Читать книгу Tender Love - Irene Brand - Страница 9

The next morning, Mark had reverted to his pleasant self, and Alice sometimes wondered if she’d dreamed that moment when he seemed defeated, as if life had handed him more trouble than he could handle. Yet she knew she hadn’t imagined it, and during her daily devotions, she prayed for Mark’s spiritual condition.

Mark had agreed to the housecleaning plan, and Alice had arranged for the women to come the day she took Kristin to church camp, for since Gran and Eddie were going along, the house would be empty for the workers. She’d replenished Kristin’s wardrobe without Mark questioning the cost. He was impressed with the secondhand garments she’d purchased, not realizing that some of the items were new. He gave Kristin a ten-dollar bill for her camp expenses, and was none the wiser when Alice doubled the amount. For the first time since John Larkin had died and willed her a fortune, Alice felt good about her money.

Gran had protested when Alice invited her to go along.

“Oh, no, Alice, you don’t want to be saddled with an old woman like me.”

“Gran, you haven’t been out of the house since I’ve been here, and that isn’t healthy for you.”

Interest dawning in her eyes, Gran continued to protest. “But I don’t think I can get in that van of yours.”

“My husband was in a wheelchair the last several months of his life, and the van is equipped with a lift, which will make it easy for you to get in.”

“All right. It’ll be nice to drive out in the country. The campsite is in a very pretty part of this state.”

The camp was located near Charlottesville—the same camp Alice had attended when she was a girl, although quite a few improvements had been made since then, including an Olympic-size swimming pool. When she’d gone to camp, the swimming hole was in the creek, but she’d learned to swim there. It was at this camp that she’d dedicated her life to God, even then praying for a life of service. She’d thought her prayer had been fulfilled when she took care of John for several years, but perhaps that was just the beginning.

Since the round-trip drive would take several hours, Mark had hesitated to allow Eddie to go with them.

“He tires so easily,” he said. “I’m sure that Ethel will be glad to keep him. She’s helped out before when I didn’t have anyone to stay with the children.”

“But, Daddy, I want to see where Kristin is going.”

With a worried look, Mark finally agreed, but Alice wondered if he’d had second thoughts, when just before they were ready to start, Ethel barged into the house.

“I’m taking care of Eddie while you’re gone.”

“Eddie is going with us,” Kristin said. “Daddy said it’s all right.”

“Perhaps he changed his mind,” Ethel said breezily, a smug look on her face as if she had information they didn’t.

“I want to go, Alice,” Eddie said.

“Of course, you’re going, Eddie, unless Mark tells me differently within the next five minutes.”

She turned to Gran, who was limping down the stairs, and reached out a hand to help her descend the last two steps.

“Then I’m coming with you, Alice,” Ethel said. “You’ll need help with Gran, and Eddie, as sickly as he is.”

Eddie wilted at her statement, and annoyed, Alice said, “Eddie is not sickly. He doesn’t need any help.”

But short of physically removing Ethel from her car, Alice was helpless in the face of the woman’s brashness, as Ethel took Gran’s arm, led her out of the house, helped her into the van, and preempted the front seat where Alice had expected Kristin to sit. Her aggressive behavior was annoying, but since Ethel had been helpful during Clarice’s illness and after her death, Alice wasn’t in a position to antagonize a friend of the family. She was provoked at herself because part of her anger stemmed from Betty’s comment that Ethel was angling for Mark’s attention by befriending his children.

Ethel wasn’t a bad-looking woman. She was of medium height, with a slender waist, and shapely. Only a long thin nose kept her from having a beautiful face. Ethel was probably forty years of age, although she tried to disguise her few wrinkles with a heavy coat of makeup.

“Do you know how to find the camp?” she asked as Alice left the city behind and headed into open country.

“I attended camp there when I was a girl, but I wasn’t sure how to get there from Richmond, so Mr. Tanner gave me directions.”

“You called him ‘Mark’ earlier. Why change to Mr. Tanner now?”

“It depends on whom I’m talking to. I sometimes call him Daddy when I’m talking to his children.”

That comment silenced Ethel for several miles, and when she started talking again, she addressed most of her remarks to Gran and the kids. Alice soon noted that Ethel had an adverse effect on Eddie. She constantly referred to his disability, and by the time they arrived at camp, Eddie was limp as a rag, and Alice had to persuade him to get out of the car.

