyenne dropped the subject. For the time being.

Cheyenne went back to the party, intent on enjoying herself so that her mother’s hard work wouldn’t be in vain. The music pumped. Her mother had gone all out on the food. All of Cheyenne’s favorites—fried shrimp, fried lobster tails, collard greens, candied yams—were there in abundance. The decorations were beautiful. Everything, including the beautiful sequinned drapes that had transformed the community center into a high-class venue, was gold and purple. Her mother had always said those two colors together reminded her of royalty. Cheyenne agreed that everything there was fit for a queen.

Cheyenne had been making her rounds, saying hello to all her friends when the music suddenly stopped. They all turned to see what happened. Cheyenne knew from experience that stopping the music at a hood party was like keeping the earth from rotating. She saw her mother standing next to the DJ setup.

“Hello! Hello! Can I have everyone’s attention, please,” her mother said into the DJ’s microphone.

Everyone there turned to face her. The room got quiet. Cheyenne looked at her mother. She was absolutely beautiful; she still had it. All the years of hard work and sleepless nights had done little damage to her mother’s flawless face. Of course, she had gained a few pounds—women did as they aged—but she still had a nice stomach, legs, and round hips.

“Today is a very special day for me, my family, and especially for my daughter. I don’t think God could have blessed me with a better daughter. Cheyenne, you are kind, smart, beautiful, and all a mother could ask for in a daughter and best friend. I am very proud of you. We have been though a lot as a family, but you never left my side.” Her mother choked out her words.

Cheyenne had already started crying just watching the beautiful soul that she was proud to call her mother. Kelsi swiped at her face, trying to make sure no one saw her tears. Lil Kev rolled his eyes and put his head down, trying to hide his emotions, too.

“I wanted to give you this party as your coming out. You are a woman now. There are things you will learn as you get older. I will be here for you through it all. So, with that said, I wanted your twenty-first birthday to be more memorable than you could’ve ever imagined. I have one more surprise for you,” her mother said behind the bright smile that always danced on her face.

Hushed murmurs immediately spread over the crowd like a wave. Cheyenne heard some of her party guests whispering, “She’s gonna get a car,” and “Maybe it’s the keys to a new condo.”

Cheyenne’s eyebrows rose into arches. Her mother had done enough for her. She’d paid for Cheyenne’s entire college education, books, food, clothes, and everything. She had told Cheyenne she did not have to work while she went to school. Cheyenne knew that had taken a financial toll on her mother. She’d watched her mother work overtime shifts, come home, get five hours of sleep, and head right back to work, all for her and Lil Kev. Cheyenne just couldn’t imagine her mother giving her much more.

“Cheyenne, for years I have wanted to give you this gift. I prayed and I prayed about it. Well, today, I can finally give it to you. Come on in!” her mother yelled into the microphone excitedly.

Cheyenne’s face crumpled in confusion. Everyone watched as the door beside the DJ setup opened slowly. The room went pin-drop quiet. Then, loud cheers, yells, ohs and ahs erupted in the room.

Cheyenne’s eyes flew open as wide they could go. She felt hot all over her body. Her stomach curled into a knot. Tears sprang to her eyes.

“Oh my God! It’s Big K! Big K!” Kelsi was the first one to acknowledge him verbally. She dashed for him and ran into him for a hug. He smiled and returned her embrace, but he never took his eyes off of Cheyenne.

Cheyenne couldn’t move. Her feet had become rooted to the floor. Her mouth had suddenly gone cotton-ball dry. She hadn’t laid eyes on her father in the six years since she’d stopped going to the visits. He was the same, but different. Cheyenne tried to remember the last time she’d seen him, but her mind drew a blank. She blinked rapidly, but she could tell she was crying because her father’s silhouette became blurry as the tears obscured her vision.

Cheyenne put her hand over her chest. Her heart raced painfully against her ribcage. She choked on her own breath now.

Daddy? Is that really you? My daddy? Cheyenne said in her head, but the words wouldn’t come.

“Congratulations, baby girl,” her father said, his voice as deep and soothing as Cheyenne remembered it. He grabbed her and pulled her into him.

Cheyenne had finally taken enough air into her lungs to keep herself from passing out. She swallowed the tennis ball–sized lump that had lodged in her throat. She didn’t know what to say to him or how to react toward him.

“Daddy,” Cheyenne finally croaked out breathlessly.

Her father kissed the top of her head and squeezed her hard with his huge, muscular arms. He had gotten bigger than Cheyenne ever remembered him being. He’d also grown a full beard. Cheyenne could feel the beard hairs on her head.

“Yes, baby girl, it’s your daddy. I’m home. I’m finally home,” her father said.

Cheyenne could tell he was crying too.

“I’ve missed you so much. You’re so beautiful. I’m so proud of you,” her father spoke into her ear.

