Читать книгу A Husband for All Seasons - Irene Brand - Страница 10

Dreading the upcoming exchange, Chad squeezed his eyelids tightly to stop further tears, hardening his heart against Lorene’s pleading voice.

“The first time Perry and I had seen each other for over twenty years was in Woodston, Kentucky, where we first met you. We were college sweethearts who’d been engaged. Only once did we let our emotions get out of hand—the night you were conceived.”

For the next half hour, Chad listened to the rich timbre of Perry’s voice as he explained how through a misunderstanding and the stubborn conniving of Lorene’s father, he never knew she was pregnant. Lorene thought that Perry had abandoned her and didn’t love her. Perry was angry because he thought Lorene didn’t want to marry him and had moved away without leaving a forwarding address. Because of these misconceptions, they didn’t try to contact each other. They had remained unmarried because memories of the true love they had shared prevented them from having relationships with anyone else.

Every word they said was searing Chad’s soul with the deepest agony he had ever known. His heart searched for an answer.

God, why didn’t You let me die without hearing these things? I’ve always been happy. I had a good life. I’d rather be dead than to know that the four people I’ve loved the most have betrayed me. Why, God, why?

Their words were destroying one of Chad’s fondest memories, and he wished they would stop talking and leave him with a few pleasant memories of their association.

“When you came to town with the Jon Preston group, we both suspected that you were our child for you looked exactly like Perry did at that age. Then we learned that you were adopted—and that your parents were the Reeces—and little doubt remained.

“Perry was determined to tell you that we were your parents, but I didn’t think it was fair to the Reeces. I’d given you to them, and we agreed to say nothing. But the Reeces knew my name. And when we all met at your last college game, they knew who we were. They volunteered to let us share your life, and we’ve been grateful for that.”

Through clenched teeth, Chad said, “Shouldn’t I have had a say in that? I was old enough to make my own decisions. Was it right to treat me like a child?” Even as the words left his mouth, Chad realized he was acting childish now.

He heard Lorene’s quick intake of breath, and he knew he had hurt her. Shattered by his own physical and emotional injuries, he had the desire to hurt someone else. If he lashed out at others, that might ease his own hurt.

But he didn’t think he could ever forgive either set of parents for deceiving him.

In all fairness he had to admit he had always told the Reeces that he didn’t want to know. So why did he suddenly feel as if the whole bottom had dropped out of his world?

He made no gesture to stop them as Lorene picked up Amy, and his biological family left the room.

Chad didn’t see Perry or Lorene the next day, nor did Vicky Lanham show up as he had hoped. His parents spent the day in the room with him, but fortunately he dozed a lot. Apparently aware of his mood, they didn’t force a conversation.

The surgeon came in late afternoon.

“You are doing great,” he said, “and so is Mr. Saunders. Your body is accepting the transplant remarkably well. There’s no reason you can’t live a perfectly normal life, if…” He paused and again Chad sensed deep compassion in the doctor’s voice and eyes.

“If?” Chad prompted. “If what…?”

“If you give up contact sports,” the doctor said bluntly.

“I’d rather die,” Chad said without hesitation. “Football has been my life since I was a kid.”

“I know,” the surgeon said. “I’ve seen you play. You play with your whole heart, and I can understand how you feel. I know what it would mean to be told I could never perform another operation. I’m only telling you the truth. You might play out the rest of your NFL contract and never have another accident, but I doubt very much if the management will let you do it. Even if they wanted to, it’s too great a risk, and probably no one would insure you.” He squeezed Chad’s hand. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

The surgeon shook hands with Stewart and Betty, wagged his head sadly and left the room.

“Please go away,” Chad said to his parents. “I don’t want to talk to anyone now.”

“I don’t think you should be alone, son,” Mr. Reece said. “Especially tonight. Let me stay with you.”

“I don’t want you to stay. I’m sorry, but I feel betrayed. If you had told me when I first met Perry and Lorene, it wouldn’t have been so bad. But to let me go on without telling me is more than I can forgive right now.”

