Читать книгу Mummy’s Little Girl: A heart-rending story of abuse, innocence and the desperate race to save a lost child - Jane Elliott - Страница 9

Chapter Three

As they drove, the social worker made some phone calls, jabbering away on her mobile, clearly talking about Dani and making arrangements but saying things that the little girl didn’t understand. Not that she was listening much. She just stared out of the window of the moving car, the shock of what had just happened seeming to numb her.

‘How are you doing, Dani?’ Kate called after a while, a sense of forced cheerfulness in her voice.

‘Where are we going?’ Dani asked. She knew she sounded sulky, but she couldn’t help it.

‘Not far from here now. I think you’ll like it.’

‘Where am I going to sleep?’ Dani persisted.

‘It’s called Linden Lodge.’

‘Is it a home?’

Kate fell silent for a moment. ‘That’s not really a word we use, Dani.’

‘Is it a home, though?’

‘It’s residential care. There are fourteen or fifteen other children there, some of them the same age as you. And plenty of grown-ups to look after you. You’ll like it there.’

Dani wasn’t so sure. The idea of being forced into a place with other children she didn’t know filled her with apprehension.

‘Is my mum going to be in trouble?’ she asked meekly.

Again that silence. ‘Your mum needs some help, Dani. That’s all. We’re going to try to give it to her. We’re going to try to make things so that you can go back there very soon. Does that sound all right?’

Dani didn’t know what to say. The idea of spending just one night away from home was horrible; the prospect of more than that didn’t bear thinking about. ‘My face hurts,’ she said in a quiet voice.

‘I know,’ Kate replied. ‘I know.’

It took forty-five minutes through the rush-hour traffic to reach their destination. Dani, of course, had no idea where they were driving – it had been ages since she had ventured this far from home. As they drove down a busy high street, Dani saw a bus stop. There were some girls her own age waiting for a bus without any grown-ups, and Dani remembered the one time she had tried to do that. Some of the kids from school had seen her and started to make fun of her, and she had realised she was standing on the wrong side of the road, waiting for the wrong bus. The embarrassment she had felt came back even now, and she cringed at how naïve she must have seemed.

As they carried on driving, the traffic thinned. It grew darker outside and the area seemed to grow less populated, and greener. They were still in London, Dani thought, but further out, away from the centre.

Suddenly Kate slowed down and turned right, through some big iron gates and up a long driveway. She came to a stop in a small car-parking area in front of a large house.

‘Here we are,’ Kate said as she turned the ignition off. She got out of the car, opened Dani’s door and helped her out; then she took the bag out of the boot and held Dani’s hand.

The house she led them to was large and detached, constructed from an imposing brown-grey stone. It had tall bay windows from which light spilled out to the front, casting a shadow of the window frames onto the ground. Craning her neck to look up, Dani saw that the house had lots of chimneys, and there were some tall oval windows jutting out from the roof. This was an old house, and Dani didn’t like the look of it.

Together they walked up the steps, and the social worker rang the doorbell.

‘Where are we?’ Dani asked quietly as they waited for someone to answer the door.

‘Near Sutton. Have you heard of Sutton?’

Dani shook her head, but before Kate could explain any further, the door opened and a man appeared. As soon as he saw Kate and Dani standing at the doorway, his face broke into a broad, friendly smile – the kind of smile that seemed to crease all his skin. He was in his fifties, and had neatly cut blond-grey hair. He nodded at Kate, and then bent down so that his eyes were at Dani’s level. His smile grew even broader, but she could tell that his eyes kept flickering involuntarily to the bruises on her face.

‘You must be Dani,’ he said in a soft voice. He extended his hand, and coyly Dani did the same. ‘I’m Christian,’ the man said, wrapping his warm palm around Dani’s little hand and shaking it politely. ‘Welcome to Linden Lodge, my love.’

Dani looked at Christian, and then up at Kate, who was smiling down at her, and a wave of weakness crashed over her. ‘I want to go home,’ she said.

