Читать книгу A Thin Place - Jack Peterson - Страница 19

February 24, 1990

La Jolla, California

A strong Saturday afternoon ocean breeze swept up the hillside, gently rattling the bay window in Celia’s apartment. Sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, she was focused, scripting a new sales presentation on her brand new IBM 386 computer. After five years in the field as a sales manager, her promotion to head of sales training for Signal Pharmaceuticals two weeks earlier meant a huge salary increase and placed her on an accelerated program for senior management. Her work schedule was suddenly predictable, and her days of traveling and overnight stays were mostly over. Finally, she could take firm control of her new life.

At 6 P.M., Celia felt her energy level deteriorating, her concentration waning. She needed a break. She grabbed a jacket and walked outside to the patio deck, the same place she always retreated to when stressed. The views from her apartment always brought her a sense of peace and serenity, and she needed another of those moments. She looked out at what had become a very dark Pacific Ocean. She took a few minutes, scanning the flickering lights from the homes below that blanketed the surrounding hillsides, before turning away to curl up in her favorite patio chair. She had a decision to make. When the ocean breeze predictably turned harsh, she retreated inside, still mentally rehashing the news from her gynecologist the previous morning. His report was not unexpected. Her knee-jerk reaction at being officially pronounced pregnant was to have an abortion. Now, nearly thirty-six hours after her initial shock, her motherly instincts and an elementary review of her financial projections were clearing the way to a more pragmatic and personally acceptable plan.

Her single life had been a whirlwind, laced with lows and highs. The peaks had always outnumbered the valleys, amply compensating her for the less spectacular moments that came with being alone. The death of her mother during her senior year in college followed just months after her father’s accidental death. Until now, the loss of her parents was a void she managed to work around. She longed for their guidance. For the first time in her life, she felt completely alone. She was her own counsel, the sole architect of her future. While she did not intentionally seek it, motherhood was beckoning, and a radical change in her life was staring her in the face. She abandoned her thoughts of not telling Emil Lundgren that he was the father of her unborn child, but her sense of fairness finally prevailed. She would wait a few months to be sure her pregnancy was stable before breaking the news but would not ask for financial or emotional support. How he chose to deal with her decision was up to him. She had no intention of disrupting his marriage.

Pouring what she knew was most likely her last glass of wine for a very long time, Celia sat down on the sofa and picked up a spreadsheet she created to help her assess her financial future once again. It was now her personal roadmap. Her baby was due in late August. She would arrange to take a brief leave of absence, hire a live-in nanny, and keep her career on track. The numbers worked. While it would be a stretch financially, she could make it. Outside, the winds picked up as an offshore winter storm began to pelt the coastline with rain. She fell asleep, comforted by the thought she would never treat being single and pregnant as an obstacle. She would embrace it. There was no other choice.