Читать книгу Modern Romance July 2019 Books 5-8 - Jane Porter - Страница 16

HE’D SPENT ALL day with Kassiani today. Damen couldn’t remember when he’d last spent four hours with anyone, never mind a woman.

And he’d enjoyed almost every minute. The only minutes he hadn’t enjoyed were the minutes where she’d tried to convince him he was a good person, when he knew the truth about himself.

Kassiani. She was something of a revelation.

He’d known very little about her before their wedding, other than she was the youngest daughter, and a rather mysterious figure in her family, one her father had portrayed as eccentric, which was apparently why she didn’t travel with them, and wasn’t paraded about like Barnabas and Elexis. But now Damen could see that Kassiani had been forgotten and ignored by her family because she wasn’t like them—she wasn’t shallow and superficial. She didn’t take advantage of people. She didn’t use others. She actually thought of others.

Thank God her family hadn’t corrupted her, but at the same time, she’d deserved so much better from her family. A great disservice had been done to Kassiani all these years. She actually believed she was fat and unattractive. Unworthy.

It was wrong.

And now he was handling her wrong, too, but Damen didn’t know how to be a better husband. He wasn’t accustomed to being patient or kind. So maybe that was the first step. Practicing patience. And maybe a little bit of kindness.

If Kass was surprised to see him on deck before dinner, she gave no indication. She was standing at one of the railings on the upper deck, and she turned her head to smile at him. “Good evening.”

“Good evening to you. Have you been up here long?”

“Fifteen or twenty minutes. It’s such a gorgeous night. The view is spectacular. The island ahead of us sparkles with light.”

“That’s Mykonos.”

Her brow creased. “Weren’t you and Elexis supposed to visit Mykonos?”

“We were, yes.”

“Are we?”

“No.” He saw the searching look she gave him. He shrugged. “I don’t want to take you where I was going to take Elexis. It seems wrong somehow.”

“It’s okay. I’ve been there. It’s fine, but it’s not my favorite island.”

“Which is your favorite island? Wait, let me guess. Santorini.”

She grinned. “It’s everyone’s favorite, isn’t it?”

“It’s certainly picturesque.” He turned from the view of Mykonos to face her. “How did you know about the honeymoon plans?”

“Elexis asked me to read through the itinerary and make sure she would like it.”

His jaw dropped slightly. “And did you?”

Her shoulders twisted. “It gave me something to do.”

“And you like to be helpful.”

“I like having a sense of purpose, yes. It’s frustrating to me that I’ve gone to school and have a degree and yet my father refuses to allow me to work outside the home.”

“So you’ve never held a job?”

“Charity work. That’s about it.”

“And your brother and sister?”

“The same. Although Barnabas was supposed to work with Dad once he finished university, only he never finished university because his grades were so bad.”

“How does he get his money?”

“Dad transfers money each month into Barnabas’s bank account.”

“Why?”

“I guess it’s like an allowance.”

“Your brother is twenty-eight years old. Isn’t that a little old to be getting an allowance?”

“Dad is afraid that if he cuts Barnabas and Elexis off financially, they’ll cut him out of their lives. And he couldn’t bear that, so he gives them whatever they want.”

“So you get an allowance, too?”

“No.” Her voice was sharp and her smile brief. “I get nothing other than a roof over my head and the food I eat.”

“Why the double standard?”

“Barnabas and Elexis tell Dad what he wants to hear. I don’t.”

“What do you tell him instead?”

“That the company needs more leadership, and the family shouldn’t be sponging off the company. Dukas Shipping isn’t there to be the personal bank account for lazy family members that don’t want to work.”

Damen’s eyebrows shot up. “You’ve said all this?”

“And more.”

His lips twitched. “I can’t imagine he valued the input.”

“Not at all, but he values his business, and I’d be wrong to remain silent when so much is at stake. It could be such an incredible company—”

“It will be, once I’m completely in charge.”

“Are you removing my father as president and CEO?”

“He hasn’t actively managed the company in years. He knows I’ll be taking over after the honeymoon.” He shot her a swift side-glance. “Does that upset you?”

“I’m relieved, actually. Something has to be done. I just...” She sighed, shrugged. “Never mind.”

She turned away from him to stare out over the water and he used the moment to study her elegant profile. She truly was beautiful, with the regal features of a Greek goddess. “Tell me,” he said quietly. “Finish the thought. I want to hear it.”