Christian let go of her hand. ‘Well, Dani. With a bit of luck and a fair wind, you’ll start to think of Linden Lodge as your home before too long. We’re like a big family here, and we’re always pleased when new people come along. I’m going to be your key worker here, and that means we’ll be seeing a lot of each other. Tell you what – why don’t I show you where you’re going to sleep, and then you can come and meet some of the others.’

He stood up and gestured with one hand that Kate and Dani should come into the house. Kate stepped forward, and as she was still holding the social worker’s hand, Dani had no option but to follow her.

The main hallway into which they walked was long and high-ceilinged. It had a chequered floor, and at the far end there was a wide, winding staircase that led upstairs. Once she was inside the house, Dani became aware of a smell not unlike that which came from the kitchens at her school – the smell of food being cooked for a lot of people. As they walked along the hallway towards the stairs a couple of boys crossed their paths. They were older than Dani, and they looked at her with interest; but it was in Dani’s nature to feel embarrassed by unwanted attention, and she hung her head as soon as their gazes crossed.

‘Your room’s just along here,’ Christian said as they reached the top of the stairs. They were in a long corridor, lit by strip lighting, with several rooms leading off it. Christian knocked on the second door on the right; when there was no response, he opened it and ushered Dani and Kate inside.

It was a comfortable room. There was a thick red carpet on the floor, and a couple of snug-looking armchairs. The walls were covered with posters of pop stars that she didn’t recognise. Along one side of the room there was a bunk bed, and there was a further single bed positioned at right angles to it. It had a pink duvet cover, and was neatly made.

Christian pointed to it. ‘That’ll be your bed, my love,’ he said. ‘Look all right for you?’

But Dani barely heard him. She was too busy looking at the bunks. ‘Who else sleeps in here?’ she asked.

‘Ah,’ Christian smiled. ‘You’ll be sharing with two others. Both girls, about your age. Vicki and Kaz. Nice girls. I’m sure you’ll all get on like a house on fire.’

Dani had never shared a bedroom with anyone before, and the idea made her nervous. She tugged on the social worker’s arms and looked up at her. ‘Please can I go home?’ she begged. ‘Please?’

This time it was Kate’s turn to crouch down to her level. ‘Dani, I promise you, it’s just for a little bit. We have to put you somewhere where you’re going to be safe. Once your mum is feeling better, we’ll talk about you going home. But everyone here’s really nice, and Christian’s going to look after you. Aren’t you, Christian?’

The man took a step towards them and placed his hand on Dani’s shoulder. He squeezed ever so gently. ‘Of course I am, my love,’ he said. ‘We all are.’

Dani looked up at the two concerned faces smiling at her. She didn’t know why, but she thought there was something odd about the way they spoke, almost as if they were trying to convince themselves.

‘Dani,’ Kate said as she started to rummage inside her bag. ‘I need to take a photograph of your face. Do you mind if I do that?’ She pulled out a small digital camera.

The little girl shook her head. She did mind. She didn’t like people seeing her in this state, and she certainly didn’t want anyone taking photographs of her.

‘It’s just one picture, Dani. No one will see it unless it’s necessary, I promise.’

Dani wasn’t born to argue. Despite her misgivings, she stood up straight and stared flatly at the camera as Kate took her picture. As soon as it was done, she put her hand to her bruises, trying to hide them.

‘I’ve got to go now, Dani,’ Kate said gently. ‘But I’ll come back tomorrow and see how you’re getting on.’

‘Do you promise?’ Dani asked.

Kate smiled. ‘I promise.’

‘Do I have to go to school?’

‘Not tomorrow,’ Kate replied. ‘We’ll work out something called a care plan for you over the next few days, but in the meantime I just want you to get used to living here.’ She gave the little girl the bag of clothes they had packed.

‘What about my brother and sister? Can they come and see me?’

‘We’ll see about that,’ Kate said in a tone of voice that didn’t give Dani much hope. She stood up. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ she said, before turning and leaving the room.

Dani watched as the door closed, and there was an awkward moment before Christian broke the silence that had suddenly descended on the room.

