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PSYCHOLOGY OF THE HOME

SO FAR WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT the home in a mythological, archetypal and spiritual way. Now we should take some time to pull in from the wider picture and start to think about how our homes affect us in a more personal, psychological way. For our homes are reflections of our psyches – the home you pick and the way you choose to decorate it speaks reams about your psychological make-up; the way you view the world; your hopes and aspirations; your deepest insecurities and fears. In House as a Mirror of Self, Clare Cooper Marcus says:

People consciously and unconsciously ‘use’ their home environment to express something about themselves. Our home and its contents are very potent statements about who we are.

By paying attention to the choices we make about our home, we can start to understand more about our psyche and soul, just as we can by focusing on our dreams. Jungian psychologists believe that dreams are ‘messages’ or projections from the unconscious; within them are all the issues and unresolved business of our unconscious minds. By working with dreams we can often find answers to our most pressing dilemmas. In a similar way, we project our inner thoughts and preoccupations, our likes and dislikes, onto the fabric and furnishing of our homes. Clare Cooper Marcus points out that an adolescent may well leave his or her room in a mess as an unconscious gesture of defiance to the parents. Someone might buy a home that unconsciously emulates the style of the home of a much-loved, deceased relative, or rent an apartment which is a copy of a childhood home. Psychologist Sarah Dening agrees:

Because your home environment is something you ‘dream up’, consciously or otherwise, it can, like a dream, say a great deal about the state of your complexes.

If you are a great hoarder of clutter, for instance, it could be because you are unconsciously trying to protect yourself against some possible lack in the future or that you are overly attached to the past and fear that the future cannot bring anything as valuable and meaningful as that which has gone before. Sarah says:

The stagnating energy reflects as inner stagnation, which is why Feng Shui insists that the first step is to get rid of the clutter.

More about this in Chapter 8.

Some people, however, are entirely the opposite. These are the ones who constantly make changes to their environment; who are always moving or always shifting the furniture. This could well point to a ‘Peter Pan’ complex: an unwillingness to ground oneself and to make commitments; a perpetual unhappiness with the status quo. Of course, in an ideal world we would be somewhere in the middle – keeping a certain amount of our past with us, but also being confident of greeting the future too.

LEAVING HOME

Before we move on to what your present home says about you, think first of all about when you left home. Were you desperate to leave or was it a huge and hard wrench? Maybe you are still living at home. Some people find it almost impossible to leave home, even if they are fully grown and launched in life. Even if they do leave, they will try at all costs to re-create the childhood home. Jung explained this as a ‘participation mystique’ with the family in which they identify first and foremost as members of a family rather than individuals in their own right. Sarah Dening explains that:

It’s a tribal thing. Some of my own relatives arriving as refugees from pogroms against the Jews did just that. One woman continued to live with her parents even after she married. Her husband simply moved in; her own children grew up in that house; and she still lives there to this day. In the background there is obviously a great fear of any change, presumably because change has been associated with circumstances getting worse.

Not all ‘stay at homes’ have this participation mystique. Some suffer from ‘eternal youth’ syndrome – they can’t seem to grow up and take on adult responsibilities. Usually this happens because they were so indulged as children that they just don’t want to move from this cosy position. Or it might be because the underlying message they received from their parents was that being an adult was a pretty miserable business and so it was better not to grow up at all.

Other people take precisely the opposite position. They can’t wait to find their own home, to make their own choices. Sometimes this comes about from a basically unhappy childhood and a huge need to separate from the family and to make your adult life as different as possible. Such people will want to move far away, or choose a radically different style of house or furnishings from that of their parents. However, just because you raced away from home after leaving school and chose minimal rather than copying your parents’ Victoriana, it doesn’t necessarily mean you had an unhappy childhood. Some people live perfectly happy childhoods but grow up to lead very different lifestyles from those of their parents. Sarah Dening believes these differences can be explained by Jung’s system of typology.

JUNG’S PERSONALITY TYPES

Jung believed that we could all be described by a system of four personality types and two modes of behaviour. We are all familiar with the two modes: extrovert and introvert. But the personality types – thinking, feeling, sensation and intuition – are less well-known.

You probably already know if you are an introvert or an extrovert. The extrovert will always reach out towards the world; the introvert will instinctively draw back. Most people will fall cleanly into one or other camp. Of course, we all have times when we dip into the opposite (the extrovert who needs the odd patch of peace and quiet; the introvert who will suddenly become the life and soul of the party) but they are exceptions rather than the rule. When it comes to the home, extroverts tend to be concerned with how other people will regard their living space, and will often decorate and furnish the place with a view to entertaining, to impressing other people. Introverts, on the other hand, are more concerned with what feels comfortable for themselves. On the whole, interior designers tend to be extroverts!

