Читать книгу Dangerous Dilemmas: Startling but True - James Anderson Peddie - Страница 7

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Peter Dodd makes another proposal— Carnival time at Boulogne— The scene in the supper-room—"All's well that ends well."

While I am about it I may as well relate to you another of the scrapes into which I was led by the volatile but good-natured Peter Dodd. It was not a question of making or losing money this journey, but the peace of two families which was threatened. When you learn the surprise that was so carefully planned for us, you will admit that most people similarly situated would have lost their heads and blundered. We were fortunate enough to understand the delicate position in a moment, and were consequently able to smooth down in a very short time the ruffled plumes of our two dominos.

What promised at first to furnish matter for two cases in the Divorce Court, ended in a rather riotous supper. I know that I had to take a long walk on the Boulogne sands next day before I could get rid of a violent headache—the effects of too much sweet champagne. He does not mean it I am sure, but it is a strange thing that a fatality attaches itself to all the propositions of Peter Dodd.

The jokes about the "infallible system" had all been let off, and my ears were no longer greeted with the "going, going, gone," of an auctioneer, when Peter came in with his tempting proposal to me.

"Jack," he said, his eyes beaming with the anticipated pleasure, "I'm going to treat myself to a little holiday."

"Well, Peter, you have my permission; take care of yourself. Remember you have given hostages to fortune," I replied.

"It is too bad of you to be always reminding me that I am married, as if that fact is not ever patent to me; just as if a certain young lady would permit me to forget it."

"I would not have mentioned the pleasant bond, you may be assured, without a good reason."

"Stuff and nonsense! What reason?"

"You have not been so long married, and already I begin to notice a return of some of your former levity. You have commenced to give back with interest the glances of a pretty girl as of yore. What was that you were whispering to the brunette you met at Regent Circus last Friday—no appointment? Fie, Peter, what would your charming little woman say?"

"She would go mad with jealousy. She is bad enough as it is."

"She loves you immensely, Peter, and you ought to prize such affection. I hope you will enjoy yourselves."

"But I am not taking Clara with me."

My reply was not delivered in words, it was whistled. This form of answer evidently did not please Peter.

"You are always lecturing me," he said hotly. "Suppose I turn round and ask your wife how she enjoyed herself in that private box at the Gaiety the other night, what would you say? The plaintiff is expected to come into court with clean hands."

"Relations from the country must be shown a little attention."

"Especially when they are young and pretty."

"Not a drawback, certainly. I am older than you, Peter, and if the advice is not palatable, don't swallow it. Knowing your quicksilver nature, I ventured to turn on the danger signal. I shall not stand idly by with my hands in my pockets and see that nice little woman of yours neglected."

"It is ridiculous to talk of neglect. But because a man happens to get married does it follow that he should be tied to his wife's apron-strings for the rest of his natural life. In my opinion an occasional absence has a salutary effect, and brightens up the old love."

"I daresay that even the devil himself can find some plausible argument for his conduct. Go your own way, Peter. I only hope that the motive power for this freak is not a lady. You do not usually go away to enjoy yourself when the snow is on the ground."

"There is no lady at all in the case. The sole reason is that I want to see the carnival, and as Boulogne is about the nearest place I am going there. Won't you join me?"

"Not possible, I fear. I ought to have run across last autumn. A man there owes me a hundred pounds."

"Why not arrange to come. Kill two birds with one stone. Enjoy the carnival, draw your money. Away only three days."

"The 'copy' might be got ready," I answered, "by a night's sitting. But there is another obstacle."

"I have made up my mind to take you with me, so you must manage it somehow. What is the other difficulty?"

Before answering, I took the precaution of opening the door to see whether we were favoured with a listener. Although there was nobody visible I heard the sound of retreating footsteps, which made me a little suspicious.

"That's it," said Peter, pointing with his thumb over his right shoulder.

"Yes," I replied; "don't talk loud. What excuse could I give? What have you said? That you are going to masquerade at a carnival ball?"

"Not likely. I am depending on you for a satisfactory reason."

"As usual. To begin with, it will not do to tell our wives we are going to France."

"Not at all. One of the papers would be sure to do a gushing article on the frolics of the carnival, and we should be found out and settled."

"Do you transact any business with Liverpool?" I asked.

"Sometimes. I see your drift."