‘Shall we put your things away, my love?’ he asked. ‘Look, you’ve got some drawers here, and a little bedside table of your own.’

The little girl did as she was told in a kind of trance. When her few belongings were packed away – all except the teddy bear, which she clung on tightly to – Christian spoke again. ‘Why don’t you stay here for a while and get used to the room? Tea’ll be ready in a bit – I’ll ask Vicki or Kaz to come and get you, shall I?’

Dani squeezed her teddy bear a little tighter and nodded her head.

She felt a bit better once Christian had left the room and she was alone, but only a bit. It all seemed so unreal: this morning she had been going to school as normal, and this evening she had been taken into care, away from everything she knew. It had been like one body blow after another, and more than anything, she missed her own home. It didn’t matter that her mum had hit her; it didn’t matter that Rebecca had been mean. Right now, she would even be happy to see Auntie Rose. All she wanted was her family.

Dani looked at herself in a mirror that hung on the wall. The familiar bruised face looked back at her. She touched the skin – it was a bit less sore than it had been yesterday – and for an idle moment she wondered if the other children in this place would look anything like her, beaten and battered. Then she remembered the two boys she had seen in the hallway. They had looked perfectly normal. No, she knew with a horrible certainty that she was going to be the different one here.

Just as that thought went through her head, the door opened, and she started. For a moment she didn’t turn round, choosing instead to look at the reflection of the room in the mirror. There were two girls standing and looking at her. They were dressed in trendy clothes, nothing like Dani’s. One of them, who had long hair and an Alice band, stood with her hands on her hips – a strangely adult stance – while the other, whose hair was straight but only shoulder-length, had hers firmly in the pockets of her trousers. They both had slightly pursed lips.

Slowly, Dani turned round to look at them properly. ‘Hello,’ she said.

The girl with the Alice band spoke first. ‘I wouldn’t spend so much time looking in the mirror,’ she said, ‘if I looked like that.’

Automatically, Dani’s hand touched her bruise again. ‘I was just—’

‘Yeah, we know what you were doing,’ the girl interrupted her. She strode over to Dani’s bed, sat on it and gave her a combative stare.

‘I thought that was my bed,’ Dani said, doing her best to sound polite.

But the girl wasn’t listening to her. She had found Dani’s teddy bear, lying there on the pillow. She picked it up by one ear and held it dangling in the air. ‘This yours?’ she asked with a sneer in her voice.

Dani nodded.

Suddenly the two of them burst out laughing. The girl holding the teddy bear threw it to her friend, who acted as if it was too hot to touch and threw it back.

As quickly as she had picked it up, the girl on the bed threw the teddy on the floor. Dani rushed to pick it up, but before she could get to it the girl kicked it out of her way. Dani turned to grab it again, and this time managed to. She held the soft toy close to her, but that only seemed to amuse the girls more.

‘You got any sweets?’ the second girl asked her.

‘No,’ Dani replied.

‘Ciggies? Money?’

She shook her head.

‘How old are you, anyway?’

‘Twelve.’

‘You don’t look like twelve to me. Look more like ten.’ She turned to her friend. ‘Looks more like ten, doesn’t she, Kaz?’

‘Yeah,’ Kaz replied.

‘How old are you?’ Dani asked.

Kaz tapped herself on the chest. ‘I’m thirteen, Vicki’s twelve. But you’re nearly thirteen, aren’t you?’

‘Yeah,’ said Vicki. ‘So you’re the youngest. Least, you act the youngest with your stupid cuddly toy.’

‘I’m not staying here for long.’ Dani tried to say it defiantly, but it ended up sounding a bit apologetic.

The two girls started laughing. ‘Yeah,’ Kaz snorted. ‘That’s what they tell everyone. I’ve been here since I was ten.’

Dani blinked, and she felt the familiar wave of sickness in her stomach. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Well, I’m not you, and I’m going home soon.’

Kaz shrugged. ‘Whatever. Creepy Christian says you’ve got to come down to tea, and we’re supposed to take you.’