“I don’t feel good, Alice. I’ll stay in the van.”

“Nonsense! You need to walk around a bit, and we’ll have lunch with Kristin before we start home.”

They found a shady spot where Gran and Eddie could sit on a bench, and when Ethel would have taken control of Kristin’s registration, Alice said firmly, “I’ll go with Kristin to register and find out where she’ll be staying. The rest of you stay here in the shade.”

Picking up Kristin’s suitcase, Alice headed toward a log building that had a registration sign tacked on a post.

The camp was located in a small river valley, with woodlands along its banks. A dozen log dormitories were scattered among the trees, and one long building with a wide veranda, that Alice took for the dining hall, was situated beside the swimming pool. A badminton court and a softball field were beyond the pool. From one point, they had a good view of the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Kristin placed a trembling hand on Alice’s arm, and she knew that the child feared this new experience.

“I don’t see Susie anywhere—she said she’d be here to meet me. She came to camp last year so she knows what to do.”

“I’m sure she’ll arrive soon, and we won’t leave until she does come. I remember the first day I came to camp, and it was scary, but in a few hours, I felt right at home. You’ll enjoy yourself.”

“I’ll miss Daddy.”

“He’ll miss you, too, but you’ll be so busy with crafts, hiking and sports activities that the week will pass before you know it.”

They entered the open door of the rustic building crowded with girls and their parents. One child detached herself from a group and ran toward Kristin.

“That’s Susie,” Kristin said in relief.

“Hi, Kristin. I’ve already registered and I was watching for you. We’re assigned to Bear Cabin—it’s a nice one. Come on, I’ll show you what to do.”

Alice placed the suitcase in a corner where a lot of other luggage was stacked, and queued up with the two girls to wait their turn at the registration table. A young woman joined them and, with a broad smile, said, “I’m Susie’s mother, Erin Saberton. You must be Mrs. Larkin.”

Alice shook hands with her. “Yes, I’m Kristin’s nanny. I’m glad to meet you. I hope you’ll let Susie visit Kristin when they return from camp. The house is too quiet.”

With a laugh, Erin said, “It won’t be quiet if Susie is visiting.” She lowered her voice. “Susie’s wanted to visit, but Mark has been so withdrawn since Clarice’s death that I thought he didn’t want visitors.”

“He’s gone so much that he does like to have evenings alone with his kids, but there’s no reason Susie can’t come during the daytime. I’ll be glad to have her.”

“When the Tanners had only part-time nannies, I hesitated to send another child for them to oversee. But thanks for your invitation—Susie will telephone before she comes.”

It was almost noon by the time Kristin was settled in Bear Cabin—a small cottage with five sets of crude bunk beds. There were a couple of lavatories in the cabin, but a central bathhouse would take care of their other needs. Alice helped Kristin make up her bunk bed, which was right below Susie’s. Mrs. Saberton had to return home, so Susie ate with Kristin and her family in the long dining room.

As he watched the campers, Eddie’s spirits improved a little, showing interest in the place his sister would be living for a week. While they ate hot dogs, potato chips and cookies, Eddie said, “When can I come to camp, Alice?”

“Not until you’re as old as Kristin.”

“I doubt you’ll be able to be a camper, Eddie, so I wouldn’t count on it,” Ethel said.

Eddie turned a piteous look in Alice’s direction, and she patted him on the back. She was too angry to answer Ethel, but she had her emotions under control when they were driving back to Richmond. Gran settled down for a nap, and when Alice saw that Eddie was sleeping tight in his seat belt, head leaning forward, she said to Ethel, “Why do you persist in making an invalid out of Eddie? I talked with his pediatrician, and he said that Eddie’s health problems have been corrected. He told me to encourage Eddie to live like any other five-year-old boy. I can’t do that if you keep telling him he’s sick.”

Anger flashed from Ethel’s black eyes. “I’ve been looking after Kristin and Eddie since their mother got sick. It’s none of your business how I treat them.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Mark has hired me to look out for his children, and I’m going to do that to the best of my ability.”

“But you’re only a stranger—how can you know what’s better for them than I do?”

