Читать книгу An Angel Saved My Life: And Other True Stories of the Afterlife - Jacky Newcomb - Страница 8

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It’s too high!

Come to the edge.

And they came,

and we pushed,

and they flew.

Christopher Logue (1968)

This chapter is where it starts to get a little crazy. Bear in mind I was trying to develop my psychic ability and tune into my angels and the higher realms. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, I just knew that I wanted to do this.

Mostly I was reading about psychic development and out-of-body techniques on the internet and trying them out, which was perhaps not the most sensible thing to have done. The trouble is that at this time, there was no one that I could talk to about these things in my local village. Would you? Can you imagine it? ‘What a lovely new dress…by the way, I am trying to leave my body by a series of meditation techniques…’ You get my point! People would think I was crazy…perhaps I was, or maybe I still am. I still find it a little hard to share the personal things that I was trying out at that time. But it’s important for you to understand who I am.

Although much of what I am telling you might sound a little bizarre, believe me, everything happened exactly as I am explaining it. Through all this time I always felt as if I was being guided in some way. It wasn’t just a random series of paranormal experiences, I felt as if I were being guided by a higher source. My angels and guides were with me every step of the way.

‘Let Jacky try a little of this, and a little of that,’ they seemed to say. With each experience I went out and read about what had happened and what was continuing to happen to me. I explored the subjects and investigated each paranormal experience by chatting to people on the internet. The internet was my lifesaver. And these things just seemed to ‘drip’ slowly into my life, a bit at a time. In the meantime I was hot on the trail of the out-of-body experience.

Could I learn how to come ‘out-of-body’ on purpose? Was this the opportunity to begin to control some of the things that had always happened to me? I started asking questions about how other people had experienced out-of-body travel, or astral projection, as it was sometimes called. I realized that for some people there were different types of experiences.

Some websites explained that we have several different spirit bodies – layers of energy bodies, each becoming finer and finer. These faster vibrating bodies enable us to travel to higher spiritual levels. Perhaps, I figured, this is what Jesus was talking about when he said, ‘In my father’s house are many mansions.’ Maybe these different astral planes represented the different mansions. I read about people who’d not just flown about their bedrooms in their spirit body, but had travelled to different heavenly realms and even different planets. I was intrigued and I wanted to do this too. I started to keep a journal of my experiments.

Some people had begun as I had with a spontaneous out-of-body experience (OBE). This might have happened during ‘a time of crisis, illness, grief, tiredness or during an accident’, I read. Well, I guess I’d been ill before as I was taking medicine at the time of my own first out-of-body experience (although hardly what you could call a serious illness), but I wanted to learn how to do this without being ill just the same. There were many different techniques that people had tried with success. The idea was to get your body as close to sleep as possible but to keep your mind awake. ‘This would enable someone to lift out of their physical body…’ I read.

Have you ever heard yourself snore? The body appears to paralyse when we dream (a natural phenomenon). The methods of creating both an out-of-body experience and a lucid dreaming state (where we are dreaming but aware that we are dreaming) had similar techniques. I wanted to be able to hear myself snore; to know that I was asleep whilst my brain remained active and aware. This stuff seemed crazy but I wanted to try it so badly.

It sounds unbelievable but these internet people were convinced you could lift your spirit out of your body on purpose. Was this a natural ability which humans had somehow forgotten how to do, or was this ‘paranormal’; above and beyond ‘normal’? Either way, I was determined to have a go rather than hang around waiting for the next thing to happen to me.

As soon as the girls went to school the next morning, I planned my day. Technique number one involved falling back to sleep with your arms up in the air. How weird was that? As soon as you began to fall asleep your arms would drop and instantly wake you up again. The idea was to get closer and closer to this ‘edge of sleep’ without losing consciousness completely.

I spent hours doing this technique and eventually was able to reach what some people called ‘the vibration stage’ (where your whole body ripples as if you were receiving a mild electric shock). It wasn’t as unpleasant as it sounds. I was creating some type of psychic phenomenon in my body and I was doing it because I wanted to – I was in control…well, sort of!

Spirits had been visiting me all of my life and now I wanted to visit them and I was hoping that these exercises would help me on my way.