Cheyenne inhaled her father’s scent and silently thanked God he was back.

When he finally let her go, he wiped away his tears and hers. He held Cheyenne out in front of him and took a good look at her.

“Wow! What a lucky man I am to have such a beautiful baby girl,” her father huffed like his breath had been taken away.

Cheyenne smiled. Her father still had some of the qualities she remembered.

“Where’s my little man at?” her father asked Cheyenne, scanning around for Lil Kev.

The crowd opened up so her father could go embrace his son. Lil Kev had been standing with his little crew, talking like nothing special had happened. He acted like his father being home hadn’t fazed him one bit. Lil Kev’s face went stony when he saw his father moving toward him.

Cheyenne’s heartbeat sped up again.

“What’s up, Junior?” her father said proudly, stretching his arms out to embrace his son, her brother.

Lil Kev side-stepped, and his eyes went into slits, his lips pursed. He looked his father up and down like he was a stranger in the street.

“Yo, nigga. My name is Kev. I ain’t none of your Junior,” Lil Kev spat, scowling and poking his chest out toward his father.

The entire room watched the exchange, including a shocked Cheyenne. Her mother stepped over.

“Kevin! Don’t you dare be disrespectful! No matter what has happened, he is still your father,” her mother interjected angrily.

Cheyenne could see the hurt on her father’s face, yet he still smiled. He’d never taken his eyes off Lil Kev.

“Nah, it’s all right, Desi. I understand. I got penance to pay to my li’l man. I got years to make up. I’m willing to put in the work,” her father said, a fake smile painting his face.

“Nah, nigga. You don’t owe me shit. The streets is my daddy now. I don’t need no just-free nigga trying to tell me how this is done,” Lil Kev growled, brushing past his father and mother.

His crew of cronies gave his father dirty looks as they followed Lil Kev out.

Cheyenne was heady and hot with embarrassment for her father. She knew her father wasn’t used to that kind of rejection, especially publicly. When her father left Coney Island, he had been a man who commanded respect from everyone, family or not.

“Kevin! You come back here. Kevin!” her mother screamed at her brother’s back. Tears were running from her mother’s eyes.

Cheyenne imagined that her mother must’ve felt the same shame and embarrassment that Cheyenne felt on behalf of her father. Cheyenne wasn’t even a man and she felt emasculated at that moment for her father. She reasoned that it must’ve been something for her father to take the high road in front of all of those people.

“Let him go. Things will get better with time. I’m no stranger to challenges,” her father said as he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. “This celebration is about my baby girl anyway, right? So, let’s party. There’s a lot of things to be happy about today!” he cheered. The crowd agreed, and the party started back up.

Cheyenne watched her father closely after his fake pep talk. She could see her father’s jaw going square. His homecoming wasn’t going to be as happy as he thought.

* * *

“Chey? You all right? What happened?” Her father rushed to her side now, snapping Cheyenne out of her memory. “Your foot, it’s bleeding,” he said, frantically moving around to grab a towel.

Cheyenne didn’t realize when the glass dropped, the shattering shards had pricked the skin on the top of her foot. “I’m... I’m fine,” she stammered, putting herself back in the present, which meant realizing again that her mother was gone. Forever.

“Come sit down,” her father said, grabbing her elbow and escorting her over to a chair. “I heard the crash and didn’t know what was going on.”

“I don’t know what happened, Daddy,” Cheyenne said, her voice quivering. “Who on earth would do this to her? There is no one I can think of. Can you?” Cheyenne asked, the tears coming back again.

Her father sat her in the chair and then plopped into his own chair. He sighed loudly and put his head in his left hand. He paused awkwardly, and without looking up at Cheyenne, he said, “I don’t have an answer, baby girl. I’m lost too. I don’t know who would hurt her.”

Cheyenne looked at him through her tears, but he never looked at her.

* * *

The first night her father was home, Cheyenne thought their apartment seemed much smaller than it had in years. Her father’s presence took up more space than any of them was used to. With the exception of Lil Kev, they all sat around talking the night after the surprise party. Cheyenne had stared at her father and thought to herself that he’d aged a lot in twelve years. His newly grown beard was sprinkled with gray, and he was starting to lose the hair in the middle of his head. Although he was still strikingly handsome, a few lines had begun to branch out from the sides of his eyes. His teeth were not the bright white Cheyenne remembered them always being when she was a kid. He’d gained a lot of weight, but it was all solid muscle. Everything about him seemed foreign to Cheyenne. His voice was louder, and his body was bigger than when he’d left.

The only thing that didn’t seem to change was his expectations. Her father thought things with all of them were the same as they had been in 1996 when he’d been taken from the family. Cheyenne could tell right away he was going to have a hard time learning that he was no longer the center of everyone’s world.