“You shouldn’t be alone,” Mr. Reece insisted.

“Then ask the girl who has been sitting with me to come stay. I just can’t be around the two of you right now.”

Chad hated himself for hurting these two people who loved him and had given him a happy childhood. But to gain another set of parents and to lose his lifetime dream in less than two days was more than he could bear. His parents. Who were his parents in a case like this? Would Lorene and Perry expect him to call them Mom and Dad now?

But his heritage was a minor problem when he considered a future without football. What would he do without football? He had more money now than his parents had made in their entire life. He had invested his income wisely. He wouldn’t have to work another day as long as he lived.

But what kind of future was that? He had always had something to do. He had started working when he was a boy—carrying newspapers and delivering groceries for the neighborhood store in Alabama where his father worked. In college, he couldn’t have a job and play football, too, but he had worked out regularly in the gym and studied to make good grades. Not to mention the long hours of practice. No, Chad Reece, or should it be Saunders now—had never been a loafer.

And he didn’t want to start now.

Vicky was surprised that she had been asked to sit with Chad again, and she dreaded seeing him. Chad had lots of fans on the staff of the hospital, and the word had spread like wildfire that his football days were over. How could she comfort him in the discouragement that must be eating at his spirit? She prayed she could help him, yet now that she was faced with the task, somehow it seemed so daunting.

She walked quietly into Chad’s room. A large arrangement of roses from his team’s managers and coaches dominated the nightstand, and the room smelled like a greenhouse. The light over the bed was off, but the hall light shed a dismal reflection around the room. There was enough light to see Chad lying with his hand over his forehead, half shielding his eyes. Tears trickled in tiny rivulets over his face. The injury had been sustained such a short time ago, and to look at his muscular body no one would suspect that he had had such a serious operation.

Vicky watched him for several minutes. Her face flushed when she realized she was spying and that Chad probably wouldn’t want her to see his tears. She backed out of the room, knocked and reentered. He hadn’t changed at all. Knowing he was awake, she went to the bed and touched the hand that lay across his brow.

He seemed to know instinctively who it was. Without opening his eyes, he said, “I’m not asleep. Thanks for helping out. I’m doing great, physically, but my parents insisted that I should have someone with me, and I didn’t want them. I’m out of sorts with them at the present.”

Vicky laughed lightly as she put down the tote she carried, took off her denim jacket and hung it over the back of the chair placed close to his bed.

“I understand that. I get out of sorts with my mom and dad sometimes, too.”

“If I could go to sleep and forget about it, I’d be happier, but I’ve slept a lot today. Besides my head is spinning with all of the things I’ve heard in the past few hours.”

She lifted his bed slightly and put a pillow behind his shoulders. She held a glass of water to his mouth and he took a few sips through the straw. She sat beside him.

“If you want to talk, I’ll be happy to listen. If you clear your mind you can probably go to sleep.”

With a slight grin, Chad said, “Well, you asked for it.” He hesitated, not knowing if he was willing to share his newfound knowledge with anyone. Still it would be easier for him to talk to a stranger—someone he probably wouldn’t see again.

“I’ve known as long as I can remember that I was an adopted kid, and I didn’t mind at all. That is, until today when I learned that I’ve known my biological parents for a few years—have been good friends with them—but didn’t suspect who they were.”

“And that bothers you?”

“Perhaps it shouldn’t, but I must have been naive not to have suspected it before. My biological father is my kidney donor. My adoptive parents contacted him as soon as they knew how serious my condition was. He and my ‘real’ mother came right away.”

“Why does that upset you?”

“I don’t know,” he said. Then sighed. “I suppose I’m mad at myself because I hadn’t suspected before. My mother said that she suspected I was her son immediately because I look like my father. And it’s true. I feel like I should have noticed my physical resemblance to Perry long ago. I was really rotten to both sets of parents, and that bothers me more than anything else. And I’m not normally…like that.”

“I’m sure they understand. You’ve had a shocking experience, not only physically, but emotionally as well. No one expects you to act like nothing has happened.”