I didn’t seem to get very far with the first technique, so I investigated other methods to create an OBE which involved visualization. I was always good at ‘seeing’ pictures in my mind so I hoped I might do better. With this technique, you kept yourself on the edge of sleep for as long as possible, and then when you felt the ‘vibrations’ (the shaking/rippling feeling which floods through the body when you are ready to ‘project’ out of it), you ‘imagined’ yourself sitting up, standing up, rolling out of your body and so on. Nothing happened. Does this sound crazy? Stay with me here…

Although I wasn’t having a lot of success with my training techniques, other strange things were happening to me at this time. Maybe this was related in some way? I felt sure that it was.

One day when I was drifting off to sleep I became ‘awake’ whilst I was asleep. I was shocked to see something at the end of the bed…it was me! I had achieved the opposite of my goal and lying in bed I was able to see my spiritual self ‘stood’ at the end of the bed, looking in my direction. To say I was ‘freaked out’ was an understatement and as I tried to pull myself up in bed, a kind of scream left my mouth. The scream sounded as if it were coming from miles away, a type of echo chamber of some sort. I heard my own voice shout back to me, and as I pulled myself upright the spiritual version of myself flew towards my body at amazing speed and plopped back into place as it had before. I lay on the bed with my heart beating rapidly. Was I excited or terrified? Probably a little of both, but this was just the beginning. Wow!

I gained a little confidence. It was time to try the ‘rolling out’ of my body technique. I combined it with the more bizarre ‘holding my arm up in the air’ method and several times I fell asleep, only to be woken up by my hand slapping down across my face. What did I expect?

Each time I found myself getting nearer and nearer to the ‘out-of-body experience’ and remembered that if I just ‘imagined’ myself rolling out of bed it would happen. I started to drift off to sleep and within moments was wide awake except my body was paralysed. I couldn’t move my physical body but before I could analyse this further I found myself rolling off the edge of the bed and onto the floor where I bounced up and down. I realized I had achieved some sort of success as I properly awoke to find myself still in bed. For a moment at least, my ‘spiritual body’ had actually left my physical body – or so it seemed. Yet I hadn’t travelled to any distant lands, only as far as the bedside cabinet. It was hardly the exciting astral travels I’d been planning.

I was getting desperate. When was I going to start ‘flying’ to the heavenly realms like others had told me about? It was all so much more difficult than I had thought. I decided to try a different technique and instead of lying down I would sit in an upright chair and meditate. I devotedly sat in this chair and meditated every day for months on end. I was rewarded with more strange experiences.

One day I felt my very ‘personality’ split into three parts. Each part was ‘me’ and yet separate. Each ‘me’ was able to communicate with the other parts and I saw a vision of three overlapping circles. I was in a deep trance when my little dog barked beside me. Someone had posted a leaflet through the door and I came back to reality with a start! Another spiritual journey had ended before it had begun.

Another time I got as far as the ‘vibrational’ stage again but this time I felt myself lift out of my body. I was aware of floating out of the room, and into the sitting room next door where my husband was watching television. But I had no ability to ‘see’ where I was going, only ‘feel’. I decided to float back to my body and try again but at that moment my husband called out to me to ‘put the kettle on’. Instantly I was back in my body and another adventure had ended prematurely. The body is capable of so much more than we realize. We can do so many things but it’s as if we have forgotten. Shopping, going to work, watching television…all these things and more occupy every waking thought. We don’t spend enough time exploring other realms, particularly our own inner realm.

I wasn’t a mystic or a guru. I hadn’t trained for years to create magical states, at least not in this lifetime. I guess what I was doing was weird – and I was unable to share my development with anyone I knew. But still I plodded on with my experiments.

Practice makes perfect as they say and one night John and I had been to a nightclub. We’d had a fun night but as I got into bed my whole body was aching and buzzing with pain. Maybe this was the night to try out the ‘exhausted body, mind awake’ technique I had read about? People can be so inventive!

As I lay on my side, the last thing that went through my mind was, ‘this is a great position to lie in and have an out-of-body experience.’ I closed my eyes and lay on my side but within seconds my body began to ‘vibrate’ violently and I could ‘see’ the wall to the side of me very clearly, even though the room was pitch black. I realized I was seeing clairvoyantly – with my inner eye or ‘third eye’. At last, I was on my way.

I remember thinking, ‘This is it, I’m going to have a proper out-of-body experience,’ and knew that I’d better not get too excited because it might shove me right back into my body. My heart felt as if it was beating so fast that I might have a heart attack. But everything I’d read about the out-of-body phenomenon suggested that this was the spiritual vibration as the spirit body left the physical body so I worked hard to remain calm.

