Читать книгу Modern Romance January 2017 Books 1 - 4 - Дженнифер Хейворд, Jane Porter - Страница 20
ОглавлениеTHE NEXT MONTH was without a doubt the happiest month Georgia had ever known. As the weeks slipped by with March turning into April, the rain disappeared and the sun shone longer, with the days warmer. It was by no means beach weather, but Georgia enjoyed changing from heavy sweaters to light wraps and sometimes no wrap at all if it was a particularly nice day.
The bougainvillea was bursting into bloom, too, and everywhere she looked there were huge clusters of hot pink and purple draped across doorways, over gates, up pristine white walls.
Georgia’s heart felt lighter, and she didn’t know if it was the fact that the sun always seemed to be shining and she was waking up to a blue sky over dazzling blue water, or if it just seemed brighter and sunnier because she was madly in love.
And she was madly in love.
She now also knew that she’d never been in love before. Nikos was her first true love, and after six weeks in Greece, she thought she could one day be happy here and maybe live here, but first she needed to finish school.
Nikos said they’d find a way to make it work. He said they just needed to take it a step at a time. One day at a time. It was good advice. The doctor had been there earlier in the week, and he’d said all was progressing well with the pregnancy. She was now in her thirty-second week. They discussed a birthing plan. Georgia said she’d be comfortable having the baby on Kamari as long as the doctor and the midwife were comfortable delivering there.
They discussed having a contingency plan, should there be an emergency, and Georgia was relieved to know that a helicopter could get her to Athens quickly if needed.
All was good.
The baby was good. She gave him a little pat now.
To think he’d brought her and Nikos together. The baby had created love...a family...
Her little matchmaker.
She smiled and gave her bump another pat before leaving her couch where she’d been studying to walk across the room to put away the basket of clean clothes the housekeeper had brought up earlier.
On top of the folded clothes was a jeweled picture frame. It was a picture of her and Nikos, his arms around her, and they were smiling at the camera.
Georgia frowned, not remembering the picture. Or the clothes. Or anything about the oddly formal pose.
Maybe because that wasn’t her.
It was another tall, slender blonde...
Georgia dropped the picture back onto the basket of laundry, horrified.
Elsa.
* * *
Nikos had just returned from a run and was stripping in his room to take a shower when the bedroom door crashed open. Georgia stood in the doorway, staring at him with huge eyes, her complexion ashen.
“What’s wrong?” He moved quickly toward her, thinking that something must have happened to the baby. “Are you all right? What’s wrong? What’s happening? Do I need to alert the doctor?”
She just stared at him, looking as if she’d seen a ghost.
Nikos put his hands on her shoulders, gave her a slight shake. “I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s happened!”
“Elsa,” she choked.
He stiffened. His hands fell off her shoulders. “I don’t understand. What are you saying?”
“She looked like me.”
His jaw dropped as if he’d speak but he didn’t. He couldn’t. His mind was blank. “You don’t want me,” Georgia whispered. “You want her.”
His brow creased. She was wrong, completely wrong. “That’s not true.”
“Then why does she look like me?” Georgia pulled a photo from her pocket. There were marks on the corners where it’d been worked into a frame. She thrust the photo at him, her hand trembling. “Look at her! Look. We’re the same! We could be the same person.”
Nikos took the photo, if only to keep her from shoving it at his face. He didn’t even need to look at it again to know the one. He only had that one photo left. Elsa had destroyed the rest.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Georgia whispered, tears shimmering in her eyes. “Why play this game with me? Why not just tell me the truth?”
“What truth?”
“That you’re still in love with her, and that you miss her, and you wanted a baby that would be hers.”
“But that’s not how it is. That’s not what this is.”
“Really? Then what is it?”
But when he struggled to find the words, when he couldn’t blurt out an easy answer, she shook her head and started to walk away. Nikos caught her arm, keeping her from going.
“Let me shower and dress. I just need a few minutes. And then I’ll explain.”
“I don’t think you can explain, Nikos.”
“You have to at least give me a chance.” His dark eyes searched hers. “Meet me in the library in five minutes. Please?”
* * *
As Georgia waited for Nikos in the library, only one thought kept going through her head, over and over.
She’d been so happy.
She’d been the happiest she could remember...
This last month it had been almost impossible to study because she hadn’t wanted to sit alone in her room, surrounded by books and notes. She wanted to be with Nikos. Her attention had wandered constantly, her thoughts drifting to him throughout the day. She’d wonder what he was doing, wonder if he was swimming, wonder what he was working on... It didn’t matter what he was doing, either. She just wanted to be there, with him. Near him.
He’d never minded, either. He’d encouraged her to join him, be with him, sleep with him...
Now she knew why.
The library door opened and Nikos was there...tall, darkly handsome, overwhelming in every way.
He was dressed in all black, the way he usually dressed, and his expression was grim. But even then, her heart did a painful little jump and her eyes burned.
Her whole world turned inside out in just minutes. Everything she thought was true wasn’t.
“Sit, Georgia, please.”
His deep, commanding voice was so achingly familiar now, and yet she stiffened in protest. “I don’t want to sit.”
