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A Letter to the Fathers Who Will Read This Book

When I was three years old, my father told me Santa Claus wasn’t real.

About three years later, he told me professional wrestling was staged.1 To be honest, the truth about Santa wasn’t anywhere near as shocking as the truth about pro wrestling.

My six-year-old brain didn’t know what to make of my dad’s mind-blowing assertion. I was so taken aback at first that I rejected him outright. I didn’t believe him when he told me that Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Kamala the Ugandan Giant weren’t really fighting. I didn’t believe him when he said all the punches, the body slams, the chops, the tackles, and the big splash were all an act. I didn’t believe him when he told me the ending of their match was predetermined, or when he said the wrestlers weren’t really trying to hurt each other and were probably friends in real life.

My shock quickly turned into anger, and I accused my dad of trying to play a nasty trick on me. But my dad, to his credit, didn’t get mad. He simply said, “Son, you’re old enough to know the truth. Just watch it close and you’ll see for yourself.”

As much as it pained me, I listened to my father. I took his advice and watched the next wrestling match closely. For myself. With open eyes and an open mind. And as I did, the truth floored me like a missile dropkick off the top rope. I saw with my own eyes what he was talking about—and I was stunned when I discovered that he was right the whole time. The wrestlers weren’t really fighting. The harder I focused, the more I could see that their moves were choreographed—and I realized that their match was less of a brawl and more like a rough-and-tumble dance routine.

The mental grenade my father had tossed my way blew my mind wide open. After the smoke cleared, I saw the world in a completely different way, and I realized for the first time in my young life that pro wrestlers pull their punches—but the truth does not.

It took me about a week to fully wrap my mind around this newfound reality. After much soul searching, I finally came around and swallowed the red pill in totality. I discovered the truth for myself. I put my preconceived notions aside and saw professional wrestling for what it actually is: a TV show, just like any other—a cool TV show, but a show nonetheless.

My days of blissful childish ignorance were over and there was no going back. I had taken my first step toward real-world manhood. All thanks to my dad, who used this experience to teach me two valuable, life-changing truths.

He taught me that a man can’t negotiate with reality. The facts of reality don’t bend to my preferences. Nor do they take my feelings into consideration. Reality is what it is and there’s no getting around it. As my father pointed out, the reality of the situation was this: No matter how badly I wanted the fight to be real, Hacksaw Duggan and Kamala weren’t really fighting. They were athletic actors putting on a show; and if I wanted to enjoy the show, I would be wise to accept that reality on its own terms.

I also learned that my father actually knew what he was talking about. No matter how much I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, what he said proved true. And I realized that I would be wise to take his words more seriously from now on.

Dads, This Book Is for You, Too

Nearly four decades later, my father’s lessons still ring true.

Now that I’m a father myself, I want to follow his lead and teach my children the truth about life, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. One thing I’ve learned about being a father is that telling the truth isn’t always easy. The truth can make you unpopular, especially with your children. But fatherhood is not a popularity contest. It’s a responsibility. And a responsible father stands firm in the truth, even when it’s inconvenient. Even when his children don’t appreciate it. He stands firm because he loves his children. He wants what’s best for them. And he knows it’s his job to give his children what they need—and not always what they want.

Any hands-on father will tell you that one of his biggest responsibilities is to provide for his children.2 We want to give our children good lives, so we buy them clothes and food, toys and games, computers and cars. But as every responsible father understands, material things don’t make for a good life—and the greatest gift any man can ever give his children is the truth.

And that’s why I’ve written this collection of letters to my son: to better instruct him in the truth he needs to grow into a self-respecting man, one who’s prepared to go out into the real world and build a good life for himself. I’ve chosen to go public with these letters because I want to help other hard-working fathers do the same for their sons. I want to support them as they take on the tough responsibility of molding their young and inexperienced boys into strong and godly men.

So to all the fathers (and father-figures) who are reading this right now, I want to make one thing clear: I may have written these letters to my son, but I’ve written them from a father’s perspective. With a father’s heart. That means I’ve designed this book to not only help teenage to twenty-something guys grow into manhood, but also to support you—the dads and mentors who are helping them get there.

I’ve written these letters with you in mind. This book is for the men who are working hard every day to guide their sons in the right direction. Those proactive fathers who want to be something more meaningful to their sons than just a reactive disciplinarian or a human ATM. My hope is that this book will give all you hands-on dads the support you need to teach your sons how to apply practical biblical principles to the everyday life situations most young men face. My aim is to help you create a respectful and educational home environment, one in which your sons will grow into capable men who are ready to go out into the real world and meet their responsibilities to God, their families, their neighbors, and themselves.

I want these letters to facilitate meaningful interactions between you and your sons, with the hope that it will inspire the two of you to work together as a team and put God’s word to work in your daily lives. Then, hopefully, you’ll see for yourselves how something as profound and as simple as the truth can make a lifetime of difference in the life of a family.

vvv

The truth is, any ol’ dude can bark at a boy and tell him to Grow up and act like a man! (as if becoming a man is as simple as flipping on a mental switch).

But authentic manhood is not some random acquisition. It’s a mindset that must be learned. And it takes a special kind of man to be a good father—one who’s willing to put in the work necessary to help his young and inexperienced son learn how to be a successful man of God.

So, naturally, the question arises: How exactly does a father help his immature boy transform into a mature and self-respecting man?

As we’ll see in my first letter, I answer that question with just one word: Wisdom.

Sincerely,

A fellow father

1. Fake was the word he used, but I refuse to use that word because it’s insulting. There’s nothing fake about a pro wrestler’s toughness and athleticism. Although their art involves a certain degree of showmanship, even the most casual fan can see the pain that accompanies many of the choreographed bumps and blows is very real.

2. I discuss the responsibilities of a hands-on father in detail in letter 8.