“A stranger can often see things that others can’t. For instance, Eddie has made a slave out of Kristin—she runs at his beck and call, and it isn’t necessary. There isn’t any reason he can’t get a drink of water when he wants it, why he can’t go up and down the stairs without help, and I hope to instill some independence in him this week. Gran isn’t able to wait on him, I’m not going to, and I’ll appreciate it if you don’t interfere.”

Ethel didn’t respond, but the look she cast in Alice’s direction was venomous, and Alice was convinced that she’d report the conversation to Mark.

The cleaning women were just finishing when Alice returned. Even from the outside, the house looked better because the windows were clean and shining, and the lemony fresh smell inside the house was stimulating. After she settled Gran and Eddie in their rooms for a nap, Alice went to the porch where the women were washing the paneling.

“The house looks great,” she said. “It won’t be so difficult to keep everything tidy now.” When she paid them before they left, she tripled the amount that Mark had laid aside for them, and the woman to whom she gave the money, stared at her speculatively. Apparently this was more money then they usually received, and she hoped she hadn’t overdone it. Since Mark was known to be hard up, people might start wondering where he was getting so much money.

The next night, Alice asked Mark to help her set up the computer, and he readily agreed. Since she wanted to supervise the children’s use of the computer, they put it in her room.

Mark protested a little. “Maybe we’d better set this up in the dining room—you could still keep your eye on them when they’re using the computer. They’ll want to use it all the time, and you won’t even have any privacy when you go to your room.”

“We’ll see how it goes first.”

Since she knew Eddie would want to try it out at once, Alice had stopped by the video store and rented an educational game. While Mark played the game with Eddie, Alice sat in the rocker and picked up her sewing basket. She hadn’t accomplished much on the tablecloth she was making for her sister since she’d come to the Tanners.

“Time for bed, Eddie,” Mark said. “We’ll get your shower, and I’ll tuck you in.”

Eddie went without much protest, and he came over to Alice, and kissed her cheek. “Thanks for bringing the computer, Alice. It’s been a fun thing to do with Daddy.”

Alice laid down her embroidery and hugged him tightly, shutting her eyes to keep any tears from escaping. “You’re a good boy, Eddie,” she said. “I’m glad you’ve had a nice time.”

“I’ll come back down after Eddie’s in bed, Alice. I noticed you have a Scrabble game on the hard drive. Can I challenge you to a game?”

“But, Daddy, I’m afraid to go upstairs without Kristin. Won’t you stay upstairs with me?”

Mark hesitated, but he said, “Not tonight, Son. You’ll soon be asleep, and I’ll hear you if you call.”

Alice had always enjoyed playing Scrabble, and had been good at it, but she was no match for Mark. She could readily understand Betty’s comments about his superior intelligence, for he quickly spelled out a word clue. They played two games, and Mark won both of them. But Alice excused herself, for she couldn’t concentrate on the game, finding it difficult to think of any words. Mark’s name rolled over and over in her mind excluding all others, and of course, in Scrabble, she wasn’t allowed to use given names. They sat close together to have a good view of the screen, and when their shoulders touched or hands collided as they typed in their answers, Alice’s pulse raced and her temperature soared.

“That’s not very nice of you—beating me on my own computer,” she said when Mark pushed back his chair. “I’ll have to withdraw your computer privileges.”

Mark’s eyes softened into a smile. “Oh, don’t do that. This is the most pleasant evening I’ve spent for ages. We may do this every night.”

“Not if you keep beating me,” she retorted, a smile on her face.

Mark stood up and stretched, and Alice looked away quickly. “I’ll check to see if Eddie is okay, and then let’s sit on the patio. It’s a pleasant evening. I’ll open the window in Eddie’s room, so we’ll hear him if he calls.”

Don’t do it, Alice. Keep this relationship on a professional level.

But despite her qualms, when Mark came downstairs, she went with him to the backyard. He cleaned the lounge chairs with a cloth, and when she was seated, he stretched out on the chair beside her, breathing deeply.

“Wow! It’s good to relax. I didn’t even take time for lunch today at the office, and thank you for the good meal tonight. After fasting all day, I really enjoyed it. You’re a good cook, Alice. You must have had lots of experience.”

“My mother taught me and my sister to cook when we were girls, and I did several 4-H projects on foods and nutrition, so I started at an early age.” She didn’t mention that after her marriage, they’d kept the same cook John had employed when he was a widower.