“It’s a long, complicated story—”
“I prefer the shortest, simplest version possible, please.”
He gave her a long look. “You’ve already judged me.”
“It’s hard to ignore certain facts.”
“Maybe there is no point, if you’re not even going to give me a chance.”
Her chin notched up. She wasn’t sure she liked his mocking tone, but at least he wasn’t begging. She didn’t think she could handle that. “I don’t know what you can say to make it better. I don’t know that there is anything that can change this. I certainly know I can’t compete with her—”
“You’re not supposed to compete with her!”
“But that’s who I am to you. I am her twin... It’s as if you’ve raised her from the dead.” Georgia felt desperately ill. Her stomach churned with acid and her throat burned, and it was all she could do to keep from getting sick. “You don’t want me. You want her.”
“I don’t. And for your information, you’re nothing like her.”
“No?” Georgia glanced wildly about, looking for the photo but realizing it was in Nikos’s room. But she didn’t need to see the image to remember her shock as she looked at a woman who could have been her twin. “Because she looked an awful lot like me. And the resemblance cannot be by chance.”
“It’s not,” he said flatly.
“You wanted a baby with Elsa.”
“No.” Nikos muttered an oath and shrugged. “Yes.”
Her heart thudded hard. Her stomach heaved. “And you wanted to make love to Elsa, too.”
“No.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You might look like her, Georgia, but you are nothing like her.”
“And yet you loved her so much.”
“I didn’t—” He broke off, unable to deny it. “I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t love her, but what I had with her is nothing like what we have.”
“Had. What we had.” Her throat worked. Her eyes burned. “There isn’t anything for us anymore, Nikos. There isn’t an us. There is just you and her and all your memories of her.”
“Georgia, listen to me. You are not Elsa. You are not twins. Yes, there is a strong resemblance but within minutes of you arriving here I knew you were nothing like her, and not just because your hair is lighter and your eyes have more gray in them, but because you are not her. She wasn’t strong like you. She wasn’t. Life was too hard for her. Love disappointed her—”
“Perhaps you disappointed her,” she interrupted. Just as you’ve disappointed me.
His dark gaze hardened, shuttering. “I am sure I did.” His voice had grown cold, too. “She took her life. She did it in front of me. Smashed the car into the side of the garage of our villa on Santorini. The car erupted into flames. I was able to reach in and pull her out just before the car exploded, but she was too badly injured. She died before the medics arrived.”
“How do you know she meant to kill herself? How do you know it wasn’t an accident?”
“She left me a note.” His jaw thickened. “And every year I get a letter in the mail, from her, telling me how much she hates me and blaming me for ruining her life.”
Georgia’s eyes widened. “How is that possible?”
“I think it’s just one letter that she wrote, but Ambrose, over on Amorgós, has made photocopies and he mails one to me every year on the anniversary of her death. The first couple years I made the mistake of opening the envelope and reading the message. Now I just throw them away.”
“What does the letter say?”
“Something along the lines of, ‘Nikos, you are a monster. I hate you with every fiber of my being. I hope you burn in hell.’”
“It doesn’t!”
“It does.”
“So why would you want this woman’s baby? How could you want to be reminded of her on a daily basis?”
“I already think of her on a daily basis. I have the burns and scars from the fire. I have the letters that come without fail every August 16. But this baby isn’t hers. The baby is mine. The future is mine. And she can’t take that away from me...and I won’t let her take you from me, either. I’ve lost too much to the past, Georgia. I’m not going to lose you.”
This was so much to take in, so much to process. Georgia struggled to sort through her wildly tangled thoughts and emotions. “Nikos, I don’t get this... I don’t. And I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s just so...strange. It’s not normal.”
“Lots of people use donors. Surrogacy is quite common.”
“No, I appreciate that you wanted to be a father and you found a way to do it on your own. I understand why you chose to go with a donor and surrogate, but why pick a donor that looks like her? Why not pick someone that makes you feel hopeful and optimistic? A donor that was the polar opposite of Elsa?”
“I did. I picked you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Georgia, you’re nothing like her. Yes, you’re blonde and have blue eyes, but that isn’t the reason I selected you to be the donor. I picked you for you...your mind, your spirit, your inner strength, your desire to support your sister. In your application you wrote about growing up in Africa as a daughter of missionaries. You had goals. Ambition. Courage. And that was who I wanted to be my child’s mother. I wanted a mother who had strength...who was a warrior. I wanted him to inherit your heart.”
I wanted him to inherit your heart.
Her father used to say that to her mother. I hope the girls inherit your heart.
Georgia closed her eyes and held her breath, tears forming behind her tightly closed eyelids. It was too much, all of this. Too much emotion and too much pressure and too much shock and disappointment.
“Say something, Georgia,” Nikos said quietly. “Talk to me, agapi mou.”
She gave her head a shake. She couldn’t talk. She didn’t want to cry.
“You are my light in the dark—” His deep voice cracked, and he dropped his head, his fist to his mouth. “Please,” he said roughly. “Please don’t shut me out.”
“I need to think. I need time.” She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t think much less feel when so close to him.