She glanced at him, eyes bright, lips compressed. “If I was a son, he would have made room for me. I would have been an asset. Instead I was a daughter and nothing but a disappointment.”

Before he could reply, one of his stewards appeared with the champagne he’d requested twenty minutes ago and made a big production about opening the bottle and filling their flutes.

Damen checked his temper as the steward settled the champagne bottle into the ice bucket, rattling the ice as if he was doing the most important job in the world. Finally the steward was gone and Damen handed Kassiani a flute.

“We didn’t have a toast on our wedding night. So, stin yeia sou,” he said, lifting his glass. To your health.

“Yamas,” she answered, to our health, before clinking the rim of her goblet to his and lifting her flute to her lips.

Just watching her bring her glass to her full lips made him hard. He didn’t understand this fascination with her, or why he found it so hard to stay away from her. She was so naturally sensual that she had him in a constant state of arousal.

“What else have you told your father that he doesn’t want to hear?” Damen asked, determined to shift his attention from her luscious mouth to the topic they’d been discussing before the champagne had arrived.

“Dukas Shipping was worth so much more five years ago, when my father first approached you. He’s been cutting away into the principal. You’ve gotten a rotten deal. Instead of the Dukas beauty, you got the Ugly Duckling and a company teetering on bankruptcy.”

“You wanted to work for him.”

“Desperately.” She swallowed hard. “I have tried for years to get him to bring me on board. I even told him he didn’t have to pay me. I’d be an intern. Just let me go to the office and give me a chance to learn the ropes.”

“Is it true you studied business and international relations at Stanford?”

“It is true.”

“That couldn’t have been an easy course of study.”

“It was actually not that difficult. I read quickly, and have one of those memories that forget nothing.” Her lips quirked. “It’s a blessing and a curse.”

“So you’ve been out of school a couple years.”

“Four years end of this month. I started Stanford at sixteen and finished the dual major in three years.”

Very little surprised Damen, but she’d just caught him completely off guard. “Most Americans don’t start university until they’re what...eighteen?”

“I tend to do accelerated studies. I can take more classes than most students. The workload isn’t a problem for me.” She grimaced. “More of that blessing and a curse.”

“Have you ever been tested? Are you considered gifted?”

“I have, and I am. But I wish I wasn’t. My mother wasn’t particularly intellectual and she used to say that brainy women were objectionable as they tended to challenge the status quo, competing with men rather than allowing the man to feel like the man.”

“She wasn’t a feminist.”

“No.”

“Little wonder your father adored her. Greek men expect to be the center of the world.”

“Yes, I know.” She hesitated. “It’s why my aunt never married. She was brilliant, and smart, and strong, and her parents were traditional Greeks, and they didn’t know what to do with her.” She tapped the rim of her flute. “I think it’s why she created the trust for me. She recognized a kindred spirit and wanted to be sure I had...options.”

Her tone, and the bittersweet twist of her lips, made his chest tighten. Kassiani was a constant source of surprise. “What else did your mother teach you?”

“That beauty is a woman’s greatest strength and virtue, and a socially inept woman was nothing short of a failure.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Mmm. In my parents’ eyes, I’ve been a failure my entire life. Not attractive, and a social misfit. How could I be such a blight on the Dukas name?”

“Did you feel awkward at Stanford?”

“No. I loved being in school. I enjoy academia. I’m comfortable in certain environments, but hopeless in others. Like parties. I’m not comfortable at parties. I’m not good with chitchat. I’m the least fashionable woman you’ll ever meet—”

“Oh, now, I’m not sure you can claim that honor. My mother only wears smocks, and these slipper-like shoes, with socks. It’s terrible. Really. So, I think she has you beat.”

Kassiani gurgled with laughter and Damen was pleased. He’d meant to make her laugh, and was glad he’d succeeded. He’d hated the pain in her voice, her pain making his chest tighten, and his temper stir. How dare her father treat her so shabbily all these years? How dare her parents make her feel less than something when she was the greatest Dukas of them all?

“Besides,” he added after a moment, “fashion and parties are overrated. I would much rather have a brilliant wife than one who merely looked good in clothes.”

For a moment there was just silence and Kassiani stared out over the water, toward the island glittering with light. Damen congratulated himself for soothing Kassiani’s fears, and then she turned her head and looked him square in the eye. “Then why did you want Elexis in the first place? Why didn’t you want...me?”

Her voice was calm, her tone thoughtful. It took him a second to realize she wasn’t accusing him of anything, or trying to guilt him. She genuinely wanted to know.