I found my spiritual self moving rapidly towards the wall before I calmed down enough to think through what was happening. I had made it. Here I was, actually flying free of my body and I had done it on purpose. At last I was having a proper out-of-body experience! Although I couldn’t see anyone else, I always felt as if I were not alone. It created a not unpleasant feeling of security, quietly in the background. I was out of my physical body, floating free and totally separate and I had total control of my thoughts and motion. Yes! I could do whatever I wanted.

I began to float towards the end of the bed and, remembering what I had learnt, I directed my movements by using my mind. What should I do? After all this time, I had finally made a conscious exit from my body with full vision and I didn’t know where to go and what to do! Perhaps I would float down the stairs? I can honestly say it was all I could think of to do. I could go anywhere and yet I chose to float downstairs!

I whizzed down the stairs in my spirit body at lightening speed. Once I reached the bottom of the stairs I worried that I might forget that this had actually happened. Would I remember that I had done this amazing thing when I woke up again? I began having doubts, and the doubts created a magnetic feeling. Thinking of my body made me automatically draw back to it. I found myself being slowly pulled back up the stairs again, towards where my body lay on the bed. All I could see was a grey blob where my body lay. This was my last chance; could I do anything else before I entered my body? Was this it? After all this time, all I’d managed to do was float down the stairs and then come back again. I decided to do a little twirl before I plopped back into my sleeping body, which instantly woke up again.

I sat up in bed and felt a kind of awe. That had definitely happened – it was real and I spent the next half an hour or so writing up the details in the notebook I kept by the bed. Many years later I started to receive hundreds of accounts from all over the world. Others had done this too and many people, especially children, had memories of floating down the stairs whilst their bodies were asleep in bed. We are so much more than our bodies and after this, I knew for sure.

I did have other travels after that one, but that experience was my favourite and the one where I was the most lucid and aware. Another time I left my body, I floated down the stairs again. It seemed so dark and I automatically leant over to switch on the light before I ‘fell’ rather ungainly right through the non-physical wall and instantly plopped back into my body once again.

One adventure took me ‘flying’ through the window and over to a neighbour’s house opposite but I felt guilty about entering their house in case they were awake. Would they see me as a ghost? I didn’t want to frighten them. This time I flew through the closed window and began making my way down the main street and I lifted higher and higher. I was aware of a sort of breeze blowing past me as I flew. I felt it as if I was actually there…so I was.

Later that night I woke up suddenly and sat up in bed. I could hear a commotion outside and as I looked out of the bedroom window I noticed a man on my neighbour’s lawn. I yelled to my husband to telephone the police and as I watched, another man appeared to be climbing through their front window to gain access to the house. Seconds later, my neighbours came running out of the front door as the two men ran away. The police arrived and disappeared inside the house and I wondered if something about my ‘astral flight’ might have awoken or disturbed them. I hadn’t seen the would be thieves try to break into their house in my out-of-body state after all, and of course I couldn’t go and ask them about it! It was just one more mystery and was probably just a ‘coincidence’.

On another occasion, I became aware of ‘flying’ wildly through our local town centre. This time I didn’t seem to have any morals at all and took great delight in flying through people’s bodies and knocking off the hat of a poor man who was minding his own business and going about his shopping. I enjoyed the idea that no one could see me and wasn’t bothered at all about upsetting people. It was very out of character and when I woke up I wondered why. Had it been real and why had I acted that way? It was dark outside but in my lucid state it had seemed light as before. Had I skipped through a different time zone or was it just a strange and very real dream? Another memory found me flying over rolling hills and when, several years later, I went for a ride in a helicopter it felt strangely familiar as if I had done it before, which of course I had!

Most of my ‘trips’ were in and around my house. I read several books which explained in more detail how to have experiences in these astral planes and heavenly realms. It all sounded rather unbelievable and I have to admit, without my own experiences I’m not sure I would have believed any of the accounts that people had written about what happened to them! You just get to the point where you go, ‘What? No way!’ How could this be real? I never had one of these heavenly type experiences spontaneously, although I found myself in a space of ‘love’ one day. It was totally unexpected.

John and I were having many problems in our personal relationship. We had reached an all-time low, and we had a massive row one night. I grabbed my car keys and walked out of the door with no firm idea where I was going or what I was doing. I sat in the car for a few minutes trying to decide. I wasn’t really leaving home, but I needed some space. I drove to the other end of the village where my parents lived and thankfully they didn’t ask too many questions. I asked if I could stay the night and Mum made up the spare bed. I had a drink and went right to bed as there was nothing I wanted to say. Mum just whispered that everything would be fine, but I wasn’t so sure.