When it comes to the four personality types, or ‘functions’ as Jung called them, it becomes a more subtle process. Jung realized that some people approached life predominantly by thinking while others dealt with life through their feelings. At first he thought that extroverts were the ‘feeling’ types while introverts would be thinkers but with time he realized it was more complex than that. Thinking and feeling were dimensions of personality quite independent of whether someone was extroverted or introverted. He also realized that there were two more functions – sensation, the information we receive through our senses of sight, hearing, taste, touch and scent; and intuition, the information we receive directly from the unconscious.

Each of us will tend to be a mixture of two or perhaps three reasonably well-developed functions with maybe one or two with which we do not identify. Let’s have a closer look at each of the four functions and how they manifest themselves in the home environment:

SENSATION

People who have a strong sensation function are concerned above all with things as they are. They are less concerned with the aesthetics of the home than with whether or not an object is functional. If you are a sensation type, your home will run like clockwork! Shelves will go up, taps will not drip, painting will be done when necessary, curtains will be made with the minimum of fuss. You are concerned with how things are now, this moment, not next week or next year. Jobs get done because they need doing. You will always know the right place to go to get what is needed and your home will be in perfect order.

Sarah Dening says:

Someone I know with a strong sensation function has all his tools hanging perfectly neatly on the wall of his garden shed; the screwdrivers in ascending order of size and different kinds of nails and screws all neatly filed in their own boxes.

If you’re a sensation type you might recognize this as you will generally be very good at DIY. You will tend to ‘make do and mend’ and only make changes when things around you start to wear out.

INTUITION

Intuitives are highly sensitive to atmosphere and the flow of energy. They are exactly the kind of people who would be drawn to feng shui, space cleansing – and to books like this! You can be the most original of all the types when it comes to creating an unusual and individual home. You may well create highly idiosyncratic surroundings, mixing styles, periods and influences. Sarah describes an intuitive who had her apartment decorated (they don’t do DIY by the way) in French Empire style, complete with totally impractical white carpets and curtains, in the middle of the city. Practicality is not a major concern and your environment may well seem very eccentric to more design-conscious people. You are always on the look-out for possibilities. And while a kitchen, to the practical sensation type, is simply somewhere to cook, to the intuitive it could be anything – a studio, a conservatory full of plants, a mini temple – with the fridge and cooker hiding beneath greenery or drapes. Intuitives will make quite radical changes to their spaces and are not unduly concerned if this means having to get rid of perfectly serviceable items.

THINKING

If you have a strong thinking function you probably barely notice your surroundings at all. You are much more concerned with ideas than with things, and as long as you have somewhere to put your books and papers, you will be happy. Your house may well look chaotic to an outsider, but you know where everything is and will become quite upset if somebody comes along and tries to tidy you up. You really barely notice clutter building up and will have the most problem in the decluttering and clearing chapters of all the types. This is the archetype of the absent-minded professor with mouldy coffee cups all around the home.

Strong thinking types are not really interested in fads and fashions and so you will rarely make radical changes in the home, except maybe to upgrade the computer. You can be methodical when you are sufficiently interested in something practical and are able to devote energy to it. However, it tends to be in response to something going wrong – maybe the bookshelves collapsing, for example. If someone comes along and shows you how much more comfortable you could be in your surroundings, you tend to be perfectly amazed.

FEELING

Feeling is the opposite to thinking in Jung’s system. The feeling type has very strong responses to everything in the home: style of house, furnishings, design, colour, tone. You are the type of person most likely to call in an interior designer or to take great pains in designing your own home. Most likely you will want your home to feel good to others as well, so you go in for comfort – but always fashionable comfort. On the whole, feeling types have good, if somewhat conventional, tastes. Because you trust your feelings, you tend to be confident that others will find your home as beautiful and harmonious as you do yourself. You may well be offended if someone fails to appreciate what you have so carefully created.

Sometimes, however, the feeling person’s home can be rather chilly: exquisitely appointed but somehow lacking a ‘lived in’ atmosphere. It could be the kind of place where you worry about dropping crumbs or marking the table.

Often a feeling person’s home can be filled with inherited family furniture which doesn’t really suit them. It seems surprising until you realize that the value attached to family history is stronger than the aesthetic considerations.