Again his chest tightened and he felt a wave of remorse, and pain. She deserved so much better from all of them.

“You were never presented as an option,” he said at length. “I didn’t know enough about you to think to ask for you.”

“You didn’t realize there were two Dukas daughters?”

“Vaguely. You were, how shall I say? Mysterious.”

“Kassiani, overly fond of math, burdened by a photographic memory.” Her lips lifted in a wide, self-mocking smile. “Most mysterious indeed.”

The moonlight bathed her in a lovely glow, illuminating her profile with her strong, elegant features. She was wearing a white dress with ruffles and flounces and it crossed his mind that while the white paired well with her dark hair and complexion, the flounces and frills were too much for her petite build, overwhelming her curves, adding to them, making her look bigger than she was. Kassiani was actually quite small physically. She just had exceptional curves, amazing curves, like Hollywood stars of old.

“You should be proud of your exceptional abilities and talent, not ashamed,” he said.

“Do you think my father should have hired me?”

“I do.”

Her gaze found his again, her expression somber. “Would you hire me?”

Damen straightened, feeling sucker punched. What a question. How could he answer that without becoming a villain, like her father? “I’ve hired a number of women for management positions. There is also a woman on my board.”

“Out of what? Twelve?”

He didn’t answer since they both knew the answer. Kassiani didn’t pull punches, did she? Damen was beginning to understand why Kristopher preferred not to deal with his youngest. “The Greek shipping business is dominated by men, and in general, it isn’t very receptive to women in key positions.”

Kassiani sipped her champagne thoughtfully. Her silence felt like a condemnation and Damen didn’t enjoy feeling judged.

“I didn’t say I agreed with the attitude,” he added somewhat defensively, and then felt angry about being made to feel defensive. “Men just want to get things done without all the emotional baggage women bring to the table.”

She shot him a look of surprise that quickly morphed into one of disappointment and Damen gripped his flute so hard he was certain it would shatter.

“I had no idea you were one of those,” she said calmly with just a hint of censure. “For some reason I thought you were more...progressive.”

“Business is business,” he said curtly. “I don’t spend long hours at the office because I enjoy sitting at my desk. I’m there to get things done.”

“And women don’t get things done at the office?”

“You’re twisting this, you know. You are deliberately twisting my words. But to answer your last question, this is exactly what I don’t want in my office. I don’t want to spar with a woman over real or perceived slights. I want to execute contracts. I want financial growth. I want to develop markets. What I don’t want is to be challenged on my domain. It’s not conducive to company morale—”

“Or yours,” she interjected softly.

He broke off, frustrated, and rather furious, because this entire conversation had flipped. A couple of minutes ago they were having a really good and open conversation and now it was antagonistic. Why? What had happened?

And before he could answer that question, he had a sudden insight into why Kristopher had chosen to leave Kassiani at home, behind.

It wasn’t because she was dumpy and dull. It wasn’t because she was the proverbial Ugly Duckling. It was because Kristopher didn’t know how to manage his youngest daughter. Kassiani was too smart for him, and probably talked circles around him, and Kristopher—not the brightest of men—couldn’t cope. The only way he knew how to handle her was by shaming her.

Marginalizing her.

Making her feel small and less than.

Damen didn’t agree with Kristopher’s behavior, but he felt an unexpected surge of sympathy for the older man. Kristopher knew exactly what to do with Elexis and Barnabas—indulge them, give them money and toys. But Kassiani couldn’t be bought off so easily. She was young, smart and fierce, honest and real.

“You know, kitten,” he said quietly, “if you want to be part of the game, you have to play the game.”

“Is there a game, then?”

Damen flashed back to Adras, and the horrors of being a young male trapped in a situation beyond his control, forced to do and say things that still made him physically ill. He knew then, at fourteen and fifteen, he’d never forgive himself, and he hadn’t, even though twenty-two years had passed. “If you feel like you’re always on the losing side, I’d say there is a game in play.”

“And if I’m tired of losing?”

“Then figure out the game.”

* * *

Dinner was strained that evening and Kassiani knew she was to blame—not because she was wrong, but because she couldn’t remain silent on issues. Growing up, she’d never been able to accept the status quo, and she realized early on that what was acceptable in one family wasn’t going to be acceptable in hers. Her family was old-world. Traditional. And if her feminist opinions weren’t welcome at home in San Francisco, she should know they’d be a problem here in Greece.