‘Why do you call him that?’ Dani asked.

The girls smirked elusively. ‘You coming or what?’ Vicki asked.

Dani looked down at her teddy bear, not knowing what to do with it. Just then, Vicki stood up from the bed and walked to the door, leaving Dani free to rest the soft toy on her pillow. She tried to do it nonchalantly, but when she turned round again she saw that the two girls were still sneering at her from the doorway.

They left the room, leaving Dani to run after them. She followed them back down the stairs and into the hallway, where other children were passing through. Dani recognised one of the boys she had seen on her arrival. ‘Who’s that?’ he shouted out to Vicki and Kaz.

The two girls looked back over their shoulders at Dani, and then over at the boy. Kaz made some kind of gesture with her hands that she couldn’t make out; whatever it was, it made the boy laugh as they walked through a door off the hallway, down a small corridor and into a dining room at the end.

There were two long tables here, positioned parallel to each other, and one shorter one. Against one wall there was a serving hatch where two chubby, red-faced women stood serving food to the line of children and a few adults who were queuing up for it. Some of them had already been given their food and were sitting down – the children at one of the two long tables, the grown-ups at the shorter one. There were perhaps twenty people in the room – five adults to fifteen children – but to Dani’s ears they made enough noise for fifty.

She stood in the doorway, watching everything happen. Not everybody had noticed her, but those who did cast curious glances in her direction; she felt her face flushing as she tried to avoid their eyes.

Then she felt a hand on her shoulder.

‘Hi, Dani.’ She recognised Christian’s upbeat voice almost immediately, and felt a small surge of relief that he was there. ‘Met Kaz and Vicki, have you, my love? Come on, let’s queue up. I’ll show you what to do.’

Dani’s key worker handed her a plastic tray from a pile next to the serving hatch and they waited their turn in silence. When they came to be served, Dani looked unenthusiastically at the spoonfuls of rice and something else that was served on to Christian’s plate.

‘Chicken curry,’ he said with a smile. ‘My favourite.’

Dani didn’t like the look of it at all, but she said nothing as the serving ladies filled her plate.

‘New girl?’ one of them asked with a smile, and again she could tell that the woman’s eyes kept flickering to the bruise on her face.

Dani nodded.

‘Ah,’ she commiserated, her voice dripping with sympathy. ‘Never mind. You’ll soon settle in.’

‘Come on, Dani,’ Christian interrupted. ‘Let’s find you a place to sit.’

Christian led her to one of the long tables and found her a place next to Kaz and opposite a boy she didn’t recognise. Neither of them looked particularly thrilled to have Dani sitting with them, but they kept quiet. ‘Look after Dani for me now,’ Christian said brightly. He put his hand back on her shoulder. ‘We’ll have a little chat after dinner, my love, and I’ll introduce you to some of the staff.’

Dani ate in silence. She didn’t like the food, but she didn’t want to make a fuss about it, so she held it down while the children around her made a special effort not to talk to her. She kept trying to think of things to say to break the ice, but nothing would pop into her head, so she sat there with a frown on her face as she concentrated on eating her dinner.

Gradually, the others in the room finished their food. She saw them all took their plates up to the serving hatch, scrape the remains of any food into a large bucket and then leave in twos or threes, talking noisily. Before long, Dani was the only person left at her table.

A couple of the grown-ups had left, too; there were three remaining now, and once Dani had pushed her plate away, Christian came up to her and suggested she come and sit at their table. Dani did as she was told, aware of the intrigued looks from the few children who remained in the dining room, and Christian introduced the other grown-ups.

They were both women, both of them about the same age as her mum, and they smiled at Dani with the same look of sympathy that the lady who had served her dinner had given her. One of them had blonde hair in a short bob, with brown eyes. She wore a blue V-neck sweater, and was introduced as Rachel. The other woman, Tanya, reminded Dani a bit of Miss Sawyer at school, with her curly brown hair and chunky beige cardigan. They both shook Dani’s hand, and assured her in words that the little girl forgot as soon as she heard them that if she needed anything, she could always come to them, day or night.