Many people in therapy or analysis spend ages trying to decide which is their primary function, their secondary function and, perhaps most importantly, the inferior function (the function which is unconscious and often ignored). But Sarah Dening’s key-note sketches are, to my mind, a remarkably simple way of finding out which way you view the world. You will probably recognize yourself instantly, pinpointing either your primary function or gaining a strong feeling of your inferior function. In Jung’s system, your inferior function is generally the opposite in a pair: thinking and feeling; sensation and intuition. So if you had a primary function of thinking, feeling would most likely be your inferior. The secondary functions would come from the other pair, that is, sensation and intuition. If your primary function were, say, intuition, then sensation would be your inferior function while you could back up your intuition with thinking and feeling.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR TYPE

But why should it matter? Because by understanding your psychological profile you can learn your blind spots and also find yourself on a path to deeper self-knowledge and growth. The inferior function can be our weak point. While we use the other three functions more or less consciously, the inferior function is often completely unconscious. You can see it in people who are primarily thinkers who totally deny all feeling; in intuitives who live in their heads, rather than in their senses. And vice versa. But while the inferior function can be our blind spot, it is also the source of great riches. By tapping into it we can access our unconscious, with all its vast potential for growth.

DEVELOPING THE INFERIOR FUNCTION

The following are some suggestions for getting in touch with your inferior function. They will most likely sound very unappealing or even distasteful. That’s a good sign as it shows you have identified your weak spot. If you can bring yourself to develop this shadow side of your personality, you would almost certainly take a huge step forward in your Self development.

Feeling

If you have a very pronounced thinking function then you could discover huge depths by allowing yourself to access the feeling side. Sarah Dening says the key is to find a way of relating to others while still maintaining clear boundaries. Working with a psychotherapist is an obvious starting point – group work would be particularly beneficial. You could join an evening class where you will be part of a group or find a team sport or other activity you might try. Dancing (line, folk or ballroom) would be ideal. Music can open the hearts of thinking types – so can keeping a pet. Working on your dreams in a dream group would be ideal.

Intuition

Sensation types will just not understand the strange twilight world of the intuitive – they will probably dismiss it as complete nonsense. But daring to venture into the realm of intuition will bring remarkable results for sensates. You could open yourself to the unknown by dabbling in oracles – try studying the I Ching, the runes or the tarot. Suspend disbelief for a while and see what happens. Learning to dowse would be an interesting activity for you – justify it by the fact that it’s so practical and useful! You could also benefit greatly by working on your dreams – either alone or by joining a dream group.

Thinking

‘I’m just not logical.’ ‘I rely on my feelings, not my rational mind.’ Both classic comments from feeling types for whom the sane, logical function of thinking is a world away. Yet for a balanced psyche, feeling types need some processes which don’t involve any emotional input. You’ll turn up your nose but try getting into crosswords, puzzles and chess. If you’re terrified (or totally uninterested) in computers, challenge yourself to tap into the electronic world. A basic course in mathematics would be an incredible step. Try anything logic-based.

Sensation

The world of sensation, the physical, the here and now, is a foreign realm for some people, particularly intuitives. And yet getting into the body can be enormously helpful. If sensation is your weak point, try practical activities which involve handling the shape and substance of things: pottery, gardening, dress-making, woodwork, DIY. Drawing or painting can be very useful. And any type of bodywork, be it yoga, massage, Alexander technique, Rolfing or t’ai chi, would be superb.

HOME AS A REFLECTION OF SOUL

So by taking a good look at our homes, we can begin to understand more about ourselves. At the very least it can stop you beating yourself up because you simply can’t seem to get to grips with a hammer and nails (of course you can’t, you’re an intuitive). It could create some understanding within the home – no wonder her room is so messy and cluttered, she’s a typical thinker, her mind is on completely different things. However, it can go far deeper and become the start of a fascinating journey into the deeper reaches of the Self and into the soul itself. By reordering our homes to reflect our souls truly and honestly, we can start the process of individuation, of becoming aware of who we really are. We can begin to understand what is really important in our lives and what is just façade. We can come ‘home’ to a place inside ourselves where we feel natural, at peace. In this place we are not having to prove anything or be anyone other than who we truly are. Finding our true Self is the task we are all set in life – some people find it early; many only start the process in later life. But rethinking your exterior home is a vital part of the process. By understanding what is important and unimportant in the home environment we are putting up a mirror to our inner home, the soul.

When we start to listen to our souls we may find our outer homes need to change quite radically. We may realize we no longer want to be clinging to the past, holding onto the childhood home. Instead we want to choose our own pattern, our own life. We may realize that our home is too rational, too ordered and that our life reflects that perfect but static pattern. What we need is a little irrationality; something to kickstart a new phase in life. What better place to start than the home? When we want to bring something new into our lives, it’s very common for us to change our job, finish a relationship or alter our image. Why not start instead by opting for a new colour in the living room or a thorough decluttering session?

In the following chapters we will be looking more deeply at our homes. We will start thinking about what, for us, constitutes the spirit of the home. Once we have our blueprint, our essential map, we will have discovered yet more about ourselves – and be well on the way to turning our homes into true havens for the soul.