I got into bed and switched off the light. I mulled over what we’d been rowing about and it wasn’t even anything important. The whole thing had got out of hand but I wondered if we had reached the end of the line? We never seemed to talk in a normal way and like many parents of young children we didn’t go out together as a couple, hardly ate together and just went about our daily routine. Was I still in love? I thought about it for a second and realized that I was. Why was I here? This wasn’t where I belonged, it was just normal stress which many people with young children go through.

I imagined God standing before me and I asked him a question. Am I supposed to be with him? What shall I do? I handed over my problem to him completely. ‘I don’t know what to do, so you decide,’ I murmured into the darkness. ‘I leave it totally to you to handle.’

I loved my husband very much so I decided to send him some love from my heart over to our house using my mind. I just beamed it over although I had no clear idea of what or why I was doing this. Then my children’s faces seemed to appear in front of me so I sent them love too. I had so much love in my life but had forgotten. I thought of my parents and sent them some love and then my sisters and my nieces and nephews. Next my in-laws, and then I tried to remember every friend I’d ever had. Each moment the circle around me grew and grew as I added other family on this side and the next. I imagined love surrounding everyone I knew. I could feel a powerful force growing within me. Love was pouring out of my body in all directions…I was creating the situation for another paranormal experience but had no idea.

Did I love my neighbours? I guess I did, and my whole village and the country and everyone in the country. This image became more and more real as the vision stretched to the whole world and beyond. I visualized love reaching out to everyone. Every moment I felt myself become lighter and lighter and in no time at all I had floated out of my body. I’d done it again but this time it happened on its own.

I became aware of being both in the room and floating in some random space in the universe – or out of it? I wasn’t sure. I was surrounded by the most powerful force of love that I had ever felt in my whole life. I was love, I was bliss and I gave in to this love that surrounded me. A strong light surrounded me and the light was also love – the source of the love. I was being held in the arms of our creator and I wanted to stay here forever.

How do you describe something which is impossible to describe? How can I explain what happened to me in any way that will help you to understand what I experienced that night? I had reached out to God and God had reached back to me. I wanted to stay in the place where he was, to be with him and only him. If I were reading this I would be sure that the author was having a strange dream, or had totally lost it but I honestly hadn’t. I had opened up some creative force within me and this force had a power of its own.

Would my children miss me if I didn’t come back? I knew they would be fine. Would my husband care if I wasn’t here? I knew that life would go on if I didn’t exist but that by my not being here and living out my life, many things would change. I had never considered suicide, but being in this place of love felt better than being in my body, which ached with confusion. God had found me and lifted me into his arms and I wanted to stay with him.

I lay in these loving arms of God for the longest time and then I could hear my mother’s voice calling me in the distance somewhere.

‘Jacky, do you want a cup of tea?’ I could hear her calling me in the darkness and I wanted it to stop. If she wakes up my body then I will just drop back into it again like before. ‘No, no go away.’ I thought, ‘I don’t want to ever leave this safe place of love.’

I opened my eyes and the room was in darkness. Slowly I sat up in bed and swung my feet over the side and then walked over to the door. ‘Yes Mum?’ The whole house was in darkness and Mum and Dad were both asleep. The voice of my mother calling me back had only been in my mind…and just part of the experience. Mum had no awareness of what had happened, at least not in any conscious way. Yet later, as before, I discovered other people around the world who had shared similar experiences with me. Other people had felt these loving arms – I was not alone.

The next morning I went home and the girls had both gone to school. They probably didn’t know that I had even spent the night away from home. I showered and drove into town, mulling over the most amazing experience that I’d had in my whole life and at the same time, talking to this presence inside of me.

‘If you want me to stay and work out my marriage then I need a big sign,’ I said.

As I drove over the railway bridge on the way into town I saw my sign. A twenty-foot billboard with nineteen-foot letters was right in front of me, and spelt out the word ‘YES’. The advert had been placed there by a car credit company but I had my answer, literally, ‘as large as life’.

We struggled on for many years. The biggest difficulty now was that John did not share my spiritual and psychic interests. He would say, ‘You’re not doing that psychic stuff again are you?’ And who could blame him? He must have felt that I was losing my mind, but I was unable to stop the exploration of my inner mind. There was more to life than this and I was determined to find out what it was all about.