"Well, we can pretend to go there, you to see a merchant, and I to forward the interests of the Clarion."

So it was agreed, and this piece of deception was carefully arranged and duly carried out. My better half was unusually complaisant when I told her my intentions, and even went so far as to say I had been working too hard, and the change would do me good. She was glad, she added, that my great friend, Peter Dodd, was accompanying me; he would prevent me feeling dull. She was so very kind in the matter, asking whether the theatres were good at Liverpool, and how I would dispose of my evenings; I felt quite guilty at deceiving her. "You had better take your dress clothes," she said; "you never know what may happen. You might be asked out to dinner."

Declining the proposals of our wives to see us safely in the train for Liverpool, Peter Dodd and I took a cab to Charing Cross Railway Station and booked to Boulogne-sur-Mer. I at one time had my suspicions that my "better half" was not without a knowledge of our real destination, but her anxiety to see that my portmanteau was properly packed disarmed me; and her last words at parting were, "Don't work too hard. Amuse yourself a little—you want a change." Peter and I were both quite certain that Mrs. Dodd had not the least idea of our plot, and to perfect the scheme we had letters sent to a friend in Liverpool, to be duly posted, acquainting our wives with our arrival, and expressing our sorrow at being separated from them even for such a short space of time.

Dull care we threw to the winds, and no two men could have stepped on French soil more bent on enjoyment. The very air seemed to exhilarate us; it was like quaffing a bumper of champagne. Of course you know Boulogne. Need I describe to you the beauty of the sands, the antiquity of the old town, the village fetes at Pont-des-Briques and Portelle, the quaint costumes and massive ornaments of the fish-women, or the particular class of Englishmen you are bound to meet there in and out of season?

You are, perhaps, as well acquainted with its features as I am. Perhaps you have made love on the ramparts in the moonlight, and had your breakfast at the little restaurant on the jetty. Morning has found you at the English Library in search of the latest gossip; and possibly you have seldom when there missed the two important events of the day—the arrival and departure of the mail boats.

Small as it is, Boulogne circulates more scandal than any town twice its size. It may be an extraordinary marriage, cheating discovered at the card-table, the sudden disappearance of a friend's wife, the elopement of a young lady with a married man, or rumours of a duel about to take place on the Belgian frontier. Something startling is sure to turn up, and natives and foreigners alike enjoy the humours of the carnival quite as much as the people of Paris or Lyons.

The carnival commenced the day following our arrival. The proper thing to do was to hire two fancy costumes, and, duly masked, go to the ball at the theatre in the evening. We selected our dresses with great care. We were, indeed, laughable to look at—I dressed in a Turkish costume, and Peter, capitally got up like a Frenchman of the Paris boulevards. We flattered ourselves, however, that our most intimate friends would not have guessed who we were—feeling safe from detection even from our wives.

After dejeuner on the jetty, I went in search of the man who owed me the hundred pounds. He was not in the least surprised to see me, which seemed strange; in fact, he looked as if he had rather expected me to drop in than otherwise. One thing he was not prepared with, and that was my money. Instead of offering to liquidate the debt to some extent, he, with all the coolness imaginable, proposed that I should lend him another ten pounds. I would not regret it, he said; he might be able to do me a good turn. His audacity made me angry, and I marched out of his office in anything but a pleasant temper. Meeting an acquaintance shortly afterwards, he told me not to expect to realise my hundred, that the man's wife had bolted with her husband's most intimate friend a few days before, and that he, my debtor, was fast drinking himself to ruin and death. Dismissing this miserable business from my mind, Peter and I, picturesquely arrayed, took a voiture to the theatre about eleven o'clock. The fun had not yet become fast and furious, but the signs of the mad revelry to come were visible on all sides.

Much abler pens than mine have described the kaleidoscope lights and shades of a carnival ball, and I will confine myself to the very objectionable dilemma which occurred to me and my friend. Having flirted a little and danced once or twice, we took our unknown partners to the bar to get some refreshment, and were standing there, when my attention was arrested by the appearance of two ladies in black dominos on the scene who seemed to be greatly interested in our movements. They had a small piece of white satin ribbon attached to each of their shoulders for, I presumed, the purpose of recognition if they were accidentally separated.