Back in her bedroom, she kicked herself for not being able to hold her tongue. It had changed their evening. Damen had been in a good mood when he had joined her on the deck and had champagne delivered, and then she had to ruin the lovely champagne toast by being too pointed, and too direct, creating conflict, which was so typical of her.

Kass didn’t know why she couldn’t stop when she was ahead. If only she could harness the frustration she felt at not being given more opportunity.

The narrowness of her life wore on her.

The lack of challenges made her feel somewhat desperate and crazy.

She read half a dozen international newspapers a day, and tried to stay busy by digging in deeper into current events, researching current topics in world economics, international politics and international law. She subscribed to various university magazines, wanting to know what was happening in the academic world, as well as the corporate world. But all the research in the world did little to alleviate her sense of isolation.

But Kass didn’t feel isolated when Damen claimed her, and made love to her. Kass didn’t feel like a failure when he responded to her in bed. She wasn’t a radical feminist. She didn’t think of herself as a rabble-rouser. But Kass had always struggled with remaining silent when confronted by injustices. Women really were capable of so much.

And she, personally, was capable of so much more.

Maybe her need to be heard and seen...to contribute...was based on the fact that she didn’t feel valuable as a decorative object. How could she? She wasn’t very decorative. She added little value in terms of physical beauty. The only time she truly felt attractive was when she was using her brain.

Or using her body to seduce Damen.

She smiled weakly, ruefully. At least she still had her sense of humor. It wasn’t appreciated in her family but Kassiani had always been grateful she could laugh at herself. Far better than always crying over one’s faults and failings.

The door to the master bedroom opened. Kass jerked her head up, and her heart fluttered as Damen stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

Suddenly the tears she’d been holding back fell and she reached up to swipe them away, one after the other before he could see.

“Why the tears?” he asked, standing at the foot of the bed.

So she hadn’t successfully hid them. She sat taller and swiftly swiped away another, scrubbing at her cheeks to make sure they were now dry. “I didn’t think you were going to come tonight. I thought I’d chased you away.”

“So you don’t believe what you were saying?”

“No, I do.”

“Then don’t apologize. Your problem is that you’re smarter than everyone else.”

She sniffed and swiped away a last tear. “Not smarter than you.”

“I wouldn’t say that. You are certainly book smarter. To be fair, I probably have you beat when it comes to street smarts.”

She settled her nightgown over her knees, and exhaled slowly, trying very hard to bridge whom she was with what a wife was supposed to be. It was a tricky balancing act. “All right, so I don’t apologize for having opinions, but I am sorry if I upset you at dinner. Trying to be a good wife is more complicated than I imagined.”

“Why shouldn’t you speak freely? I do.”

She exhaled in a painful rush, her cheeks heating. “We both know the answer to that.”

“Because men can, and women can’t?”

“You’ve told me that my value lies in me being a supportive wife, not a critical, oppositional one.”

“I actually don’t think I ever told you that,” he said mildly.

“A traditional Greek wife—”

“Isn’t what I asked for. It’s what you said I needed, because apparently I need a meek, submissive wife.” He arched a black brow. “Now, there are things I would enjoy from a submissive wife, but it would probably not be what you’re thinking.”

Or would it? She silently countered, as unbidden images came to mind, images of her kneeling before him, worshipping his body, drawing his thick shaft into her mouth, sucking, licking, making him groan and slide a hand into her hair, his fingers wrapping around the strands, holding her head so that he could take his pleasure.

Kassiani exhaled again, her body hot, her senses stirred. Flustered, she pushed back a heavy wave of hair from her face, feeling overly warm, and more than a little claustrophobic, because suddenly the atmosphere felt charged, the air heavy, crackling with awareness, and desire.

She could tell that Damen felt the tension, too, as the look he gave her was blatantly sexual, as was his slow, possessive perusal, his gaze resting on the jut of her breasts and then lower to the swell of her hips and then finally to the hem of her nightgown where it clung to her thigh.

“Let me see you,” he said slowly, arms folding over his chest.

“What do you want to see?”

“Everything.”

“Then let me see you.”

“What do you want to see?”

“Everything.”

He laughed softly and gave his dark head a shake. “You are a fearless negotiator. I admire that.” The corner of his mouth lifted. “Now let’s see how good you are at asking for something. What do you want, Petra Kassiani? What would be your pleasure?”

She hesitated, thinking. “Something new. Something we haven’t done. But something I would like,” she added quickly, fighting her blush.

“Oh, that’s easy, then. I haven’t even taken you from behind yet. I think you’ll like that position very much.”