Her father’s was the first voice she heard when she awoke the day after he came home. It felt strange since she wasn’t used to hearing a man’s voice in their house in years. Cheyenne listened that morning and could tell that her father wasn’t alone. She was correct. When she padded into the kitchen in her robe and slippers, she saw that her father and Kelsi were up together. They were so engrossed in their laughter and conversation they hadn’t even heard Cheyenne approach.

As she walked closer, she could see the side of Kelsi’s face. Kelsi seemed to glow like a teenager meeting her first love as she spoke to Big K. Cheyenne raised her eyebrows at the sight of them.

“Y’all up early,” Cheyenne said, her voice still filled with remnants of sleep.

Kelsi’s face was turned away from where Cheyenne stood, but when she heard Cheyenne’s voice, she jumped like Cheyenne was a ghost she wasn’t expecting to see. Cheyenne had thought Kelsi’s reaction strange, but she put it out of her mind. Her father smiled, but he seemed a bit jumpy and jittery too.

“Hey. Baby girl,” her father sang, quickly pushing away from the table. He went over to Cheyenne and kissed her on the cheek. “I hope we didn’t wake you up. Kelsi was just telling me all of the Peaches stories I’ve missed. Boy, I tell you. Gone for twelve years and some things ain’t change one bit. That Peaches is something else. Always has been,” her father rambled, but something was funny about his voice. Nervousness, mixed with trepidation, was the best Cheyenne could describe it.

At the time, any suspicions Cheyenne held left her mind as fast as they had come. Why would she suspect her best friend, who was like her sister, and her father? That was crazy!

They sure didn’t seem like they were talking about Peaches. All that laughing. Ain’t shit funny about how Peaches is whoring herself out and smoking all of the crack she can find, Cheyenne said in her head as her father and Kelsi broke up their little pow-wow.

Kelsi had never joked with Cheyenne about Peaches. Mostly she avoided speaking about Peaches at all. Cheyenne knew Kelsi hated her mother with a passion. Cheyenne shook off any ill thoughts she’d had.

“Where’s Mommy?” Cheyenne asked her father and looked around. She wanted her tone to show that she didn’t appreciate all of her father and Kelsi’s laughing and reminiscing without her mother there. Especially since Cheyenne hadn’t gotten a chance to have any alone time with her father yet herself. She also thought reminiscing, laughing, and sharing light moments should be for her mother to be doing on her husband’s first full day home from a twelve-year bid.

“That crazy lady went to work. Can you believe her?” Kelsi answered Cheyenne’s question right away.

A flash of heat spread through Cheyenne’s body. She shot Kelsi a look. Kelsi acted like she hadn’t seen Cheyenne’s dirty look.

“Hmph, her husband just came home after all this time, and she agreed to work someone’s shift for them instead of staying home. Not me. I would be locked in a room somewhere, laid up with my man for days. Even my kids wouldn’t be able to get in or interrupt our flow,” Kelsi continued, trying to sound like she was joking.

Cheyenne thought she heard a hint of disgust underlying some of Kelsi’s words when she spoke about her mother leaving to go to work. Cheyenne tilted her head to the side, squinted a little bit, and gave Kelsi the side eye. She didn’t like anyone talking about her mother. Kelsi of all people knew that about her.

“Um, she is not crazy. She has a job. Which is more than I can say about a lot of people. Plus, I’m sure she had a good reason to go in today. I guess she figured he’s home now and he ain’t going nowhere with nobody else, so why not make the money? It’s probably just for a few hours anyway,” Cheyenne grumbled defensively.

Cheyenne’s message to them both was clear. Kelsi got quiet. Her father had a big, dumb grin on his face.

Cheyenne grabbed a breakfast shake out of the refrigerator and started back toward her room.

“How about we go down to the rides today?” her father yelled out as she walked away. She didn’t know if he was trying to make light of the tension-filled exchange that had taken place or if he was serious. She paused for a few minutes.

He can’t be serious. How old does he think I am? Cheyenne thought and rolled her eyes without letting him see.

Kelsi hadn’t said a word. Cheyenne figured Kelsi was thinking the same thing she was thinking: He has clearly been gone too damn long.

“Um, yeah. You’ve been gone way too long. The rides are no place to go nowadays. Half of them are gone or broken down. Nobody dares eat at that Nathan’s anymore. Trust me, nothing around here, including the rides, is like it was in 1996,” Cheyenne lectured, trying to keep the obvious disappointment out of her voice. She immediately felt sorry for her father. The transition home wasn’t going to be easy if he continued to live in the past.

* * *

“Did you still love her?” Cheyenne asked her father after snapping out of her memory of the past.

Her father looked at her strangely and jumped to his feet. “I do love her. I will always love her,” he said emphatically. “You don’t ever have to ask me a question like that again,” he said, storming out of the kitchen, leaving Cheyenne alone.