We made another trip to my sister-in-law’s house in Cardiff and this time it was to celebrate the New Year. I felt tired for much of the time and made my excuses to go to bed during the day. I slept for ages and then decided to try some more meditation techniques. Sitting on the edge of the bed, my mind drifted off to nowhere in particular and then suddenly I began to see a series of images float past my mind like a slide show. Each image came in from the right before floating off to the left. I’ve heard many clairvoyants say that images came to them in that way and now it was happening to me. Had I opened up the part of the brain which is able to do this?

I had no idea what these images were but it was like looking at a row of Christmas cards. One of the images was a Christmas wreath handing on a red door. I remembered seeing one on a door just like it earlier on in the day. I became aware of someone calling me and it brought my attention back into the room. I was being called down for tea and realized that I had been upstairs for hours on my own. Apparently, they had called me several times but I had no memory of this whatsoever. I must have been a long way away when they called…at least, a long way away in my spiritual body.

Later in the week I had my first past life memory. My sister-in-law always gave up her bed for us when we stayed over, and she slept in the spare room. It was a big comfortable bed and I had no problem getting off to sleep. I remember dreaming a very boring dream and the colours were dull and uninteresting. Then without warning it changed. Cutting across the dream came a full-colour ‘film’ with me both as the ‘star’ of the show and watching from above. I was watching what appeared to be ‘me’ in a past life, although I certainly didn’t look as I do now. I was in the past life and watching it, both at the same time.

My ‘dream’ had changed into something I had never experienced before. One minute I was having a normal dream and the next I was looking at a brightly-lit stage show. The UK has very dull light compared to the light you see in other parts of Europe and this stark contrast was here in the dream. Below me was a scene of a palace. I was aware of a woman dressed in silks and fine jewellery. This woman was someone I could place in my current life: a family friend whom we always called ‘aunt’. Yet visually there was no comparison. The woman in front of me looked nothing like the person I knew today but still I knew it was her.

Kneeing down in front of this woman was a pair of servants – both eunuchs and, rather shockingly, I was one of these. In this past life I was a man, I’d had my male sexual organs removed as part of some secret ritual. I have no idea if this was ever done in real life but in my ‘vision’, this had been done to me. The person kneeling next to me was almost identical in height and build and a similar appearance but I did not recognize this person from my current life. I was a servant and without my sexual ‘equipment’ I guess I was safe to look after this grand lady!

As the scene expanded I could see a tall male servant behind my wealthy owner. He had stolen something and I knew that I had taken the blame. I was to be put to death. I had no emotion over the scene, and I just accepted it as it was. I knew immediately that I was being shown a past life of some sort and was both down below, kneeling, and up above watching the scene. I could feel the experience of both watching and experiencing it live at the same time.

As soon as I accepted what I was shown I woke up. The house was in total darkness and silence. I looked at the clock. It was 2 in the morning and I sat up and mulled over what had just happened. ‘That was real…’ I whispered into the darkness, and I felt as if it was. I had to write it down, so I made my way to the end of the bed to see if I could find a pen in my bag, but I couldn’t even find my bag. I had probably left it downstairs, I figured. I grabbed my dressing gown so that I could go and search for it or at least find a pen. I assumed there would probably be a pen in the kitchen. I had to remember this bizarre vision!

In the morning the ‘dream’ image of the night before was still clear in my mind. Dreams often fade upon awakening but this just got clearer. As the day went on I remembered more and more of what had happened in this past life. The male servant was also known to me in this life and was another close family friend. He had always cared for me deeply. Had part of his inner being remembered what he had done to me? Had he remembered that he’d had me put to death in a previous life?

This couldn’t have been just a dream. For a start, I was already having a normal dream when this vision came into view – it cleared to one side to make room for the past life review. I just knew what I was being shown and it was one more piece of the jigsaw puzzle of my confused life.

This time I felt more comfortable and discussed it with John. To my surprise he didn’t doubt what I was saying and just accepted it. We were making progress! I was buzzing all day about what I had seen. This was one of the most exciting things so far. Of course I then began researching past lives and looking at ways in which people had brought past life memories into their current life and why. It was another journey.

Would anyone believe me? Again, as before with my investigations, I found thousands of people around the world who had had experienced similar phenomena, and the larger percentage of the world actually believes in reincarnation already. I didn’t try and convince anyone of what had happened to me because strangely it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. This was my experience and part of my reality. It was personal to me and that was all that mattered.

If you go looking for psychic experiences, they just seem to happen! Welcome to my world.