“Besides the work at the bank, the care of the kids almost overwhelms me at time. I had no idea the kind of burden a single parent carries, and sometimes I blush in shame when I realize how blithely I used to counsel single parents.”

“But you’re a good father, Mark—you’ve done well with your children.”

She saw him shake his head in the semidarkness, and a lock of hair fell over his forehead. “No, I’m not really. I’m neglecting some of the most important things they need to know.”

She wondered if he referred to his lack of spiritual training. They were sitting close enough that Alice could have reached out and touched his arm in encouragement, but she refrained.

“It takes time, Mark. It’s only been six months.”

“I keep telling myself that, and months before Clarice’s death, she wasn’t able to deal with the children’s problems. I shielded her as much as possible.” He sighed. “But I don’t find it as overwhelming as I did a few months ago. It’s taking time to deal with my hang-ups, but I’m working on it.” He took a deep breath. “Thanks for listening to me, Alice. I’m probably imposing on you, but it’s been a long since I’ve had an adult to listen to me. A minister needs someone at home to support him, because he’s usually giving of himself all day. Even though I’m not working with a church congregation as I used to do, I’m a counselor at the bank, and I still have to deal with other people’s problems.”

“When are you intending to take another church?” Alice dared to ask.

“I don’t know, Alice—I really don’t know what to do.”

The rest of the week, as soon as Eddie was settled in, it seemed natural for Mark and Alice to seek the peace and comfort of the patio. Alice excused her actions by believing it was a good time to discuss her rehab program for Eddie and to talk of Kristin’s maturation, but she knew those weren’t the only reasons she wanted to be in Mark’s company. Sometimes they didn’t talk much, but Alice felt that the times of silence were good for him. After being with people all day, he didn’t need to talk—he only needed a companion.

And her work with Eddie had resulted in some progress. After one day of whining, Eddie learned to do a few things for himself. He walked slowly up and down stairs by himself, he went to the bathroom unattended, and Alice showed him how to straighten his bedsheets and cover them with a spread. Every morning, after he’d eaten his breakfast, she walked with him around the neighborhood streets, increasing the distance each day.

When he dozed over his food one night at dinner, Mark gazed at him in concern, but he offered no complaint to Alice.

Parents were invited to the closing exercises at the camp on Friday evening, and Mark arranged to leave work a few hours early on that day to attend.

“I’d like for you to go with me, Alice, unless you have other plans for tonight,” Mark had said as he picked up his briefcase that morning and started to work.

This isn’t wise, Alice cautioned herself mentally, but she heard herself saying, “I’ll be happy to go— I’m eager to find out how Kristin enjoyed herself.” She had a giddy sense of excitement as she helped Eddie dress, and later as she looked in the closet to choose her own garments. She’d mostly worn jeans and sweatshirts since she’d come to Richmond, but she chose a white cotton knit skirt styled with a self-sash, a multistitched elasticized waist, and inseam pockets. She pulled a blouse of cream fabric with an overall floral pattern over her head. Her long blond hair was brushed backward, and secured with a barrette. She strapped on a pair of white leather sandals and thought she looked well-groomed for a trip to camp.

Alice prepared dinner early, and she ate with Gran and Eddie before Mark came home. She wrapped a plate of food with foil and kept it warm for him in the oven.

“Oh, you didn’t need to do that, Alice,” Mark protested. “I often miss a meal.”

“Which you shouldn’t,” she said. “Take time to eat, while I put the dishes and pans in the dishwasher.” She was sure Mark had gained a few pounds, and she wanted to continue the trend until he looked more like the man in the picture she often looked at on the living room mantel.

He laid his briefcase and coat aside, washed his hands in the utility room, and sat down at the table.

“I’m imposing on you, Alice, and I shouldn’t do it, but I make so many decisions that it’s occasionally nice for someone to just tell me what to do.”

By now, Alice had learned Mark’s dietary habits. She took a salad from the refrigerator and placed it before him with a bottle of Italian dressing. She poured chilled tea over a glass of ice cubes and dropped in a sliver of lemon. When he finished with the salad, she handed him the warm plate of baked turkey, potato cakes and green peas.

“I didn’t prepare dessert, for I think they’ll serve ice cream to everybody at the camp.”