Now that he’d started talking, he couldn’t seem to stop. “I’ve never doubted that it was God’s will for me to play football. Now I wonder how I got the wrong direction. My dad didn’t want me to play football, but when I was so determined to play, he didn’t discourage me. That’s one reason I love my parents so much—they always put my welfare before their own. They adopted me because they wanted a child. Up to now, they haven’t had any reason to regret it, but I feel like I let them down today.” He sighed again. “It’s not easy managing anger and guilt at the same time.”

“It will work out, Chad,” Vicky said, realizing that she had used his first name, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Maybe it was God’s will for you to play football for a while. He may have other plans for you now.”

“Do you really believe that? I mean, has that been true in your life?”

Vicky squirmed uncomfortably in her chair, thankful that the lights were dim in the room so Chad couldn’t see her expression. His problem and doubts had touched a sensitive place in her heart. At one time, she knew without any doubt God’s will for her life. But she had gotten sidetracked. She and Chad had more in common than he knew. Of course, her injury was an emotional one. She thought fleetingly that if she told him about her hang-ups it might give Chad a lift.

“I’ve had problems with my directions, too, but they’re not as fresh in my mind as yours are. You talk tonight and I’ll listen.”

Chad talked most of the night about his childhood. The early years in his parents’ home. The summer he had worked with the Jon Preston band and had met Lorene and Perry in a small Kentucky town. He had been drawn to them immediately, never dreaming they were his parents.

“After they moved to California, I didn’t see them often, but we kept in touch by telephone and e-mail. All of that time, my parents…” He paused and in the dim light, Vicky saw pain cross his face. “…didn’t give any indication of my heritage, nor did Perry or Lorene.”

“I have a feeling that none of your parents will expect you to change your relationship with them. I’m sure the Saunders won’t expect you to start calling them Mom and Dad. If they’ve kept the secret of your birth from you all of these years, they won’t expect any more from you than you’re willing to give.”

“They tried to talk to me, but I brushed them off.”

“That’s understandable. I know you’re not asking for advice, but why don’t you come to terms with your injury and the change in your future before you concern yourself with your family relationship?”

Chad seemed not to have heard for he continued, “I should be grateful that Perry donated the kidney and saved my life. But that’s hard to do when I wish I had died. I’m only twenty-five and my usefulness on earth is finished. Anything will certainly be better than what I’ll face in the next few years. I’ve heard of too many professional athletes who lost all sense of purpose and headed down the wrong road when they couldn’t keep playing.”

In an effort to steer his mind to more pleasant thoughts, Vicky said, “I’m sure you have some pleasant memories of the time you’ve spent with your biological parents.”

With a slight smile, he said, “The best thing is that I now have a little sister. Amy was about six months old when I first saw her, and it was a case of love at first site for both of us. Lorene says that she’s always been shy with men, but she came to me right away. Maybe she sensed we were related. She’s a cutie! I hope you can see her.”

He moved restlessly in bed. Vicky stood and straightened the sheets and gave him another drink of water.

“When are they going to take all of this hardware off of my arms so I can do something for myself?” he complained.

“It won’t be much longer,” Vicky said soothingly. She put another pillow under his shoulders and spread a blanket over the sheets.

“Is that more comfortable?”

“Yes, thank you. I’m sorry for being such a grouch.”

“You aren’t being grouchy. Do you think you can sleep now?”

“I’ll try. You won’t leave?”

“Not until my shift is over. I’ll wake you before I go.”

Vicky could easily understand why Chad preferred to have a stranger with him during this trauma rather than some member of his family.

As Chad slept, she unwillingly recalled the most embarrassing time in her life. What she had done hadn’t been so terrible—she’d only fallen in love with the wrong man. A man several years her senior, already engaged to someone else. Vicky remembered as if it had been yesterday, when she and her friend, Amelia Stone, had been sitting in a church service in flood-ravaged Williamson, West Virginia.

She had wanted to enter full-time Christian service, and her parents had always been strong supporters of the Red Cross. They had encouraged her to volunteer to help in the flood cleanup, suggesting the hands-on work with hurting people would give her insight into whether a humanitarian profession was the way for her to go.