‘That’s what we’re here for,’ Christian concluded. ‘I know everything feels very strange at the moment, Dani, and I know you’ve been through a lot. But we really do want you to think of this place as your home, so if you have any problems – anything at all – you must come to us.’

The two women nodded their agreement. ‘It’s what we’re here for,’ Tanya said, echoing Christian.

Dani’s key worker looked at his watch. ‘It’s nearly seven,’ he said. ‘We like you to be in bed by eight-thirty. Does that sound OK, Dani?’

Dani nodded.

‘Good. So you’ve got an hour and a half. Did Vicki and Kaz show you where the day room is?’

‘No,’ Dani answered.

‘Ah, well, it’s where most of the others will be. Shall I take you there?’

Dani blinked. The idea of having to be with everyone else – with Kaz and Vicki and all the other children who had either ignored her or stared at her as if she was some sort of unwelcome curiosity – made her hands shake. She clenched her fingers to hide the tremor from the grown-ups before answering. ‘I want to go to my bedroom,’ she said.

Christian cast a worried look at the two women before allowing his face to break into another smile. ‘It’s been a long day, hasn’t it, my love?’ he sympathised. ‘Go on, then. We’ll introduce you to some more of the children tomorrow.’ He looked over to where Dani had been eating. ‘Scrape your plate before you go, there’s a good girl.’

Dani got down from the table, took her plate to the serving hatch and left the room.

To her relief, the hallway was empty again, and she hurried up the stairs before anyone could see her. She just wanted to be by herself, under the bedclothes. Once she was covered, in the dark, she could pretend she was anywhere. She could pretend she was back at home. This place, Linden Lodge, seemed so strange and huge and unfriendly. She knew from experience that those girls were the type who would carry on being mean to her, no matter what she did to try to make friends with them. All she wanted – and she wanted it with every ounce of her being – was to go home. It didn’t matter to her that Mum had hit her. It wouldn’t happen again. Mum would be sorry, wouldn’t she?

With these thoughts going round in her head, she approached the door of her bedroom and opened it. It took a while to take in the sight that met her.

Dani’s duvet was no longer on the bed. She looked around the room to try to find it, but it was nowhere to be seen. Her few clothes – the ones that Kate had helped her unpack into the drawers – had been removed and were slung all over the floor.

She found herself breathing heavily, panicking at the sight. Everything she owned was on the floor, strewn carelessly, spitefully, all over the place. She took a step into the room and started to gather everything in her arms in a bundle.

Then she stopped.

Not quite everything had been accounted for in her brief scan of the room. One thing was missing: the one thing she cared about more than any of the others. She stood in the centre of the room, dropped the clothes from her arms and spun around, desperately trying to find it.

It didn’t take long to locate her teddy bear. The first she saw of it was its foot, peeping out from under her pillow. She tripped slightly over her clothes as she stumbled towards the bed and lifted the pillow up. Then she stopped, completely still, as though she had been turned to stone.

The bear’s belly had been slit open, and most of the stuffing – a yellow, spongy substance – had been pulled out and was now by its side. The bear’s head had been removed, and for a moment Dani couldn’t see it, until finally she realised it had been partially stuffed down the side of the bed.

She dropped the pillow on the floor and sat next to the teddy bear.

It was only a toy, she knew. She knew she was too old for it really. But that didn’t make her feel any better.

Her hands were trembling even more now as she delicately picked up some of the stuffing and tried to push it back into the bear’s carcass. But it was too spongy and kept springing out again, so in the end she had to give up. She gathered all the bits together, neatly placed them on the bed and then went around the room picking up the rest of her clothes.

Once they were all put away again, she climbed on to her bed. No doubt they would let her know where the duvet was sooner or later, but until then she could think of nothing to do but lie on the bed, foetus-like, with the remains of her teddy’s body close to her skin. She put her thumb in her mouth, closed her eyes and wished – harder than she had ever wished anything before – that she could be anywhere but here.