Mark didn’t voice any further appreciation, but it was reward enough for Alice to see him enjoying his meal while he looked over the front page of the newspaper that she’d laid by his plate.

While she secured Eddie in the back seat of Mark’s station wagon, Alice suppressed a sense of excitement, reminding herself that she wasn’t a girl going on a first date. She was a nanny now, and her role was to look after Mark Tanner’s children, not fancy that he’d invited her because he wanted her company; but she had trouble remembering that when she listened to Mark, who was an engaging conversationalist.

“This reminds me of old times,” he said, as they left Richmond on I-64. “I used to direct a camp every summer, usually for boys in their early teens. It was a rewarding experience, and I’ve missed it.”

“I often camped when I was a girl. We lived on a farm, and I went to 4-H camps more often than to church camps, and I loved them.”

“What about family, Alice? Do you still have your parents?”

“Yes, they live in a retirement community now, but the farm is still in the family, and my aunt and uncle are the tenants. I have a sister, too, who’s divorced with two children, so I have some understanding of what’s it’s like to be a single parent.”

“My parents live in Tennessee,” Mark said, “and we don’t see them often. They own a business in a small town, and they can’t get away very often. They were here six months ago for the—” he paused and looked over his shoulder at Eddie “—the funeral,” he continued. “They feel badly that they aren’t close enough to help out with the kids, and I did consider moving back to my hometown, so I could have some help. But I have to stay in a metropolitan area to make the money I need right now.”

Seeing that Eddie was getting fidgety, Alice said, “Let’s play a game, Eddie.”

“We can’t play a game in the car.”

“Oh, it’s a travel game. You count the number of animals you see in the fields on the left-hand side of the road, and I’ll count the ones I see on my side. We’ll get a point for each animal. How far can you count?”

“I can count up to twenty. Kristin taught me.”

“Then, as long as there aren’t more than twenty in any field, you have it made.”

Alice fished a small notebook out of her purse. “I’ll keep score.”

Mark entered into the spirit of the game, and since Eddie was too short to see what they were approaching, he would call out, “Coming up on the left—look quickly.”

“Hey!” Alice protested in mock reproof after a few miles. “Two against one isn’t fair.”

“Oh, stop complaining,” Mark said. “Coming up on the right—a large herd of cattle. Start counting.”

Laughing, Alice counted, “One, two, three…” By the time they reached the camp, she and Eddie were neck and neck in total points. As he drove into the parking lot, Mark said, “I don’t know why I haven’t thought of something like that. Eddie has never been a good traveler.”

“Most children aren’t, I understand,” she answered. “He didn’t enjoy his trip to the camp on Monday.”

“No, Ethel said he was listless.”

Well, thanks, Ethel. Apparently she’d reported everything to Mark. Alice wasn’t aware that she contacted him in the evening, so she must have telephoned him at the bank.

Kristin and Susie raced to meet them when they approached the council circle where the closing program was to be held. One look at Kristin’s tanned face and the delight that flamed from her blue eyes repaid Alice for the money she’d spent on the child. If only she had the right to give this family everything they needed!

Mark knelt and took Kristin in his arms. “Well, honey, have you had a good time?”

“Yes, Daddy, and I want to come back next year. We’ve been horseback riding, swimming and hiking. But the food hasn’t been very good.” She turned to Alice. “I’ve missed your good meals. If it hadn’t been for the snacks I bought, I’d have gone to bed hungry every night.” Worry crossed her face. “I’ve spent almost all of that twenty dollars you gave me.”

From his kneeling position, Mark flashed a quick look toward Alice, and in spite of herself, her face grew warm.

“I want to ride horses, too,” Eddie said. “Why can’t I come to camp?”

“You’re too little, Eddie,” his sister said bossily. “But there is a family camp—we could come as a family sometime,” she said hopefully.

“We’ll plan on that for next year,” Mark said, as he stood up.

“Hey, Brother Tanner,” a man’s voice sounded, and soon Mark was surrounded by several men—some embraced him, others thumped him on the shoulder. “We’ve missed seeing you at our ministerial meetings.”