The experience had not turned out as they had hoped. Vicky had developed a huge crush on Allen Chambers, the pastor of a local church, whose members loaned their church for the Red Cross headquarters. But when the minister had announced the name of his fiancée from the pulpit and introduced her to his congregation, Vicky was devastated because she had made no effort to conceal her love, or perhaps her infatuation, from Allen. She thought he returned her affection, but she soon realized that the minister had never suspected that she had a crush on him.

She and Amelia had left the church before the service was over so she wouldn’t have to face Allen again. She had avoided any contact with him during the days she remained in the area to help the Red Cross. But the incident had destroyed Vicky’s self-confidence. She cringed inwardly when she recalled that a subsequent incident had also destroyed her self-esteem.

Feeling rejected by the young minister, Vicky had returned home from the flood disaster, doubting that God had called her to serve Him by working in foreign countries as a missionary. She had disappointed her parents by leaving college after the first semester, even though they lived only a few blocks from Ohio State University.

She hadn’t expected them to support her. She moved into an apartment and started working in a bookstore at a minimum-wage salary. She was living from hand to mouth, doing very little worthwhile except volunteering at the hospital and participating in activities at her local church.

Although she had tried to kill her dream of serving others, Vicky’s mind often turned in that direction. That was one reason she had started volunteering at the hospital. God wouldn’t let her forget the vow she had made to Him in a church meeting when she was fifteen, dedicating her life to full-time Christian service.

Vicky took a Bible out of her tote bag and turned to the fifth chapter of the book of Ecclesiastes and considered the words of Solomon. As always when she read the passage she felt condemned because she hadn’t kept her vow.

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God… When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it… It is better not to make a vow and not fulfill it… And do not protest to the temple messenger, “My vow was a mistake.”

Had her vow been a mistake? Had she acted on her emotions rather than waiting until God spoke to her heart? But if God hadn’t called her, why couldn’t she forget that electrifying moment when she felt as if He had singled her out for some particular mission? Did God ever allow a person to forget His call? Or did He cause the person to be uncomfortable until she fulfilled His will in her life?

Because a purposeless future loomed before her, Vicky could empathize with Chad. Was she going to spend her whole life without any sense of direction? At the end of her life, would she have anything to show that she had really lived?

Suddenly, Vicky had a feeling similar to the one she had experienced when she thought she had been called to the mission field. Was God really dealing with her heart again? What else could it be? Chad groaned in his sleep, and she quickly put the Bible away and stepped to his side. She checked the equipment and everything seemed normal.

Vicky’s heartbeat accelerated and she wondered if God was sending her a message that He hadn’t cast her aside. She was suddenly overwhelmed with the enormity of the rehabilitation that Chad would need as he dealt with the loss of his profession. She could understand why he was angry over the unwanted revelation of his illegitimate birth. Could it possibly be that her mission in life would be to help Chad Reece take his place in a world that didn’t include football?

“Oh, no, God,” Vicky whispered, and she quickly surveyed the handsome youth before her. “I make too many mistakes when it comes to matters of the heart. Not only once, but twice, I’ve really messed up. I can’t bear to think that I’d risk my heart again.”

Could she be the friend that Chad needed in this stressful time without succumbing to his personal magnetism?

Although she didn’t necessarily believe that God spoke audibly to His followers in this current day, she knew that He did speak through His Word. She opened the Bible again to the book of Ecclesiastes, and as she read the familiar King James Version, she recalled a more modern version of another passage.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him get up!

God, she prayed, if I can be helpful in lifting Chad Reece from his depression, I’m available.

Chad was still sleeping when it was time for Vicky to leave, and she hesitated to disturb him, but she had promised. She touched his arm lightly, and he stirred.

“Chad,” she said, “I’m leaving now.”

His eyes opened reluctantly. “I didn’t think I’d go to sleep.”

“How do you feel?”