The volatile Peter was too busy whispering nonsense in his best French to the girl he had been dancing with to notice these inquisitive dominos. I was about to leave the buffet when a tall man in a hideous mask joined the two ladies, who evidently knew him, and, from the direction of their looks, it appeared that what the three individuals were talking about related to us.

An uneasy feeling stole over me, which I could not shake off. I endeavoured to reason with myself that no end of mistakes took place at every masked ball, and that the two dominos who persisted in hovering near us were on the wrong scent. But this did not quite set my mind at rest. I took Peter aside and told him that I thought we were watched! "What fun! Let's go and ask them to dance!" was all the reckless man answered. No sooner said than done; he went up to the ladies and requested that honour for himself and friend, but they shook their heads in reply, and put themselves in the care of their tall friend. Peter, not a whit abashed, suggested that they thought themselves too respectable to do anything but look sarcastically on other people's folly, and departed in search of fresh adventure.

As the heat was stifling, I went out of the theatre and entered a restaurant close to it. What I saw there astonished me. There was the tall man who had been in conversation with the two dominos, without his mask, and he turned out to be the worthy individual who owed me the hundred pounds!

His remark, that if I lent him another ten pounds he might be able to do me another good turn, arose in my mind. It was strange he showed no surprise at seeing me enter his office.

Was it possible that my wife, who knew I had at one time business relations with this man, had sent to have me watched? Or, horror of horrors! had she followed me herself?

I was never quite satisfied about the noise outside the door when Peter Dodd first proposed the unfortunate trip to Boulogne.

I soon, however, learned the worst. The tall man, who apparently did not perceive me, was drinking with some persons at the bar, and was relating to them with great glee, how nicely I was being done; and Peter Dodd's wife and mine were the two dominos who had watched us, and who had engaged this drunken fellow to assist them!

Needless to say, these revelations came upon me like a thunderclap in a summer sky. I immediately rushed back to the theatre to inform Peter of the dreadful discovery I had made. To my utter amazement, I found him waltzing with his own wife, the other domino (my "better half") looking on!

Immediate action was necessary to prevent a scene, and I whispered to Peter as he passed me—

"Something serious has happened; take back your partner and come instantly to me."

Peter, for once, did as he was told, but not without being stupid enough to say to his partner that he hoped to have the pleasure of dancing with her again, and that he expected the two ladies to join him and his friend at supper. He was sure his friend would be delighted.

"That's the nicest girl I have danced with to-night," said Peter, considerably excited, "but I cannot get her to talk."

"Come out, you idiot," was all I could say.

"That is polite, I must observe; Boulogne air is not agreeable to some people."

"Tell me, what rubbish have you been talking to your partner, and how did you manage to get her to waltz with you?"

"Cool! jealous! of course all the best girls must be reserved for the Sultan. Don't be cross; if you fancy my partner, take her. Perhaps you will be able to make her speak, and I will transfer my attentions to her friend," replied the incorrigible Peter.

"Talk sense one second; you will be serious enough when I tell you what I have discovered. I ask you if you have the slightest notion who we are dancing with?"

"Not I, she would not open her mouth, but she is a deuced fine girl."

"Why, madman, that girl is your own wife; they are both here."

The only plan was to bribe more than the opposition, and, reluctantly enough, I went and made terms with my pleasant debtor. "What he knew did not amount to much; the enemy had said it was a lark to see what we were about, and by making him a present got him to assist them." He kindly found out for them where we were stopping, and the hideous dresses in which we were to disfigure ourselves.

Peter was o£ no assistance to me in the dilemma; the startling intelligence had quite upset his equilibrium. No more jokes now about the nicest girl he had danced with that night. I made use of the tall man, however, as he had been paid by both sides. He obtained for me a blank telegram for a message received, and on it I had written a request from the proprietor of the Clarion asking me to be certain to forward my carnival article on the following day, so that it would appear in that week's issue. This was for my wife—she was so partial to things being proved. A private letter would ensure the insertion of an article which I must write.

The only way out of the difficulty was to state that I was obeying instructions from the office, and to own that a harmless piece of deception was used in case our darling wives would not approve of foreign doings and masked balls.

The ladies were brought to us by our drinking friend, there was a stormy five minutes, and a good many tears, but all unpleasantness was forgotten before the supper was finished.

But as I said before, Peter Dodd's ideas have a tendency to lead one into mischief.