Читать книгу Expecting a Miracle - Jackie Braun - Страница 11

IT WAS late afternoon by the time Lauren returned to the city. She unlocked the door to the apartment slowly, dreading the confrontation to come. She should have realized whatever was left to say would be said in a civilized manner—civilized to the point of being impersonal. Just as her parents had never believed in arguing, neither did her husband.

She found Holden in his study, sitting in his favorite leather chair next to the gas fireplace, which was flickering cheerfully, its heat competing with the air-conditioning. Little matters like high utility bills and energy conservation were beneath him. He had enough money to be wasteful. It was one of the perks of being wealthy, he’d once told Lauren when she’d gently chastised him for leaving the water running in the bathroom.

She studied him now. He was an attractive man—polished, sophisticated. It occurred to her that she’d never seen him in blue jeans, either the designer variety or the kind faded from wear. Nor could she imagine him operating power tools or smelling of sawdust and sweat. He considered himself above physical labor of any sort. The only calluses on his hands were the result of his weekly squash game, and his muscular build came courtesy of the workouts he scheduled with a personal trainer in their home gym.

She cleared her throat to gain his attention, breaking what had been her parents’ cardinal rule: always wait to be spoken to first. It struck her then how much it bothered her that she always felt the need to maintain her silence around her husband, too.

Holden glanced over the top of the Wall Street Journal.

“I already ate dinner, since I wasn’t sure when you’d be back,” he said. “I think Maria might have left something warming in the oven for you.”

Lauren’s stomach gave a queasy roll that had nothing to do with the mention of food. “I’m not hungry. Aren’t you even curious where I went?”

“I imagine you went to Bergdorf’s to work off your irritation,” he said dryly. “How much did you spend?”

Was that actually what he thought? If so, then he really didn’t know her at all. Even so, for the sake of the baby, she decided to try one last time to salvage their marriage. “I’m not irritated, Holden. I’m…horrified by the solution you suggested. We need to talk about this.”

He folded the paper and set it aside. He’d never been a terribly demonstrative man, but at the moment his expression was so damningly remote that it made her shiver. It matched his tone when he replied, “I believe we already have.”

“We didn’t really discuss anything,” Lauren argued. “You issued an ultimatum.”

One of his eyebrows rose in challenge. “Yes, and you did the same.”

She had. And she’d meant it. She could not, she would not, destroy the miracle growing inside her. Lauren sucked in a breath and straightened her spine. This made twice in one day she wasn’t going to back down. “I’ll be moving out. I found a place to live this afternoon. A cottage in the country.”

Just thinking about a skyline of leafy trees rather than steel, stone and glass made it easier to breathe.

Holden blinked twice in rapid succession. It was the only sign that her words might have surprised him. Then he inquired with maddening detachment, “Will you require any help packing? Maria’s gone for the day, but Niles is still here.”

Lauren’s composure slipped a notch. “That’s it? I’m leaving, our marriage…our marriage is ending, and that’s all you have to say?”

“If you’re expecting me to fall on my knees and beg you to stay, you’ve been watching too much daytime television.” He steepled his fingers then. “Of course, if you’ve changed your mind about the situation…”

“It’s not a situation. It’s a baby, Holden. We’re having a baby.”

The tips of his fingers turned white. “You’re having a baby. I do not want children. You understood that. You agreed to that when we got engaged,” he reminded her.

“I didn’t think it was possible. The doctors had told me—”

“You agreed.”

“So that’s it?” Lauren said softly.

“Hardly, but the lawyers will have to figure out the rest.”

Had she really expected him to change his mind? She swallowed as another, more unnerving question niggled. Had she wanted him to?

Their relationship had never included fireworks. Even at the beginning, when everything was new and should have been exciting, true sparks had been in short supply. What had it been based on? she wondered now. Mutual interests? Mutual respect? Gratitude for the fact that Holden had accepted her, reproductive defects and all?

Lauren frowned. “Why did you marry me, Holden? Do you love me? Did you ever?”

He studied her a long moment before tipping his hands in her direction. “Why don’t you ask yourself those same questions?”

As she folded clothes and placed them in her suitcases, Lauren did. She didn’t like the answers she came up with.