And then she was gone, heading back to her room.
Georgia left him in the library, escaping back to her room. She locked the door and then dragged a heavy chair in front of it for good measure. She didn’t want Nikos to come in. She couldn’t bear the thought of Nikos coming near her, not because she hated him—she could never hate him—but she needed to sort all this out and she wouldn’t be clear, wouldn’t be able to focus if he was near her.
This was important, too. This wasn’t just about her feelings and her life, but this was Nikos’s and the baby they’d conceived...not necessarily together, but still together.
Of all of it, the child was the most important.
He was innocent in all of this. He needed to be protected. Nikos was right. Georgia was tough. She was a warrior. She’d survive whatever happened next. But the baby would be helpless and vulnerable for years. The baby needed her to think and be smart. Logic was required right now, not emotion.
And logic told her that everything about her current situation was illogical. Irrational. She didn’t belong here. She needed to go.
But the idea of leaving Nikos now took her breath away because she knew that if she left, she would never be back.
She didn’t belong here. And the child?
She couldn’t answer that one yet. Couldn’t see that far ahead. The only thing she knew with certainty was that she had to go.
And that knowledge devastated her.
For a moment she leaned against the door, her legs weak, her body trembling. Her heart felt as if it was cracking, shattering.
She closed her eyes, fighting for control. She drew a breath, and then another, cold...chilled to the bone.
Suddenly her stomach rose, heaved. She scrambled to the bathroom, fighting nausea the entire way. She prayed she wouldn’t get sick. For long minutes she clung to the toilet, but eventually her stomach settled.
And then the tears fell.
She’d always prided herself on being smart, analytical, grounded, but she’d been played...duped. Completely duped.
Her heart squeezed hard, her chest so tight that she couldn’t breathe. Pain filled her, pain and confusion, and yet one thing was brutally clear: she couldn’t stay.
She had to leave. And she had to leave now.
Still shaking, she changed her clothes and then packed everything into her suitcases, jamming clothing swiftly into the suitcase and her books, laptop and loose ends into the smaller bag. And then she was done.
Nikos was no longer in the library. She found him outside on the terrace, the place they always met for drinks at sunset.
She steeled herself against all feeling as he turned to look at her. She willed herself to think of nothing, to be nothing, to want nothing. She was as she’d been before she arrived here—a single woman with a single purpose. The future. Providing for Savannah. Getting through the rest of medical school and her training.
She’d survive this.
She’d survived so much worse.
“Sit, gynaika mou. We need to talk,” he said, his deep voice a hoarse rumble.
She ground her back molars, clamping down on all emotion, steeling herself against him. Everything in her still wanted him. He had such power over her. She’d found him nearly irresistible from the start. “No, Nikos. I’m not sitting or talking. I’m leaving.” Her heart beat so hard it felt wild in her chest. “Goodbye.”
He looked shocked. “You haven’t even given us a chance—”
“Nikos, there isn’t an us.”
“Of course there is, and we’ve invested too much to just let this be the end. We need to talk. We can work through this. You know we can—”
“But I don’t want to talk, and this isn’t what I thought it was, either. You aren’t who I thought you were.”
For a long moment he said nothing. “How will you go? Where will you go?”
“Your boat will take me to Amorgós. I will sort out the rest from there.”
“It’s getting late—”
“It’s not late. We have hours until sunset.”
“An hour maybe.”
“Plenty of time to reach the island if I leave now.”
“You can’t go like this.”
“But I can, and I am.” She backed up a step as he approached her. “And don’t come any nearer. And definitely don’t touch me. You will never touch me again. And you will never see me again.”
“Georgia!”
She swallowed hard, chin lifting, eyes stinging, hot like acid, but there were no tears. She felt too cold and sick on the inside for tears. She was in shock. She would be in shock for a while. It was all too awful, all too much to take in.
“I’m going down to the dock. Have your man meet me there. He alone will take me—”
“I won’t have it. I won’t let you do this—”
“You don’t have a choice. I’m not staying. I will swim to Amorgós if I have to and I’m happy to start now.” Her gaze met his and held. “I’m not bluffing, either, Nikos.”
His narrowed gaze swept her face. “I’m not saying you are.”
“So call one of your staff—Eamon or Kappo or whomever is free—and have him drive me. But if your man isn’t at the boat, at the dock, in five minutes, I will strip off my clothes and start swimming.”
“You are being impulsive and dramatic.”
“If you say so.” She shrugged carelessly. “But I don’t really care what you think. Fortunately, I’m a good swimmer, a very strong swimmer, and I’ve spent the past month swimming a mile or more every day here.”
He made a deep, rough sound, and she didn’t know if it was contempt or exasperation. “Amorgós is sixteen miles from here, not one, gynaika mou.”
“Good. It will give me time to calm down.” She turned to walk away, then paused and glanced back at him. “And for your information, I am not your woman. I am merely your surrogate. Nothing more, nothing less. I will alert you when I give birth, and that is all you need to know for now.”
And then she was gone, passing through the door, disappearing into the house, anxious to be gone, anxious to put distance between her and Nikos, the only man she’d ever truly loved.