It occurred to Alice that these men had known Mark when he was serving at Tyler Memorial Church. As they continued toward the campfire burning in the distance, one older man, whom Mark had introduced as “Reverend Astor, my friend and mentor,” walked beside Mark, who was leading Eddie. Alice moved forward to join Susie and Kristin, as both of them talked at the same time about the incidents they’d enjoyed during the week. Although she didn’t intend to eavesdrop, she couldn’t avoid hearing the conversation behind her.

“Brother Mark,” the man said, “it’s a great disappointment to me that you’ve forsaken the ministry. Have you forgotten the promise you made to serve our Lord with your life? Surely you aren’t happy rejecting your divine calling.”

Mark didn’t answer at first, and Alice envisioned wrinkles creasing his brow, the bleak look in his eyes and a rigid cast on his lips—expressions she’d noticed a few times when he didn’t think anyone was looking.

“You know why I had to resign from the pastorate. My wife was dying, and at that point, I believed my priority was my family, rather than my church.”

“I agree with that, and it was noble of you to sacrifice your career for your family. But what about now? I’ve had several churches inquire about you and would willingly call you to become their leader.”

“I’ve had churches contact me, but not one of them can come close to paying me the salary I’m receiving at the bank. And I’m not being mercenary—I’ve never demanded anything from a church—but my debts have accumulated to such an extent that if I don’t pay them, I’ll have to declare bankruptcy and end up losing our home.”

“It’s obvious to me, Mark, that you’re placing your trust in the wrong security. You’ve been a pastor long enough to know that God meets the needs of His people. Trust Him for the future, not the security of a large salary.”

Bitterly, Mark said, “I trusted Him for everything, but when He forgot Mark Tanner and his family, I had to turn elsewhere.”

Over the girls’ chatter, Alice heard an audible moan from Reverend Astor. “If I hadn’t heard it from your own mouth, I wouldn’t believe you made that statement. Don’t let your troubles overwhelm you.”

“I’m sorry,” Mark said, “I don’t know why I said such a thing—I really don’t believe it. It’s just that I’m having trouble coping with my own life right now, and I don’t believe I’m capable of dealing with the needs of a church congregation.”

Reverend Astor put his arms around Mark’s shoulders. “I know you’ve had a difficult time, Mark, but you’ll come out of it a better man. Remember Job’s example. He had a lot of trouble, but he kept his faith in God’s goodness through it all.”

“My friend, I’ve read the book of Job so much in the last two years that those pages in my Bible are almost threadbare. There’s hardly a day, I haven’t voiced Job’s words, “But he knoweth the way that I take: when he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.”

“God bless you, Mark,” Reverend Astor said. “I’ll continue to keep you in my prayers.”

When Mark again walked by Alice’s side, in a low voice, he said, “I suppose you heard the raking over the coals I just had.”

Alice nodded. “I couldn’t keep from hearing. I’m sorry, Mark—try to forget it. Be happy for Kristin tonight.”

“I can’t forget it. I know I’m not fulfilling God’s will for my life, and it’s making me miserable.”

His eyes mirrored the anguish reflected in his words, and in spite of herself, Alice lifted a hand and touched his cheek. “One of my grandfather’s favorite sayings was, ‘The sky is the darkest just before the dawn.’ Dawn will come for you before long.”

He reached out and squeezed her hand as she lowered it from his face. “The darkness has lifted a lot in the past three weeks,” he said meaningfully.

On their way home from the camp, Mark was unusually quiet. Alice chose to sit in the back seat to give Kristin an opportunity to talk to her father, but eventually both Eddie and Kristin went to sleep. Alice made no effort to engage Mark in conversation, for she suspected he was wrestling with God much as Jacob in the Old Testament had done when he ran away from his brother’s wrath. If Mark Tanner had been the powerful voice for God that so many people believed he was, then God wasn’t going to release this man from the vows of service he’d taken without a mighty struggle. While Mark struggled, Alice prayed that God would once again bring peace to Mark’s heart, inspire him to accept a renewed call to ministry, and that his financial burden would be eased.

Alice believed that God often expected an individual to put wings to her own prayers. Only God could help Mark with his spiritual needs, but she had the means to alleviate Mark’s financial burden. Was it the right thing to do? She couldn’t decide.

When Mark turned into his driveway, Kristin stirred as the garage door lifted and the light came on, but Eddie still slept soundly. Mark cast a fond look at his son. “Don’t waken him,” he said. “I’ll carry him upstairs and put him to bed.”