“Too soon to tell, but the pain seems better. My mind is still fuzzy. I hope they take me off some of this medication today—I’m not used to it. Will I see you tonight?”

She shook her head. “I have to work tonight, and you don’t need anyone.” She held up a piece of paper. “I’ve written down my cell phone number and the number at work. Please call me if you need me to help you. If I have reason to be in the hospital before you leave, I’ll stop by to see you.”

“Thanks for helping me,” he said.

Vicky walked down the hall thoughtfully, wondering if she would see Chad again. His home was in Alabama, and the Saunders’s lived in California. He would probably go to one of those places to recuperate. He had no ties with Ohio, so he probably wouldn’t return. But her recent experience in God’s presence caused her to believe that their paths would cross again.

His new kidney was operating as if it had always been in his body, and on the surgeon’s next visit, Chad was told to expect a full recovery. By noon, Chad had been set free from all of the machines, IVs and tubes that had kept him in bed. A nurse helped him into a wheelchair, and he ate his lunch sitting up. He was weak and still on pain medication, but he accepted the fact that he was going to get well. He should be overjoyed, but in his frame of mind, it really didn’t matter.

“You can be discharged in a few days,” the surgeon had told him. “Since Columbus isn’t your home, I can send your records to a competent hospital in whatever region you move to. I want you to return here in three or four months for a checkup, but your recovery and therapy can be done elsewhere.”

The Reeces came in while the surgeon was still in the room, and he reported directly to them. “You can take him home with you, by plane, in two weeks. I’ll check out an adequate hospital in your area where he can be treated as necessary.”

After the surgeon left, Mr. Reece said, “Lorene and Perry have suggested that you might want to go with them to California. It will be all right with us if you want to do that. They’re closer to a large hospital than we are.”

“How is Perry doing?”

“As well as you are,” his mother said. “You are fortunate that he was available and willing to be a donor. They plan to go home the first of next week.”

“Your agent is also in town,” Stewart said. “He tried to come into the hospital to see you, but the surgeon has banned all visitors except family, and the receptionists know that there are only five of us here. He wants you to call him as soon as possible.”

Chad had no desire to talk to Howard Crayton, his agent. He had always been outgoing, loved people and made friends wherever he went. At this point, the life of a hermit appealed to him. Perry was a quiet, more reserved person than Chad had ever been. Had he taken on more of his father’s personality than he knew? Or had the trauma of the injury and consequent transplant made him want to avoid people?

“When Howie calls again, tell him that I don’t want to talk to him now and that he should leave Columbus. When I’m ready, I’ll call him. As for going home with you, I don’t want to do that, either. And I won’t go to California. I have some difficult decisions to make and I want to be alone to make them. I intend to stay in Columbus until the surgeon releases me completely.”

Chad realized that he had spoken more bluntly than was his nature when Betty gasped. “This isn’t like you, son.”

Chad stretched out his hand and Mrs. Reece placed her trembling fingers in his grasp. “Nothing about this situation is like me. I don’t want to hurt you, Mom, but you’re used to having me gone. I believe it’s better for my health to stay here for a few months. I have to sort out my life now—I can manage better alone.”

He lifted his mother’s hand and kissed it.

“Are you still mad at us for not telling you?” she asked.

“No, not mad, just embarrassed because I was too naive to see the truth for myself.” Turning to his father, Chad said, “Go on home. You have your interests there. I’ll find an apartment close to the hospital and will be perfectly all right. I’m used to being on my own now.”

“What about your apartment in Pittsburgh? And your car is still in the hospital parking lot in Ohio.”

“My apartment is paid up for the year and my housekeeper checks on it occasionally when I’m away. My car is leased, so I’ll get in touch with the company and have them pick it up. If I stay here long, I’ll lease another car.” Still holding his mother’s hand, he said, “It will be all right. I’ll come out of this a better man than I’ve ever been. Don’t worry.”

They crept out of the room like wounded, reprimanded children, and Chad hated to see them go like that. It was troubling to think that he might never feel the same way about them again. His family loyalties were going to be different whether or not he wanted them to be.